


The Prince Formerly Known as Loki

by jaded_and_restless



Series: Reluctant Royal [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Cameos, Crack, Daddy Issues, F/M, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Norse Myths & Legends, Pop Culture, Pre-Slash, Pseudo-Incest, Raunchy humor, Running Gags, Suspiciously Apropos Music, Thorki - Freeform, Thunderfrost - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2017-11-29 11:11:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 82,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaded_and_restless/pseuds/jaded_and_restless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fed up with his life in Asgard, Loki decides to strike out on his own, posing as a mortal. He then meets 15-year-old Tony Stark. </p><p>A Loki-centric fic. Thorki in later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So Long, and Thanks for All the Mead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki leaves Asgard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hats off to my lovely beta reader Andraiyel. Thank you.

It was the night of Thor’s coronation and Asgard was celebrating the golden prince’s ascension to the throne. Everyone was taking part of the festivities, except Loki.

The younger prince was currently in his room, putting his books back on the shelves. He then took his time clearing his desk, arranging his papers and putting away his writing instruments. When his things were all accounted for, he fixed his bed and cleaned his blanket and pillows with magic. Loki swept his eyes around his chamber, looking for anything he may have missed. Seeing none, he closed the door and walked towards the Great Hall.

The young prince slipped into a chair reserved for him, near the dais where his parents were sitting. He glanced at Odin and Frigga. Odin was smiling, pride for his older son evident in his features. The same could be said of Frigga. Loki followed their gaze and spotted Thor raucously laughing with his fellow warriors at the other table.

A serving girl approached and gave Loki a goblet full of mead. He sipped his drink, not wishing to become inebriated. Loki idly looked around the room and noted all the revelers in the hall were already in various states of drunkenness. Usually watching the Aesir make fools of themselves was Loki’s source of amusement during feasts, but tonight he paid them no heed. All his attention was focused on his brother.

Everyone in the hall was taking turns making toasts to Thor’s reign. Loki could tell from the flushed look on the thunderer’s face that he had already ingested copious amounts of alcohol. He figured Thor would probably be unconscious for the next few days at the rate he was drinking.

The trickster stayed for another hour, making small talk with Sif and Hogun. Numerous salutations and well wishes later, Loki was bored out of his mind. There were only so many variations to the words “peaceful”, “prosperous”, “joyful”, and “successful” before it got repetitive. Some warriors skipped the words altogether and yelled something incoherent, while the rest shouted something equally incomprehensible back.

Loki rolled his eyes. It was torture listening to these drunken idiots. He walked over to his parents’ table and asked to be excused. Instead of going to the direction towards his chambers, though, the god of mischief made for the door leading to the gardens. He was almost outside when a familiar voice rang out.

“Are you not staying for the rest of the feast, brother?” Thor asked, jogging towards the trickster.

Loki schooled his features into a pleasant mask before facing Thor. “I’m just going out for a walk.” He gave his most reassuring smile, hoping it was enough to placate his older brother.

“Will you come back?” Thor pressed.

Loki gave a small shrug. “Perhaps.”

Thor frowned. Loki usually gave him definite answers. The thunderer did not get to ponder his brother’s vague response for too long; the other warriors were hollering at him to share another round of drinks with them.

“Go on. They’re waiting for you,” Loki said quietly.

Thor beamed and clapped a hand on Loki’s shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

Loki gave his brother a faint smile in return and watched Thor resume his carousing with the guests. Even from a distance, Loki saw that his brother kept glancing back in his direction. Only when Thor was distracted by a particularly intoxicated reveler did Loki slip away.

The cold night air was a welcome reprieve from the hall’s stuffy atmosphere. It helped soothe the god’s nerves a bit.

Loki looked at the sky. The stars were especially bright tonight.

Out of all the realms he had visited, none displayed the splendor of the cosmos like Asgard. The view made Loki pause. All of a sudden, the magnitude of what he was about to do hit him. He was about to leave the place that he had considered home all his life.

It would be so easy to abandon his plan, go back inside, and just stay.

‘It’s not like I’ll be missed anyway,’ Loki thought somberly, as he resumed walking towards Idunn’s orchard. He stopped when he finally reached his favorite apple tree. The trickster laid his hand on its bark, feeling the familiar roughness underneath his fingers. All the time he had spent underneath its leaves, all the memories, good and bad, came flooding in.

Loki cursed. It wasn’t like him to be so mawkish and sentimental. He couldn't afford to tarry any longer; Heimdall might be watching him right now.

Loki quickly murmured a spell, and a small black dot started growing. It wasn’t long before it was big enough to let the god through. He spared one last look at the royal palace, its numerous lights casting a warm glow. He thought of his parents and his brother still celebrating inside. It only made the ache in his chest worse.

Leaving Asgard was much harder than he had anticipated.

It took a great deal of effort, but Loki managed to tear his gaze away. Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the void.


	2. The Lord of Goats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The god of mischief meets his roommate and discovers the joys of Norse mythology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried my best to incorporate the Norse Myths and the Marvel Universe, mixed in with some of my own.

Loki figured if he was going to stay here at Midgard for good, he needed to erase every vestige of his past life.

The various knickknacks he had collected from his travels all around the Nine Realms were the first things to go. Months before Thor’s coronation he had been making trips back and forth, selling his items piece by piece. Apparently most of them were quite rare in Midgard and fetched a high price. He wouldn’t have to worry about money for at least a couple of decades, but he knew he had to get a job sooner or later.

Loki learned that Midgardians had this fixation on going to school and earning a degree in order to earn a decent living. It did not bother him that much; in fact he wanted to take up studying again. Thor always teased him about it; his brother had never understood why he preferred reading instead sparring or going on adventures. At least Thor saw his love for learning as just another one of his idiosyncrasies; the rest of the Aesir saw it as another flaw in Loki’s long list of defects.

The god of mischief ran a hand through his hair absently. He had gotten a haircut yesterday, asking the barber to cut it short. It felt odd having the back of his neck exposed and his head felt unnaturally light. If anyone from Asgard saw him now they probably would not have recognized him.

Loki was currently reading a book about world mythology, having signed up for the class on a whim. It was all fine and good when he was reading about the Greek and Roman gods and goddesses, but it went downhill fast when he reached the Norse chapter.

“I have six children? How did that happen?” he burst out. According to the story he had given birth to Sleipnir, Odin’s eight-legged horse, fathered a giant wolf, a colossal snake, a half-dead girl, and two “normal” sons. He then supposedly led the wolf, the snake, the girl, and the undead into an epic battle where everyone pretty much died.

Loki grimaced. He knew he had been asking for trouble when he had burned down those monasteries a thousand years ago. It would appear that those seemingly harmless monks had been the type to hold a grudge.

The trickster picked up a physics book, hoping it would take his mind off what he had just read. He didn’t get to more than a couple of pages when the door banged open, startling him.

A boy not more than fifteen barged in, carrying a big box. He stopped short when he saw Loki.

“You must be my roommate.” The boy dropped the box on the floor with a thump. He approached Loki, sizing him up.

Loki stood. The two just stared at each other for a few moments.

The boy broke the silence first. “Damn you’re tall.” He said it with a trace of irritation in his voice. The boy had not hit his growth spurt yet, and it was obvious that particular fact irked him to no end. He was the youngest that Loki had encountered in this place so far, a mere babe. He reminded him of Thor back when he was little, all bluster and swagger, trying so hard to be taken seriously by the adults. Loki fought the urge to pat him on the head.

“Do you know who I am?” the boy demanded, his expression serious.

“No. Should I?” replied Loki, casually.

The boy looked surprised, not expecting that kind of answer. He searched Loki’s face for any trace of sarcasm or pretense. Finding none, he smiled and stuck out a hand.

“My name's Tony Stark.”

“I’m Tom Smith,” Loki said, his fake name rolling off his tongue so easily. It looked like he had passed the boy's test. He shook Tony’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Ditto. Excuse me for a sec, I need to supervise the people moving my stuff.”

It turned out Tony’s “stuff” was a lot. He brought a tv that covered an entire wall, a mini-refrigerator, a microwave, a stereo system, a bean bag, a coffeemaker, a toaster, bags full of coffee capsules, three pieces of luggage, plus that large box he was carrying earlier. Loki sneaked a peek and found, to his amusement, that it was filled with Captain America comics.

“Are you a foreign exchange student or something?” Tony asked conversationally, as he finished plugging in all his appliances. “I bet you’re from England, with that posh accent of yours. That’s awesome,” he continued, talking a mile a minute.

Loki’s lips twitched. Foreign exchange student indeed.

“Anyway,” Tony sat down on his bed, directly across Loki’s, “since we’re gonna be roomies, let me lay down the law.” He tapped his chin thoughtfully for a moment. “Rule number one, don’t touch my inventions. Rule number two, don’t touch my comics. Everything else, help yourself. I have to warn you about the coffeemaker though, it tends to overheat if you use it more than six times under an hour. I’m still working out the kinks.” Tony got up and switched on the aforementioned machine. It bubbled and hissed noisily.

“Do you want some?”

“That would be nice.” Loki had heard of coffee before. He remembered Thor singing praises about this particular Midgardian drink. Tony handed him a cup. Loki took a tentative sip, wincing at the taste.

Tony snickered. “Too strong for you? I usually take mine without sugar. Sorry about that.”

The god wondered why anyone would willingly drink this vile beverage. ‘Besides, I’m bitter enough as it is,’ Loki thought sardonically as he pushed his cup away. “I think I’ll stick to tea, thanks.”

Tony grinned over the rim of his cup. “You won’t be saying that when the finals roll around. Trust me, you’ll be chugging down this stuff in no time.”

Loki made a noncommittal sound. “Any more rules I should know about?”

“That’s it. Oh, wait. I don’t have a normal sleep schedule and I like to play loud music, so I suggest buying earplugs. Other than that, I’m pretty easy to live with. I think,” Tony said, giving Loki a toothy grin.

The trickster smiled back. “Good to know.”

“So, what about you? Any crazy shit I should know about? Because I’ve heard some serious horror stories about roommates from hell.”

Loki shook his head. “No, I’m just a normal guy.”

Tony looked relieved. “Hallelujah for that. I was afraid I’d get a weirdo roommate.”

Loki gave a forced laugh. Luckily, Tony didn’t notice.

* * *

Loki’s alarm blared at 8 am, waking them both. Tony went back to sleep, but not before giving the god the stink eye.

“Sorry,” muttered Loki as he stumbled into the bathroom to take a shower. Fifteen minutes later he found Tony still in bed.

“Don’t you have a class at 9?” Loki poked at the Tony-shaped lump. It wriggled out of his reach.

“Five more minutes.”

“Tony, it’s the first day of classes. Don’t you want to start the semester right?” Loki asked in his patient-yet-firm voice. He employed this tone whenever Thor didn’t want to get out of bed. He found that it usually worked, more so if combined with a basin of ice-cold water.

Tony looked at him blearily. “God, you sound like my mom,” he griped. “Ok, I’m getting up.”

Loki watched as Tony staggered out of bed. But instead of heading for the bathroom, he flopped on his bean bag and reached for a box of pop tarts. The trickster looked at Tony incredulously.

“What?” Tony asked, as he switched on the television. Mistaking Loki’s expression, he tossed a foil-wrapped pastry at the god. “Pop tarts, aka the Breakfast of Champions. Enjoy.”

Loki sighed. He had a feeling this would become a routine every morning for them.

“Hey cool, Rocko’s Modern Life is on. I love this show,” Tony commented, while munching on his pop tart. He noticed Loki hadn't opened his yet. “Don’t you like pop tarts? It’s blueberry.”

Aside from coffee, Loki recalled Thor blathering about a Midgardian food called pop tarts. He looked at the pastry with unease, but he finally relented when Tony kept looking at him expectantly.

“Well? Do you like it?” Tony queried.

Loki kept chewing. “It’s passable, I guess. It’s almost too sweet.”

“Only passable? Man, you’re hard to please,” Tony remarked. “So you don’t like coffee or pop tarts. Are you sure you’re from planet Earth?”

Loki almost choked.

“What’s this show about?” Loki asked suddenly, trying to change the subject. The cartoon showed a group of anthropomorphic animals, consisting of a short kangaroo, a cow, and a family of wolves.

“It’s about a wallaby from Australia who leaves his family and comes to America, trying to strike out on his own.”

“You don’t say,” Loki said tightly.

Tony glanced at his roommate. “You alright? You look a little green.”

“I’m fine.” The god suddenly found the pastry in his hand fascinating.

“This is one of my favorite episodes. Heffer, the cow over there, finds out he’s adopted by wolves and then he runs away. It’s hilarious.”

Loki watched the cow cry while the wolf parents fumbled for words. “How is this funny?” he asked. His voice sounded hoarse even to him.

“Um, because it’s so obvious? They’re not even the same species.” Tony looked at Loki, baffled at his sudden change of mood.

The trickster started packing his books. “I need to go. My class is on the other side of the campus.” He was out the door before Tony could reply.

* * *

Loki arrived in his World Mythology class just in time. Even though there were plenty of empty seats at the front, he chose to sit at the back near the exit.

The professor, a short and pudgy man in his mid-60’s strolled in not long after, and gave his introduction.

“Now this might seem a little unorthodox since a mythology class usually starts with the Greek and Roman deities, but for today let’s start with the Norse gods. Let’s mix it up a bit.”

‘This day just gets better and better,’ Loki thought sourly as he watched the professor start his PowerPoint presentation. Naturally Odin was first. The facts about him were correct, more or less. The people who wrote about the All-Father were probably scared stiff of Odin’s wrath.

Loki perked up, though, when the professor started discussing Thor.

“Thor was the mightiest of the Aesir and their staunch protector against frost giants. He was exceptionally strong, but rather naïve and dim-witted.”

Loki couldn’t help but laugh at that; it described the thunderer perfectly. He masked his sounds of mirth by pretending to have a coughing fit. The professor looked up from his notes, scanning the room for the noisy student. Loki immediately stopped. Satisfied, the professor resumed his lecture.

A picture of Thor came up, the god of thunder riding a chariot being pulled by two goats. The caption underneath stated: Thor, Lord of Goats.

It took less than three seconds of holding it in before Loki started cracking up, his guffaws echoing across the room. The professor shot him a displeased, yet resigned look. Every semester, he always encountered a problem student. But it looked like this one was going to be more troublesome than the others.

“I’m glad you find my lecture entertaining Mr…?”

“Smith,” Loki supplied, still chuckling.

“Would you like to share your thoughts with the class?”

“No. I don’t think you’re going to like it very much.”

“But I insist, Mr. Smith.”

Loki snorted at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. 'I can't believe I'm going to argue about goats.' “Very well, since you insisted.”

“Thor does not ride a chariot to battle, and certainly not one pulled by two goats. Good luck training a goat from Asgard to do that. It is the most cantankerous, ill-tempered animal out there. It will not hesitate to gore your genitals if you get too close,” Loki said humorlessly. The whole class started laughing, much to the professor’s consternation. Loki pushed on, ignoring them. “Volstagg tried to approach one once. Let’s just say he’s fortunate that gods can regenerate body parts.”

“Pray tell then, how did Thor travel?” the professor asked, trying to trip Loki up.

“With Mjolnir of course,” Loki responded in a tone that suggested that the professor was a complete moron. “He flies using his hammer. If he’s feeling especially ostentatious, he’ll do it with flashes of lightning preceded by booming thunder. The oaf is hardly ever subtle,” he groused.

The professor gave a strained smile. “Er. Thank you for those remarkable tidbits Mr. Smith.” He shuffled his notes, flustered by Smith’s exposition. But to his credit, he rallied pretty quickly.

“Thor was described as fierce-eyed, red-haired and red-bearded…” he continued, but was again interrupted by Loki.

“No, he’s not,” the trickster said crossly. “He’s blond. Why do you think the Vikings prized blond hair so much? They even had a special soap to make their hair lighter.”

Then Loki’s expression softened. When he spoke again, his tone was almost reverent. “His eyes rival the seas of Vanaheim. There is nary a trace of malice or guile in them. His hair is like spun gold and his smile is brighter than all the stars above Yggdrasil…” Loki trailed off when he noticed the class had gone quiet and everyone was staring at him. Perhaps he had said it more passionately than he had intended.

“Uh, never mind. Please continue,” Loki mumbled. Waxing poetic about Thor in front of these mortals was embarrassing, to say the least. ‘And I’m supposed to be mad at the idiot,’ the god thought irritably.

The professor started skipping the slides containing Thor, hoping that it would prevent another outburst from Smith. The teenager clearly had an unhealthy obsession with the god of thunder.

“Let’s move on to Loki, god of mischief,” the professor said, casting a wary glance at his disruptive student.

The trickster, for his part, was now looking at the slides with detached interest. The picture showed him with a beard and he was wearing his horned helmet.

‘Well at least they got my helmet right. And they put a beard on me. That counts for something.’ His facial hair wasn’t as impressive as Thor’s or Odin’s though.

Seeing Loki wasn’t about to interfere again, the professor visibly relaxed.

“Loki was handsome in appearance but cunning and devious. He had two wives, the first one was a giantess named Angrboda. Their union produced three monstrous children. He was a mischief-maker and trickster and grew progressively more evil until the Aesir bound him in a cave until the coming of Ragnarok.”

The professor glanced at the clock at the back of the room. He almost gave a whoop of joy when he saw the hour was almost up.

“So my students, the takeaway for today is to never go by appearances alone. Just look at Loki. Class dismissed.”

* * *

“You ran out this morning like a bat out of hell. What was that all about?” Tony said, passing Loki a bag of popcorn.

Tony and Loki were at their Film Appreciation class, ignoring the “No Food or Drink” signs plastered all over the classroom. They were sitting at the back, watching Braveheart.

“I realized I was not going to make it on time if I didn’t hurry. I’m sorry.” Loki gave Tony an apologetic smile.

Tony nodded in understanding. “No sweat. So, how was your first class?”

“It was…interesting. How about you?”

“I was late. Then again, I don’t really give a shit. I already know most of the stuff in the syllabus anyway,” Tony said matter-of-factly.

They both stopped talking when the Scots started to moon the English. The English retaliated by shooting arrows at them, one of the Scots getting hit in the ass. Tony started laughing his head off, earning him a glare from the professor.

“I didn’t know the Scots invented mooning,” Tony sniggered.

“I don’t think this movie is historically accurate, Tony.”

“Yeah, but they made it look so badass.” Tony wiggled his eyebrows, looking at Loki expectantly.

“What?”

“Bad ass? Get it?”

Loki just stared at him blankly, not following at all. Tony made an annoyed sound.

“As my roommate, it is mandatory that you laugh at my jokes no matter how lame they are. You’re going to be hearing a lot of them,” Tony ordered.

Loki snorted. “Lucky me.”


	3. Sympathy for the Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony spreads his sweatpants love and does some Keanu Reeves-bashing. Loki sets the record straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flyting- an exchange of insults in verse. In the myths, Loki loved to do this, much to everyone’s annoyance. 
> 
> The infamous FBI scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RzmjzP2GoM
> 
> Spot the movie quotes.

“You dress like an accountant,” Tony said, while watching Loki button his oxford shirt.

Loki raised an eyebrow. The god had been living with Tony for more than two months now, and he was still getting used to his roommate’s many quirks.

For instance, he kept odd hours and played loud, obnoxious music far into the night. It was a struggle to jump-start Tony every morning; Loki had to cajole, threaten, bribe, and pretty much use every trick in the book to get the obstinate teenager out of bed. He went to class in his pajamas and was always late. Sometimes he declared it was a “Tony Day” and skipped school altogether; he tinkered with his gadgets or watched cartoons instead.

Tony also had an intense fondness for takeout; their dorm room was littered with pizza boxes and burger wrappers. If Loki had not previously had Thor as a roommate (the god of thunder was known for many things, but being neat was not one of them), the trickster would have strangled Tony within the first week.

The foul-mouthed, fast-talking fifteen-year-old often forgot to switch off his soldering gun, which led to his bed sheet, books, or homework to catch on fire. His coffeemaker frequently exploded from too much use (Tony consumed enough coffee to keep half a dozen people awake for days). And he talked. A lot. The trickster suspected that Tony loved the sound of his own voice.

Loki was going through boxes of earplugs like crazy.

“Says the guy who comes to class in pajamas and bunny slippers,” Loki quipped.

Tony looked offended. “This is not a bunny,” he said, waggling a bunny-encased foot. “This is a killer rabbit. Don’t you see the big, pointy teeth?” It flapped its jaws menacingly, or at least as menacingly a stuffed rabbit slipper could. “Its got a vicious streak a mile wide,” he said solemnly.

Loki and Tony cracked up. It went on for a few minutes.

“What’s wrong with looking presentable?” Loki asked finally, wiping his eyes after laughing too hard.

“Nothing. But come on, you go to 7-Eleven wearing slacks and loafers. Who the heck does that?” Tony pulled out a shopping bag underneath his bed and handed it to Loki.

The god peered into the bag. It contained a pair of gray sweatpants. Loki looked at Tony questioningly.

“I’m spreading the sweatpants love!” Tony declared.

Loki looked at the garment with distaste. “Your goal is to make people look like slobs? You need to get your priorities straight, Tony.”

“Tom I’m trying to help you out, so shut it and put the pants on,” Tony commanded.

Loki glared at Tony and went inside the bathroom to change. When he came out, he looked a bit embarrassed. The god wasn’t used to wearing casual clothes, but it felt nice. Liberating even.

“Well?”

“It’s…comfortable,” Loki conceded, albeit grudgingly.

Tony’s shit-eating grin was priceless. “Told ya. You’re getting a hoodie next.”

“I’m not wearing these to class though,” Loki said firmly. “Only on weekends,” he added.

“Ok fine. It’s a start,” Tony replied, looking unbearably smug.

“I’m guessing you played dress up a lot as a child?” Loki asked from the bathroom door, while he changed back into his slacks.

“Very funny.”

Loki chuckled. “Thanks for the pants,” he said sincerely, as he made his way out.

Tony gave a small wave. “Later, dude.”

* * *

The god walked to his World Mythology class, but his steps were unhurried. He wondered for the nth time why he never dropped the course, because it was getting to be more like a long and painful flyting. Loki had participated in quite a few over the centuries, often reducing those he insulted into a sobbing mess afterwards. ‘What goes around, comes around I guess,’ he thought grimly. He sat in his usual seat, mentally steeling himself for another hour of hearing his name get dragged in the mud.

“Good morning everyone. Today we’re going to discuss Ragnarök, the doom of the Norse gods.” The professor glanced at the trickster from his podium, gauging his reaction. Observing Smith’s neutral expression, he did not know whether to be comforted or running for the hills right now. He swallowed nervously, and then started his lecture.

“Loki was at first a mischievous and playful prankster, but he became so dark and twisted that his malice threatened the stability of the world and precipitated Ragnarök. He was a catalyst of evil and spawned three fearsome monsters. His children were Fenrir, a giant wolf, Jormungand, a massive serpent, and Hel, the goddess of the dead. The gods imprisoned Loki in a cave where a snake continuously dripped venom over his face, causing him to writhe in pain. He would eventually break free, triggering events that would lead to the end of the world.”

The professor looked at Smith again. The student was still unnervingly quiet. So far, so good.

“After a terrible winter lasting three years, a final battle would be fought between the Aesir and the Jotuns. Fenrir would kill Odin and Thor would succumb to Jormungand. The Nine Realms were to become raging furnaces as gods, frost giants, the dead, the living, monsters, dwarves, elves, and animals were all to be reduced to ashes, and the earth would sink beneath the boiling ocean.”

A painting of the aforementioned event appeared, showing Thor in the middle of the skirmish with his cape billowing behind him. The artist threw in a couple of naked women for a more dramatic effect.

‘Those damned goats again. Unbelievable,’ Loki snorted, when he saw the god of thunder’s mode of transportation. ‘And what is it with Midgardians and the end of the world?’ he wondered. He raised a hand. The professor pretended to ignore him, but Loki spoke anyway.

“I don’t know why mortals are so preoccupied with the end of days. Your lives are short enough as it is,” the god remarked. “Besides, you don’t need mythical creatures or great fireballs from the sky to wipe out all life on this planet. You people are doing fine on your own,” he pointed out.

“Also,” he continued, “there is no such thing as Ragnarök. It is simply a tale fabricated by a group of silly monks because they bore a grudge against Loki.”

A classmate sitting two rows ahead turned around and gave the god a patronizing look. “Oh, so our resident Norse nut has a direct line with Loki. Are you chummy with him or something?”

“Perhaps,” the trickster replied. The smile that Loki gave his classmate could only be described as feral. He laughed inwardly when the guy shuddered and averted his eyes, clearly freaked out.

The professor wanted to continue his lecture, but Loki silenced him with a look.

“It is unfair that Loki is portrayed as the villain in the myths. Yes, he is mischievous, but never evil. He played tricks for a reason; his purpose was to teach a lesson to those who thought so highly of themselves.” Loki was all worked up now, his tone harsh and full of vehemence. The whole class was listening to the god’s fervent monologue, hanging on to his every word.

“God of lies?” Loki scoffed, “he is more truthful than most Aesir. Loki knows he is flawed; he never pretended to be perfect, unlike the rest of the gods. He was not afraid to point out their shortcomings, or when they were being hypocritical.” Loki paused, his voice growing soft. “He loved and protected Asgard; he repeatedly risked his life for her benefit. Many times he saved her from ruin. But the Aesir continued to treat Loki poorly; he never measured up to their standards.” The trickster looked down at his lap. He paused again, struggling to get the words out. “Then one day he couldn’t bear it anymore. So he went away."

“A god can grow tired and disillusioned, just like everyone else,” Loki said quietly.

Loki drew a shaky breath. He could not stand to stay another minute in the room, so he gathered his things quickly and left.

* * *

The trickster arrived at his Film Appreciation class and found Tony slumped over a table, snoozing. “Hey Tony. The movie’s starting,” he said, tapping the teenager awake.

Tony wiped the drool from his face. “Wonder what kind of shitty movie we have to watch today,” he mumbled. Ocean waves appeared on the screen. “Maybe it’s about surfing,” Tony mused aloud, suddenly interested. He made an enraged sound when he saw the opening credits.

“Point Break?! Are you kidding me? I didn’t get out of bed this morning to watch Keanu Reeves!” Tony exclaimed. He started throwing popcorn at the screen in protest. “Goddamnit. I’d rather watch a Michael Bay movie!”

“Mr. Stark! This is not Rocky Horror Picture Show. And no eating in the classroom,” the professor barked. She stomped over and confiscated Tony’s bag of popcorn. Tony promptly took another one out from his backpack and proceeded to eat as noisily as possible. He chewed with his mouth open, smacked his lips, and shook the bag like a maraca. The professor looked ready to explode.

“Do you make it your life’s mission to antagonize your teachers?” Loki inquired, grabbing himself a handful.

Tony snickered. “Let them get pissed. That’s what they are being paid for,” he replied airily.

They watched in mute horror as Keanu Reeves aka Johnny Utah proclaimed the immortal line:

“I AM AN F…B…I……...AGENT!!!!”

“Holy shit, he spelled FBI right! That’s an Oscar performance right there!” Tony gushed. Everybody cracked up.

“Mr. Stark!”

“I can’t help it! I’m so moved by his stellar acting.”

Nobody took the movie seriously after that. The class kept bursting into giggles whenever Keanu uttered his lines. It didn’t help that Tony kept on doing his running commentary. No one was sympathetic when Bodhi, Patrick Swayze’s character, died and Keanu threw his badge into the water, dismayed at how his life turned out.

“Don’t forget, you all have a paper due on Monday. Is Bodhi a tragic figure or a manipulative degenerate? Argue both points,” the professor called out after her students, who were all very eager to get the hell out of there.

“That movie sucked serious donkey balls,” Tony said, as soon as they were out of the professor’s earshot.

Loki nodded. “Definitely.”

* * *

Loki went back to their room, done with school for the day while Tony went to his Mechanical Engineering class. He switched on his laptop and started typing his paper about Point Break, taking advantage of not having the noisy teenager around to distract him.

The trickster finished his homework quickly, putting in all the usual hogwash the professor liked to read about. Loki then decided to work on his final paper for his World Mythology class, which was due next month. ‘Might as well get this whole sad affair over with,’ he thought resignedly. The assignment was to type a 20-page analysis of any deity in the syllabus.

He first thought of choosing one of the Greek gods. In Loki’s opinion, Zeus and his ilk were the worst of the bunch. Loki did not understand why all the vitriol was directed solely at him; the Greek deities smote, raped, cursed, kidnapped, and generally made the mortals miserable for their own sick amusement. He only burned a couple of monasteries and yet he was depicted as a perverted psychopath who had a penchant for horses.

Loki sorely wished he had the power to resurrect those monks so he could set them on fire.

‘And all this because they insulted my helmet.’ If Loki had known his headgear was going to cause all this ignominy, he would have chucked it a long time ago.

He drummed his fingers on his desk, thinking. ‘How about the All-Father?’ he mused. ‘Odin is a scheming, lying old coot,’ he typed. ‘He’s an abysmal parent, and his manner of rearing his sons leaves much to be desired. For an omniscient being, he is maddeningly incompetent when it comes to dealing with family matters.’

Loki grimaced and deleted the whole thing. If he did not stop now, he was going to write a whole treatise about the All-Father’s superb parenting skills. The trickster thought about the god of thunder. He scowled and started typing furiously.

‘Thor is an ungrateful, philandering wretch. The oaf never cared for anyone but himself; he only thinks about bedding wenches or attaining glory. He has this propensity for starting wars, yet the Aesir continue to blindly adore the idiot. They bloody well deserve each other. Thor can go throw himself off a cliff for all I care; I’m sick of saving his hide every time he gets into trouble. Good riddance to bad rubbish.'

The trickster deleted everything again then slammed his laptop shut in disgust. He was running out of ideas; the rest of the gods were not interesting enough for him to be able to meet the page requirement.

Unless…

‘Why not? Who can write a better paper about the trickster than me?’ Loki thought. He was not doing this to pump his ego; he only wanted to set the record straight. His fingers started to fly across the keyboard.

‘Aside from being the god of mischief, Loki is the god of change. He is the antithesis of the Aesir, because he always challenged the status quo. Out of all beings, the Aesir are the ones most resistant to change. It is no surprise that Loki is often at odds with them; he cannot stand the monotony and stagnation that pervade the Eternal Realm. The Aesir believe that as gods, they are already perfect in every way; that there is nothing else to improve. That is far from the truth. In reality, they very much possess the same foibles a mortal has, if not more. Loki had no qualms reminding them of that fact, and the gods despised him for it…’ the trickster typed. It was not long before Loki went over the page limit; he had to edit out some of his more colorful invectives against the Aesir.

The god leaned back on his chair, satisfied with his work. He rubbed his face tiredly as he emailed the document. ‘Well, that was somewhat cathartic,’ he thought.

His professor would be the only person to read it and would likely just dismiss his paper as the ravings of a lunatic, but for Loki, it was enough.


	4. Have Tony, Will Snark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki teaches himself how to cook. Tony battles Jesus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MIT- Massachusetts Institute of Technology 
> 
> Some underage drinking. Wonky timeline.

The god of mischief was outside his dorm room, keys in one hand and a takeout bag in the other. The whole building was deserted, save for him and Tony. Loki recalled it had something to do with Midgardians congregating once a year to eat poultry.

He found Tony still in bed, burrowed under the covers. The trickster wondered if Tony was sick. It was one thing to sleep all morning; but it was already past four in the afternoon, and Tony had not moved from his spot all day. It was disconcerting to see the perpetually rowdy teenager so subdued.

“Hey, I got you some food,” Loki said, nudging Tony’s shoulder.

No response.

Loki tried again. “Aren’t you hungry? You haven’t eaten all day.”

“I’m okay. Really,” Tony mumbled, scooting nearer the wall and burying his face against a pillow. That worried Loki even more.

Right. If there was one thing that could coax Tony out of bed, it was a cheeseburger. Loki unwrapped it and dangled it on top of Tony’s head, hoping the smell would rouse him.

It worked. Tony turned around and looked at the cheeseburger longingly. He made a grab for it, but Loki was quicker.

“If you want it, you have to sit up. You might choke,” Loki said, keeping the food out of reach.

Tony grumbled under his breath, but complied nonetheless. He looked like he had gone through a wringer; his eyes were bloodshot and his face was puffy. Loki handed him the burger, fries, and soda without saying a word. He waited for Tony to finish eating. It didn’t take long; Tony practically inhaled his food.

“What’s going on Tony?” Loki probed, his tone gentle.

“It’s nothing. I’m fine,” Tony answered dully, staring at the empty burger wrapper in his hand.

Loki sat down on the bean bag, making himself comfortable. Just like everything else with Tony, drawing out answers from the teenager was a long and arduous process. The god tried a less direct line of questioning. “I thought you’d go home since it’s a long weekend. Isn’t that the usual Thanksgiving custom?”

Tony fidgeted under Loki’s gaze. He never liked talking about personal matters, but for some reason he felt like he could say anything to the young man sitting in front of him. “My parents died in a car accident a few months ago. It’s my first Thanksgiving without them,” he confessed. His face suddenly crumpled, after realizing what he just said. Somehow, saying it out loud made the loss of his family all the more real. He turned away, rubbing his eyes with the hem of his shirt.

“There’s no point going home if there is no one to come home to,” Tony said finally.

Loki didn’t know what else to say. He laid a tentative hand on Tony’s arm, hoping it would give him some comfort.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok.” Tony gave Loki a watery smile. “I’m just glad you’re here. I don’t like being alone,” he admitted. The god couldn’t help but admire the kid for putting up a brave front. The two were quiet for a while, each lost in their own thoughts.

“What about you? What’s your sob story?”

“What do you mean?” Loki asked, keeping his expression neutral.

Tony just gave him a put-upon look. “You never get any calls from your family or anything. Did something happen to them too?”

“No,” Loki responded hurriedly, “nothing like that.” He didn’t want to talk about it, but it wasn’t fair to leave Tony hanging either. “I’m not on speaking terms with my parents right now,” the god explained.

“Why? What happened?”

Loki shrugged, trying to be casual about it. “They kept the truth from me. I found out I was adopted from somebody else.” His demeanor was calm, but he kept fiddling with the ring on his finger. “I’ve always known that there was something a bit…off, but still. I deserved to know.” He gave a wry grin. “So here I am.”

Tony nodded in understanding. “At least you still have your parents. Related by blood or not, they’re still your family,” he pointed out. “You can’t stay mad at them forever.”

“I suppose,” came the god’s noncommittal reply. Loki didn’t expect someone like Tony to give sage advice. The trickster studied his roommate more closely; he realized that underneath all the swearing and sarcasm was a boy wise beyond his years.

The moment was broken when Tony’s stomach gave a loud growl.

“I’m still hungry,” Tony moaned.

Loki let out a chuckle, glad that the old Tony was back. “There’s a restaurant that serves turkey nearby. Do you want to go? My treat.”

“Awesome. I’ll go change,” Tony said, his mood considerably improved. “Can we also go see a movie after dinner? Please?”

“Sure. Whatever you want Tony.”

* * *

“You need help with those?” Tony asked, as Loki struggled to close the door with his foot, arms laden with plastic bags. Not waiting for a reply, Tony took a couple and looked inside.

“Woah, what’s all this stuff?” Tony pulled out a spatula, looking at it like he had never seen one before. “What’s this thing?” He started examining a rectangular pan with a plug attached to it.

“It’s an electric skillet,” replied Loki distractedly. The trickster was trying to figure out where to put all his books and papers to make room for his new stuff. It was not an easy feat since Tony’s gadgets took all the available space in the room.

“I’m going to teach myself how to cook,” the god announced, after everything was settled.

Tony cocked his head to one side, looking amused. “Is this because of a bad burrito you had a few weeks ago?”

Loki shuddered at the memory; the mere thought of a burrito made his stomach churn. “I’m getting heartburn Tony. A man cannot subsist on microwave dinners alone, you know.”

“But eating junk is part of the whole college experience,” Tony argued. “Hey! Leave my pop tarts alone.” He glowered at Loki as he fished the pastries out of the trash can.

“Here,” Loki said, handing Tony a bag of blueberries. “It wouldn’t kill you if you eat real fruit once in a while.”

“What are you talking about? Pop tarts are baked with real fruit. It says so on the box.” Tony shook the package in front of Loki’s face for emphasis.

Loki rolled his eyes. “Read the small print. It only contains ten percent fruit. I’ve seen credit card interest rates with higher percentages.”

“Next thing I know, you’re going to force me to eat salad,” Tony groused.

“That’s not a bad idea. You’re fifteen; your body needs nutrients.”

Tony looked mutinous. “You eat ice cream more than three times a day and you bust my balls over what I eat? And where the hell does it all go anyway? You should weigh, like, four hundred pounds by now.”

Loki was not listening. He was too busy thumbing through a cookbook. “I’ll start with scrambled eggs. It sounds easy enough for a novice to make,” he said conversationally.

Tony threw his hands up in defeat. “Fine. If I’m going to eat rabbit food, you’re eating it too.”

“Fair enough,” Loki said, a smile tugging his lips. “By the way, do you know how to cook?”

“No, and I have no intention of learning,” Tony replied peevishly.

“Why not? It’s a useful skill.”

“Billionaires don’t cook. Asking me to cook is like breaking a law of the universe. And for the record, coercing a fifteen-year-old to operate a dangerous device is very irresponsible on your part. Shame on you, Tom,” Tony admonished seriously.

Loki stared at the teenager incredulously. “Tony, you solder pieces of metal around flammable materials. How is using an electric skillet more dangerous?”

Tony gazed at his roommate like a hurt woodland creature, all wide eyes and innocence. “But I don’t want to cook,” he whined. “I’ll invent anything you want, just don’t ask me that. You’re not going to let me starve are you? You’re not that cruel,” he said in a small voice.

Loki gave a long-suffering sigh. He had a better chance persuading Fandral to stop wenching than convincing Tony to take up cooking. At least he managed to sway the self-proclaimed billionaire to eat healthy. “Oh alright, you’ll be my test subject then. Maybe I should have you sign a waiver or something,” the god pondered.

“Best. Roommate. Ever.”

“Kiss ass.”

* * *

Five years later…

“Aw man, we’re late,” Tony said, knocking on the door.

The two were standing outside a fellow dorm mate’s room, waiting for the host to let them in. From the sounds emanating from within, the end of the semester party was already in full swing.

Loki snorted. “Since when have you cared about being punctual over anything?”

“Anything that’s not school-related,” Tony wisecracked. He started pounding on the door, eager to get in.

“Yeah I’m coming!” yelled someone from the other side. The door opened, revealing a tanned guy sporting a buzz cut. “Hey it’s Bert and Ernie! I mean, Tom and Tony! Glad you guys made it,” he said, ushering them inside.

“Real cute, Duke,” Loki retorted, handing Duke the chips and dip they brought.

“Soooooo, where’s the booze?” Tony said, without preamble.

“Follow me.” They went to the bathroom. Several people were gathered around the bathtub, ladling violet liquid into paper cups.

“Gentlemen, I present to you Purple Jesus,” Duke said, flourishing the drink like it was vintage wine instead of cheap vodka and grape juice. Before he handed Loki a cup, he stopped. “Hold up, you’re legal right? I’m already putting my ass on the line with Tony here,” he said, jerking a thumb at the billionaire. While Duke was not looking, Tony had managed to finagle not one but two cups in just under a minute.

Loki wanted to say that he was older than the fellow the drink was named after, but he nodded instead. “I'm twenty-three. Do you want to see my ID for verification?” he said, trying to keep a straight face.

“Just checking. MIT is full of child prodigies with fake mustaches running around the place. Fooled me a couple of times,” Duke said, chortling. He saw Tony was guzzling the stuff like there was no tomorrow. “Careful. This drink goes down easy, but kicks like a horse afterwards,” he warned.

“I’ve had stronger drinks than this,” Loki said, remembering the mead back in Asgard. The first time he had tried mead, he had been unconscious for a week. He took a generous swig of Purple Jesus. It tasted pretty good, considering it came out of a bathtub. He refilled his cup to the brim.

Duke shrugged. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Tony was still happily chugging down the hooch. “Damn Duke, this has more Jesus than purple in it. You’re a genius, the Da Vinci of Drinks,” he babbled, already a bit tipsy.

Duke guffawed loudly. “Thanks.”

“See? He laughs at my jokes, but you still don’t after all these years. We gotta work on that,” Tony slurred, leaning on Loki.

“If you start vomiting, I’m leaving you out in the hallway,” Loki threatened.

“Killjoy.”

“So, Tony, ready to take on the corporate world yet?” Duke asked.

Tony made a face. “Ugh. Don’t remind me.” He walked, or rather wobbled, towards a group of girls, abruptly ending the conversation.

“Don’t mind him. He’s lamenting the end of his carefree days,” Loki said, watching his roommate do some drunken flirting. The girls, for their part, were observing Tony silently, like he was some peculiar science exhibit.

“Can’t say I blame Tony. Guys our age only have to think about paying off our student loans and getting dates, but he has to worry about running one of the largest companies on the planet. And he can’t even legally drink yet. The pressure must be intense,” Duke said glibly.

“Yes, it is a heavy burden for someone so young,” Loki agreed. “But Tony is capable of doing great things; he just needs a bit of guidance, that’s all.” The god refilled his cup again, not feeling the effects of the alcohol yet.

Tony in the meantime had sidled up to a pretty blonde, chatting her up in what he thought was a cool and suave manner. “Hey baby, I’ll be your Burger King if you’ll be my Dairy Queen,” he said, giving her a saucy grin.

“Oh sweetie. I think you had too much to drink already,” the blonde cooed, kindly patting him on the cheek.

Tony pouted. “What are you talking about? I’m stone cold sober,” he retorted, his voice getting louder by the second.

Noticing that his friend was on the brink of an alcohol-induced tantrum, Loki was at his side in an instant. “Listen to the lady, Tony. You’re drunk and she’s out of your league,” he said smoothly, while tugging him away from the girl.

“I’m Tony Damn Stark! I’m the one who is twenty thousand leagues above everybody else,” the billionaire proclaimed. He tried to give Loki an intimidating glare, but it came out cross-eyed instead. “Why did you cockblock me? I was in the zone!”

“She must be at least six years older than you. That’s why she’s out of your league,” Loki responded patiently.

“Can’t believe this is the same guy who earned two PhDs in just a year,” Duke sniggered. Tony flipped him off in retaliation. He then tried to wriggle out of Loki’s iron grip.

“I think this is our cue to leave,” Loki said, while holding a struggling Tony. He gave Duke an apologetic grin.

Tony immediately started protesting. “We just got here! And I wanna drink some more!” he howled.

“You’ll be singing a different tune in the morning,” Loki muttered. He steered his recalcitrant roommate to the exit, earning him sympathetic looks from the people in the room.

“Thanks for the invite Duke,” the trickster called out, as he pushed Tony out the door.

* * *

‘First heartburn and now this,’ Loki thought. Being cut off from magic, as Tony put it, sucked serious donkey balls.

He really should have listened to Duke. The drink didn’t just kick like a horse; it was more like Sleipnir’s eight hooves were doing a rather enthusiastic Riverdance number inside his skull. Back in Asgard he had never experienced a hangover; his magic had taken care of it while he slept. Ever since he sealed his magic to prevent detection, he started feeling all kinds of bodily discomfort.

Loki was jolted out of his musings when he heard a loud thump, which sounded like a body hitting the floor. He cracked an eye open and saw Tony slowly crawling towards the fridge.

“You ok?” Loki asked. He tried to sit up, but his limbs wouldn’t cooperate.

“Jesus kicked my ass,” Tony croaked, after downing a gallon of water. “I feel like shit.”

“Me too.” Loki fumbled for the aspirin inside his bedside drawer. He swallowed a handful and tossed the bottle to Tony, who took it gratefully.

After an hour, the trickster felt more or less normal again. It pleased Loki to know that due to his Jotun physiology, his body still had the ability to recover quickly without the aid of magic.

Tony was not so lucky. He bitched and complained the whole time, interspersed with heartfelt groaning. “Why aren’t you in agony?” he groused, as Loki set a plate of bacon and pancakes in front of him.

The god pretended to think for a moment. “Uh, because I didn’t quaff half of the bathtub’s contents like you did?”

“Smug bastard,” Tony said, shoveling food into his mouth grumpily.

Another round of whining and bellyaching later, Tony finally agreed to go outside their room to get some fresh air. They sat on a bench near their dorm, Tony nursing a huge cup of coffee.

“You’re evil, you know that?” Tony muttered. “Damn it birds, stop chirping!” he suddenly screamed at a tree. Several students strolling by gawked at Tony, and then started walking swiftly in the opposite direction.

“Are you still drunk?”

“I wish I was,” Tony responded, twitching a bit.

“Can you believe we’re graduating in a few days? Those five years went by fast,” Loki commented.

“I guess,” Tony responded, sullenly.

“You’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Loki said encouragingly.

“Yeah, about that,” Tony said, grim all of a sudden. “What are your plans? Did you get any job offers yet? Have you said yes to any of them?” he inquired, firing off questions like a machine gun.

Loki glanced at his roommate amusedly. “I’ve received several, mostly involving research. Hammer Industries offered me a six figure salary, actually,” he admitted.

“If you’re going to work for Justin Hammer, consider our friendship over,” Tony said, aghast.

“I won’t, the man is a scumbag. He wants me to divulge all the devices I’ve seen you make for the past few years,” Loki replied. He patted Tony’s knee. “Don’t fret; your secrets are safe with me.”

Tony smiled, but it contained a manic edge to it. “I got a better idea.”

“Yes?” Loki said, looking at Tony expectantly.

“How about you work with me? As co-CEO of Stark Industries?” Tony said in a rush.

“Wait. What?” Loki thought he misheard Tony.

“I want you to be my co-chief executive officer,” Tony said more slowly. “We’ll be equal in every way. Well except I have veto power, just in case you go nuts,” he explained. “I’ll bang out brilliant inventions, you do the day-to-day stuff. Easy peasy,” he said, beaming widely.

“Tony, I have a science degree. What do I know about running a company?” Loki returned skeptically.

Tony made a pfft noise. “So? I don’t know jack shit about business either, yet people are expecting me to pull something spectacular out of my ass. Besides, not all CEOs went to business school; some of them didn’t even graduate from college. We’re the two smartest guys in MIT. How hard can it be?”

“There are other more proficient candidates out there,” Loki reasoned. “You know, someone with actual experience?”

“What I need is someone I can trust,” Tony countered. “Skills can be taught. Anyone can be competent at any job, given time and proper training. Character, well, that's another story. I figured someone who wakes me up every morning, cooks for me, and shoves salad down my throat is less likely to screw me over than some hotshot with a perfect résumé.”

“You sure know how to make a guy feel special,” Loki teased.

Tony scowled. “I’m being serious for once, so shut it.” He was silent for a while, brooding. “Tom, I can’t do this alone,” he said softly.

“Tony…” Loki began, but Tony held up a hand.

“Hear me out. I’m a genius, but most of the time I do stupid shit without thinking. Sooner or later, I’m going to mess up everything my dad worked all his life for. I like you because you don’t put up with my crap; you tell it like it is. You never cared for the Stark name or how much money I got. It’s so hard to find a genuine person nowadays.” Tony gave Loki a rueful smile. “Look, it’s either you or I’m going to rely on a magic 8-ball for advice. I think you’re the better choice,” he joked.

Loki chuckled. “Thank you Tony, I’m very flattered.” In fact, the god was blown away. He couldn’t help but grin.

“When do we start?”


	5. The Science Soul Mate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Tony move into their new home. Bruce joins them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caltech- California Institute of Technology.

_A year after his parents passed away, Tony Stark commissioned the construction of Stark Tower. Designed by the boy genius himself, it is the most expensive, technologically advanced building in the world. Located in the heart of Manhattan’s business district, and a mere ten blocks away from the Fantastic Four’s Baxter Building, it serves as the main headquarters of Stark Industries and Tony Stark’s permanent residence. The striking, 1,138-foot tall building is comprised of ninety-three floors; seventy are allocated for office use while the top three floors serve as the billionaire’s private quarters. Made with Vibranium reinforced concrete, Stark Tower can withstand category five hurricanes and magnitude eight earthquakes. Its notable features include an arc reactor that provides self-sustaining energy for the entire tower and JARVIS. Created during Tony Stark’s stint in MIT, JARVIS is a multifunctional software program capable of tasks ranging from managing the building’s entire security system to ordering its creator’s favorite coffee. Stark Tower also has its own hospital, library, cafeteria, auditorium, an Olympic-sized swimming pool and a helipad that can accommodate up to five Quinjets._

_Asked why he built such a massive tower, the twenty-year-old just shrugged and said, “So I don’t have to drive to work; all I have to do is roll out of bed and go downstairs. It beats the hell out of sitting in traffic, I tell you that.”_

_-_ Excerpt from Modern Marvels magazine, June 2008 issue

* * *

“Why aren’t you in bed? It’s four in the morning.”  

Tony gave a startled yelp. He turned around and found Loki standing behind him.  

“Don’t sneak up on me like that! I swear you’re like a cat or something.” Tony picked up the wire cutter he had dropped in surprise. “JARVIS, I thought I told you not to let anyone in,” he said, glowering at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry sir, but you haven’t slept for three days. You did program me to look after your well-being, so I let sir Tom in,” JARVIS replied.

“When I said look after my well-being, I meant never letting my booze and coffee supplies run low,” Tony responded testily.  

Loki rolled his eyes. “Your AI has more common sense than you,” the god remarked. “Thank you for informing me, JARVIS.”

“You’re most welcome sir,” JARVIS chirped. 

“I created a monster. Now I have two naggers in the house,” Tony grumbled.

Loki ignored the gibe and approached the enormous fish tank that spanned the entire wall. It was filled with different kinds of goldfish. Some had speckles, some had big, protruding eyes, some had long, flowing tails, but they all had one common characteristic: all of them were quite plump. ‘They look like eggs with fins,’ the god thought dryly. “What’s with the aquarium? A new hobby of yours?”

“Nope. It’s for my science soul mate,” Tony replied flippantly.

“Science soul mate,” Loki repeated. “Is that a real term or did you just make that up?”

Tony shot him a mildly annoyed look. “Do you remember Bruce Banner from Caltech? He presented a paper about nuclear physics back in our sophomore year.”

The trickster thought for a minute, brows furrowed. “Bruce Banner? The gamma radiation expert?” 

“Yup. I bumped into him at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters after my meeting with Fury last week, and I invited him to come live with us. I read somewhere that aquariums reduce anxiety levels. Believe me, it’s in our best interest to keep Bruce stress-free,” Tony said.

“How so?” 

“Well, he was working on replicating the super soldier serum using gamma rays and for some reason he decided to experiment on himself. Every time he gets angry or upset, he turns into this enormous green rage monster. Bruce hid from the government for two years, until S.H.I.E.L.D. finally nabbed him,” Tony responded matter-of-factly. He pointed at a circular glass cage in front of him. “I made this containment chamber just in case he accidentally transforms. I’ve been testing it for days now. So far, so good.” The billionaire went inside the chamber and attached explosives on the wall. 

Loki looked at the cage thoughtfully. “I’m surprised Fury agreed to this arrangement. How did you manage to convince him? And Bruce?”

Tony grinned. “I told Bruce he’s not going to find a cure for his condition in that sad excuse for a workshop S.H.I.E.L.D. calls a research laboratory. As for Fury, I told him I won’t provide him anymore weapons if he doesn’t give me Bruce,” he snickered, remembering the look of utter fury on Fury’s face. He should have taken a picture. “We geniuses gotta stick together, ya know?”

Loki cocked an eyebrow. “So let me get this straight; you basically invited a man with a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde complex to come live here, and the only thing to inhibit him from turning into an enormous green rage monster is a tank full of fish.”

“I’m also throwing in smooth jazz and mood lighting,” Tony said, brimming with optimism.  Seeing Loki’s dubious expression, the billionaire put on his patented hurt woodland creature look. “I was hoping you’d be ok with it,” he said plaintively.   

Loki waved a hand. “Hey, it’s your tower. Do whatever you want.”

Tony beamed. “Awesome. I promise you’ll like him. Bruce is a pretty cool guy.” The billionaire picked up a detonator and hid behind a dark green sofa, while motioning for Loki to join him. The god tossed him a confused look.

“I’m using bombs to simulate the Hulk repeatedly punching the cage. If I did my calculations right, the glass will not shatter and stab our asses,” Tony explained, ducking a bit lower behind the couch anyway.

“I feel so safe after hearing that.” 

Tony laughed and pushed the button. The explosions went on for a full minute, rocking the entire floor.

“Experiment one hundred percent successful. Congratulations, sir,” JARVIS proclaimed.

Tony jumped from the couch and did a little dance. Loki looked on, amused.

“So when is Bruce arriving?”

“Today. I’m picking him up around ten,” Tony said, totally excited.

“Better go to bed then.”

“But I’m all pumped up,” Tony argued.

“No. Go to bed. Staying up won’t make time go faster,” Loki chided.

“Yes, mother.”

* * *

The Bruce Banner that Loki remembered in the past was vastly different from the person who just walked in the lobby. Loki recalled a brilliant young man standing on a podium discussing his paper about boson field equations and triple-alpha process with confidence and ease, as if he was just talking about the weather. But the stress of living as a fugitive had taken its toll on him. He was pale and gaunt, looking like he had not had a decent night’s sleep in at least a decade. His clothes were three sizes too big for his skinny frame, and they were patched and fraying at the edges. Bruce had the air of a shell-shocked refugee, clutching his duffel bag like it was his lifeline. Loki guessed that all of the scientist’s worldly belongings were probably stuffed inside that little bag.

‘No wonder Tony was so adamant to bring him,’ the trickster thought. He saw Tony talking animatedly to Bruce as they made their way towards him. 

“Bruce, meet Tom Smith, my brother from another mother,” Tony said, introducing the two.

“I’m also his personal cook and therapist,” Loki chuckled, shaking the scientist’s hand warmly. “Hello Dr. Banner. I admire your work on anti-electron collisions. Simply marvelous.”

Bruce flushed. “Thank you. Please, call me Bruce,” the scientist replied, giving him a small smile.

Tony clapped his hands. “So, let’s start the grand tour shall we?”

They went to Tony’s floor first. Since it was on the 93rd floor, it afforded the best panorama of Manhattan. Tony didn’t like anything obstructing his view so he installed walls made entirely out of smart glass. It functioned just like a one-way mirror; Tony could see everything outside but at the same time the reflective surface of the glass prevented outsiders from looking in. The glass also automatically filtered UV light and changed its tint depending on the temperature inside the room. Tony’s residence contained a state-of-the-art home entertainment system, a fully stocked bar, a regular-sized kitchen, a large dining table, a billiard table, a pinball machine, a huge red couch, and various bean bags scattered all over the room. It had two spacious bedrooms, one for Tony and another for a guest.

“This is Candyland,” Tony said, making a beeline for the coffeemaker. “Want some coffee, Bruce?”

“No thank you. I can’t ingest caffeine or alcohol, it might let the Other Guy out,” Bruce answered, embarrassed.

Tony looked horrified. “No booze or coffee at all? Don’t worry buddy, we’ll find a cure,” he said, more determined than ever.

After that they went to Tony’s two labs. Bruce wanted to stay and explore, but Tony bodily dragged him out. They went to Loki’s place next.

Loki’s floor was outfitted exactly like Tony’s, except it was darker and cooler inside. Bruce noticed the kitchen was larger than average, all steel and gleaming surfaces.

“Welcome to The Abyss,” Tony said, sniggering.

Loki scowled. “I like it cold and dark. Is that so wrong?” he retorted defensively.

“Why is the kitchen so big here?” Bruce inquired.

 “Because Tony is hardly ever subtle,” the god said, giving Tony a pointed look.   

Tony gazed back at Loki innocently. “I’m only supporting your budding culinary skills.” 

“Right.”

They went down another floor, to Loki’s library. Loki’s books were an eclectic mix of science, art, literature, history, business, poetry, and oddly enough, a complete set of Ian Fleming’s James Bond novels.  

“My collection is still in its early stages. But you’re welcome to come here and borrow a book anytime you like,” Loki told Bruce. The trickster was rewarded with a genuine smile from the scientist. 

“And last but not least, your floor,” Tony said, as he punched number 88 on the elevator.

Bruce started. “My floor?” he stammered. “Tony, I thought you said you had a spare room.” 

“Did I say spare room? I meant spare floors. You get two,” Tony said offhandedly.   

Bruce stared at the billionaire. The elevator dinged. 

“Welcome, Dr. Bruce Banner,” JARVIS greeted. Bruce looked up, surprised.

“That’s JARVIS by the way. I call this place the Ocean Floor,” Tony said, pulling Bruce out with him. “Do you like it? I designed it myself.”

The scientist gaped at the room with wide eyes. “Tony, this is too much,” Bruce spluttered. He looked like he was on the verge of crying.

Tony pretended not to listen. “I hope you like goldfish. I picked the mellow ones so they don’t excite you too much. You have the same amenities you saw on previous floors.” He led Bruce to the containment chamber. “You go here just in case you do your, uh, you-know-what. Don’t worry, I tested it and it worked like a charm. Right, Tom?”

Loki nodded. “Sure did,” he said, grinning at Bruce.

“Your lab is just downstairs, complete with all the latest equipment. If you need something, just tell me or JARVIS. I also installed another containment chamber as a precaution, but I don’t think you’ll need it. This is a completely stress-free environment.” Tony put an arm around Bruce’s shoulders. “So, what do you think?”  

“I don’t know what to say,” Bruce responded helplessly. 

“Say ‘Thank you Tony, you’re awesome and let’s do kick-ass science together’,” Tony said, smirking. Bruce looked like he was about to make a bolt for it.  

Loki took pity on Bruce. “He did the same thing to me. Tony tends to go overboard, especially with people he likes,” the trickster explained.

The billionaire looked sheepish. “We’d be honored if you’d stay here with us,” Tony said earnestly.  

Bruce let out a nervous laugh. “I feel like I’m going to wake up any second, and find out this is just a really good dream.”

Tony flashed the trickster a pained look. Loki felt the same. Whatever happened to Bruce in those two years really did a number on him; the scientist didn’t think he deserved to live like a normal human being.

“This is your home now, Bruce,” Tony said gently. “And you have me and Tom.”

Bruce looked at his shoes, overcome. “Thanks,” he said, his voice cracking a bit. “That means a lot.”    

* * *

During the first few weeks Bruce acted shy and reserved towards Loki, but as the scientist grew more comfortable with him, the trickster found that Bruce possessed a dry sense of humor and was quite witty. While Tony was the master of double entendres and bad puns, Bruce was the virtuoso of deadpan one-liners. It was quite amusing to watch the two, and Loki started to like Bruce immensely.

The three were currently having breakfast in The Abyss. Another thing that Loki liked about Bruce was that he was not a fussy eater like Tony.

“Tony, have you read the books I gave you?” the trickster inquired, as he passed a plate of spinach omelet to Bruce. Loki was trying to get the scientist to eat more; he was still so thin.

Tony squirmed in his seat. “Um…no?”

“Tony.” Loki’s voice managed to sound disappointed and vexed at the same time.

 “I’m sorry! But it’s not like the board of directors will spring a pop quiz on us. And we still have a month to go,” Tony reasoned.

Loki said nothing, but continued to give the billionaire disapproving looks.

“Tom, running a company is more about going with your gut instinct. You can’t learn that from a book,” Tony pointed out.  

“Correct. But we need to have at least some rudimentary knowledge about how it works,” Loki responded. “I don’t want us running into this venture completely blind. I did my homework, I expect you to do yours,” he said, while staring Tony down.  

Tony held up his hands in defense. “Ok ok. I’ll do it this week. Jeez,” the billionaire grumbled, completely cowed. Tom was worse than any professor he had ever met.

The trickster beamed. “Thank you. How is Mr. Stane doing by the way? He’s not sore with us replacing him, is he?” Loki asked concernedly. He was not entirely comfortable with the idea of someone getting demoted because of him.

Tony started laughing, almost spitting out his food in the process. “Obie? Hell no. Five years ago he had a head full of hair, but now he’s completely bald and a raging alcoholic. He’s moving to the Bahamas once we take over.”   

Loki dropped his fork. That didn’t sound promising at all. “You didn’t say that this job entailed losing one’s hair and sanity.”

“Relax. That’s what toupees are for,” Tony replied cheekily. “And you have me as your shock absorber,” he added, winking at the god.

“That’s very comforting,” Loki said, rather sarcastically.

Then Tony’s mobile rang. The billionaire frowned when he saw the name on the screen. “Excuse me,” he said, suddenly serious, and stood up. He walked to the other side of the room, out of Loki and Bruce’s hearing range. The conversation lasted only for a couple of minutes but when Tony came back, he looked tense.  

“They found him,” Tony announced. Loki noticed his friend was gripping his phone tightly.  

“Who?” Bruce asked.

“Captain America.”   


	6. Mister Rogers' Neighborhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki makes fun of Tony's lame pick-up lines. Tony bans the color beige. Bruce helps design Steve's floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Met- Metropolitan Museum of Art, located in New York

“What? Everyone thought he was dead,” Bruce said, astounded.

“They never found his body remember? He was frozen in ice, somewhere in the Arctic. Coulson told me his vitals are stable.” Tony looked at the phone in his hand numbly. “Dad was right,” he muttered to himself.

“How did he manage to survive?” Loki inquired, looking stunned himself.

“I dunno. Maybe the serum’s secret ingredient is antifreeze?”

Loki glowered. “That’s in bad taste Tony. The poor man is going to wake up traumatized.”

“Yup. Probably,” Tony said, shrugging. He started picking at his food. After a few minutes, he excused himself and went upstairs without another word.

“What’s up with him?” Bruce asked.

“I have no idea.”

Loki waited for Bruce to finish his breakfast before going after Tony. The trickster found the billionaire sitting on the couch, staring at a box on top of the table. Loki recognized it as the carton Tony was carrying the first time they met.

Tony heard Loki approach, but he didn’t look up. Instead, he motioned for Loki to sit beside him. “Remember this?” he said, gesturing at the box.

Loki chuckled. “How could I forget? Rule number two, don’t touch your comics.”

Tony smiled, but it didn’t contain any humor in it. “Howard used to buy me Captain America comics as soon as a new issue came out. This is basically my childhood right here. It’s all I have left to remember my father by.” He opened the box and pulled out a comic book.

“My dad only cared about two things: his company and finding Cap. When he was not in his office, he was combing the Arctic looking for him. He didn’t have time for anyone else, not even his family,” the billionaire explained.

Loki stayed quiet. Tony never talked about his father, so it was a bit disconcerting to find him sharing bits and pieces about the enigmatic Howard Stark. Any fond memories Tony had shared with Loki about his family involved only Maria Stark or Edwin Jarvis.

Tony started flipping through the pages, just looking at the drawings. “Dad talked about him all the time. He kept going on and on about Cap being all good and noble, how he always did the right thing and never thought twice about sacrificing his life for his country or his friends. I always thought it was all bullshit, because nobody is that perfect.” He paused. Loki watched as different emotions clashed across Tony’s features.

“When Cap crashed his plane, everyone thought he was a goner,” Tony continued, as he stared at a picture of Captain America. “With all that ice shifting about, it was nearly impossible to find the aircraft, much less his remains. Everyone thought he was crazy, but dad kept on looking. When I read his will, I found out he left a separate bank account for the sole purpose of continuing the search. Even in death he never let Cap go.” He put the comic down.

“All my life I felt like my father cared more about Cap than me. And I was right.”

Tony gave a slow exhale. “I suppose I shouldn’t complain. Bruce had it worse.”

“What about Bruce?” Loki asked, even though he was already dreading the answer.

Tony clenched his jaw, his hands curling into fists. “Brian Banner physically abused his wife. One day he went too far, and Bruce saw the whole thing. Instead of prison, they sent Brian to a mental institution. Bruce was barely ten when all of that happened. He never saw or contacted his father ever since.” He paused. “Some people aren’t meant to be parents.”

The trickster rubbed his temples, his heart heavy. And he thought he had issues. No wonder Bruce was Hulking out; he had plenty of reasons to be angry.

“We sure lucked out on our fathers didn’t we?” Tony said caustically.

Loki shook his head. “All parents, even the good ones, break their children. That’s just the way it has always been,” he said, thinking about Odin and Frigga. Tony snorted in response. The god laid a gentle hand on his friend’s cheek.

“Your father loved you.” Loki gave the billionaire a fond smile. “He was simply a man who didn’t have his priorities straight. Sounds familiar?”

Tony looked away. “I guess I inherited that particular trait from him huh?”

“You’ll do better. And I know you will surpass him someday,” Loki said with conviction.

Tony surprised him when he pulled Loki into a one-armed hug.

“Thanks Tom.”

* * *

 A week later…

“I want to pay Captain America a visit,” Tony announced out of the blue.

The three were playing cutthroat pool in Candyland, with Bruce eliminating Tony out of the game. Only Loki and Bruce were left, and the trickster only had to sink the scientist’s one remaining ball to win.

Loki’s hand jerked, causing him to miss his shot. He narrowed his eyes at Tony. “Why?”

“I want to meet him.”

“Is there any other reason?” Loki prodded, the game completely forgotten. He knew he had lost. Bruce played billiards like he was conducting a science experiment; he took into account the position of the ball on the table and adjusted the angle of his cue stick accordingly. Then he determined the amount of force needed, muttering his calculations under his breath the whole time. It amused Loki and Tony to no end.

Tony crossed his arms, looking aggressive. “Howard picked him over me, his own flesh and blood. I want to know if he lives up to the hype, if he’s perfect like my dad said. I have every right to be furious, and I’m fully entitled to kick his ass. Are those good enough reasons for you?”

Bruce made his winning shot. “Seriously? Cap could punch you through the wall, you know,” the scientist pointed out.

“What, you think I can’t take him on?” Tony retorted, his hackles rising.

Loki sighed. “It’s not fair to blame Howard’s shortcomings on the Captain. What do you hope to accomplish by assaulting him?”

“Nothing. But it would make me feel a hell of a lot better,” Tony replied coolly.

“Tony, slugging Captain America is equivalent to pissing on the Alamo. It’s just not done,” Bruce rationalized.

Tony made a face. “Who said anything about pissing? I made up my mind. I’m going.”

“He’s probably having a bad week and he certainly doesn’t need a belligerent billionaire banging down his door. Give the man a break,” the trickster reasoned, making one last ditch effort to dissuade Tony.

“I don’t care,” Tony singsonged. “You guys can come along if you want. I might need backup.”

Bruce frowned. “And gawk at him like he’s some kind of circus freak? That’s not cool. No thanks.”

“Ouch Bruce. You sure don’t mince words do you?” Tony said, looking hurt.

“I’ll come with you,” Loki volunteered. Bruce gaped at him disbelievingly.

“Attaboy,” Tony said, grinning. He skipped to the elevator, eager to fight with Cap.

“He’s going to get pummeled. I thought you were going to stop him, not egg him on,” the scientist said critically.

Loki laughed. “I’m not. Somebody has to keep an eye on that lunatic. We can’t have a scandal erupting before Tony and I even take over the company.”

“Sorry about that.” Bruce gave Loki an apologetic look.

Loki waved it away. “Let’s just hope the Captain doesn’t have a short temper, or there’s a high probability Tony will have his ass handed to him.”

* * *

People stopped what they were doing when they saw a sleek, black limousine glide through the narrow street. Out jumped Tony, with Loki following after him. They were in Brooklyn, Captain America’s old neighborhood.

“This is it,” Tony said, as he checked again the address. They approached an ancient, utilitarian-looking building. “What a dump,” the billionaire commented.

The building didn’t look any better from the inside. It was dark and the paisley wallpaper that lined the hallway was stained and peeling. It looked like something out of a horror movie.

“Why did S.H.I.E.L.D. put Captain here? It hardly looks like a place fit for a national icon,” Loki remarked.

“Because this is where he lived before he got involved with Project Rebirth. Fury probably thought it would be easier for Cap to assimilate in the 21st century if he stayed somewhere familiar,” Tony explicated. “I thought they would at least spruce up the building a little bit. If I were Cap, I’d kill myself. This place is depressing.” He looked around his surroundings with repugnance.

Cap’s apartment was located at the end of the hallway. Loki knocked on the door.

Tony continued talking. “This is where happiness comes to die. It smells like cabbage and Bengay in here,” he said loudly. At that moment, Cap opened the door.

What happens when your childhood hero, the man you had been reading about all your life was suddenly in front of you in all his glory? Howard Stark wasn’t exaggerating when he said Captain America was perfect. Even Loki, who grew up surrounded by good-looking gods and beautiful goddesses, did a double take when he saw the national icon.

Tony didn’t stand a chance.

Loki glanced at his friend anxiously. Tony was making small choking noises and was doing an excellent impression of a petrified statue. Tony stared at Cap, and Cap stared at Tony back.

Cap broke the silence first. “Hello. Can I help you?” he asked, a small frown marring his handsome face. Loki presumed Cap heard Tony’s glowing review of his apartment complex.

The god stepped in, and extended a hand. “Good afternoon Captain. My name is Tom Smith, this here is Tony Stark. It’s an honor to finally meet you.”

Captain America shook Loki’s hand, smiling. “Nice to meet you. Please, call me Steve.”

Tony still had not said anything. Loki elbowed him in the ribs. “Say something,” the god hissed from the corner of his mouth. This was the first time he ever saw the billionaire at a loss for words.

“Is he ok?” Steve asked, scrutinizing Tony. His eyes widened when he noticed the strange young man in front of him shared similar features with his old friend. “Are you related to Howard Stark by any chance? How is he?” he said hopefully.

That seemed to snap Tony out of his trance. “Dad’s dead,” he said flatly, and then clammed up again.

Steve took a step back, as if Tony had struck him. He leaned against the doorway for support. “Oh god. I’m so sorry, I…I didn’t know,” he stuttered. He looked like he was about to burst into tears.

The situation was rapidly spiraling out of control. Loki wanted to throttle Tony for being so tactless. “We are sorry to be the bearers of bad news. Howard Stark died from an automobile accident five years ago,” he said delicately.

Steve gave a quiet sniffle. The god noted Steve’s eyes were wet. “Where are my manners? Come in,” the soldier said, welcoming them inside. “Can I get you fellas anything? Coffee? Soda?” He started to bustle about in the kitchen.

“Sodas for both of us please. Thank you,” Loki said. He nudged Tony again in the ribs. Tony didn’t notice; he was too busy looking around Cap’s apartment with wide, terrified eyes. Loki only noticed just now how extremely monochromatic it was.

“It’s like I’m inside a cardboard box,” Tony whispered, voicing out exactly what Loki was thinking. Every piece of furniture inside Steve’s apartment was beige. Even Cap’s pants were beige. Loki watched Tony’s mounting horror; the billionaire looked like he was seconds away from running out screaming.

“It’s nice that you two visited me. I hardly get any visitors, aside from S.H.I.E.L.D. people,” Steve said, handing the cans of soda to Loki. Tony and Loki looked at each other.

“How is 21st century treating you so far Steve?” Loki inquired politely.

Steve chuckled, but Loki could tell it was strained. “I hardly venture out from my block. Everything is just confusing to me nowadays,” he said, ducking his head in embarrassment.

The trickster’s brows furrowed. “Pardon me for asking this, but don’t you have any relatives or friends to talk to? Just to get you up to speed with things?”

“No, it’s just me now,” Steve said quietly. He flashed the god a brave smile. “I’ll manage. It’s no problem at all.”

Loki regarded Steve closely. The super soldier was completely miserable in this place. ‘What was S.H.I.E.L.D. thinking, leaving a man out of time alone like this?’ he thought. The god was outraged on Steve’s behalf.

Then Tony spoke. “Would you like to be my neighbor, Mister Rogers? The Stark Tower has plenty of spare rooms.” Loki stomped on his foot, making him wince. “I mean spare floors,” he corrected. “You should live with me, Tom, and Bruce. Bruce didn’t want to come because he said it’s not cool to gawk at Captain America like he’s a circus freak,” the billionaire prattled.

Loki stifled a groan. He was seriously considering bringing duct tape every time he and Tony went out in public.

Tony was spazzing out now. “You don’t have to stay here, because holy crap this place is a shithole,” he blurted out. “Wait, that didn’t come out right. I didn’t mean it that way!”

Steve just gaped at him, bewildered by the suddenly talkative billionaire.

“Tony,” Loki interrupted loudly, trying to salvage what little dignity his friend had left. “Would you be so kind as to wait in the car?”

Tony flushed pink. He looked like he wanted to object, but seeing Loki’s expression he snapped his mouth shut.

As Tony made his exit, he paused at the doorway. “If it is any consolation, my dad never stopped searching for you,” he said softly, then went out.

Steve took comfort in those words, smiling to himself. “He’s just like Howard,” the soldier observed wistfully.

Loki chose not to comment. “I apologize for Tony’s behavior. But he’s right, you don’t have to live here alone.”

Steve stayed quiet, lost in his own thoughts. He looked so sad and forlorn.

“Please consider Tony’s offer. But in the meantime,” Loki reached into his wallet and pulled out a business card, “if you need anything or you just want someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to call me.” He paused. “I know what it’s like, to struggle with loneliness every day,” he murmured.

The soldier took the card and Loki got up. They shook hands again. “Thank you,” Steve mumbled.

Loki gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder. “I’ll see you around, Captain.”

* * *

He found Tony sitting along the front steps. “I really put my foot in my mouth back there, did I?” he said, looking mortified.

“More like you jammed your whole damned leg in,” Loki replied smoothly. “We really need to work on your brain to mouth filter.”

Tony started wailing. “I blew it. Now he’ll never come.”

“An hour ago you wanted to beat him up. Now you want him to live with you. What happened to all that rage and bile?” Loki couldn’t stop his eyes from rolling.

Tony pouted. “What, a guy can’t change his mind?”

Loki suddenly burst out laughing. “Would like to be my neighbor Mister Rogers?” he said, mimicking Tony’s voice. “Worst. Pick-up line. Ever.”

Tony punched Loki’s arm. “Bastard. It was brilliant. Don’t go disrespecting one of my favorite shows.”

“I doubt he got the reference. I should start compiling all of your lame pick-up lines and publish it as ‘Tony Stark’s Greatest Hits,’” Loki said, smirking. The two started walking towards the limo. “You always were a sucker for a pretty face,” the god added, shaking his head.

“Don’t tell me you don’t find him attractive. I know you have a weakness for blonds too,” Tony said accusingly.

Loki’s cheeks reddened. “No, I don’t,” he denied vehemently.

“Yeah yeah. Whatever,” Tony said, as they climbed into the car. “What did you guys talk about?”

“I told him to accept your offer. And he will come, I’m sure of it.”

Tony’s face lit up, like Christmas had come early. “Wow, you sure are taking your wingman duties seriously.”

“I didn’t do it so you could get in his pants,” Loki stated bluntly. “You just saw a man who has lost everything.” He gazed at Steve’s apartment as the car pulled away. “That’s his personal Hel, inside that ghastly place.”

The god regarded Tony somberly. “Nobody deserves to be alone like that.”

“Right,” Tony said, looking chastened. He started calling people, giving orders to put up three additional floors. The billionaire also gave instructions to JARVIS to pick out the latest gym equipment. “Wonder what kind of furniture he likes?” he pondered.

“I think I should design his place,” Loki said, giving Tony a pointed look. “I know you’re going to pull out all the stops and freak him out just like you did with Bruce.”

“Yeah, but it all worked out didn’t it?”

Loki glared at him.

“Fine. But absolutely, positively, no beige. And he’s an art major so get paintings with naked women and flying babies on them. That’s high art. No Pollocks though, it looks like a three-year-old sneezed on a canvas,” Tony said, suddenly the art critic.

Loki chuckled. “Of course.”

* * *

“How did it go?” Bruce asked, as soon as Tony and Loki arrived in the Ocean Floor.

“Tony fell in lust with Steve,” Loki said airily.

“I can’t help it! The man has the body of a god and a face sculpted by angels,” Tony said, waxing lyrical about Cap. He stared off into the distance dreamily.

“Oh dear,” Bruce said, taking in his friend’s goofy expression. Tony looked pretty enamored. “You have it bad.”

“Tony also made him cry, insulted his apartment, then asked him to move in with us,” Loki added.

“I didn’t insult his apartment. I insulted S.H.I.E.L.D.’s taste in apartments. There’s a difference,” Tony sniped.

“Same thing,” Loki retorted.

Bruce started laughing raucously. “Woah Tony, you’re moving pretty fast don’t you think?”

“You should have seen his place Bruce. It's a beige nightmare,” Tony exclaimed. He gave a full body shudder.

"Actually," Loki butted in, "the average color of the universe IS beige. If you mix all the stuff together you get something akin to tea with too much milk in it," the god revealed, his lips twitching. "So if you look at it in the cosmic scale, we are all technically inside a beige room similar to Steve's."

"Thank you for the interesting trivia, Mr. Astrophysicist. It's still a fugly color though," the billionaire muttered.

“Which reminds me, do you want to help design his floor Bruce? I don’t trust Tony not to go overboard,” Loki asked the scientist.

“Hey!” Tony cried, looking offended.

Bruce grinned. “I’d love to.”

* * *

Asking Bruce to help was a good move; the scientist provided plenty of terrific ideas. Loki and Bruce agreed on getting sturdy oak furniture with a dark finish as a contrast to the kitchen’s white marble countertop. Loki purchased a large, royal blue sofa and red ottomans. The god asked Tony to install smart glass to let natural light in so Steve could sketch wherever he pleased. Loki assumed Steve was similar to Thor personality-wise; the thunderer enjoyed bright and airy surroundings so Steve would probably like it too. He didn’t buy any paintings with naked women or flying babies, or sculptures, for that matter. He would rather have the soldier choose those himself, since Steve was the one who was going to have to look at it everyday. Instead the trickster procured books about art and some classics, remembering that Steve had shelves crammed with books in his apartment. The finishing touch was a vintage 1940s Wurlitzer jukebox that Bruce had suggested.

Tony insisted on giving Steve the latest entertainment system and installing JARVIS. Loki had reservations at first, but he eventually relented. Might as well acclimatize Steve to modern comforts; he was going to live in the most high-tech building on earth after all.

In less than a week, Steve’s floor was fully furnished and ready for occupancy. The place was tasteful and luxurious, but not excessively so.

Tony whistled in appreciation. “Nice. If ever we suck as CEOs, we have another career as interior designers to fall back on.” He looked at the jukebox with interest. “Once we get art stuff in here, let’s call this place the Mini-Met. Pretty catchy huh?”

Bruce nodded. “Sounds good.”

Then Loki’s mobile rang. “Hello, Tom Smith speaking. Oh, hi Steve. How are you?”

Tony made frantic motions, telling Loki to put it on speakerphone. The god complied.

“Hi Tom. I’m doing good, thanks for asking. Um. I thought about what you said…if it’s ok…I mean I don’t want to impose on you fellas or anything…” Steve trailed off, uncertainty coloring his tone.

Loki helped him out. “Are you ready to move in with us? Your place is waiting for you Steve,” he said soothingly.

A pause.

“Yes,” Steve replied in a small voice.

Tony made a high-pitched noise that only dogs could hear.

“What was that? Did somebody just squeal?” Steve asked.

Bruce clapped a hand over his mouth, his shoulders shaking with mirth. Tony shot the scientist a dirty look.

“That’s just Tony’s coffeemaker, it makes odd noises,” Loki fibbed effortlessly.

“Oh, ok. I thought it was a girl,” Steve said.

Bruce ran to the guest room and slammed the door. Loki heard muffled guffaws.

“Do you want me to send the limo over or do you want me to pick you up?”

Tony started jumping up and down, pointing at himself.

“Or do you want Tony to pick you up?” Loki said hurriedly.

“If it’s not too much trouble, I’d rather you pick me up,” Steve said honestly.

Tony clasped his hands together, silently begging.

“Are you sure? Tony is available. It’s no trouble for him at all,” Loki asserted.

“Uh, to tell you the truth, Tony kind of intimidates me,” Steve said.

The billionaire visibly deflated.

“Ok, I’ll see you in an hour then. Bye Steve,” Loki said, ending the call. Tony was staring at him. “What?”

“You cockblocked me. Again.”

Loki fished his car keys out of his pocket. “I swear, I’m not doing it on purpose.” Tony looked like he didn’t believe him.

“You might want to clean your place up a bit. Don’t want the real Captain America seeing all your comics do you? It might creep him out.”

Tony squeaked and ran to the elevator. Loki’s laughter followed after him.

* * *

Loki gave Steve some details on what to expect during their drive back to the tower; he didn’t want the soldier to feel overwhelmed. The trickster prayed that Tony behaves and not pull any more stupid stunts.

The god gave the soldier the same grand tour Tony did with Bruce, going to Candyland first, The Abyss second, then the Ocean Floor. Tony and Bruce were waiting for them at Steve’s place.

“Welcome, Captain America,” greeted JARVIS.

Steve gave a little jump and clutched his shield to his chest.

“The ceiling is talking.”

“Oh sorry Steve. I forgot about JARVIS. He’s an artificial intelligence,” Loki explained.

“A what?”

“He’s our electronic butler,” Tony clarified. “Hello Captain. What’s crack-a-lackin’?”

Steve shot Tony a confused look. “Butlers come without bodies now?”

Tony started laughing hysterically.

“I’m sorry Cap. I’m not making fun of you, but the way you said it…” gasped Tony. He spotted Loki and Bruce glaring daggers at him. “It’s so cute,” he finished lamely.

There was a pregnant silence.

Loki cleared his throat. “Steve, meet Dr. Bruce Banner. He’s a very brilliant scientist, the best in his field of nuclear physics.”

“A pleasure to meet you Dr. Banner,” Steve said, shaking Bruce’s hand.

The scientist looked at Steve in awe. “Please, just call me Bruce. I can’t believe you are here,” he stammered. It seemed that Tony wasn’t the only fanboy in the tower. Or maybe the super soldier just had this general effect on people and only the trickster was immune.

Tony shot Loki a smug look. The god rolled his eyes in response.

“How do you like your new home Cap? It’s way better than that hideous beige room isn’t it?” Tony asked eagerly.

Loki wanted to smack Tony. To his surprise, Steve chuckled.

“It is. Thank you for inviting me,” Steve said genuinely, giving Tony a dazzling smile.

The billionaire swallowed a few times before he could get the words out.

“You’re welcome.”


	7. Waiting in Vain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor misses Loki.

It was late at night and the whole kingdom was asleep, save for the god of thunder.

Thor was sitting outside his balcony, looking towards the Bifrost. He sighted a lone, dark-haired figure standing on its edge, staring at the darkness below.

Loki.

The thunderer didn’t waste any time and rushed to his brother’s side. Loki didn’t appear to notice Thor’s arrival.

“Where have you been? We were all so worried,” Thor choked out, as he embraced Loki. It was like holding a slab of marble; his brother was so cold. “What happened?” he asked, gazing at Loki anxiously.

The younger god stayed quiet and continued to look at the void, completely fascinated with it. Thor’s gut clenched with fear. There was something terribly wrong. He cradled Loki’s face, trying to get his brother to look at him. “Loki? Say something, please,” Thor begged. He glanced back at the observatory, frantically searching for Heimdall. The gatekeeper should have alerted Odin and Frigga already. They were completely alone.

Then Loki spoke. “I’ve always been here. You just never noticed me,” he said softly. He disentangled himself from Thor’s grasp and walked closer to the edge. Thor found himself unable to move. He struggled, trying to fight the invisible bonds holding him down, but it was futile.

“Brother, please. Come back home,” Thor pleaded. The stars had dimmed and the air itself seemed to solidify. He couldn’t breathe.

“Asgard is no longer my home,” Loki replied emptily. He was nearly there; only one more step. He regarded Thor for a moment with an expression of profound sadness.

“Goodbye, Thor,” he said with finality, and then let himself fall.

Thor woke up screaming.

* * *

Ever since Loki left, Thor hardly ever talked to his parents. Or anyone, for that matter. He didn’t see the point of anything nowadays.

Thor had thought at first that Loki had gone off his usual jaunt across the Nine Realms. Loki liked to travel, often by himself, and he had always informed Frigga where he went. But as weeks turned into months, without any word from Loki, Thor became increasingly agitated. He began to pester Heimdall everyday for any news of his brother, if he could tell him Loki’s current location.

The gatekeeper couldn’t provide him any answers. Heimdall was also baffled as to how Loki managed to evade his sight. “I can’t find him anywhere, Your Majesty,” he had said, his normally impassive countenance replaced with one of bewilderment.

Still Thor had waited, absolutely certain his brother would come back. The thunderer had planned to scold Loki for giving him and their parents grief. In turn the trickster would smile at him apologetically, and everything would be fine again.

Except Loki did not return as expected.

Seeing his son spent more time in the observatory with Heimdall instead of running the kingdom, Odin summoned Thor in his private chambers. The All-Father finally told him of Loki’s true heritage after a year had already passed.

Thor’s rage against his parents was frightening in its intensity. A storm broke out over Asgard, the likes the Eternal Realm had never seen before. Rain poured out in torrents and destroyed the crops. Ferocious winds ripped trees from their roots. Lightning skittered relentlessly across the sky, and deafening thunder reverberated across the land. It was so violent that it looked like the sky was on the verge of splitting itself apart.

“Why didn’t you tell him sooner?” Thor had roared at Odin and Frigga. The breadth of their deception, the sheer enormity of it, staggered him. They had thought they could keep Loki from discovering the truth. If Thor felt utterly betrayed, he could only imagine Loki’s reaction.

His parents only gazed at him sorrowfully, guilt and regret painted on their features. They appeared just as devastated as he did. It made his fury dissipate as quickly as it started.

Thor fell to his knees, like a marionette with its strings cut. Frigga hurried to his side and cradled him in her arms. She made shushing noises, trying to calm him down like she used to do when he threw tantrums as a child. He didn’t realize he was crying. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he sobbed.

Frigga didn’t respond; she knew words were useless now. She wept for her missing son and for the other she couldn’t comfort.

She wept for her broken family.

* * *

Loki opened his door, and was surprised to see his brother barefoot and shivering outside his room. Thor had arrived from a campaign against the Svartálfar a day earlier than expected. It was Thor’s first experience of genuine combat, since he was of age. Loki was still too young to be of any use in the battlefield, so he was left behind.

“What’s wrong, brother?” Loki asked concernedly.

“I can’t sleep.”

The younger god opened his door wider, letting Thor inside. His older brother went straight to his bed and climbed in as if he owned it. Loki joined him moments later and pulled the blanket over both of them. They stayed quiet for a few minutes.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Loki queried tentatively.

“No.”

“Then why can’t you sleep?”

Thor didn’t answer for a long while; he didn’t how to put what he was feeling into words. He felt Loki watching him, patiently waiting.

“I had my first kill today,” Thor said finally, his voice sounding oddly detached.

Loki continued to look at his brother intently. “Go on.”

Thor curled into himself. He was troubled, but he didn’t want his younger brother to see him like this. “I thought it would be easy, taking someone’s life,” he confessed. “It wasn’t.” Thor couldn’t forget the man’s face as he cut him down, how the light extinguished from his eyes.

“You did what you had to do,” Loki said gently. Thor felt Loki touch his shoulder, and he turned to face him.

“It is our duty to protect the Nine Realms. Our burden as princes of Asgard.”

Thor closed his eyes as he heard the words drilled into them by Odin since they were children. “I know.”

Loki shifted closer, and gathered his brother into his arms. It wasn’t easy, with Thor being taller and bulkier than he was, but he managed it. He started carding his fingers through Thor’s hair, knowing it would ease him into sleep. Thor gave a small contented sound and his eyes began to flutter shut.

“Thor?”

“Yes, brother?” Thor mumbled sleepily. He tilted his face upwards to peer at Loki. The younger god gazed back at his brother affectionately.

“It might not seem like much, since I’m not that strong or as skilled in battle like you,” Loki said softly, giving Thor a rueful smile, “but I promise I’ll always protect you, to the best of my ability.”

Thor’s heart swelled with those words. With Loki by his side, the prospect of being the king of Asgard someday didn’t feel as daunting. Loki would always guide him; he would never lead him astray.

“Thank you,” Thor said sincerely.

Loki stroked his brow. “Rest now.”

Thor laid his head on Loki’s chest. He listened to his brother’s heartbeat, its steady rhythm gently lulling him to sleep.

When Thor woke the next day he found Loki hunched over his desk, working on something. Sparks of different colors emanated from his fingers. Loki looked over his shoulder and gave Thor a tired, but happy smile. He looked like he had been up all night.

“I made something for you,” Loki said, as he sat down beside his brother. He opened his palm and showed Thor two identical rings. Loki picked one up and slipped it on his finger.

Thor picked the remaining one and examined it. It had no engravings or precious stones on it, just a simple band of silver.

“These two are connected. If you’re in trouble, my ring will alert me and I will come to your aid,” Loki explained. “I put a tracking spell on yours, so I don’t have to rip the Nine Realms apart looking for you if you decide to gallivant somewhere without telling me,” he added, smirking at him.

The older god slipped the ring on his finger. Instead of feeling cold metal against his skin, it was warm, pulsing with magic.

“It is a fine gift, brother. I’m grateful,” Thor murmured. He smiled at Loki fondly.

“Now I’ll always have a piece of you with me.”

* * *

Thor walked to Frigga’s weaving room, after being summoned to have tea with her. He never voluntarily joined his mother for tea; him and delicate porcelain did not particularly mix well together. Usually it was Loki who sat down with Frigga every afternoon; no matter how busy he was he always made time for her.

As the thunderer stepped inside he was greeted by the sight of hundreds of different flowers, all of them in various stages of decay. These flowers must have been beautiful once, but now they had withered and faded. The floor was littered with dried petals. Thor wondered why the servants never bothered to clean the room.

“Your brother gave all these flowers to me. I can’t bring myself to throw them away,” said a voice behind him, as if reading his thoughts.

Thor saw Frigga on her knees, scooping up the petals. He bent down to help her.

“Why are they wilting now? That never happened before.”

“A spell wanes if the caster is no longer around to sustain it,” Frigga said despondently. “The protective spells Loki weaved around the palace are weakening too. It won’t be long before all of it completely vanish.” She started to painstakingly attach the petals back to the flower while whispering an incantation. It didn’t take long before the flower looked fresh again, as if it was just picked from a garden this morning.

Both of them went to the balcony, and Frigga commenced pouring tea into cups. Thor didn’t sit. He didn’t think it was proper to occupy Loki’s usual seat so he leaned against the balcony railing instead. The thunderer noticed his mother’s eyes flick over the vacant chair beside her, and saw anguish there. If there was anyone in Asgard who mourned Loki’s absence more than Thor, it was Frigga.

The empty chair seemed to mock both of them.

Mother and son sipped their tea, neither of them saying anything.

Frigga set her cup down. “You look weary, my son. Are you still having those nightmares?” she asked, her brows furrowed in concern.

Thor nodded.

“Have you gone to the Healers?”

“Yes, mother. I tried all their potions and none of them worked,” Thor said tiredly. He turned away, gazing at the Bifrost below. “I see Loki fall into the abyss, night after night. What if he did jump?”

“Loki’s not dead. He’s just lost,” Frigga countered fervently.

“It’s been years, mother. Something must’ve happened to him.”

Frigga hung her head. “Your brother is angry for the wrong we did to him. But I have faith Loki will return to us someday.” She dabbed her eyes with a napkin. Just the thought of her son alone somewhere broke her heart; she still considered Loki as her little boy. While Thor was Odin’s, Loki had always belonged to Frigga.

The All-Mother could only stare at her son helplessly. “He’ll come back when he’s ready.”

“When? You know Loki’s anger lasts for a long time. It might be centuries. Or not at all,” Thor said, trying to keep his voice steady, willing himself not to let despair creep into his tone. He gripped the balcony railing so tight that it groaned in protest.

“I just want my brother back,” he whispered.

* * *

“Whatever it is you’re thinking right now, don’t,” Loki said. He was sitting at his desk, watching Thor pace angrily around his room.

Thor shot Loki a furious look. “How could you be so calm about this? Those Jotuns managed to get inside father’s vault. They almost made off with the Casket.” He started swinging Mjolnir around, picturing himself smashing a Jotun’s head in. He was supposed to be king today, but those damned frost giants rudely interrupted his coronation.

“The keyword here is almost. They didn’t even get near the Casket; the Destroyer made sure of that,” Loki pointed out.

Thor paused mid-swing. He remembered the smoking, charred remains of those Jotuns, a good fifty feet away from the ancient relic. The smell of burnt meat still lingered in his nostrils. “Who says they won’t try again? They might succeed next time.”

“I already reinforced the protective spells around the palace. If someone is attempting to break in, all the guards will be notified immediately, including me. It won’t happen again,” Loki responded evenly.

“I should go to Jotunheim right now and teach those Jotuns a lesson,” Thor growled, not listening at all.

Loki stared at his brother, incredulous. “I know you want to start off your reign with a bang,” he said carefully, “but don’t you think inciting a war is a bit excessive? Not to mention you’re setting a bad precedent. That kind of aggressive foreign policy will cause Asgard a lot of problems in the future.”

Thor gritted his teeth. Why of all people, did he get a pacifist for a brother? "Right now they are laughing at us. They see us weak and unwilling to fight. We need to show Jotunheim that we will not stand for this insult; Asgard’s honor is at stake here.”

“After you show them your incredible fighting prowess, then what?” Loki countered. “You’re not thinking sensibly right now Thor. Have patience. You will still be king.”

“You can't always hide behind words and magic, brother,” Thor said brusquely.

Loki narrowed his eyes. “This is not about defending Asgard’s honor and you know it. You’re ready to put thousands of lives at risk for the sake of your pride; acting like a spoiled child who didn’t get the shiny toy he wanted. If you want to be king, then act like one,” he said scathingly.

Thor clenched his fists. Loki’s comment stung more than it should. “Know your place, brother,” he bit out. “What do you know about being a king? You’ll never be one.”

As soon as he said it, Loki’s expression had gone flinty. Thor immediately regretted uttering those words.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it…” he stammered.

Loki cut him off. “You’re just like them,” he said, disappointment permeating every syllable. He gave a hollow laugh and shook his head. “It was foolish of me to think you’d be any different.” He stood up and approached Thor. The thunderer couldn’t bring himself to look at Loki in the eye; he was too ashamed.

“When are you going to realize that everything I do is for your benefit?” Loki said bitterly. “Why don’t you ever listen to me?”

Thor looked up and his breath caught in his throat. He never saw Loki look so pained before.

“If you don’t want my counsel anymore, so be it. I am through coddling you,” Loki spat, his lips curled in disgust. “Give it back.”

Thor started. He covered the silver ring with his hand protectively. “Brother, please…”

“You seem to have everything figured out. We’re done,” Loki said coldly.

Thor’s ring vanished and he felt the loss of Loki’s magic acutely. It was like a part of him got ripped out and he was not whole anymore. He couldn’t speak; he gazed at his brother pleadingly instead. But it was no use; Loki had already withdrawn into himself.

Thor left without another word.

* * *

He didn’t listen to Loki’s warning and went to Jotunheim anyway.

The god of thunder was with Sif and the Warriors Three, and they were surrounded by hundreds of frost giants. Thor had planned to have an audience with Laufey and hopefully get some answers about those trespassing Jotuns. He was not there merely to fight. But when one of the Jotuns had called him a princess, things quickly went downhill from there.

Fandral was wounded and he was losing so much blood. He leaned on Volstagg for support, and the heavily bearded warrior was having a difficult time keeping Fandral upright while fending off the frost giants. Sif and Hogun were already showing signs of fatigue. No matter how many Jotuns they put down, many more took their place.

Thor thought he was hallucinating when he saw Loki heading straight towards them, leaving a pile of bodies in his wake. The trickster had cut a bloody path, throwing knives as he went, not once missing a mark. One Jotun drove an ice blade into Loki’s side, but the god slew him without breaking his stride, as if he felt no pain.

“What are you doing here?” Thor yelled, as soon as his brother reached him.

Loki rolled his eyes. “What does it look like? I’m saving your sorry hide, as usual,” he shouted back. His hands were a blur; he took down a large group of frost giants in front of them in less than a minute. “I’m running out of knives. Where are those damned reinforcements?” he muttered aloud.

“You’re bleeding.”

“Thank you for pointing that out Thor. You’re a real benefit to have,” Loki snapped. He pressed his hand to his side to staunch the flow. His body was not healing itself fast enough. “Don’t worry about me, worry about getting out of here alive.” Seeing he had no more knives left, he unsheathed his sword. That didn’t bode well. Thor knew Loki only used his sword if his magic was running low.

The frost giants continued their assault and Thor was getting worried; they could use reinforcements right about now. He heard Loki cursing beside him. He followed Loki’s line of sight and saw that Laufey had come down from his throne to join the fray. Odin was the only one strong enough to fight the Jotun king, and even then the All-Father had lost an eye afterwards. Panic was coursing through the thunderer, and Loki, ever sensitive to his brother’s moods, picked up on it.

Thor was startled when Loki grasped his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

“I’ll get you out of this, I promise,” Loki said, looking resolute. Something was off with the trickster’s expression. What Thor had felt a moment ago was nothing compared to the terror that surged through him now.

“Loki. No!” Thor exclaimed, horrified.

“Get reinforcements while I hold them off. I’ll be fine,” Loki assured him.

Thor didn’t move.

“Thor! I don’t have enough magic to get us all to the Bifrost site. If you don’t go now, all of us are going to die,” Loki snarled. He turned to the rest of the group. “I have a better chance surviving this than any of you,” he said to all of them.

Sif and the Warriors Three looked mutinous.

“I can’t let them take Thor. You know Asgard will fall without him. Please,” Loki begged. He saw Hogun and Volstagg nod their assent. Sif shot him a look of respect. Fandral gave him a weak grin. “Just make sure you come back in one piece,” he joked.

Thor started objecting loudly. He tried to grab Loki, but Volstagg and Hogun reached him first.

“Tell mother that I’m sorry,” Loki whispered. He touched Thor’s cheek.

Thor’s vision swam then he blacked out.

* * *

By the time Thor had regained consciousness, he was back in Asgard and Odin was beyond furious. He found Loki supine on the floor beside him. The trickster’s eyes were closed and he was deathly pale. The Jotuns had broken both his arms and he had sustained other major injuries. All the royal healers had flocked to the observatory, desperately trying to heal their prince. Frigga gripped Loki’s hand, face drawn tightly. Thor felt numb. He was the cause of all this.

The thunderer didn’t protest when Odin declared that he was to be banished, as punishment for his arrogance and compromising everyone’s safety. He was not given the opportunity to talk to Loki and beg for his forgiveness. He carried the guilt with him the entire three years he spent in Midgard as a mortal, until Odin decided he had learned humility and self-control.

But when he came back his brother had changed.

Loki was more taciturn than ever. He smiled less. He hardly spoke to anyone, even Frigga. Every time he tried to get Loki to talk, his brother told him he was busy and had to be somewhere else. The rare times Loki joined them during meals, Thor caught his brother staring at him, as if the trickster was trying to commit his face to memory. This went on for months, and it drove Thor mad.

The thunderer barged into his brother’s room unannounced, and he found Loki bent over his desk, signing papers. “Why are you avoiding me?” he demanded, determined to resolve whatever was wrong between them.

Loki kept on writing. “I’m not,” he answered, not looking at him. He didn’t offer any other explanation.

Thor tried again. “We hardly talked ever since I arrived.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Loki asked passively.

“I don’t know. I just want to talk,” Thor spluttered, feeling out of his depth.

Loki snorted. “Go ahead and talk then. It’s not like I could stop you.”

Thor visibly deflated. This was not how he pictured their conversation would go.

“Did you even miss me at all?” Thor blurted out. The whole three years he was apart from Loki felt like he was being flayed open; never had he imagined the pain of loss to be so intense. He needed some kind of sign, some reinforcement, that Loki at least felt a smidgen of emotion for him even after everything that had happened.

Loki put down his pen and regarded Thor for a moment.

“Of course I did.”

Those four simple words opened the floodgates for Thor. Relief, gratitude, and remorse combined together, and it nearly overwhelmed him.

“Forgive me, brother. I should have listened to you. You nearly got killed because of me,” Thor babbled, his words spilling forth, one on top of the other.

Loki’s expression softened. “It’s nothing. I would do it again if it would keep you safe,” he replied, shrugging.

Thor started weeping. He reached for his brother blindly and Loki met him halfway. Thor held on tightly to the person who mattered to him the most. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbled against Loki’s neck.

“Please be more careful next time,” Loki murmured, as he wiped his brother’s tears away. “I won’t always be around to look after you.”

The thunderer stiffened and gazed into Loki’s eyes, trying to figure out what he meant.

Thor saw grief and desolation there, and he couldn’t fathom why.

* * *

Thor raced to Loki’s room, as soon as Frigga released him from their afternoon tea. If what she had told him was true, he might be able to get a clue as to where the younger god went.

Loki stored all his important documents inside his desk. He had put so many spells and hexes on it that it was nigh impenetrable. Anyone who tried to open it either got cursed or badly injured. Or if that person was really lucky, both.

His brother always had a twisted sense of humor.

Thor approached the desk with trepidation. Last time he had attempted to pry a drawer loose, the next day his whole body was covered in hives. Centuries before that, when he and Loki had gotten into an argument, he threw Mjolnir at the desk. To his shock his hammer ricocheted off the surface and slammed back into his face. Loki had made fun of him about it for years.

He considered borrowing Gungnir from Odin, but that would probably not end well. For him, anyway. The desk would still be intact. If it was a sentient creature, it would undoubtedly laugh at him too.

Thor clenched his jaw. He refused to let a hunk of wood intimidate him. He brandished Mjolnir and gave the desk a light tap. It didn’t bounce off. He gave a cry of triumph, as if he had just vanquished a mighty foe. The thunderer then used his cape as makeshift gloves, careful not to let his bare skin touch the desk. He warily slid a drawer open, anticipating any moment it would explode. It didn’t.

Frigga was right. All of Loki’s spells were gone.

Thor looked over his shoulder, expecting Loki to appear out of thin air and start screaming at him for invading his privacy. He quickly emptied all its contents, documents and sundries haphazardly thrown in together into one big pile. He separated the papers from everything else and began reading.

Thor sighed in frustration. All of them were outdated trade agreements and drafts of peace treaties. He had assumed that his brother kept a journal at least. Not giving up, the king of Asgard started knocking on the wood, hoping it would reveal a secret compartment. A hollow clunk at the right side of the desk confirmed it.

The small drawer revealed his missing ring. Thor thought Loki had destroyed it years ago. He slipped it on his finger and was dismayed that it didn’t give off any comforting warmth like it used to. It was just an ordinary piece of metal now.

Thor was about to close the drawer when he saw a scrap of paper peeking out underneath. It had been folded many times and the words were starting to fade, but Loki’s neat handwriting was still recognizable.

It was a poem. A love poem, to be exact.

Thor was stunned. He had never pegged his brother as the romantic type. Loki had never shown any interest in anyone; much less woo someone with a love poem. He had asked Loki once why he never courted a maiden; the younger god merely scoffed and told him he didn’t have time for such trifles.

Thor’s heartbeat pounded in his ears and drowned out everything else. He read it again.

_I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,_  
_or the carnation-arrow begot in flames._  
_I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,_  
_in secret, between the shadow and the soul._

_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where._  
_I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;_  
_so I love you because I know no other way_

_than this: where I does not exist, nor you,_  
_so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,_  
_so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep._

The thunderer cradled his head in his hands and took deep steadying breaths. He felt gutted. Loki was besotted with someone and possibly eloped somewhere. Thor didn’t know why the thought of his brother belonging to someone else upset him so much.

He straightened up. He needed to find out the identity of Loki’s beloved. There was only one person who could tell him, and it was the goddess of love herself.

* * *

“Loki eloped?” Freya echoed, blinking at him. “No, he wouldn’t do that. Not to our knowledge.”

Thor was at Alfheim, the land of the light elves. The goddess of love was currently staying with her brother Freyr, the ruler of the Ljósálfar. The twins were surprised that the king of the Aesir had shown up at their doorstep, clearly distraught.

“You two are his closest friends. He must’ve told you something,” Thor insisted. “Please. Whatever it is that you know, tell me.”

Freyr flashed him a sympathetic look. “I assure you Thor, all of our sorcerers are doing their best. If we come across a lead, you’ll be the first to know.”

Thor’s shoulders slumped. It was one dead end after another. “How did he manage to do it? Even Odin’s ravens can’t find him,” he said dejectedly.

Freyr tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Loki’s most likely using a powerful magical artifact that cloaks his movements. He probably sealed his magic too. That’s the only plausible explanation I could think of.”

“What kind of magical artifact could he be using?”

“Practically anything. It must be small because he needs to keep it on his person at all times. A necklace, for example,” Freyr explained.

“Or a ring perhaps? He always wears one,” Thor remarked, staring at the band of metal on his finger.

Freyr nodded. “He needs to take the ring off for us to be able to track him down. Until then, all we can do is wait.” He paused. “I’m sorry Thor. I’m sure Loki is fine, wherever he is right now,” he said quietly.

The god of thunder smiled feebly. “I hope so.”

“I don’t know if this is useful, but there has been an unusual amount of activity going on at Jotunheim lately. Laufey has summoned all his allies, the fire giants and the dark elves. There are bands of them roaming around, as if they are searching for something,” Freyr revealed.

“Or someone,” Freya interjected. She observed that the king of Asgard had gone pale. “Thor, what exactly happened to Loki at Jotunheim?”

Thor stayed silent.

“If you’re not going to tell us, I’m not going to tell you who is Loki’s beloved then.” The goddess of love tilted her head to the side. “That’s what you came here for, isn’t it?” she said flippantly.

Freyr gaped at her. “Freya. Please,” he said, grimacing. She ignored him.

“We love Loki like a brother. I feel that we are entitled to know the reason why he disappeared,” Freya barreled on, her tone hard. “You’re not the only one who misses him deeply.”

Thor looked down at his lap. ‘What’s the point of hiding it anyway?’ he thought miserably. “Loki found out he’s a Jotun. He’s Laufey’s firstborn.”

The twins were speechless for a moment.

“Loki is the lost prince of Jotunheim?” Freya gasped. “The stories were true then.”

Freyr looked pensive. “We thought he was a Vanir or at least part Ljósálfar, actually,” he commented.

Now it was Thor’s turn to be dumbfounded.

“What?”

Freya gave him a put-upon look. “Haven’t you noticed that you two look nothing alike? Loki has none of Odin or Frigga’s features whatsoever.”

Thor could only splutter wordlessly.

“Now that I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Jotuns have innate magical abilities. Mind you, most frost giants use magic solely for making crude weapons. An actual Jotun sorcerer is very rare, not to mention very powerful. Just look at the All-Father; and he is only half. Imagine a full-blooded one,” Freyr said excitedly. Then his expression fell. “I don’t think Loki reached his full potential yet. That’s why Laufey is looking for him. He thinks Loki’s a threat.”

Freya looked distressed. “Brother, we need to find him before they do.”

Freyr jumped to his feet. “I need to talk to father about this. Excuse me.” He hurried off, leaving Thor with his sister.

Thor fidgeted in his seat. It was unnerving to be the target of Freya’s scrutinizing gaze.

“Loki was going to leave eventually you know. My brother is just too polite to tell you,” the goddess said finally. “Learning of his true parentage only hastened his departure.”

Thor swallowed thickly. “Did Loki tell you that?”

“No. He didn’t need to. It was pretty clear he was unhappy in Asgard,” Freya replied simply. “Why wouldn’t he be, with the way your people treated him?” She paused.

“Tell me, thunderer, would you stay in a place where you live in quiet desperation everyday?”

Thor averted his eyes.

Freya smiled disdainfully. “I didn’t think so.”

“You still haven’t told me who Loki is in love with,” Thor mumbled, desperate to change the subject. He didn’t know if he could handle any more guilt for today. Thankfully Freya let it go.

“Well, who is the person Loki doted on the most?” she asked, staring at Thor expectantly. She only received a blank look in return.

The goddess of love made an impatient noise. “By the Norns, how dense are you?” she growled.

Thor still looked mystified. Freya threw her hands up in exasperation.

“It’s you, you oaf.”

“Excuse me?” Thor felt like he was going to faint.

Freya was ready to strangle him. “Sweet Odin. I can’t believe the cleverest of the gods fell in love with an idiot like you.”

“He’s my brother,” Thor said weakly.

Freya stopped her tirade. “So? You’re in love with him too, the way you pine after him. The heart wants what it wants. It’s not like you can do anything about it,” she said coolly.

Thor was speechless. His feelings for Loki had always been dormant and hidden. As long as Loki was by his side, he was content to leave it at that. The goddess of love had finally laid him bare.

Freya was now gazing at him morosely. “Nothing hurts more than unrequited love.” She gave a long sigh.

“I guess Loki got tired waiting for you.”

* * *

Back in Midgard, while the god of thunder started having nightmares, the god of mischief had stopped dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem is an excerpt from Sonnet XVII, by Pablo Neruda.


	8. The Good CEO, the Bad CEO and the Ugly Pink Slip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki causes chaos in the corporate world. Tony hires an assistant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pink slip- slang for notice of termination

“Two CEOs huh? Why didn’t I think of that?” Obadiah remarked, looking at Tony and Loki amusedly.

The three were walking towards the conference room, where the board of directors was waiting. Obadiah Stane was tasked with announcing the incoming leaders of the company. It was also the day he would officially relinquish his title as chief executive officer of Stark Industries, and Obadiah couldn’t be happier.

“You only need to know two things. First, make a lot of money. Second, keep the shareholders happy. You’ll find that they are usually correlated,” Obadiah explained. He rubbed his pate absently. “And don’t lose your head,” he added as an afterthought.

“Or hair,” Tony interjected cheekily, gazing at the older man’s shiny noggin.  

Obadiah gave a full out belly laugh. “Still the lovable little bastard, I see,” he chortled, patting Tony on the back. He went inside the room first, Loki and Tony following him moments later.

After they were formally introduced, it was Loki’s turn to speak.

The god of mischief suddenly found fifteen pairs of eyes focused intently on him. It was like being in front of Odin’s council all over again. The board was comprised of ancient, crotchety-looking men and women who didn’t seem overly impressed with what they were seeing. Loki didn’t feel the least intimidated though; he had been dealing with this kind of reception as long as he could remember.

Loki stood up straighter, exuding confidence and poise, looking every inch a prince. He swept his gaze through the entire room, making sure that he commanded their full attention.

“Stark Industries is one of the finest corporations on earth. That is laudable, but not good enough. This company has the potential for something greater, and I can make that happen. I am going to make Stark Industries the most powerful and prestigious company the world has ever seen,” the god proclaimed.  

That earned him a couple of raised eyebrows and some condescending looks. It was a pretty daring statement, coming from a 23-year-old.

Loki pushed on. “In order to meet that objective, I will be implementing a series of changes during the next few weeks. My methods are unorthodox and to all appearances illogical and counterintuitive. I only ask that you trust me and not question what I’m doing.” He paused, taking in the board’s various reactions. It vacillated from worried to scared, to downright appalled.

“As a sign of good faith, I am investing a considerable sum of money in Stark Industries. To further quell your doubts, if I am unable to triple the company’s profits within six months, I promise to resign.”

Tony made a pained sound while Obadiah spat out his drink in surprise. The directors looked dumbfounded, their mouths hanging open. Loki grinned inwardly.  

“Thank you. That is all,” the trickster said, and sat down. The whole board started to clap, slowly at first then it gathered speed. The hostility was gone, replaced with approval. 

“The boy has moxie,” one of the members rasped, who looked so old that he was probably part of the first colony of Puritans.  

“No, more like cojones. Large ones,” chuckled another, giving Loki a thumbs up. The god beamed in response.  

Tony stood up and cleared his throat. He waited for everyone to settle down.

“After that rousing speech, how can I top that?” Tony said, grinning. The directors laughed good-naturedly.

“Anyway, Isaac Stark founded this company more than two hundred years ago while my father was the one who made this enterprise what it is today. I wish to continue their legacy. I hope that you will support us in this endeavor, and in return you have our word that Tom and I will do our best,” the billionaire said, giving them his winning smile. “Rest assured, Stark Industries will continue to create innovative products, just like Howard used to do.”

The board started clapping again, with renewed fervor. Obadiah joined them.

“That was pretty good. I’ve never seen those geezers get excited like that,” the older man remarked, after the meeting had ended.  

Tony smirked. “Chalk that up to Stark charm. It works every time.”

Obadiah chuckled. “You’ll be needing plenty of that once you start running this place.” He checked his watch. “Well, I’m off to the Bahamas. I’m going to enjoy my retirement before my liver gives out.” He shook Tony and Loki’s hand warmly. “You two are going to do great. If you need help, I’m just a phone call away.”

Loki smiled. “Thank you Mr. Stane. We appreciate it.”

“Don’t forget to send us a postcard Obie,” Tony called out after him. 

“Take care of each other, alright? And good luck.”

* * *

Thomas L. Smith  

The new co-CEO had outstanding credentials. Smith had graduated summa cum laude in MIT, had received the highest marks in all his exams. He had earned two PhDs in Astrophysics and Linguistics in just a year. His dissertation about Einstein-Rosen Bridge and interstellar travel had been published in several renowned scientific journals. He had been making a name for himself in the scientific community, until Tony Stark persuaded him to join the business world instead.

Siegfried typed ‘Thomas L. Smith’ again in his computer. The search engine gave him the same results. He had been looking up Smith all morning, but so far that was all the data he could gather about him. No picture, no other background information. The only group of people who knew what he looked like were Stark, Stane, and the board of directors. And all of them were keeping mum about it.

The man was more mysterious than the Loch Ness Monster, more elusive than Bigfoot.

Normally Siegfried never researched about the head of the company. CEOs for him were people who he knew existed, but lived in an alternate universe of which mere underlings like him cannot even fathom. As long as there was nothing blatantly egregious going on with management, the CEO rarely ventured out from headquarters. Stane had visited them only twice during his five-year tenure, and that was because he wanted to try out the world’s only beer swimming pool.

This new CEO, on the other hand, didn’t play like the others before him. He was more of a hands-on kind of guy.

There had been mass dismissals ever since Smith took over. Personnel had given him the moniker ‘Typhoon Tom’ because he was unpredictable and left a trail of destruction along his wake. The result for the unlucky employee who was on Smith’s list was swift and devastating. He was targeting the division heads first, then making his way down the ranks. So far only a handful of incumbent supervisors had escaped the purge.

Giving up, Siegfried went to the company’s secret message board. The password for the site changed every month and was by invitation only.  It was the place where disgruntled employees complained about their bosses and basically dished the dirt on them. He was not surprised that the current most popular topic in the forum was Smith.

Somebody had put up a map, with red dots marking the locations, including the dates, where Typhoon Tom had struck. There was no pattern to it. One day he was in New Zealand, the next day he was in South Africa. Sometimes he visited a subsidiary only once, while another got hit three times.

He scrolled down and read the comments. Some made him laugh out loud.  

‘glad Smith fired my boss. the shmuck had been stealing my ideas for years, and passing them off as his own. karma’s a bitch ain’t it?”

‘dude has mad ninja skillz. he just popped out of nowhere and started sacking people left and right. somebody put a f%#king bell on him.’

‘big bad wolf is ripping everyone to shreds. I’m stoked he’s weeding out the deadbeat managers; it’s not fair that those guys are getting the big bucks when all they do is just sit on their asses all day.’  

Siegfried searched in the comment threads if anyone had managed to get a good look at Smith. What he got was a barrage of contradictory descriptions. Unbeknownst to the members of the forum, Loki and Tony had hacked into their site and posted misleading information to cause further confusion. 

‘bald and weighs about 400 pounds. he dresses like an accountant and has a penchant for the color beige.’

‘sports a sweet mullet and wears neon sweatpants to work. business up front, party in the back baby!’

‘short and stocky. walks with a distinct limp, uses a pimp cane and bitch slaps lazy employees with it’   

‘big blond oaf with the body of a weightlifter; it looks like nothing much is going on upstairs’

Siegfried was so engrossed in his research that he didn’t notice the gentleman standing before him.

“Good morning. I have an appointment with Mr. Hans Gruber at 9 o’clock,” came a smooth voice.  

Siegfried started and looked up. He didn’t even hear the guy approach.

“My apologies. I didn’t see you come in,” he stammered.

“That’s alright. It happens all the time,” the man said coolly. He was tall and wore an impeccable suit. He had salt and pepper hair with a beard to match; Siegfried estimated that the visitor was probably in his late 50’s.  

“Is your supervisor available? I’m thinking of investing in this company.”

Siegfried hid a wince. Gruber was out playing golf somewhere, along with the other managers. The threat of Typhoon Tom hitting his division didn’t deter him at all from playing a few rounds. Siegfried looked at his boss’ schedule. “Mr. Lukas Kaiser?”

“That’s me.”

“I’m sorry sir, he’s not available at the moment. Would you like to wait for him? I’ll tell Mr. Gruber that you’re here,” Siegfried said hurriedly, reaching for his phone.

Lukas shook his head. “No need. I’m kind of pressed for time. Would you be so kind to show me around and answer a few of my questions?” He gazed at Siegfried expectantly.

“Of course. I’d be happy to,” the employee said, eager to please Lukas. He hoped that his boss’ absence wouldn’t turn off this prospective investor. ”I’m Siegfried Wagner, Mr. Gruber’s personal assistant. Nice to meet you, sir,” he said, shaking Lukas’ hand.  

Lukas flashed Siegfried a pleasant smile. “Likewise.”

The two started walking around the facility. While doing so, Lukas started asking him numerous questions.   

“What is your sustainable competitive advantage?”

“Where do you see sales trending in the next twelve to twenty-four months?”

“What is your average profit margin?”

“How is this company doing compared to its competitors?”

Siegfried responded as best as he could. It wasn’t too hard; he had been interning for the company even before he started business school, so his knowledge about Stark Industries was fairly substantial.  

Lukas appeared satisfied. “You really know your stuff. I’m impressed, Mr. Wagner.”

Siegfried glowed from the compliment. No one had ever told him that before. He was just the kid who ran errands for the bigwigs; other than that he was pretty much ignored. “Thank you.”

“It’s a shame you’re only Gruber’s assistant. You know so much more than your boss,” Lukas continued. He looked annoyed on his behalf.  

“I’ll work my way up, sir. Hopefully I’ll be a supervisor someday.” 

“Glad to see you have ambition. I like that,” Lukas remarked. “I wish I could say the same for the other employees,” he muttered to himself.

Siegfried shot him a questioning look. Lukas just gave him an enigmatic smile in response.

“So, when is Mr. Gruber going to arrive from his daily romp in the fairway? Is his golf swing improving somewhat?” Lukas inquired conversationally, as they finished touring around the building.  

Siegfried blanched.

Lukas chuckled at Siegfried’s expression. “I know your manager’s work habits Mr. Wagner; it’s not like he made any effort to hide it. Besides, I’d make a poor investor if I don’t know anything about the people I’m entrusting my money to.”

Siegfried opened his mouth to defend his boss, but Lukas held up a hand.  

“Your dedication to Mr. Gruber is meritorious, but your loyalty should always belong to the company and its shareholders. Not your supervisors, not even the CEO. These people are dispensable. Always remember that.” Lukas opened his briefcase and took out a sheaf of manila envelopes. “Could you do me a favor and hand these out? I have a plane to catch,” he explained, giving the bunch to Siegfried.  

The employee looked at the envelopes. Each was carefully labeled with names of the different managers. 

“Your boss is fortunate to have an assistant like you. You convinced me to invest in Stark Industries,” the investor stated, shaking Siegfried’s hand.

Siegfried beamed. This man was really nice. “Have a safe trip, sir.”

“Thank you for accommodating me today. I’ll be seeing you, Mr. Wagner.” Lukas gave a little wave and left.   

Shortly after the investor departed, Gruber and his gang of golf-loving managers arrived. Siegfried started handing out the envelopes to them. They looked at him, puzzled.

“What’s this?” one of them asked.

“An investor asked me to give these out, sir.”

Gruber opened his and pulled out a regular-sized piece of paper. The other supervisors followed suit. There was a collective gasp.

“I’m fired??!!” one of them bellowed.

“Wagner, what’s going on?” Gruber asked, waving his termination letter in front of his assistant’s face angrily.  

Siegfried gulped. “A man named Lukas Kaiser showed up for an appointment this morning. I showed him around, and I answered his questions about the company. Then he gave these to me. That’s all I know.” He started backing away, putting some distance between him and the upset managers.

Just then a posse of burly security guards showed up.  

“What are you doing here?” Gruber demanded. He looked like a bull ready to charge.

The head of security didn’t even flinch. “Headquarters called in. We have orders to escort you and your group out of the premises.”  

A couple of supervisors started bawling noisily. The rest looked ready to do a royal rumble with the guards; they weren’t going down without a fight.

‘This is going to get ugly,’ Siegfried thought. He inched a bit closer to the windows, away from the impending fracas. Instinctively, he looked outside.

He spotted a handsome man about his age standing nearby and watching the drama unfold, clearly amused. Siegfried noticed the guy was wearing the same suit Mr. Kaiser had on a while ago. His jaw dropped.  

Sensing Siegfried’s gaze, the man turned and looked directly at him. He gave the employee a devilish grin, his eyes twinkling as if he had just played everyone a really good practical joke. He raised a finger to his lips conspiratorially, and winked.   

Siegfried’s mobile beeped. He fumbled for a bit, pushing the wrong buttons because his hands were shaking so much. Finally, he was able to open the message. 

_Congratulations Mr. Wagner. You passed my test. You are now head of the Austrian division. Do not disappoint me. – T.S._

Siegfried ran outside, searching for Smith, but the cunning CEO was already gone.

* * *

Monday

Loki wanted to scratch his jaw, but his hands were full. The phony beard he was sporting itched like crazy.

He scowled. All this skulking around would have been so much easier with magic; instead he had to use beards, mustaches, wigs, contact lenses, make-up, and wear clothes he wouldn’t be caught dead in just so he could observe misbehaving employees. So far no one had seen through his various disguises, which was great because he was _the_ trickster damn it. It was a matter of personal pride. If he couldn’t fool a bunch of mortals, he might as well renounce his title as god of mischief.

Loki approached the front desk, arms laden with packages. He was posing as a deliveryman today.

There were six receptionists present. Three were on the phone, taking down messages. Two were giving directions to visitors. The last one was on the computer…playing online blackjack. He looked at her nametag. It read Darcy Lewis. 

The trickster gave a small cough to get Darcy’s attention. She gave him a quick once over, then turned back to the screen. “Yeah?” she asked distractedly.

“I have packages for Mr. Stark,” Loki announced.

“Sign your name here,” Darcy said, handing him a clipboard, eyes still glued on her computer. Then the telephone beside her started ringing. She made no move to pick it up.

The constant ringing grated on Loki’s nerves. “Aren’t you going to answer that?”

“Those are just telemarketers,” Darcy said offhandedly.

“How do you know? Those could be potential investors.”

“No, they aren’t,” the receptionist countered.  

Loki looked at her incredulously. “Are you sure?”

“Yup.”

Loki felt a headache coming on. This woman was something else. He finished signing his fake name and handed her the clipboard.

“You’re scrawny for a UPS guy,” Darcy commented out of nowhere. She gave Loki a scrutinizing look. “How are you going to be able to carry those heavy boxes?”

“I’m stronger than I appear,” Loki replied tersely. He was really getting irritated with this employee.  

Darcy smirked. “Did I hit a nerve? I thought it was your company policy to be friendly.”

“Listen, how about you let me do my job, and you do yours? It’s not that difficult, is it?” Loki retorted. He picked up the boxes and walked towards the elevator. The god was tempted to terminate her on the spot, but it was still too early in the week to be firing peons. Besides, she was not on his list today.  

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Darcy called after him.

Loki ignored her. He had people to dismiss and packages to deliver.

* * *

Tuesday

‘Let us see what is on the menu today,’ Loki thought sardonically, as he reached the front desk disguised as a college intern.   

Darcy was playing online roulette, and still not answering the phone.  

Loki sacked the guy who had employed her instead. He had it coming; the man was negligent in his hiring practices, and in turn he allowed the riffraff in.

‘Last chance tomorrow, lady.’  

* * *

Wednesday

Loki spotted Darcy doing some online poker. At least the other employees were discreet when they checked their Facebook page or shopped online. This particular receptionist on the other hand was bold as brass; she simply didn’t give a damn.

The god walked to the front desk, without a disguise this time. Last night he had asked JARVIS to release his picture to all divisions, including headquarters. The fear of Tom Smith was already ingrained in all personnel, so he no longer needed to keep his identity hidden.

Well, except one poker-playing employee.

As soon as they saw Loki approach, the five receptionists leaped out of their seats, as if electrocuted. Darcy merely looked at them, confused with their behavior.  

“Good morning, Mr. Smith,” they greeted in unison. They regarded him nervously, as if he was about to start spitting out acid any moment now.  

Loki spread his hands in a placating manner.  “Good morning everyone. Don’t mind me. I’m just going to have a little talk with Ms. Lewis here,” the CEO said, giving them a bright smile.

The five receptionists slowly sat down, unsure of what to do next. They were thinking this was one of the CEO’s outrageous tests again.

Loki sighed inwardly. Perhaps he overdid the whole reign of terror shtick a little bit; now everyone was terrified of him.  He would have to remedy that.

But first, he had to get rid of this chronic gambler of a receptionist.

“So, did you win any money yet Ms. Lewis?” Loki inquired casually, disregarding the other staff gathering around to watch a live, honest-to-goodness firing. He cocked his head to one side, peering at her intently. “Judging from your somber demeanor, probably not.”  

“You have a higher chance winning in blackjack than poker,” the trickster continued, as Darcy became increasingly uncomfortable. “But then again, in the long run the house always wins.” Loki then took out his wallet, peeled a thick wad of money and set it in front of Darcy. The receptionist stared at him questioningly.

“That’s your final salary. It should cover some of your gambling losses, I think,” Loki explained, his tone derisive. He watched as the color drained from Darcy’s face. She looked ready to burst into tears, but the god didn’t feel the least sympathetic. He gave her three chances after all.  

“Have a nice, debt-ridden life,” Loki called over his shoulder, as he walked away.

* * *

“Special delivery!” Tony proclaimed, kicking Loki’s office door open. He was holding a large pizza box. “Did you eat yet? I got you pepperoni.”

“Let me guess. Bruce is cooking again,” Loki commented, not looking up from the contract he was reading.

Tony grimaced. “Could you tell him to cook something other than curry? Indian food just doesn’t agree with me.” He pulled a chair near Loki’s desk and switched on the television.

"...Stark Industries fell another twelve percent today, and this downward trend is expected to continue in the next few weeks. Is this the end for the technology giant? Experts analyze the…”

Tony swore and abruptly shut the tv off. “All our stockholders are jumping ship. Thanks for the vote of confidence, traitors,” the billionaire complained. “Hammer is probably twirling with glee right now.”

“We are going through a transitional phase; of course the value of our stock will fluctuate. Don’t take it personally,” Loki said calmly.

“Yeah, but it was never this bad. Even when Obie took over, it never dipped more than ten percent,” Tony groused. “But on the flipside, now is the best time for you to acquire shares in bulk, while it is still relatively cheap. Start buying stock like crazy,” he advised.

Loki nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So, how many lives and careers have you destroyed today?” Tony inquired, taking a slice of pizza.

“Only one. A receptionist.”

Tony clucked his tongue in disapproval. “You’re terminating peons now? Dude.”  

“I don’t take pleasure in firing underlings, if that is what you’re thinking,” Loki said crossly. “But this particular woman was just begging to be dismissed. You would think that she would be a little more vigilant since I just live upstairs; instead she just did whatever she wanted. I can’t have employees brazenly flouting corporate propriety. “

Tony laughed. “Man, sacking all those people made you more pissy than ever.”

Loki’s lips thinned. “I wouldn’t have fired so many personnel if someone reined them in from the start. Mr. Stane was too lenient. He let those managers run loose like wild animals, and so the others followed suit.” Just thinking about those slacker employees pissed him off. He had met his fair share of those kinds of people; those who did none of the work and took all the credit. That was his pet peeve and Loki was not sorry at all. The trickster was too preoccupied thinking about past slights to notice a raging ex-receptionist coming straight towards him.

“Woah. Hot chick at 3 o’clock."

Darcy booted the door open and barged in, looking every bit a woman scorned, eyes flashing with indignant fury. The trickster wondered why he even bothered with a door; everyone just swans in whenever they felt like it.

She was breathing heavily, her ample bosom heaving with emotion. Loki thought she looked like one of those busty heroines on the covers of trashy romance novels.

Not that he read any of those, of course.  

“You think you’re hot shit just because you wear a thousand dollar suit?” she shrieked. “You think you’re better than me, is that it?”

Tony propped his feet on Loki’s desk, munching his pizza. This was better than watching Days of Our Lives. He wished he had brought popcorn.

Loki simply gazed at her, looking bored.

“You didn’t have to humiliate me like that, you asshole!” Darcy screeched. 

Tony was full out laughing now. Darcy didn’t pay him any mind; she was too busy directing her rage at Loki.

Loki cut in and began ticking off on his fingers. “You don’t answer calls. You don’t take messages. You never assisted any visitors. You’re basically useless. Why should I retain you? There are others who would be happy to get your job,” he said flatly.  

Darcy puffed up like an angry bullfrog. “You are an arrogant, cold-hearted prick. I hope you die a horrible death.” She turned to leave, but Tony stopped her.

“What’s your name, miss?”

Darcy started. She didn’t even notice the other CEO sitting nearby. He was smiling widely.

“Darcy Lewis.”

“Well Ms. Lewis, are you interested in being our PA? How does a hundred grand a year sound?”

Loki made an enraged noise. “Tony!”

“What?” she squeaked, her wrath gone, replaced by bewilderment. “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” Tony replied, still grinning.

“Er. Ok?”

“Awesome. Go downstairs and tell management you’re hired again. Take the rest of the day off, and we’ll see you tomorrow.”

She nodded and left the office in a daze.

“She has a nice rack,” Tony whistled, ogling at Darcy’s retreating figure appreciatively. “How come you get all the smokin’ babes?”  

The trickster shot Tony a dirty look.

* * *

Loki just got off from work, and found the three at Candyland. Tony was sprawled out on the couch, running his mouth, as usual.  

“…and then she just busted into his office and started giving him shit. I thought she was going to tear him a new one. I’ve never seen anything like it,” Tony guffawed. Bruce looked like he wanted to laugh, while Steve appeared bemused.  

“You’re talking nonsense. Stop exaggerating,” Loki said tetchily, sitting beside Steve.  

“What are you talking about? I was just telling them how the Big Bad Wolf got taken down by a girl,” Tony ribbed.  

“You helped her,” Loki gritted out, "and you railroaded me. Thanks a lot, Tony.”

“You made grown men cry and gave them heart attacks, but that woman was the only one who fought back. She’s got balls. Not to mention she’s hot, in a naughty librarian kind of way. I like her,” Tony hooted.

Loki gave Tony a venomous glare. “You’d hit on anything that has a pulse. I told you, I don’t need an assistant.”

“She’s our assistant,” Tony corrected. “Steve’s right, having a bodiless butler does have its disadvantages. What if at 2 in the morning, I have a sudden hankering for a bacon doughnut? JARVIS can’t run down the store and get me some. No offense, buddy,” he said sheepishly.   

“None taken, sir,” JARVIS chirped.

Steve winced. He was still getting used to this whole disembodied-voice-from-the-ceiling business.

“So I really need a corporeal assistant,” Tony said finally. He laughed at his own joke.

Bruce started chuckling too. “That’s a good one,” the scientist remarked, giving the billionaire a high five.

“I’m in no mood for your bad puns, Tony,” Loki grumped. He searched around his briefcase and pulled out the company rulebook.

“What are you doing?” Tony asked, watching as Loki scanned the index.

“I’m looking if I can fire an employee for being obnoxious.”  

“You can’t do that. She’ll sue both our asses,” Tony protested.

Loki cursed and threw the book away. “There should be a provision for that.”  

“Look man. I love you and all, but you're hell to work with. You're a grade A hard-ass; none of the PAs who got assigned to you lasted more than a week. Lewis is the only one who can withstand your hostile attitude,” Tony reasoned. “I know you have mad organizational skills, but you’re managing thirty divisions in all seven continents. You totally need a personal assistant.”   

“He has a point. You need to delegate some of your work Tom, you look exhausted,” Steve commented.

Loki pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine,” he huffed, “but I’m not bringing Lewis with me on my trip to Cyprus tomorrow. I’m not ready to deal with that horrible woman just yet.”

* * *

Saturday

Loki arrived in Stark Tower just as the sun peeked over the horizon.

The trickster was ready to collapse. He liked traveling and all, but circumnavigating the globe a couple of times in just under a month took a lot out of a person, even a god. He already had a bad case of insomnia after he had left Asgard, and going through different time zones in rapid succession only made it worse. His body clock had pretty much given up trying to readjust itself.  

‘Maybe this is some kind of protracted interstellar jet lag,’ Loki mused. All he wanted to do was crawl into his bed and sleep for a week.

Bruce had messaged him earlier that Steve was making waffles for breakfast. The super soldier made the best waffles, so Loki went straight to Mini-Met.

He was stunned when he saw Darcy sitting at the dining table, cracking jokes with Bruce and Steve.

Loki sprinted back to the elevator, his fatigue momentarily forgotten. He was going to strangle that billionaire bastard.

“Tony!” the trickster screamed, as he burst into his co-CEO’s bedroom. He grabbed Tony and started shaking him awake.

“Oooh, I like it when you get rough,” Tony purred in his sleep.

Loki began slapping Tony’s face. “Wake up, you pervert."

“Careful with my delicate equipment,” the billionaire mumbled. He opened his eyes sleepily. When he saw Loki, he jumped out of bed. “Eugh! I thought you were Cap! And I was getting to the good part.”

Just then Steve and Bruce appeared.

“Hi Tom, JARVIS told us you just arrived. How was your trip?” Bruce asked, walking inside Tony’s room with Steve trailing after him.

“Good morning. I made you some waffles,” Steve said, handing Loki a plate.

Loki smiled and took it gratefully. His ire diminished a little.  “Thank you Steve.”  

Tony pouted, miffed that the super soldier paid more attention to Tom than him.  “What’s the big idea attacking me in my sleep?” he asked, glaring at Loki.

Loki glowered right back. “What is that woman doing here?” he demanded.

“Tony asked Darcy to move in with us yesterday,” Bruce supplied.

“You what?!” Loki cried. He rounded on Tony, looking like he was about to bite the billionaire’s head off. “Do you plan to fill every empty floor with people? Is this a peculiar habit of yours, collecting strays?”

Tony shrugged, unfazed by Loki’s outburst. “Well, technically it’s not an empty floor. I had it furnished the same time you guys were designing Steve’s place,” he admitted. His lips curved into a grin. “I thought I’d bring a taco to this sausage fest. I’m drowning in testosterone here.”

“Bring a taco to this sausage fest,” Steve repeated, not comprehending what comes out of Tony’s mouth half of the time. He turned to Bruce. “What does that mean?”

The scientist shook his head. “You don’t want to know.”

“Urban Dictionary is your friend, Cap,” Tony said, snickering.

“Don’t infect Steve with your vulgarity, you degenerate,” Loki hissed. This was shaping up to be a really lousy morning. “I’m going to bed,” he muttered. “Keep that harpy away from me.”

Darcy apparently didn’t get the memo because she was waiting for him at The Abyss. She was holding a plate of pop tarts, slightly burnt around the edges.

“Um. Hi. I heated these for you. Thought you might be hungry from your trip,” she stammered, thrusting the plate towards Loki.

The trickster stared at Darcy. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he loathed pop tarts; she looked so earnest with her peace offering. “Thank you, Ms. Lewis,” he said tentatively, taking the proffered pastries.

Both just stood there awkwardly.

Darcy shuffled her feet. “I’m sorry for calling you an asshole. And a prick,” she mumbled, staring at the floor. “You had every right to fire me.”  

Loki wholly agreed with the second part, but kept it to himself. “Believe me, I’ve been called worse,” he said dryly.

Darcy let out a nervous giggle. “I bet.”

A pause.

Loki grimaced, remembering that whole firing fiasco three days ago. “I apologize too for my behavior. I can be downright unpleasant sometimes,” he confessed. “I’m not the type of person who sugarcoats words. Not a lot of people find this particular trait endearing, as you can imagine," the god revealed, shrugging.  

“Actually, I think being brutally honest is better than being a fake,” Darcy admitted. “People may not like to hear what you have to say, but at least they know you’re sincere. That’s what counts.” She flashed him a shy smile.  

Loki couldn’t help but smile back.

He was beginning to like this unusual woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware MIT does not have class rankings or Latin honors, but for the sake of this fic, let's pretend it does.


	9. The Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets stressed. Tony invents a weapon of mass destruction. Darcy shows off her moves. Bruce gets creative with a fish, while Steve puts his Boy Scout skills to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pure crack. I dreamed this up while hopped up on pain meds, so there. 
> 
> Spot the movie quotes.

Loki just got back from a trip overseas, and found all his friends gathered in Tony’s workshop. Bruce, Darcy and Steve greeted him, happy that he was back.

“There you are. You’re just in time to see my new inventions,” Tony called, beckoning everyone to come over. They approached a tall glass case, and it was completely dark inside. Then Tony switched the lights on.

“Incredible,” Bruce breathed.

“Oh my god,” Darcy gasped.

“Wow,” Steve said, entirely awestruck.

“You’ve outdone yourself again Tony,” Loki remarked, very impressed.

The billionaire preened, lapping up their adulation.

“Is it a robot?” Steve asked, fascinated with the blue glow emanating in the middle of its chest. “I thought I’d never see one in my lifetime.”

“It’s better than a robot; it’s a flying suit. I call it the Iron Man armor, specifically Mark 1. It’s only a prototype; I’m still working on the thrusters. Afterwards I’m going to weaponize it,” Tony explicated.

“Are we going to sell this to the military?” Loki inquired.

“Nah. I was only planning to show this during the Stark Expo for next year, but Fury came by and told us about the Avengers Initiative. He wants me, Steve and Bruce to form a team and defend the world against alien attacks or something,” Tony said, beaming at Loki. “I could make one for you too, if you want.”

Loki chuckled. “Thanks for the offer, but no. I’m sure you guys can manage without me.”

The billionaire looked disappointed. “Ok. But if you change your mind, just ask.”

“What’s that thing over there?” Darcy interjected, pointing at a lump on top of a table. A piece of cloth was draped over it.

“This, my dear, will put our company back on track. I’ve been working on this gadget for months, and I finally perfected it.”

“This thing doesn’t explode, does it?” Bruce asked warily.

Tony sniggered. “Kind of.”

“And you’re going to sell this doohickey?” Steve asked, staring at the lump with trepidation. He remembered that Howard had often invented things that caused bodily harm. It looked like Tony was no different. “It sounds dangerous.”

“Don’t worry Cap, it won’t hurt anyone,” Tony assured the national icon. “Physically, anyway,” he added as an afterthought.

Steve and Bruce exchanged glances. That didn’t sound good.

“Come on Tony, just show it to us already,” Darcy piped up impatiently, walking closer to the table to get a better look.

Tony grinned and grasped one corner of the fabric. “Lady and gentlemen, I present to you, the UnRandomizer!” he proclaimed, and like a magician revealing his trick, pulled the cloth away with a flourish.

The thing on the table was about four inches long and eight inches wide, black in color and shaped like a pebble. It was also covered with tiny holes.

The four just stared at it, bewildered.

“What exactly are we looking at here?” Loki asked, voicing out what everyone was thinking.

If anything, Tony’s grin went a bit wider. “This is JARVIS’ younger brother, RANDY. He plays music.”

“It’s a portable stereo?” Darcy inquired.

“He’s a bit more advanced than that,” Tony replied. “I’m not going to go into details, but RANDY can access your memories. Then he plays the appropriate music, depending on your mood. It’s like having your own personal soundtrack,” the billionaire explicated. He looked at his friends expectantly, waiting for their reaction. None came.

Tony made an annoyed sound. “Tough crowd. I think a little demonstration is in order. Could you switch him on for me, sweetheart?” he requested, walking away from the device. Darcy complied.

Nothing happened for a few seconds; it was as if RANDY was orienting itself first. Which was weird in itself. It was supposed to be just a bunch of wires and circuits, but everyone had this strange feeling that the gadget was a sentient being, assessing all of them.

Before they knew it, RANDY was hotwiring everyone’s ignitions for a drive down Memory Motorway.

A slow melody of a saxophone came on, and a woman’s sultry voice started crooning.

_A license to love, insurance to hold_  
_Melts all your memories and change into gold_  
_His eyes are like angels, but his heart is cold_

Darcy flushed pink and started looking everywhere but Loki. The god pretended not to notice.

“You can skip the song if you like,” Tony said helpfully, noting his assistant’s embarrassment. Darcy hastily pushed another button. A haunting tune similar to a lullaby started playing, and Thom Yorke began to sing.

_I’ll take a quiet life_  
_A handshake of carbon monoxide_  
_And no alarms and no surprises_  
_No alarms and no surprises_

“Next please,” Bruce muttered, looking uncomfortable.

A long guitar solo commenced. Darcy furtively glanced at Loki and Steve, trying to guess which one of them RANDY was targeting now.

_Came in from a rainy Thursday, on the avenue_  
_Thought I heard you talking softly_  
_I turned on the lights, the TV, and the radio_  
_Still I can't escape the ghost of you_

Tony in the meantime was keenly observing the super soldier. Steve, sensing the billionaire’s gaze, turned his face away.

Darcy pushed the button again. The faint sound of violins drifted out.

_I don't have plans and schemes,_  
_And I don't have hopes and dreams,_  
_I...don't have anything_  
_Since I don't have you_

Loki’s reaction was peculiar. The trickster was stock still, looking like he was experiencing intense pain. He closed his eyes. When he opened them again, his usual bland countenance had returned, his mask of imperturbability back in place. It happened so fast that Tony thought he had imagined it. He motioned for his assistant to skip the song.

Then Harry Chapin’s scratchy voice came on.

_My child arrived just the other day_  
_He came to the world in the usual way_  
_But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay_  
_He learned to walk while I was away_

Tony ran towards Darcy and switched RANDY off before the song even reached the second stanza. “Alright!” he exclaimed. His voice was a bit too loud and excessively cheery. “So what do you guys think? Awesome, eh?”

It took a while for his friends to respond. They were still stuck somewhere between Recollection Road and Sentimentality Street.

Darcy recovered first. “Holy cow. That was creepy.”

“Tony, don’t you think this gadget, is a tad… uh, invasive?” Steve asked, looking at the UnRandomizer uneasily.

Bruce snorted. “That’s putting it mildly. This device basically hijacks your brain.”

“Hey now, ‘hijack’ is a rather strong word,” Tony contended, all defensive. “I prefer the term ‘taking it for a joyride’.”

The scientist frowned. “This has the making of Big Brother all over it, infiltrating your mind like that. On behalf of the unsuspecting public, please don’t release this.”

Tony’s grin faltered. He looked to his co-CEO for support.

Loki was peering at the UnRandomizer intently. He understood why Bruce was concerned (the kind of mayhem RANDY was capable of would put even someone like him to shame), but on the other hand there was no other gadget like this on the market. This was the company’s chance to reach out to a wider consumer base.

“It’s a brilliant device,” the trickster said carefully, not wanting to hurt Tony’s feelings. “But Bruce is right; it is extremely tempting to use this kind of technology for other more…nefarious purposes. Is there a fail-safe mechanism in place?”

Tony nodded. “RANDY will automatically self-destruct if someone tries to tamper with him. JARVIS will also monitor every unit we produce. Don’t worry, I got it all covered.”

Bruce shook his head. “I still don’t like the idea of a machine broadcasting your secrets for everybody to hear.”

“Come on Bruce. RANDY will help people acknowledge whatever it is that’s bothering them. It’s a therapist in a box. Only cheaper,” Tony asserted.

“Speaking of cheap, how much per unit?” Loki interjected.

“It costs more than a hundred bucks to make. So let’s say between the $200 to $400, range.”

“Make it fifty.”

Tony gaped at Loki, as if he had just sprouted three heads. “You’re kidding, right?”

“The world economy is going through a recession right now, and consumer spending is low. We have to give people an incentive to buy Stark products,” Loki pointed out. “We’ll lose money at first, but once consumers see how good a mere $50 can buy, it will induce them to purchase other more expensive merchandise. This will foster brand loyalty,” he reasoned.

Tony thought for a minute, then shrugged. “Makes sense. Ok, fifty it is then.”

“Hey Tony, can I buy this right now? I want take it for a spin downstairs,” Darcy asked, eyes glinting with mischief.

Tony looked at her amusedly. “Take it. Knock yourself out.”

“I better not hear anything about you harassing other employees,” Loki warned.

Darcy feigned an innocent expression. “I won’t.” Without further ado, she snatched RANDY and hopped into the elevator, cackling evilly.

“See?” Bruce said, exasperated. “It’s already starting.”

“I can still make some improvements before I release it. I’ll take whatever recommendations you have and incorporate it on RANDY,” Tony said, trying to appease Bruce.

The scientist perked up at that. “Well, I’m curious as to how a gadget that small is capable of detecting neural activity. Did you use functional magnetic resonance imaging?”

“Nope, I used magnetometers to scan brain waves. I found out it’s more accurate than fMRI since it can differentiate between changes in brain patterns just a few milliseconds apart,” Tony explained.

“So that’s how it managed to track the spatiotemporal undercurrents between different brain regions so fast,” Bruce commented. “It only heightens the user’s emotions right? Have you considered programming RANDY to restrain it?”

“I never really thought of that,” Tony admitted, looking sheepish.

Bruce, for the first time that afternoon, was in a good spirits. Nothing brightened up his day more than doing lab work with Tony. “I’ll help. It shouldn’t be too hard since you laid the foundation already.”

“Awesome. Let’s do it,” Tony said, looking just as happy.

Tony and Bruce commenced rooting around the workshop for the necessary parts of their experiment, completely ignoring Steve and Loki. The science bros were in their own little world again, oblivious to everything else.

Loki noticed Steve looked a little dejected at being left out. “It will take a while before their mania subsides,” the god commented, rolling his eyes. “Want to go out and get a couple of sundaes?”

“Sure.”

* * *

The god and the super soldier went to Earl’s Diner, a 1950’s themed restaurant, only a couple of blocks from Stark Tower.

Rose, the owner’s wife, gave them a sunny smile and led them to Loki’s favorite booth, located at the back of the restaurant. Steve ordered three banana splits, while Loki opted for a hot fudge sundae.

“So what have you been up to lately Steve?” Loki inquired, as they handed the menus back to Rose. “It’s a miracle your sanity is still intact, having Tony around 24/7.”

Steve gave a chuckle. “Tony’s nice. He’s been teaching me how to use a computer and um, surf the internet? There sure are a lot of cat pictures around and a man named Chuck Norris for some reason.”

Loki wondered what kind of webpages Tony was directing Steve to. He was going to have a long talk with his co-CEO about appropriate sites for the super soldier; Steve might inadvertently stumble into stuff that could scar him for life.

“Oh, and Bruce helps me in translating what he calls ‘Tonyspeak’. We watch movies too,” Steve added, beaming at Loki.

Loki’s breath hitched, like his chest had been punched. Steve’s smile was awfully similar to Thor’s.

“Tom? What’s wrong?” Steve asked worriedly, when he saw Loki’s face had gone ashen.

The god grabbed a glass of water and slugged all its contents in one go.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. I just had heartburn,” Loki croaked, which wasn’t far off from the truth. He gave a forced grin. Steve didn’t look at all convinced.

Thankfully their orders came and Loki welcomed the interruption. He gave the hot fudge sundae his undivided attention, not once looking at Steve.

But the super solider wasn’t the type of person to pussyfoot around; he knew there was something going on with his friend. Tony wasn’t the only one who had witnessed Tom’s reaction after his run-in with RANDY.

“Can I ask you something?”

Seeing that Steve was going to pursue the matter further, Loki started formulating possible, nonspecific answers. “Go ahead,” he exhaled, his expression neutral.

Steve worried his lip, unsure how to phrase the question without upsetting Tom. “I don’t mean to pry, but you always seem…sad when you look at me.” He paused. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I just thought I could help, that’s all.”

Loki was staring out the window, looking pensive. He didn’t reply.

“I’m sorry. Just forget it,” Steve said, mentally kicking himself for his gaffe. He started poking at his last banana split morosely, the ice cream now partially melted.

Loki spied Steve doing a rather good impression of a kicked puppy. Thor had mastered that look over the centuries, and had used it often when they quarreled. The gnawing pain in his chest intensified. “Please don’t apologize. I know you mean well.” He gave Steve a wistful smile.

“You remind me of somebody I used to know.”

The god gazed at the ring on his finger. “And I’m grieving for that person. Just like you,” he said softly.

Steve lowered his eyes. He didn’t ask any more questions.

Loki pushed his sundae away, his appetite gone. RANDY had managed to get under his skin and had undermined his defenses. Living in Midgard had made him complacent; he used to have a tighter control over his emotions than this.

“So what do you think of Tony’s new invention? Do you like it?” the trickster asked after a while, steering the topic of conversation to a more benign path.

Steve couldn’t help but cringe. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around having an invisible butler that lives in the ceiling, now there’s a doohickey that can see what’s inside my brain. I thought those things only existed in science fiction comics that I used to read as a kid.”

Loki chuckled at Steve’s candid response. “I take it you’re not a fan then.”

Steve gave a noncommittal shrug. “Are you?”

“Let’s just say I don’t want that device anywhere near me. At all,” Loki responded dryly.

Steve appeared confused. “But you’re still allowing Tony to sell RANDY.”

“Personally, I don’t like it. But you’d be surprised at what makes consumers tick these days,” the god remarked. “The UnRandomizer holds a perverse appeal that certain people would consider fascinating.”

“What kind of people?”

Loki’s lips curved upwards, as if he just thought of something funny. “Masochists, for example.”

Steve laughed.

* * *

Tony released RANDY three weeks later. Having a machine that could read minds went well as one would expect. Suffice to say, it freaked out a lot of people.

It didn’t stop the UnRandomizers from flying off the shelves though.

“Well, this is a first. RANDY won the best and worst invention of 2008,” Loki read from his newspaper.

“Uh, congratulations?” Steve said hesitantly. “Is that good?”

Tony smirked and sipped his coffee. “It’s all good Cap. I’m stoked, actually.”

“Way to go boss,” Darcy cheered, clapping her hands in delight. Bruce reached over the table and gave Tony a fist bump.

“People are out for your blood. The backlash against RANDY is stronger than I had anticipated,” the trickster commented, as he read another article. There was talk of a class action suit to be filed against Stark Industries, citing intentional infliction of emotional distress and invasion of privacy, among other things.

“Hey man, haters are gonna to hate and I don’t give a shit about what people think. Besides, there’s nothing like a little infamy to drive up sales,” Tony stated airily.

Loki wanted to point out that it was not always the case when it came to negative publicity, but he wasn’t about to burst Tony’s bubble either. “If you say so.”

“Are you ready for your interview today Tony?” Steve asked.

“Hell yeah! I’m gonna own that interview and shut up all the assholes,” the high-strung billionaire exclaimed, all pumped up. No matter how much he denied it, Tony cared about what people thought of his inventions. He didn’t perceive them as machines; Tony considered them a part of him. So whenever people took potshots at his gadgets, the billionaire regarded it as a personal insult.

“Simply answer the questions, don’t go off tangent and don’t do anything foolish,” Loki said sharply. “This is serious. We need to quell the firestorm RANDY has unleashed. The public is furious enough as it is, so don’t make it worse.” He turned to Darcy. “I’m trusting you to keep an eye on him. Don’t let me down.”

Darcy flashed him a toothy grin. “Aye aye, captain,” she chirped, while executing a mock salute.

She shared a sly glance with Tony while Loki wasn’t looking.

* * *

Later in the evening…

Loki just got off from work and went straight to the Ocean Floor. Steve and Bruce were already parked in front of the tv, waiting for Tony’s interview to start.

He fixed himself a cup of chamomile tea to help calm his nerves. The sense of dread he had been feeling all day had not abated in the slightest. He would have done the interview himself, but there were a couple of merger negotiations with other companies that he couldn’t afford to miss. He just hoped that Tony doesn’t do anything too crazy.

“Showtime,” Bruce announced.

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Our special guest tonight is a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and creator of the wildly popular UnRandomizer. He also claims to be an awesome rapper. We’ll see that in a bit. So everyone, give it up for Tony Stark and his assistant, Darcy Lewis!”

Bass beats, loud enough to be mistaken for a sonic boom, started blaring from the speakers. The Bloodhound Gang’s ‘Bad Touch’ began playing.

Tony and Darcy burst into the stage and started dancing, their moves mainly consisting of vigorous thrusting and obscene hand movements. The audience went nuts.

Loki groaned, realizing what a colossal mistake leaving those two unsupervised. And trust Tony to pick the raunchiest, most puerile song in existence. ‘So much for Stark Industries being a respectable company,’ he thought dourly.

“LOVE! The kind you clean up with a mop and bucket!” Tony rapped, while making swabbing motions, “like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it!”

Steve wrinkled his nose. “That’s disgusting.”

“Wrong in so many levels,” Loki added.

Bruce didn’t comment; he was too busy ogling at Darcy. The PA was currently gyrating like her life depended on it.

“Please turn me on, I’m Mr. Coffee with an automatic drip!” Tony continued. He did a move that was a cross between the Electric Slide and the Hokey Pokey.

Steve blushed. Even he got what that meant. “Who in their right mind would write a song like this?” he wondered aloud.

“It’s pretty clever actually. Where else can you find Waffle House and the catacombs of Egypt in the same song?” Bruce commented. He caught Loki’s expression and immediately clammed up.

Tony in the meantime was whipping everyone into a frenzy, and some even started singing the chorus.

_You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals_  
_So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!_  
_You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals_  
_So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!_

The song finally ended, and the audience erupted in applause. Tony and Darcy gave exaggerated bows, sporting identical grins. “My babealicous assistant, Darcy Lewis!” Tony announced. Loki thought he heard several wolf whistles. Darcy gave one last smirk and sashayed off the stage.

They watched Tony strut towards the host, winking and blowing kisses to the crowd. Whatever remaining hope Loki had of his co-CEO doing a proper interview was torpedoed when he saw something not quite right with Tony. The billionaire’s eyes were too bright, his smile too wide.

Loki swore.

“What? What’s going on?” Steve asked.

“You don’t see it?” Loki said, waving a hand agitatedly at the screen.

Bruce adjusted his glasses. “Is he…drunk? Oh dear.”

“Thank you for coming, Mr. Stark,” the host of the show said genially.

“Glad to be here. Please, call me Tony,” the billionaire grinned, sitting on the couch and making himself comfortable.

“So Tony, you sold more than 45 million UnRandomizers in less than two weeks. And that is in the US market alone. That’s pretty extraordinary.”

“Thanks. I’m gunning to sell 60 million more by the end of the month,” Tony stated confidently. He grabbed a RANDY and beamed at the camera, giving the impression of a deranged pitchman selling ShamWow or some other ridiculous product. “Units are selling fast, so order one now!” he hollered, as if he was channeling Billy Mays.

“I think in his past life, Tony was a used car salesman,” Bruce joked, trying to lighten the situation. Steve chuckled, while Loki remained stone-faced.

“Can you tell us what made you build such a device?” the host inquired.

“Not what, but who. My best buddies inspired me to create RANDY. I needed something to mellow out Bruce, and at the same time get Tom to pull his head out of his ass. My co-CEO’s in terrible, terrible denial over someone,” Tony pronounced, shaking his head. “Whoever that person is messed Tom up pretty good. The guy never looks at anyone else, no matter how many people throw themselves at him. He’s pining for that person like the Norwegian Blue pines for the fjords,” the billionaire added.

The host looked bewildered. “Norwegian Blue? Come again?”

Tony was incredulous. “You never heard of the Dead Parrot sketch? What century were you born in?”

The interviewer’s face flushed in mortification. “Moving on. You said something about your co-CEO Tom Smith. Who is he pining for?”

“I don’t know who that person is; Tom is so secretive. But I bet my Bugatti that person is blond,” Tony revealed conspiratorially. “Besides if I knew, and I told someone, he’d kill me, dump my carcass in an undisclosed location, and you’ll find Jimmy Hoffa first before you find my corpse. Those were Tom’s exact words by the way,” he said, laughing.

Meanwhile, Loki was fuming. He didn’t notice Steve had taken away his cup of tea from his hand. Which was good, because he was seconds away from chucking it at the tv.

“What about Captain America, did he not inspire you also?” the host asked.

Tony tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I don’t think Cap needs the UnRandomizer, to tell you the truth. He’s pretty stable, even as a man out of time and all that. He’s still hung up over that dead girlfriend of his though.”

“Hey!” Steve protested, his face red as a ripe tomato.

“But he does get annoyed when he listens to my music. Cap particularly hates AC/DC’s ‘Big Balls’ and Prince’s ‘Sexy M.F.’ Or any Prince song, come to think of it,” the billionaire remarked.

Tony steamrolled on. “I swear that guy is the biggest prude on the planet, even more than Tom or Bruce. He thinks ‘fonduing’ is a euphemism for sex,” he guffawed, making air quotes. “I don’t know where the hell he got that idea. Must be a 1940’s thing.” He stopped giggling. “Hold up. Hey, it actually makes a lot of sense. Dipping bread sticks in moist cheese? Plunging succulent fruit into hot and velvety chocolate?” he leered, wiggling his eyebrows. Tony made such a simple act look so filthy.

The camera panned to the audience. Some women were fanning themselves.

“I bet Cap’s into food play. Underneath that wholesome, apple pie exterior is a kinky beast in bed. Just sayin'.” Then Tony stopped, looking like he was pondering something. He seemed to forget there was still an interview going on; his eyes were all glassy, and his mouth went slack. He was probably thinking about Captain America dripping in chocolate.

The super soldier at the moment looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere. Loki and Bruce patted his back consolingly.

“Tony?” the host said, trying to get the billionaire’s attention. He repeated Tony’s name a few more times before Tony snapped out of it.

“Sorry. I got distracted,” Tony said, blinking. “Anyway, I think Steve never got beyond first base. Wait, scratch that. I think Bruce and Tom never got there either. Bruce’s situation is understandable, because the Other Guy comes out if his heart rate goes up. That pretty much puts the kibosh on getting laid. But Tom and Steve have no excuse. I feel like I’m living in a monastery. They’re so uptight,” he groused. Then a lewd smile slowly formed.

Steve, Loki, and Bruce shuddered. Horrible things happened whenever that particular smile appeared.

“Soooo laydeeees,” the billionaire drawled, while looking directly at the camera, “do my friends a favor and ease their tension. It’ll do the world a whole lot of good.”

“I’m going to kill him,” the three muttered simultaneously.

Then commercials came on. Loki got up and returned shortly with a bottle of Spirytus vodka. With an alcohol content of ninety-six percent, it was practically jet fuel. Steve and Bruce stared at him questioningly. “I need to pass out before he comes home, otherwise I might actually commit homicide tonight,” the god explained.

“And we’re back. So Tony, it seems that your device has quite a polarizing effect. People either really love it, or completely hate it. What do you think of that?”

Tony grinned. “For those who are fans of RANDY, let me say now that you have excellent taste. You guys are awesome. Spread the love!”

The audience started cheering and clapping.

“For those who hate it, tough shit. I won’t stop selling RANDY just because he offends your delicate sensibilities. I put warnings in there after all,” Tony said carelessly. He looked straight at the camera again. “Really people, would it kill you to read the manual first before plugging it in? I designed it to be as user-friendly as possible. How you guys managed to screw that up is beyond me.” The billionaire was on a roll again, this time he was full of righteous indignation. He grabbed the UnRandomizer sitting on the table. “Two buttons! Red to amplify your emotions, blue to subdue them. I repeat: red to amplify, blue to subdue. Got it? Alrighty then.”

The host gawked at Tony, startled by the billionaire’s unexpected hissy fit. He was beginning to regret inviting this mad genius over, but the show must go on.

“Is it true that the UnRandomizer explodes if anyone tampers with it?”

“Yes. I don’t like it when people try to steal my ideas. RANDY plays the song the user hates the most in an endless loop. I heard the ‘Macarena’ and ‘Barbie Girl’ are getting a lot of airtime nowadays,” Tony said, smiling nastily. “Then RANDY increases the volume. Eventually he self-destructs. As a parting gift, every UnRandomizer gives off the pleasing scent of eau de skunk. No amount of Febreze will take the smell out, believe me.” He gave an evil laugh.

Loki raised the bottle to his lips and took a long pull. “I should have gone to med school,” he mumbled. Doing a quintuple bypass was probably less stressful than trying to rein in this lunatic.

Then a screen behind Tony and the interviewer appeared. “Here are some of the reviews concerning the device, with Tony’s replies. Let’s take a look.”

Anonymous: this is a ghastly device. those who recently broke up or are chronically depressed, stay away!

T.Stark: dumbass, that’s what the other button is for! Read the ONE PAGE manual first before posting something retarded.

Anonymous: How did you get it to play like that? Can you tell me? I’m really interested.

T.Stark: Is that you, Justin Hammer?

Anonymous: this is just a glorified jukebox playing random songs. anyone can make this!

T.Stark: It’s called UnRandomizer for a reason. It plays anything your mind cooks up, unless you don’t have a brain in the first place. I’m going for that theory.

Anonymous: I was hankering for a snack, but I didn’t know what I wanted exactly. I turned this baby on, and it played ‘RC Cola & Moon Pie’. How did it know??!! It’s magic!!

T.Stark: There’s actually a ‘RC Cola and Moon Pie’ song? Suhweet.

Anonymous: it’s in my brain! this is Stark’s first phase in his dastardly plan to make us all his mindless slaves! get it off!

T.Stark: I’ve come for your brain. Give it to me. I want I want I want your brain. I wager it tastes good with fava beans and a nice chianti.

Anonymous: my Buelah heard ‘Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens And I Cried All the Way to Sears.’ She nearly had a heart attack. What do you have to say for yourself?

T.Stark: Woah that’s a damn long title. First of all, let me congratulate you gramps for getting this far. I didn’t know octogenarians are techno-savvy enough to participate in online forums. You deserve another UnRandomizer as a prize. Anyway. Says in the small print: device not suited for those with a heart condition, asthma, irritable bowel syndrome, depression, insanity, and other psychotic tendencies. Sorry about Beulah gramps, I really am.

Anonymous: my girl found out I was cheating on her because of your unit. I HATE YOU TONY. GO TO HELL AND DIE!!!

T.Stark: Suck my unit.

Anonymous: I suspected my boyfriend was cheating so I used the UnRandomizer. I was right and I dumped his sorry ass. this box saved me from that lying, unfaithful, conniving bastard. want to hook up?

T.Stark: Where do you want to meet?

“I told him not to troll those forums,” Bruce said, aghast.

The host switched to another slide. It was a compilation of Tony’s other responses.

I’m Tony Effing Stark and you can shove it where the sun don’t shine.

You bought the damn thing so don’t sue me if it ruined your life. Switch it off if it bothers you so much. Jackass.

That’s why I’m an uber-rich billionaire and you’re not. Toodles!

Read the small print, douchebag. KING KONG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!

“It seems you do not take criticism well, Tony,” the host observed.

Tony shrugged. “That’s silly. I love getting feedback. Buyers may express their opinion freely and I’m fully entitled to stating mine.” He put on his patented hurt woodland creature look. “But when people blame you for things like ruining their life, marriage, libido, grades, job, diet, sanity, self-esteem, bowel movement, and so on and so forth, I can’t help but react badly.” For a moment the billionaire seemed lucid. Then the manic gleam in Tony’s eyes materialized again.

Loki, Bruce, and Steve held their breaths.

“So. If you’re being an asshole, well guess what? I’m the biggest bastard in the universe. Just try me. I’m Tony Goddamn Stark and I wipe my ass with your money. Not literally of course. That’s just nasty.”

He suddenly jumped on the couch and flung his arms out. “Feel free to bask in my greatness! All of you shall love me and despair!” he roared. He started beating his chest like Tarzan.

The host ended the interview early.

“Are you still going to defend your science bro, Bruce?” Loki asked grimly.

“I’ll get the rope.”

* * *

Tony sauntered in an hour later. “Bruceeeeey, I’m home!” he yelled, in high spirits. He thought the interview went pretty good. He spotted his three friends scowling at him. If looks could kill, Tony would’ve been dead before he hit the ground.

“Woah. What’s with the rope?”

“Oh, we thought we’d hang you out the balcony for a bit,” Loki replied nonchalantly. Unfortunately for Tony, the vodka he was chugging earlier didn’t do much to suppress his rage.

The billionaire gave a squeak and ran for the elevator. Bruce, with surprising speed and agility, used the couch as a trampoline and tackled Tony to the floor. Steve and Loki proceeded to drag him over to one of Bruce’s fish tanks while the scientist pried the lid open.

“Have at him, Hooty,” Bruce ordered. Hooty was Bruce’s pet blowfish. He was only a baby, but he spits like a mini garden hose. He started firing water at Tony’s face with gusto.

“Eugh! Fishy water!” Tony spluttered. It didn’t take long before his front was entirely soaked. Afterwards Loki dumped Tony on a chair, and Steve began tying him up.

“Didn’t know you’re into bondage, Cap,” Tony quipped. Steve ignored him.

“Shut up Tony. Just be thankful we didn’t waterboard your hide,” Loki said crossly.

Bruce noticed someone was missing. “Where’s Darcy?”

“She said she didn’t want to face Tom’s wrath so she checked into a hotel. Smart move on her part,” Tony said, while secretly testing the rope for any weak spots. “Watch me do some MacGyver magic here.” After a few minutes of futile wriggling, he slumped against the chair. “Let me guess. You were a Boy Scout too, right? Man, these knots are tight.”

Loki, Bruce, and Steve were still glaring daggers at him.

“I don’t know why you guys are so pissed. I was only trying to help. What’s the big deal?”

Bruce gaped at him for a few seconds, too livid to string a couple of coherent sentences together. Then he let Tony have it. “What’s the big deal?! You pimped us out! On national television, no less!” he screamed.

Steve decided to join in. “You made me look like some kind of pervert!” he bellowed.

“You had no right exposing our personal lives like that!” Loki snarled.

Bruce wasn’t finished with his science bro just yet. “You broke the Bro Code! That’s not cool Tony!” He started cussing out the billionaire in Hindi.

“Tom, I only said that you dig blonds. That’s hardly a dirty secret,” Tony pointed out. He turned to Steve. “Cap, it’s the 21st century. It’s perfectly acceptable now to let your freak flag fly. We don’t judge.”

“What does that even mean?” Steve seethed.

Tony opened his mouth to explain.

“You know what, I don’t want to know,” the national icon exclaimed.

Tony pouted. He gazed forlornly at his science soul mate. “Bruce. Come on dude. Bromandment #7 says thou must always help a bro out. That includes, in my interpretation, helping a bro get laid. I’m only obeying the rules.”

“Bromandment #2 says thou shalt not embarrass thyself or thy bros,” Bruce shot back.

“That cancels each other out then. Ergo, I didn’t break the Bro Code,” the billionaire argued.

“No, it doesn’t,” Bruce retorted angrily.

“It does!”

“Doesn’t!”

“Doesn’t!” Tony repeated.

“Nice try Tony.”

And it went on and on.

“I need a drink,” Loki said, walking towards the elevator.

“Me too,” Steve said, following the trickster.

“Didn’t you say once that you can’t get drunk?”

“Wouldn’t hurt to try again,” the soldier said, still looking plenty miffed.

They left the two bickering over the Bro Code, with the billionaire still tied to the chair. It looked like Bruce wasn’t going to free Tony anytime soon.

* * *

A few weeks later…

Loki’s strategy had paid off; consumers were buying more Stark products than ever. Tony’s interview, or the ‘batshit insane psychotic episode’ as Bruce artfully put it, had bolstered their sales even further. Employee morale was high and the company was running smoothly now, without the deadbeat staff weighing it down. Investors were clamoring to buy their stock, after seeing the enormous revenue the company had hauled in the last quarter. The trickster didn’t just triple Stark Industries’ profits; he quadrupled it. And he did it in less than six months.

All the employees were currently having a party, celebrating Loki and Tony’s achievements, but Loki wasn’t with them. The trickster was at the top of the tower, gazing at the night sky. He couldn’t see much, save for the blinking lights of passing airplanes.

Once in a while, Loki felt a pang of homesickness. He didn’t miss Asgard, but he missed his family. He missed Frigga. He even missed Odin a little bit; not that he would admit it out loud. But he missed Thor most of all.

He weighed the pros and cons of returning to Asgard. He remembered how he didn’t have much of a life over there; how he was mostly ignored unless the Eternal Realm was on the brink of a disaster or some other catastrophe his brother had caused. He recalled how little his opinion mattered; how the Aesir only treated him with contempt. Here in Midgard, it was the exact opposite. People actually listened to him. He was respected, even admired.

‘Let’s see. I have lying parents, an oblivious brother, and a kingdom that doesn’t really want me around. So why am I even entertaining the thought of going back there?’ he pondered wryly.

The trickster laughed, but it wasn’t a joyful sound. Here he was, light years away from home, and he was still carrying a torch for the god of thunder. He prided himself as the god of change, yet he seemed to be incapable of moving on.

It was like a bad punch line to a massively unfunny joke.

He had thought that by leaving, it would ease the ache and longing away. He was weary of feeling hurt all the time, carrying this affliction for thousands of years.

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry,” Loki murmured.

It felt like he was betraying Thor by letting him go, but there was only so much pain a heart could take.

The god gave one last, lingering look at the sky, then left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are wondering what songs RANDY played in the first part, here it is:
> 
> Darcy: “Smooth Operator” by Sade (This is textbook Loki. Except for the love for sale part)  
> Bruce: “No Surprises” by Radiohead  
> Steve: “Ordinary World” by Duran Duran  
> Loki: “Since I Don’t Have You” by The Skyliners  
> Tony: “Cat’s in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin 
> 
> All the song titles mentioned are real, btw. "Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears" and "RC Cola and Moon Pie" are actual songs.


	10. Me Loki, You Jane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki meets someone from his past.

December 2013

“Outstanding work Bruce, as always,” Loki said, getting up from his seat and shaking the scientist’s hand.

Loki, Darcy and Bruce were in the auditorium for the annual Stark science conference, and the mild-mannered scientist had just finished presenting his paper. Tony and Steve were upstairs, watching the conference on live stream. The billionaire had an annoying habit of heckling the presenters, so Loki had banned him from attending.

Bruce reddened. He knew Tom didn’t bestow compliments freely, so it was a big deal when he did give one. “Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without your suggestions; it really helped me a lot,” he admitted.

“I didn’t understand half of what you said, but you were awesome up there,” Darcy said, ruffling the scientist’s hair playfully.

Bruce went redder and stared at the floor. “Thanks Darcy,” he murmured, his crush for the buxom assistant rather obvious. The poor guy had been infatuated with Darcy ever since he met her five years ago, but Darcy never seemed to notice at all.

Loki gave Bruce a sympathetic look. He knew just how aggravating it was to have the object of one’s affection be so obtuse.

“Anyone caught your eye yet?” the scientist asked, as they settled back on their seats.

Aside from showing moral support for Bruce, Loki was there to recruit people for the company’s research and development department. He also provided capital to scientists who lacked funding for their projects, if they somehow managed to impress him. Which didn’t happen very often.

“Not really. All I’ve heard so far are mediocre at best,” Loki replied, as he half-listened to a guy proclaiming that he had invented the ultimate weight loss pill.

“You’re a hard man to please Tom,” Bruce remarked.

“Tell me about it,” Darcy griped, rolling her eyes at her boss.

Loki grinned. “You and I know that you have more talent than all the scientists here combined. Are you sure you don't want to be on the payroll? You can work by yourself if you want to.”

“I’ll do anything you want, as long as you keep baking those tasty soufflés,” Bruce joked.

“Didn’t know you’re a cheap date Bruce,” Loki quipped.

Bruce chuckled and waved a hand. “Seriously. You guys took me in, even with my condition, with no questions asked. I owe you and Tony a lot. So anything you want me to do, I’ll gladly do it,” he confessed, grinning at Loki.

Loki smiled fondly at Bruce. “Don’t let Tony know that you said that. He’ll turn you into his personal guinea pig.”

“I think he prefers Cap. Tony will make any excuse to get Steve to take his shirt off,” Darcy said, giggling.

“Subtlety thy name is Tony,” the god said, shaking his head. He then took out his phone to check if he had any messages. There were only a few speakers left, and none of them seemed particularly interesting, so Loki started replying to his emails instead of listening to the presentations.

“Hey, a fellow astrophysicist,” Bruce remarked after a while, giving Loki a little nudge. “This is right up your alley Tom.”

Loki continued to send his emails. “Hmm? You said something Bruce?” he asked distractedly.

“Her paper is about the Einstein-Rosen Bridge and interstellar travel. Didn’t you have a similar paper back in college?” the scientist inquired, gesturing at the speaker.

The god glanced at the podium. When he saw the individual currently presenting, he nearly dropped his phone in shock.

It was her. The woman Thor was with during his exile here in Midgard more than a decade ago.

Loki was tempted to hightail out of the auditorium right now, but it was his job to socialize with the participants after the conference. Having a company that relied heavily on technological advancements, it was prudent to maintain a healthy rapport with the scientific community. ‘Besides, she never saw me; much less know who I am,’ he thought.

Once the program had ended, Loki found himself hemmed in by scientists clamoring for financial backing. He let himself relax when he saw that she was not among the bunch. The trickster pasted a smile on his face, steeling himself for a difficult night ahead.

* * *

Jane gave a sigh of frustration. She wanted to talk to the head of Stark Industries, but the CEO was constantly surrounded by a wall of people. Her research had come to a standstill when the university had reduced her subsidy. She had heard Tom Smith gave generous funding when he deemed a project had merit, so she traveled to New York to try her luck. She figured she had an edge over the rest because he was also an astrophysicist like her.

The first time she saw Smith, she was struck by how utterly stunning the man was. He turned heads wherever he went; but he seemed not to be aware of it or did not care. The CEO was tall and imposing, radiating power and authority. He wore a three-piece suit that was perfectly tailored to his lithe frame. He had the body of a dancer, but Jane could tell he possessed strength that belied his appearance. His dark hair complemented his pale skin, he had high cheekbones and a delicate mouth; his lips set in a smile that was positively sinful. Tom Smith was…beautiful. There was no other word to describe him.

No wonder his assistant looked a bit stupefied every time she gazed at Smith. If she were in her shoes, Jane would ogle at him all day too.

‘Thank goodness I’m already engaged,’ Jane thought to herself. Guys who looked like that appeared innocuous at first glance, but they were the ones to be avoided at all costs. This was a man who would break your heart without a second thought.

“That guy sure is popular,” her fiancé commented, watching Smith trying to fend off a couple of overzealous scientists. Jane observed his assistant doing some kind of karate neck chop on one woman who tried to touch her boss, while Bruce Banner talked animatedly to another group nearby. “You’ll never get to talk to him at this rate. You have to elbow your way over there and introduce yourself.”

Jane grimaced. “I’m a little intimidated by him, that’s all.”

“I’m more worried by that secretary of his. Do you want me to distract her while you go corner Smith?” he suggested helpfully.

Jane couldn’t help but smile at her future husband. She went up her tiptoes and gave him a peck on the cheek. “I’ll manage. Watch me get that sponsorship,” she said confidently.

“I know you will,” her fiancé murmured, kissing her back. “I’ll go get us some drinks, ok?” he said, and then wandered off.

Right. She was going to have to be aggressive in order to get funding. Squaring her shoulders, she marched over to Smith while rehearsing her speech. Fortunately his assistant was too busy chasing the others off to notice her. Smith and another man were the only ones left. The CEO’s back was turned, chatting with an elderly scientist.

“….I remember reading your dissertation and already giving you an A before I even finished it. It’s a shame you’re not doing research or writing papers anymore. You could’ve been the next Hawking,” the scientist lamented.

“I would like to do those things again professor, except the company takes up all my time. Maybe in the future,” Smith replied.

Jane just stood there awkwardly, not wanting to interrupt the conversation.

Luckily Smith’s old professor noticed her. “I see you have another one of your admirers Tom. Still a lady-killer huh? Nothing has changed much since your MIT days,” he said, chuckling when he saw his former student blush a bit. He turned to Jane. “I know how hard it is to get ahold of this fellow, so I won’t take anymore of his time. He’s all yours.” He patted Smith’s arm warmly. “Keep in touch, my boy,” he said, and walked away.

Smith turned to look at her. Jane thought she saw something flicker in his expression.

“Hello. Can I help you?”

Whatever spiel Jane had planned to say to Smith vanished when she finally saw him up close. Memories long stored away reemerged all of a sudden, and like pieces to a puzzle, she put two and two together.

Pale skin? Check.  
Black hair? Check.  
Green eyes? Check.  
Accent similar to Thor’s? Check.  
An intimate knowledge of the cosmos? Check.

It all could’ve been just a crazy coincidence, but his piercing green eyes gave him away. Jane didn’t think a shade like that even existed; they were so vivid. Smith fitted the description Thor had told her about his younger brother to a T.

“You’re Loki,” she blurted out.

Smith cocked his head to one side and gave her a blank look. “Pardon me?”

“You’re Thor’s brother.”

“I think you’re mistaken, miss,” he said carefully, his face giving nothing away.

“But…,” Jane faltered. She was starting to panic. What if she was wrong? Any chance of her winning a sponsorship was getting pretty slim; he was probably thinking she was nuts.

Meanwhile Loki was sweating bullets. This woman just came out of nowhere and started announcing to all and sundry his secret. It looked like she was floundering; he just had to maintain his bluff and hopefully she'd leave him alone.

Loki’s poker face slipped when he saw a guy approach them, holding two cups of punch. The god took a step back, astonished. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

The man had short brown hair and hazel eyes, but other than that he was the spitting image of Thor. How was that possible?

Jane was staring at Loki the whole time, looking triumphant.

The jig was up and the trickster’s shoulders sagged in defeat.

“Let's have this conversation somewhere more private, shall we?”

* * *

“So this is how the other half lives,” Balder whispered to Jane, as they stepped out of the elevator. “Our whole apartment could fit in the living room alone,” he said, looking around his surroundings in awe.

Jane nodded dumbly. The penthouse they were in was massive and excessively lavish. She spotted Tony Stark and Steve Rogers at the far end of the room, holding plastic guitars. Behind her, she heard Balder squeal a little. She looked at him, one eyebrow raised.

“What? It’s Iron Man and Captain America. And they’re playing Guitar Hero! I think my brain got fried.”

Loki chuckled. Another fanboy. Figures.

“Hi Tom. Where are Bruce and Darcy?” Steve asked, pausing the game. He walked towards them, Tony in tow.

“They're still downstairs, mingling. Darcy is preventing rabid scientists from mauling Bruce. For a petite woman, she packs quite a punch,” Loki remarked dryly.

Tony snickered. “I told you she’s the best PA out there.” He stuck out a hand. “Hello, I’m Tony Stark, this here is Steve Rogers. Welcome to Candyland. How are you guys doing?”

“I’m Jane Foster, and this is my fiancé Balder Borson. Nice to meet you,” the scientist stuttered, while shaking Tony’s hand. My, the billionaire was attractive. And Captain America was gorgeous. She was getting a bit overwhelmed being surrounded by extremely handsome men.

Tony blinked. “Balder Borson?”

Balder winced. “I come from a family of weird names. My dad’s name is Vili and my mom’s name is Serenity. Uh, she used to be a hippie,” he explained.

“Nothing wrong with having a unique name,” Steve said kindly.

Now it was Balder’s turn to blush. “Thank you,” he stammered. He wondered if he could ask Steve and Tony’s autographs later.

“Do you play Guitar Hero? We’re short of a drummer at the moment,” Tony asked.

Balder looked like he was about to pass out from sheer excitement. “Ohmygodyoureallymeanit?”

The billionaire grinned. “I’m taking that as a yes then.”

* * *

Loki and Jane left Balder upstairs, and went to The Abyss.

“Make yourself at home,” Loki said, while taking off his suit jacket. “Do you want anything Ms. Foster? Tea? Coffee?” he inquired, stalling for time.

“I’m good, thank you. Please, call me Jane,” she said, sitting down gingerly on an expensive-looking black leather couch. While Tony’s floor was warm and full of noise and laughter, Loki’s place was a mausoleum. A feeling of emptiness tinged the air, like no one really lived here. Jane didn’t like it one bit.

Loki made himself a cup of tea, slowly stirring in the milk and sugar. He dreaded having this discussion, but there was nothing to be done.

“Does he know?”

“Excuse me?” Jane asked, looking confused.

“Your fiancé. Vili is the brother of Odin. He’s my uncle. Or at least, he used to be,” Loki clarified. “That makes Balder a demigod,” the trickster revealed, as he sat down on his favorite armchair, directly across Jane. Mortals sure were strange. They had never met but she managed to identify him, yet she never questioned why her fiancé looked exactly like the god of thunder.

The scientist just stared at him, mouth agape.

“Ah. He doesn’t,” Loki snorted. “Classic Borson behavior, keeping their children in the dark about their true heritage. How typical.” He couldn’t keep the bitterness from seeping into his tone. “And here I was about to call Maury Povich for a paternity test,” he added drolly.

Loki had thought at first that Odin had fooled around behind Frigga’s back, but then again one simply didn’t cheat on the goddess of marriage. Frigga would skin her husband alive if she found out; the All-Mother was scarier than Odin when she was angry. “I take it Balder has an uncle named Ve too, right?” Because if Vili was around, Ve couldn’t be too far behind.

Jane nodded. “Yes. Ve lives in California, while Vili resides in Wisconsin.”

Sweet Odin. That meant there could be more Thor look-alikes running around Midgard right now. The thought gave Loki a cold sweat.

“He will find out the truth, sooner or later,” the trickster said quietly. He smiled grimly to himself. “Let’s just hope the fallout isn’t as bad as mine did.”

Jane didn’t know what to say to that, so she didn’t comment.

There was an awkward pause.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, but how is Thor? Is he doing alright?” Jane queried tentatively. “I haven’t seen him for awhile. He visited me only once, and that was the day before his coronation,” she explicated.

It looked like it was the wrong question to ask, because Loki’s expression went rigid in an instant. “I haven’t seen Thor for a decade. Perhaps he’s starting a war again or getting married for all I know,” he replied stiffly. Jane saw his knuckles had turned white, the teacup’s handle about to snap.

At the moment Loki was suffused with the urge to go to his room and cry himself to sleep. Or blow up something.

He sipped his tea instead.

“If Thor wants to marry the most wanton trollop in Asgard, he can go right ahead. It’s no business of mine,” the god seethed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Jane said, surprised by the god’s sudden outburst. What happened between Thor and Loki? She had thought the two were inseparable, now the mere mention of Thor’s name was enough to send Loki into an apoplectic fit. She racked her brain for answers.

Oh.  _Oh._

It was as if a light bulb went off in her head, with blinding clarity.

She remembered how wretched Thor had been, all the guilt and anger he had wrought upon himself for almost getting Loki killed. The god of thunder had talked about Loki all the time, had gazed at the sky every night, hoping his brother would visit him.

How he had pined for this man sitting in front of her, like one would pine for a lover.

“I should congratulate you. You’re the one who tamed the thunderer,” Loki said, cutting into her train of thought. “I’ve been trying to do that for centuries, yet you managed to do it in three years. What’s your secret?”

His tone was light, but his eyes were full of envy. In some other situation Jane would have found this amusing; it was ludicrous seeing this formidable god acting like a jilted ex. But it just made her sad. Loki was clearly hurting.

“It wasn’t me who did it. It was you,” Jane said softly. “Thor told me he would change, that he would do anything so he wouldn’t be separated from you ever again.”

Loki appeared startled by her revelation. Jane pushed on.

“The first few weeks, Thor wouldn’t talk to anybody. He was inconsolable. It took him more than year before he finally opened up. Everyday he waited for you to come, but you never did.”

Loki tried his best to ignore Jane’s accusing gaze. “I did come. Then I saw him with you, and I thought…,” he trailed off, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter now. I'm never going back to Asgard.”

“So you’re just going to hide from your brother forever,” Jane stated bluntly. “Don’t you at least owe him an explanation? How can you be so callous?”

That made Loki’s ire rise. “He’s not my brother,” he snapped, “and I don’t owe Thor anything.”

Jane said nothing. She merely gave him a pitying look.

Loki ran a hand through his hair wearily, feeling drained. This mortal had the gall to criticize him, without even knowing the circumstances that led to his self-exile. He didn’t bother explaining it to her though; it would serve no other purpose except dredge up memories that he would rather forget.

“So do you have a proposal lined up? I assume you didn’t come all the way here just to harangue me did you?” the trickster asked caustically.

The scientist glared at him. “It wasn’t my intention to make you miserable. Thor is my friend, and what you’re doing is causing him pain. I don’t see why you can’t go back to Asgard and talk to your brother. You two obviously have communication issues,” she sniffed.

She was supposed to buttering him up, not telling him off, but Jane couldn’t bring herself to care. God or not, this guy definitely needed a swift kick to the groin. Not to mention he also happened to be a CEO with unlimited resources at his disposal. Whatever. He was being a jerk to Thor, so all bets were off.

Loki looked like he wasn’t even listening. Jane wanted to throw up her hands in frustration.

Stupid, bullheaded gods. They weren’t that much different from mortals, really.

“Ms. Foster, are you going to show me your proposal or not?” Loki asked impatiently.

Jane gave him one last dirty look then proceeded to root around her bag, searching for her documents. She should be grateful, she supposed. She was amazed that he didn't kick her out yet.

The scientist handed her paper to Loki, her irritation swiftly replaced by anxiety. Now that she thought about it, Loki was possibly the greatest astrophysicist who ever lived. He had traveled across galaxies; he knew the secret paths of different realms better than anyone. And she had been mouthing off at him a while ago.

Whoops.

Jane fidgeted in her seat, while the trickster took his time going over her work. After a few agonizing minutes, Loki finally handed her paper back.

“Well? What do you think?” Jane asked nervously.

“Your theory is sound, Ms. Foster. I’m impressed.”

Jane beamed. Even if he was a jerk, she still valued his opinion. “And?”

“It is possible to create your own wormhole here in Midgard. You could probably ask Bruce or Tony, even Reed Richards to help you build such a machine.”

The scientist was ready to jump from the couch and do a victory dance.

“But I don’t recommend it.”

Jane visibly deflated. “Why not?” she spluttered.

Loki steepled his fingers together, looking grave. “Opening a wormhole is easy. Closing it again is more difficult, because you need twice the energy. And you need to do it quickly lest you attract unwanted visitors.”

“You mean beings from other realms? Earth is part of the Nine Realms, right?”

Loki nodded. “But not just from the other eight. The universe is vast; I’ve only explored a tiny fraction of it. There are some places that even I fear to tread. There are things out there that aren’t exactly friendly. Creatures that you cannot even fathom.” The god bit his lip. He looked afraid.

“When you make a tear in the fabric of space, it acts as a beacon for these monsters. It draws them in. Did Thor tell you about the Bifrost? It has a gatekeeper, and it’s not just a fancy title. Heimdall’s almost as powerful as Odin, and it is his job is to prevent these creatures from entering Asgard. You don’t have anyone strong enough to do that for you here, which makes Midgard very vulnerable.”

“But you still can travel through other realms without using the Bifrost. Thor told me you can teleport anywhere you want,” Jane said excitedly.

“Yes, I have that ability. But it takes a tremendous amount of magic, and I’m thoroughly sapped of my strength afterwards. I don’t do it unless I really need to,” Loki explained.

“Is it possible for you to bring another person when you teleport to another realm?”

“Teleporting at such a great distance would put an immense strain on your body. I know of a spell, but there’s a high risk that you might get lost along the way. The Bifrost is the safest avenue for you to travel.” Loki shot her a bewildered look. “You’re really adamant going to Asgard? That place is dull. Midgard is far better, believe me.”

“I’ve always wanted to explore other worlds. When Thor told me about Asgard, I dreamed someday I’d get to see it for myself, that somehow I’ll find a way,” Jane confessed. She gave a sad laugh. “But if I’m going to put the world in danger just for that, then it’s not worth it.”

Loki felt bad taking the wind out of her sails, but she needed to know what she was getting herself into. “Your paper is excellent. The best I’ve read in a long while,” he said, with utmost sincerity. “I’m not telling you to stop your research or give up your dream. I’m just cautioning you, that’s all.”

Jane cracked a slight grin. He wasn’t as heartless as she had first thought. “Thanks. Coming from you, that means a lot.”

Loki returned her smile. “So Ms. Foster, do you want to work for Stark Industries or do you want funding for your research? Your call.”

“Sorry, I thought I misheard you. You want me to work for Stark Industries?” Jane repeated, her voice quavering. Getting a job offer from Tom Smith/Loki was like winning the Nobel Prize; it was an achievement by itself. She had heard of people complain of the CEO having exceptionally high standards, but he often rewarded his employees with substantial bonuses for their hard work.

Her exhilaration didn’t last that long when she remembered her fiancé.

“I can’t. I don’t want to leave Balder. I know for a fact that he won’t abandon his students.”

“He’s a professor?” Loki inquired. ‘A Borson offspring who’s actually smart? Wonders never cease,’ he thought amusedly.

“He’s a high school math teacher,” Jane clarified. “Oh, and he coaches the wrestling team too,” she said proudly.

It looked like Balder had hit the jackpot; he was an amalgam of strength and intelligence. Loki wondered what went awry with Thor. The god of thunder had too much brawn and too little on the brain department.

“You don’t have to move here to work for the company. You just continue with your research and update me regularly on your progress. That is how most of the scientists work here in SI; the less stressed they are, the more breakthroughs I get,” Loki remarked. Besides, this way he could keep tabs on her. He didn’t want this research falling into the hands of unscrupulous individuals.

“That’s actually pretty brilliant,” Jane commented. No wonder this guy won the CEO of the Year award four times in a row.

“Just tell my assistant Darcy your name and she’ll make all the arrangements for you,” Loki said, handing her a business card. “Anything else you need, Ms. Foster? Congratulations on your engagement by the way.”

“Thank you for everything. I promise I won’t tell anyone your secret,” Jane murmured. Then she stopped, remembering the god of thunder. She was overcome all of a sudden. “I…hope it works out between you and Thor. He considers you the most important person in his life. I know he misses you a lot.”

Loki gave her a wry grin. “I don’t think so.”

Jane wanted to say more, but realized it would only fall on deaf ears. What else could she say if his mind was already made up?

She prayed that Thor would find Loki soon, before it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maury Povich has a show that mainly involves women trying to find out who is the real father of their baby. Hence the paternity test joke. 
> 
> I'm taking the bar on February, so I won't be able to update until March. Really sorry about that.


	11. The Lost Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki meets Mimir.

_Thirteen years earlier…_

Loki opened his eyes slowly, his head throbbing. He took in his surroundings, his mind still addled with sleep. Funny, the underworld looked remarkably similar to his room. He had expected Hel to have a rather drab atmosphere.  

“You’re awake,” Frigga breathed, embracing him. “We thought we had lost you.” Loki turned his head, and saw the All-Father standing nearby.

Ah, he wasn’t dead then.

“Where’s Thor? Is he alright?” His voice sounded odd, like it had fallen into disuse.

Frigga averted her gaze. “You’ve been unconscious for days. A lot had happened since then,” she said quietly.

The trickster frowned. It wasn’t like her to be evasive. “What do you mean? Where’s my brother?” he asked again, getting more anxious as his parents continued to be silent. Loki tried to sit up, but a sharp pain shot up from his arms and his ribs protested from the sudden movement. It felt like every inch of his body had been beaten to a pulp.

“Calm down, son,” Odin said, pushing him gently back down on his bed. “You are not fully healed yet.”

If anything, it made Loki more agitated. The trickster then tried to clamber out of his bed; he would crawl to Thor’s room if he had to, injuries be damned.

The Aesir king waved a hand, and his son slumped back down, unable to move. Loki gaped at Odin, speechless that the All-Father used seiðr to restrain him. Getting over his surprise quickly, Loki tried again. “Please, I want to see Thor,” he begged, desperation lacing his tone.

Beside him, Frigga started weeping.

“He’s not here,” Odin answered softly, watching Loki’s expression fill with anguish. He regretted causing Frigga and Loki’s distress, but the god of thunder needed to grasp humility and self-control. Otherwise his headstrong son would lead Asgard into ruin.

“Your brother needs to learn a lesson. I’m sorry, but it had to be done.”

Loki could only stare at the ceiling, too numb to say anything.

“He doesn’t know I’m Laufey’s son, does he? He wouldn’t have allowed a frost giant to be his brother,” the trickster said after a while. His voice was flat and emotionless, but a steady stream of tears trickled down, wetting his pillow. Since he was young he had suspected that Odin and Frigga were not his biological parents. But he had never imagined his real father would be the Jotun king, of all people.

Frigga held her distraught child close to her chest. “That’s not true. Thor loves you, whether you’re brothers by blood or not,” she said ardently, while wiping away Loki’s tears. “You are our son. The moment Odin placed you in my arms, I loved you as if I’m the one who carried you in my womb and gave birth to you. Please believe us.”

Loki couldn’t bring himself to look at his parents; their betrayal hurt more than the wounds Laufey inflicted on him. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“We only wanted to protect you. We didn’t want you to feel any different,” the All-Father reasoned. “My son, this doesn’t change anything.”  

Loki gave a broken laugh. He cried until he fell asleep in Frigga’s arms.

* * *

It took Loki a couple of months until he made a full recovery. Sif and the Warriors Three visited him from time to time, trying to engage him in a conversation, but he ignored them. Whether their sudden interest on his well-being was spurred on by guilt or gratitude, Loki couldn’t care less. If they had not encouraged Thor from going to Jotunheim, he would not have been banished in the first place. 

The god of mischief was currently doing research, stacks of books and papers covering every inch of his desk. He was listing down all the known Bifrost coordinates, numbering in the hundreds. Heimdall wouldn’t tell him the god of thunder’s whereabouts, so he had to figure out himself where Odin mostly likely banished Thor. Loki presumed that the All-Father would not exile Thor in any of the enemy territories because he didn’t have the means to protect himself. On the other hand Odin wouldn’t put him in any of their allies’ realms either, or it wouldn’t be much of a punishment. That left only the two neutral realms, Nidavellir, the land of the dwarves, and Midgard.

Loki cursed himself for taking Thor’s ring away; it would’ve instantly given him his brother’s exact location anywhere in the Nine Realms. Instead he had to hit all these Bifrost sites one by one and hope for the best that Thor was nearby. He agreed with Odin that the thunderer needed to be taught some self-restraint, but banishing Thor to live as a commoner was a bit much, even for him. Loki could only imagine how traumatic it was for the crown prince, the second strongest Aesir, to be brought so low. His brother must be feeling helpless right now, so far away from home. 

With that thought in mind, Loki resumed his work with renewed fervor; quickly writing down the coordinates so he could commence his search for Thor as soon as possible. As he started arranging all his notes into a neat pile, he found a small piece of parchment in the middle of his table. The trickster picked it up and read it.  

 _I have something that belongs to you. Meet me at Mount Galdhøpiggen._

Loki stared at the note with growing unease. Galdhøpiggen was the highest peak in Jotunheim. He flipped the parchment over, looking for the name of the person who penned the note. Nothing.

That couldn’t be right. He couldn’t recall losing anything; he wasn’t careless like Thor. Was this a trap? Laufey could’ve sent this so he could finish him off. The idea of an Aesir-raised interloper ascending the throne didn’t sit too well with the Jotun king; he would’ve executed Loki that night if Odin had not intervened.

The trickster pondered on it a little bit longer. If Laufey caught him it was a certain, agonizing death. He’d done stupid, foolhardy things in his life (granted, it usually concerned Thor. It seemed whenever the thunderer was involved all his logic, rationality, and sense of self-preservation take a swan dive out the window), and he knew he was pushing his luck, but he had a feeling that whatever this was, it must be pretty important. Maybe it would help him see his brother again. It was a long shot, but it was worth a try.  

Making up his mind, Loki put on his armor, gathered his knives, and sheathed his sword. He wasn’t planning on fighting anyone, but it helps to be prepared. 

* * *

Loki arrived in Jotunheim using the numerous secret paths dotting the Yggdrasil without any trouble; he suspected not even Heimdall knew half of these alternate routes. That would explain why those Jotuns were able to reach Odin’s vault. He made a mental note to seal those that led directly to Asgard once he got back home.

Mount Galdhøpiggen loomed before him. Even though it was only mid-afternoon, the mountain seemed to have a shadow blanketing its craggy peaks, giving it an ominous appearance.

The trickster shivered a bit. He was seriously considering turning back; he realized if things went south, Odin would not be able to bail him out this time. The note didn’t even say where the meeting place was. Was he supposed to climb up? Or just wait here at the foot of the mountain? Was he even on the right side?

As if sensing his arrival, a small entrance materialized before his eyes, just enough for him to fit through. Loki saw narrow stone steps leading downwards, both sides lit with floating orbs of blue flame.

Loki hesitated. This situation had danger written all over it. It didn’t look like regular-sized frost giants could fit inside and attack him while he was descending, but that didn’t mean they weren’t waiting for him downstairs.

The god of mischief cast his magic out, scanning for Jotuns gathered around for an ambush. Loki found only one, and it was a magic user.

It didn’t ease his apprehension much, but at least he didn’t have to battle a horde of angry frost giants like last time. Loki entered the doorway cautiously and stayed at the top of the landing, his senses on high alert. He was expecting the door to vanish as soon as he entered the threshold but it didn’t. He could still leave if he wanted to, but he had come this far. He wasn’t about to back out now.

Loki pulled out his sword and started his descent, deep into the heart of the mountain.  

* * *

 After what felt like hours, Loki found himself in an underground cavern the size of a cathedral. Countless blue spheres hung suspended in the air, lighting the whole place with a cool glow. The god saw a lone frost giant waiting for him. As he walked nearer, Loki observed the Jotun was quite ancient, the oldest he had met so far. His face was wizened with age, and he had a slight stoop. Nevertheless, he was still a good two feet taller than Loki.

“Welcome, Prince Loki,” the Jotun rumbled, bowing his head respectfully towards the trickster. His voice was deep and it carried far, like the dull roar of an avalanche. “My name is Mimir. I’ve been waiting for you.”

Loki eyed the frost giant warily, keeping his distance. “Were you the one who sent the note?”

Mimir nodded. He saw the prince had his sword out. “You have no need of that,” he said, spreading his hands in a calming manner, “I mean you no harm."

The god stared at Mimir. He may not look like it, but Loki could sense he was powerful sorcerer. Magic flowed out of the Jotun, filling the whole cavern with it, but he didn’t feel any hostility coming from the frost giant. Loki put his sword back into its scabbard, but his hand remained on its hilt.

Mimir just watched him, a small smile tugging his lips. He regarded Loki like how a grandfather would gaze at his favorite grandson. “I’ve been watching you through the years. You’ve grown into a fine prince,” he stated, pride distinct in his voice.

Loki shot him a confused look.

“I had served as the king’s adviser for three generations. I was there when you were born,” Mimir supplied.

That piqued Loki’s interest. Perhaps Mimir could tell him how he ended up with the Aesir, in Odin’s family, no less. “Do you…,” the trickster paused, “…know where my mother is?” he asked, his expression hopeful. Jotunheim currently did not have a queen; whatever happened to Laufey’s wives was anybody’s guess.

Mimir’s smile waned, appearing reluctant to answer the question. “Queen Fárbauti passed away shortly after giving birth to you. I’m sorry,” he said faintly. “She was a benevolent woman. You take after her.”  

“Oh." 

The frost giant noticed that Loki’s eyes were misty, disappointed once again. It saddened him that life had not been too kind on his prince and he had suffered so much throughout the years. Still the young god remained steadfast on his principles, despite it all. Fárbauti would’ve been pleased to have such a strong son.

“So that makes Byleistr and Helblindi my half-brothers,” Loki mused aloud.

“Yes,” Mimir said.

Loki grimaced. He didn’t exactly have an affable relationship with those two; he doubted the knowledge of them being related would straightaway extinguish the longstanding animosity the Jotun princes felt towards him. The trickster wondered if Laufey had told them yet.

Meanwhile Mimir was whispering a spell, and a pillar of solid rock rose up from the ground. It split into two with a loud crack, revealing a white sphere no bigger than an apple. It was dim at first, but it lit up like a supernova as soon as Mimir touched it. The Jotun scooped it from the air, and held it out to Loki. “This belongs to you.”

Loki turned his face away, temporarily blinded by the intense light. He threw out a hand, trying to block it out. “What is it?”

“Your power.”

“Come ag-,” Loki began, but was cut short when the orb zoomed straight at him. He didn’t have a chance to react. It hit him with such force that he was knocked off his feet.

The effect was immediate. His whole frame seized up, his back arching off the floor. Lightning sizzled in his blood, searing into his bones. Magic churned underneath his skin, fusing with every cell in his body.  

It was too much; Loki didn’t think he could contain all of it. He was already filled to the brim, any more and he would burst.

Just when he could no longer endure it, the pain gradually vanished, and he was left with an odd, tingling sensation.

Mimir hovered nearby, worry etched on his face. “Are you alright, my prince?”

“You could’ve warned me first,” Loki wheezed, as he struggled to catch his breath.

“My apologies. I didn’t expect your magic to go off like that. It must’ve been because it was separated from you for so long,” Mimir said, embarrassed. He helped the young Jotun get back up again.

As the last traces of discomfort finally vanished, Loki started to feel really good. In fact he never felt this wonderful his entire life. Most of the time he felt tired and frequently collapsed if he overexerted himself. It was always a sore point for him that he was so weak compared to the others. He had often felt that he was not fully complete; in the back of his mind he knew that he wasn’t supposed to be this feeble. But now…

Mimir led the dazed prince to a chair, and Loki gratefully collapsed on it. All this magic coursing through him was akin to quaffing a whole barrel of mead. This was heady stuff.

"Why did you hide my magic in the first place?” the trickster inquired finally, after the initial shock and exhilaration had worn off. Loki couldn’t help but be miffed; this kind of power could’ve saved him from a lot of angst and humiliation right from the beginning.

The displeasure must’ve shown in his face, because Mimir flinched.

“I did it for your own protection,” the Jotun reasoned, “I had to make sure Laufey never found out how powerful you were.”

Loki’s brows furrowed. “Go on.”

Mimir conjured another chair and made himself comfortable, knowing he had a lot of explaining to do. Loki had been kept in the dark long enough. “You were born at the time of the Great War. It started when Laufey attacked Midgard to expand his territory. He used the Casket of Ancient Winters to slaughter thousands of people. Then Odin came with his entire army and pushed our forces back to Jotunheim. The Aesir were already outside the palace when your mother went into labor. When Laufey saw you, he wanted to kill you right then and there for being born a runt. I implored him to use you as an offering to Ymir instead, so the tide of battle would turn to our favor. My plan was to leave you in the temple for a few days, then slip you out the palace. Our people would simply assume that you had died, and I would’ve raised you as my own.”

Mimir paused, gathering his thoughts. Until now it was painful for him to relieve that fateful night.

“As I placed you on the altar, I noticed that your magic was steadily growing stronger,” he continued. “You were only a few hours old, but you already had the same level of power of someone who had already lived for centuries. This terrified me. If Laufey or anyone found out…,” the giant broke off, remembering everything clearly. He recollected how his hands shook as he held the tiny prince. “If he managed to corrupt you, he would no longer have any use of the Casket. You’d be Laufey’s weapon of war,” Mimir narrated, his eyes haunted. “The kind of destruction you were capable of…I had to take some of your magic away. You were too young to handle such immense power.”  

Loki felt gorge creeping up his throat, and he swallowed thickly. He didn’t doubt any of Mimir’s words. “How did the All-Father fit in all of this?”

“He and his brothers came into the temple looking for the Casket, just as I was finishing the spell. Odin and I are old friends, so I didn’t fear for my life. He asked what a baby was doing in a temple and I explained to him your situation. Afterwards he offered to take you in. I wasn’t expecting that from Odin, since he already has a child of his own. I was reluctant at first, but then I realized you’d be better off living in Asgard. Jotunheim had been in turmoil ever since Laufey took over. As much as I wanted for you to stay here in your own realm and grow up with fellow Jotuns, I knew you’d be safer in Asgard. And Odin is a good man. You’d have a proper family, with a mother, brother, and uncles to look after you. As soon as you were safe with Odin, I fled the palace. I couldn’t stomach anymore of Laufey’s madness. I never returned,” Mimir explained, rubbing his face tiredly. He gazed at Loki, remorseful.

“I’m sorry I took your magic away. Please understand; I merely did what I thought was the best course of action at the time.”  

Loki nodded. He couldn’t bring himself to be angry at Mimir, when Laufey had taken so much from both of them.

The two Jotuns just sat quietly for a few minutes, lost in their own thoughts. 

“So why did you give my full power back? I’ve managed to survive without it so far,” Loki asked evenly. Considering all the dangerous stunts he had pulled throughout his life, it was nothing short of a miracle he was still walking around, and well, not dead.

Mimir was startled by Loki’s calmness. His prince was taking the news quite well; he had expected yelling and some explosions at least. The boy never ceased to surprise him.

“After finding out my father is Laufey, I don’t think anything can surprise me anymore,” Loki shrugged, as if reading his mind. 

Mimir shook his head. “I was arrogant in thinking I could keep this a secret forever,” he said ruefully, “when we all know that the truth tends to come out in the most inopportune moment.”

Loki snorted. That was the understatement of the millennium, if there ever was one.

“I gave your magic back so you’d have a chance against Laufey and your brothers. They are the three strongest Jotuns; your power enables you to have an equal standing with them. You have to be ready,” Mimir stated grimly.

The trickster gawked at him. “You make it sound like I’m going to fight them someday. I don’t even want to rule,” he protested.  

“You have no choice; it’s not a question of if but when. Everybody knows you’re the crown prince of Jotunheim,” Mimir insisted. “Laufey doesn’t want you to be king because he considers you more of an Aesir than a Jotun. Helblindi does the bidding of Laufey. As for Byleistr, the law of primogeniture prevents him from ascending the throne. You know firsthand what he is like. He won't hesitate to kill you so he could rule.”

“So what else is new? Those three have been actively trying to kill me for ages. The only difference now is that they have all the more reason to do so,” Loki said wearily, getting ready to leave. He had his fill of unpleasant news for today.

“Wait,” Mimir said quickly. “Before you go, conceal your power level first. Only you and I know about this. You can use the element of surprise to your advantage.”

Loki did so, putting a spell on his ring so it would stay hidden at all times, even if he were unconscious. It amazed him how effortlessly he could do magic now; he merely had to _will_ it, and it happens.

Sweet Odin.

The implication of having so much power just dawned on him at that moment. He stared at Mimir, eyes wide.  

The older Jotun gave Loki a knowing look. “Your magic will continue to grow. There will come a time when you will be more powerful than the All-Father himself.”

Loki’s mouth went dry all of a sudden. “You shouldn’t have given this back to me. What if I turn out like him?” he murmured, looking at his hands.

“Laufey is simply your father by blood, nothing more,” Mimir replied. “You always have a choice, my prince. It is solely up to you which path you’re going to take.”

“And if I choose wrong?”

Mimir closed his eyes. “Then the Nine Realms will burn.”

* * *

Loki rushed back to Asgard, greatly disturbed by Mimir’s parting words. Then again, he couldn’t really blame the old Jotun for making that ominous prediction. He wasn’t the most stable person to begin with, and this kind of power could tempt even the most virtuous individual. He pushed those thoughts at the back of his mind. Right now his priority was finding the god of thunder. He had to make sure his brother was okay. 

The god of mischief went straight to his room and grabbed his list of coordinates. At least his newfound magic would make his search for Thor a bit easier.

* * *

His hunch was right; Odin had exiled Thor in one of the neutral realms. He was in Midgard, specifically New Mexico.

Loki looked around the dry landscape. This had been a rather strange day. A couple of hours ago he had been in a frozen wasteland, now he was in the middle of a barren desert. Instead of trees there were cacti, and the flat expanse of land went on for miles in every direction.  

He trudged along, careful not to run into those wicked looking plants. It wasn’t long before he spotted a nearby town. He could feel Thor’s presence grow stronger as he approached. It was already late at night; there was no one around and all the shops were closed.

Loki found himself in front of a small, nondescript house. He was mildly surprised; he had expected the thunderer to be either homeless or in jail. The god sensed two other inhabitants inside the dwelling aside from his brother. He made himself invisible before entering; he didn’t want to scare the mortals.   

Thor was sitting on a couch, watching tv. But he wasn’t alone; there was a young woman snuggled beside him. She had fallen asleep, and her head was resting against Thor’s shoulder. The god of thunder shifted a bit, causing the mortal’s hair to fall on her face. Thor noticed and gently tucked it back behind her ear.

Loki looked away. He had seen Thor do this hundreds of times to various maidens. He should be used to it by now, but still his heart splintered each time.

Eventually the god of thunder fell asleep with the tv still on. Loki took a blanket and draped it over the two. He didn’t want Thor to be cold. 

His brother was fine. He wasn’t sick or injured. It was also safe to assume Thor was being treated well by the Midgardians, at least by this woman.

He wanted to say many things, but his courage had failed him.

Loki gazed at Thor and the mortal. The sight made his chest ache.

“Take care, brother,” he murmured. He dropped a light kiss on Thor’s forehead and left.  

Thor opened his eyes drowsily and looked around the room. He thought he heard Loki’s voice, but there was no one there.    

* * *

The god of mischief didn’t bother using the secret paths and teleported directly to his room. He slid down the wall to the floor. Even with all the power surging through him, he felt hollowed out and spent.

He couldn’t tell Thor the truth. What was he supposed to say? 'Hey, I'm not your brother and I happen to be a frost giant. I’m the thing you loathe the most.' He imagined the god of thunder’s face; his expression of hate and revulsion directed towards him.

Loki pulled his legs to his chest and wept, realizing that his brother was truly lost to him. His world had ended and everything solid in his life had been swept away. He poured all his love into one person, and it was all for naught.

What was the point of staying? Continuing to live here in Asgard was only prolonging his agony. It was unbearable.

He wiped away his tears. He had cried enough for the past few months to last him for centuries. Loki promised himself that he never to let anyone hurt him like this again. He was done. 

The trickster went to his desk and set to work. He began writing trade agreements and peace treaties; once the god of thunder becomes king he was going to leave. This was his parting gift; it would make the transition for Thor’s reign go as smoothly as possible.  

Loki never visited Thor again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the lateness. Well, it's technically still March. Soooooo....


	12. Dude Looks Like a Lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki reveals his secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Swearing ahead.

Present day

Loki woke up to the sound of someone banging on his door. At first he thought the thumping was coming from inside his skull, with the way his head was aching right now. Last night he had been drinking with Tony, and he had overindulged again. It was turning into a habit; drinking himself into a stupor every Friday night.

He looked at his bedside clock. It was only 7 am.

The trickster groaned and threw an arm across his eyes, trying to block out the sunlight. Perhaps if he ignored it that person would take the hint and go away.

If anything the pounding became more insistent. Whoever was at the other side wasn't taking no for an answer.

"Alright! I'm coming!" the god yelled. He threw the door open, and found himself getting an armful of assistant.

"What's wrong?" Loki asked, his annoyance gone when he saw Darcy's tear-streaked face.

"Bruce…he's hurt…and Tony and Steve are trying to fight those aliens...no one is helping them," Darcy babbled, hysteria lacing her voice. She looked at him pleadingly. "What do we do?"

"Aliens?" Loki repeated dumbly.

JARVIS, without prompting, switched on the tv.

The screen showed fire giants marching along downtown Manhattan. There were at least fifty of them, led by Prince Suttung. The Hulk was unconscious, and Suttung was tossing him around like a rag doll. Tony was trying to free Bruce, but his repulsor blasts weren't affecting the giant at all. Meanwhile Steve was ushering a civilian to safety, using his shield to protect them from the fireballs being lobbed in every direction. The whole surrounding area was engulfed in flames.

Loki watched in mute horror as Suttung backhanded Tony, his best friend hitting the ground hard. The other giants immediately fell upon him and started raining blows on the prone billionaire. His suit wasn't going to protect him for long. Steve wasn't faring too well either; his shield was taken away and he was slowly getting backed into a corner. Darcy buried her face in her hands, sobbing.

The trickster swore. "Where are their reinforcements?"

Well, that was a stupid question. Reinforcements tend not to come when you need them the most. Whether it was Thor, Sif, the Warriors Three, or some other foolish Aesir, it had always been him who came to the rescue, the first one who provided aid. He was always the single reinforcement, the lone back up.

And if he didn't intervene now, his friends were certainly going to die.

Loki closed his eyes. It had been a good ten years. He wished it could've gone longer though.

He took off his ring.

* * *

Darcy felt something shift; the air became dense and she was dizzy all of a sudden. The sensation felt similar to being underwater, pressing against her. She grabbed a chair for support, struggling to breathe.

It was coming from Tom. She gaped at the sight before her.

Her boss was standing still, and his whole body shimmered. He was wearing pajamas one second, now he was sporting gold and green armor, a cape, gold vambraces, and adorning his head was the tallest, pointiest, horned helmet she had ever seen. Tom opened his eyes and gazed directly at her.

Darcy unconsciously took a step back.

"Don't be afraid. It's just me," Tom said, holding his hands up. He approached her slowly, not making any sudden movements.

"What's going on?"

"I'll explain later. Darcy, you need to go downstairs and alert the medical staff. Get them ready," he commanded, lips set in a thin line.

Darcy started weeping again, remembering Bruce's limp form.

To her surprise, Tom reached over and wiped away her tears. "Don't cry princess, I'll get them back. I promise," he said, giving her a comforting smile. "Just do what I say, ok?"

Darcy had no idea what was happening, but she trusted Tom. He always made things better.

She nodded and dashed to the elevator, straight to the medical wing.

* * *

Loki wasted no time and teleported to downtown Manhattan. He hurled a freezing spell at Suttung and the fire giant dropped the Hulk in shock. The trickster deftly caught his friend, carrying two tons of dead weight as if it was nothing. He murmured a spell, and the Hulk transformed back to Bruce. Fortunately for Bruce, the Hulk was very durable, even if struck repeatedly on the head. Loki teleported back to Stark Tower and placed the unconscious scientist on one of the hospital beds. Doctors and nurses promptly went to work, with Darcy hovering nearby.

Loki went back and stunned the giants before they managed to flambé the super soldier. "You alright Steve?" he hollered.

The national icon gawked at Loki, not recognizing him at first. It was hard to tell underneath all that metal and leather. "Tom? Is that you?"

"Yes," Loki replied. "Excuse me, I'm need to get Tony."

Steve watched, amazed, as Loki ran off, knocking out the aliens and putting out fires as he went. The CEO attacked the giants surrounding the billionaire, and they scattered, clearly terrified of him.

Loki bent down and carefully picked Tony up. The billionaire's armor had some pieces missing, including the faceplate. His friend was pretty banged up, but he would survive. Steve jogged towards them.

"Is he ok?"

"He'll be fine. Here, take him," Loki said, as he placed the unconscious billionaire into Steve's arms. "I'm sending you two back to the tower. I'll deal with this lot," he said grimly.

Judging from Tom's expression, whatever was in store for the aliens wasn't going to be pleasant. Steve almost felt sorry for them.

After Loki teleported Steve and Tony to safety, the god of mischief approached Suttung, ready to unleash his wrath. He was about to interrogate the prince of Muspelheim when the X-Men and Fantastic Four appeared. Their arrival only worsened his already foul mood.

"Tom Smith? Is that you?" Mr. Fantastic inquired hesitantly, staring at Loki's helmet.

"How could you be late? You only live ten blocks from here," the god barked, glaring at Reed Richards and his group. He could excuse the X-Men for tardiness, because they were stationed in the next county. But the Fantastic Four's delay was unforgivable. The Four averted their eyes guiltily, saying nothing.

"Look bub, do you want our help or not?" Wolverine interjected, the only one brave enough to speak. "Opera season ain't till next month, you know," he said, smirking at Loki's outlandish getup. That earned him a hard jab on the ribs, courtesy of Storm.

The trickster glowered. "Do I look like I need your assistance?" he asked scornfully, jerking a finger towards the mound of catatonic giants. "I've been fighting longer than you've been alive, mortal. Leave now, before I add all of you to that pile."

"Better do what he says," Suttung muttered, still frozen on the spot. To be honest, he would have preferred to be captured by the Midgardians than Loki. If he had known the Aesir prince was here, he would have gone somewhere else.

The group observed the fearsome giant, twelve feet tall and pure muscle, looking tense around this man with the strange headgear. Said man also defeated these creatures all by himself, when even the Avengers couldn't do it. This was waaaay out of their league.

Without further ado, they scarpered off.

"Now Suttung, why are you here? You and your men broke the treaty," Loki queried smoothly, as if the verbal sparring never happened.

The prince of Muspelheim would've shrugged, if he had the ability. "I was bored. I never thought I'd find you here, of all places," the fire giant answered. "Everyone thinks you're dead."

Loki frowned. "Explain."

"Asgard's been mourning for years. Even Laufey gave up looking for you," Sutting replied. "Guess I should tell him you're here in Midgard," he said smugly.

Loki brought his sword out. "What makes you think I'll let you go?"

Suttung's expression crumpled, all his bravado gone. "You wouldn't," he sputtered, "I'm Surtr's heir. My father will wage war against Odin if you kill me."

Loki scowled at the quivering mass before him. "You broke the treaty and you nearly killed my friends. I had a quiet life here until you forced me to reveal my location," he bit out. "I'm not going to execute you, but I'll make sure you won't be tattling anything to Laufey."

"What are you going to do?" the fire giant asked, terrified.

The god of mischief waved a hand, and a big, gaping hole appeared in the sky. The color drained from Suttung's face.

"I'll let the Aesir decide," Loki answered simply.

Suttung didn't get a word in edgewise before he and his posse were sucked into the void.

* * *

Loki swiftly closed the wormhole, then started putting the fires out and repairing the buildings that had been destroyed by Suttung's rampage. Thankfully Steve managed to evacuate all the civilians and no one was hurt.

The trickster made a small noise of distress when he saw Earl's Diner had not been spared. He quickly fixed the place, back to its original condition. He also found Steve's missing shield, and picked it up.

"Thank you," said a voice behind him. Loki nearly dropped the shield in surprise. It was Rose.

Her eyes lit up when she saw it was her favorite customer. "Thomas! I didn't recognize you with that helmet," Rose exclaimed, as she hugged Loki. "Thank you for saving Manhattan. From now on, sundaes are on the house." She gazed at him proudly. "I knew there was something special about you."

"I'm glad to see that you are safe, Rose," Loki said, embracing her back. She reminded him so much of Frigga.

People started gathering around them, and they started to whoop and clap. Loki looked around, astonished. Usually it was Thor people cheered for, never him.

"Uh, I have to go check on my friends now," Loki said, slightly flustered by all the attention.

Rose nodded kindly. "Visit here soon, Thomas."

"I will." Loki gave a little wave, then left.

* * *

The god of mischief found Tony and Bruce still unconscious, hooked to IV drips and limbs covered with splints. He poured his magic over them, healing broken bones and bruised organs. Once he was done, he motioned for the doctors to take off the drips and casts; they were no longer needed. He then returned the shield back to Steve. The super soldier was ecstatic to see it again, and he hugged Loki in gratitude.

Loki turned to his assistant. "Will you stay with them until they wake up?"

"Of course." Darcy took Loki's hand and squeezed it. "Thank you," she murmured.

* * *

Loki went back to The Abyss. He changed back to normal clothes and put his ring back on. He didn't seal his magic anymore, but he thought it was prudent to keep concealing his true power level. Hopefully none of Laufey's sorcerers picked up on it while he was battling the fire giants.

He glanced at the clock. It was barely 8 am.

What a way to start the weekend. But hey, at least his hangover was gone.

The trickster ran a hand through his hair wearily. It was all over… soon the god of thunder would come and pester him to go back to Asgard. All these years pretending as a mortal, all that he had worked for, gone in less than an hour. It was foolish of him to think he could keep up this charade indefinitely.

With any luck Thor would have his hands full for at least a month, with Suttung and his men on trial. That was enough time for him to tie up loose ends and say goodbye.

His mobile beeped. Loki opened the message. It was from Siegfried, one of the European division heads.

_Good morning sir! I just saw you beat up those aliens. And I thought you couldn't get any cooler._

The trickster could practically hear Siegfried gushing in the text. He didn't know how to respond to it, so he simply typed 'thanks' and left it at that.

Minutes later, his phone started ringing. It was Jane.

"You opened a wormhole! I can't believe it!" the scientist squealed. "Oh my god, that was incredible! Those were fire giants right? Thor told me all about them."

The god held the phone away from his ear. "Yes, now calm down."

"Sorry," Jane said sheepishly. "Your face is all over the news. CNN, BBC, NHK, Al Jazeera, even Telemundo. What's going to happen now?"

Loki grimaced. Short of giving the whole planet short-term amnesia, there was nothing he could do. Sure enough, there were already numerous helicopters hovering outside, hoping to get a glimpse of the mysterious man who had defended Manhattan.

"I have no idea, Ms. Foster. But I do know that Thor is coming," the god replied. "And he's most likely very angry with me," he added as an afterthought. He wasn't looking forward to meeting the thunderer at all. But there was still a small chance that Thor would leave him alone. Maybe.

"Everything will be fine. Don't worry," Jane said reassuringly. "At least you'll be reunited with your family again."

Loki snorted. That was the last thing he wanted to do. "Yeah, that would be great. Anyway, I have to go. Nice talking to you, Ms. Foster."

"Ok. Bye, Loki," Jane said.

Loki ended the call and went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. He was shredding potatoes when Steve walked in.

The super soldier stopped, and just stared at him.

"Hey Steve. Did you eat yet? I'm making hash browns."

No answer.

"It's still me Steve. Don't get all weird on me."

Steve blinked. "I'm sorry. It's just so strange seeing you do normal stuff." He gave a tentative grin. "It's not everyday I find out my best friend is the Norse god of mischief."

"You're sharp as a tack, as always," Loki said, grinning. "What gave me away?"

"I took a mythology class back in college. Your headgear is pretty unique. "

The trickster couldn't help but laugh. "I swear my helmet is more trouble than it's worth. I had to wear it or else those giants wouldn't have recognized me."

"Wait, you knew those guys?"

"Unfortunately, yes. I've been fighting them for centuries," Loki supplied. "Why aren't you resting? You almost got roasted back there."

"I'm fine. Thank you for rescuing us," Steve said earnestly. "We wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you."

Loki smiled. "You're welcome. Super heroes need someone to look after them once in a while."

Steve chuckled and started helping Loki peel the potatoes. "By the way, Director Fury is flying over from D.C. He'll be here in a bit."

"Better make some macarons then. He likes those," Loki said. "Am I in trouble or something?"

"No, but I think he'll try to recruit you," Steve said.

"Oh."

The elevator dinged. Tony, Bruce, and Darcy came out.

Tony marched purposefully towards Loki, expression serious. He grabbed his co-CEO and embraced him tightly. "Thanks for saving our asses," he said. Then he punched Loki's arm. Hard.

"Ow!"

"Dude! I thought you were a foreign exchange student!"

"I never said that. You assumed. I merely watched," Loki stated flatly.

"We've been friends for ten years. When were you planning to tell me?" Tony spluttered.

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you. You'd probably have me committed to an asylum or something," the trickster retorted, rolling his eyes.

The billionaire had the grace to look embarrassed. "I wouldn't do that. I would have referred you to a shrink first."

"Nice."

"Sweet Jesus. I can't believe my tea sippin', ice cream lovin', soufflé bakin' best friend is an ancient Norse god."

"I'm not ancient! I'm only 2,400 years old."

"Woah, and I thought Cap was old as dirt."

"Hey! I'm only 25," Steve said, red in the face.

Tony turned to Steve. "Technically you're 95. You should be riding those scooter thingys geriatrics use." He turned back to Loki, grin in place. "Soooooo, did you really sleep with a horse? Were you really that desperate," he paused, "…for tail?"

Loki's right eye twitched. Again with the horse. Why mortals were so obsessed with that particular myth, he had no idea. "No! Do I look like some kind of sexual deviant? I should smite you on general principle," the god replied hotly.

Tony started laughing his head off.

"You didn't do that thing with the goat either?" Bruce probed, weirdly curious. He really shouldn't ask, but he wanted to know if at least half of the crazy legends written about Loki had some grain of truth in them.

Darcy raised an eyebrow. "What did he do with the goat?"

"Well in one story, Loki tied his…"

"Alright Bruce. We get the picture," Loki interrupted loudly. It was just his luck his friends were all Norse mythology buffs. "Don't you guys have anything better to do than read that load of tripe? Most of the stories there were fabricated by perverted monks. Those bastards were sick."

"Bruce and I are only interested in the kinky stuff," Tony said, sniggering. "Why were those monks so mad at you anyway? Other gods didn't get their reps thrashed like yours did."

"I set fire to their monasteries, alright? They made fun of my helmet," Loki burst out. "I swear I only burned down a couple of those, yet I was defamed in the worst way possible," he griped. This rant had been building up for over a decade now, and he was finally letting it all out. "That was a thousand years ago. What I did was akin to throwing toilet paper at someone's house or forking their yard."

Steve wanted to say forking someone's yard wasn't quite on par with arson, but maybe it was a normal thing to do where Loki was from. He glared at Bruce and Tony. "Come on you two. Let's just all agree not mention any more myths in front of Tom, ok?" he commanded, trying to appease the upset god.

The sciences bros bowed their heads and shuffled guiltily toward the trickster. "We're sorry," they said in unison. Bruce hugged Loki. "Thank you for protecting us," the scientist added. That earned him an affectionate pat on the head.

Darcy wished she had a camera right now. Her boys looked so cute.

"Do we call you Loki now?" Steve asked.

"I prefer Tom. I'd rather not be reminded of my past life," Loki answered.

"Still pissed at your parents, huh?" Tony commented.

Loki resumed shredding potatoes manually. "You could say that." He stopped. He just remembered he could use magic now.

To Hel with this. He was hungry and irritable, plus Fury was going to interrogate him and he'd rather do that with a full stomach. Loki snapped his fingers and heaps of various food materialized on the table. His friends gaped at him.

"What? You saw me take down giants twice my size and I opened a portal in the middle of Manhattan. This is nothing," Loki said casually, helping himself to a slice of quiche.

Tony and Bruce lunged at the lone egg and cheese soufflé. A tug of war ensued.

"Sweet Odin you two. Don't fight over the damned thing," Loki rebuked. Darcy and Steve started snickering.

"Here," the trickster said, snapping his fingers again. A pile of soufflés, each a different flavor, appeared. "Knock yourselves out."

The science bros looked like they had died and gone to heaven.

"You have super strength, super speed, the ability to teleport, open wormholes, manipulate matter. What else can you do?" Tony asked after a while, his mouth full of bacon this time.

"I'm a shape shifter," Loki answered, "at least those monks got one thing right." To demonstrate, the god of mischief changed into Tony. He gave Steve a cheeky smile, perfectly mimicking the billionaire's signature look.

The national icon dropped his spoon, seeing the two Tonys. It was his worst nightmare coming to life.

Loki then transformed into Steve. He gazed at Tony, mischievous grin in place.

Tony blanched. That grin didn't fit with Steve's face; it was the kind that screamed one was going to do something illegal. The real Captain America was too straight-laced to manage such an expression. And this version had too much teeth, like a shark about to bite.

Loki changed again, this time he was Bruce. He started flirting with Darcy, and she appeared confused and flattered at the same time.

Meanwhile Bruce was staring at his double intensely, like he was taking notes on how to attract the buxom assistant.

Sensing Bruce's gaze, Loki took on Darcy's form. Pseudo-Darcy gave the scientist a smoldering look, while biting her bottom lip.

Bruce flushed and pointedly stared out the window. Darcy, the real one this time, giggled.

"Holy shit, you could turn into a woman too?" Tony asked excitedly.

"Of course. Any form that I want," Loki replied. He then showed them his own female form.

Their jaws collectively dropped. Sitting in Loki's place was the most gorgeous woman they had ever seen. Her black hair cascaded down her shoulders in soft curls, and she wore a strapless silk dress that clung to every curve of her flawless body. Her eyes were an amazing shade of dark jade, her full lips curved into sultry smile. She was sin personified.

Tony's mouth was suddenly dry. He knew his best friend was ridiculously good-looking; women and even some men swoon whenever his co-CEO walked into a room. But still that awareness didn't prepare him for this female version of Tom. Here was a guy he always saw as a cool older brother, and he turned out to be also an insanely hot babe. This was a whole new level of mind screw.

Paging Dr. Freud. Come in, Dr. Freud.

Looking at his friends' faces, they were thinking the same thing. They didn't know whether to be aroused or horrified.

Darcy recovered first. "Even if you're a woman, I'd still want to make out with you," she admitted, staring unabashedly at the goddess. Loki's cheeks went pink, and it only made her more alluring.

Bruce made a strangled noise and hid his face while Steve looked like he was going to pass out. Tony was trying to imagine unsexy things; popping a boner over his surrogate brother/sister was all kinds of messed up, even for him.

"Tom, can you please turn back? I don't think our brains can handle anymore of this," Tony requested weakly.

Loki complied, laughing all the while.

* * *

After breakfast they all went to Candyland, awaiting Fury's arrival. Loki conjured macarons and additional soufflés for the S.H.I.E.L.D. director; he had a feeling he was going to need it.

Soon a familiar black Quinjet appeared, dispersing the news helicopters still hovering about the tower.

A minute later Fury strode in, leather trench coat billowing dramatically behind him. Hawkeye and Black Widow followed, with Agent Coulson bringing up the rear.

All of a sudden Isaac Hayes' "Shaft" theme started playing.

_Who's the black private dick_

_That's a sex machine to all the chicks?_

_Shaft!_

_You're damn right!_

All forward motion stopped, as Fury heard the song. His solitary eye bugged out, looking like he had been slapped. He then whipped out his rocket launcher from one of his coat's innumerable pockets, and pointed it straight at Tony.

_Who is the man_

_That would risk his neck for brother man?_

_Shaft!_

_Can ya dig it?_

"Enough is enough! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHAFUCKIN' SONG AND THIS MOTHAFUCKIN' RANDY!" the director yelled.

The billionaire squeaked and immediately put his hands up. "Hey, you can't point weapons at another member. That's in the handbook!"

"I'm Nick Fury, bitch," the director growled. "You've been disrespecting me ever since you joined S.H.I.E.L.D. Don't think I never noticed those rude gnomes you display upstairs," he said, referring to Tony's vast collection of offensive garden gnomes by the helipad. Every time he dropped by to meet with the Avengers, those gnomes mooned him, their shiny ceramic butts winking against the sky. Tony thought it was hilarious.

_Who's the cat that won't cop out_

_When there's danger all about?_

_Shaft!_

_Right on!_

Fury was still pointing his rocket launcher at Tony. "I used to love this song, goddammit," he raved. "Now every time I enter a room, I hear it. It haunts me in my sleep and it's all your fucking fault!"

 _You see this cat Shaft is a bad mother…_ _  
_ _Shut your mouth!_

In the meantime Clint was rolling on the floor, not bothering to conceal his guffaws. Natasha was clutching the couch, tears of mirth streaming down her face. Phil was in a corner, his back to the others. His shoulders were shaking violently, trying to hold his laughter in. Steve, Darcy, and Bruce were trying to calm Fury down.

The song continued to play. JARVIS was shouting at his younger brother to cease and desist but RANDY wasn't listening.

Loki materialized in front of Fury, effectively shielding Tony. The trickster waved a hand, and the music stopped. "Director! What a pleasant surprise. Would you like some macarons?" the god said smoothly, offering the head spy a tray of French sweets.

That pacified Fury considerably. "Damn, you're good," he muttered, putting away his weapon and taking one. He glared at Tony. "Stark! Start explaining. I want answers. Now," he ordered, as he sat down on the couch.

Tony still had his hands up. "I didn't know Tom's a Viking from outer space. I swear."

"Don't give me that bullshit. You've been friends with him for a decade. What kind of moron do you think I am?"

"Is that a hypothetical question or do you really want me to answer that?"

Fury took out his rocket launcher again.

"He had as all fooled with the mild-mannered British gentleman act. But I always thought it was weird that he doesn't like coffee or pop tarts," Tony babbled, looking at the weapon apprehensively. Then he suddenly realized something.

"You wily bastard. Now I know why you always dressed up as Mayhem every Halloween. It was your own little private joke all along," Tony said, looking suitably impressed. His best friend had a sense of humor after all.

The god of mischief just smiled that little smile of his.

"What were those things that arrived this morning?" Fury asked Loki, giving up trying to engage Tony in a conversation. Talking to the billionaire always gave him a headache.

"Those were fire giants from Muspelheim, and they broke a treaty. I should know. I'm the one who wrote it," Loki explained. "One of its provisions states that they're forbidden to come here in Midgard. This realm is supposed to be neutral ground."

"Where exactly are you from anyway?"

"I'm from Asgard. It's my job to protect the Nine Realms," Loki supplied.

Fury wasn't buying it. "What if this is all just a ploy to make us trust you? You could be planning to invade us for all we know."

Loki gazed back at Fury evenly. "There's no honor in conquering this place. No offense, but Earth is weak and divided. Your leaders constantly fight amongst themselves. Without a unified force, you're always going to be vulnerable," he stated. "Believe me Director, if I wanted to subjugate this realm, I could've done it a long time ago."

Fury nodded, satisfied with Loki's answers. He could tell the god was completely sincere. He smiled as he took the cup of tea Darcy was offering him. "So, have you ever thought of joining the Avengers?"

* * *

Meanwhile Tony had wandered off, walking towards Clint. The former carny was currently busy scarfing down soufflés.

"Hey there Legolas."

"I hate it when you call me that," Clint groused, his face littered with crumbs. "Oh yeah, sorry for Fury flying off the handle like that. I think it's partly my fault."

"What?"

"I hid a bunch of RANDYs inside the air vents all around headquarters as a prank. I didn't think it would target Fury, of all people," Clint explained.

Tony shot him a dirty look. "You asshole. I nearly pissed my pants back there! You should've said something."

Clint started laughing again. "It was too good to pass up. And he called you a bitch too. Priceless."

Tony gritted his teeth. "Whatever. Anyway, level with me man. Does Fury call his rocket launcher Fist or what? And how the hell did he stuff that bulky thing inside his coat?"

"I don't have an answer for your second question, but I do know Fury calls it Bad Motherfucker."

"You're shittin' me."

"I shit you not. Ask Tasha or Phil."

Natasha appeared beside Clint, holding a soufflé in each hand. "It's true, I even saw him talk to it a couple of times. He said something about it being the only one who understands him and doesn't sass him back," she said solemnly. She took a bite, closing her eyes in pleasure as she did so. "This soufflé is addictive."

"You guys are the luckiest bastards in the world. You get to eat this everyday, while we get crappy cafeteria food," Clint said dolefully.

"I already offered you guys to stay here many times," Tony pointed out. "How about it Nat? All the soufflés you want, plus the awesome me," he drawled, creeping closer to the redhead. She flipped him the bird in response.

"Just a fair warning, once Tony has you in his clutches, he will never let you go," Bruce commented, sidling up to his science bro. "I mean, just look at Tom."

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing," Tony whined.

The two agents looked at the cakes in their hands, then back to Tony. Sure, these soufflés tasted like paradise, but they would rather put up with shitty cafeteria food than live with the obnoxious billionaire.

"Uh, thanks but we'll pass," Clint responded. "Fury is always making us go on missions anyway."

Tony gave a sidelong glance at Agent Phil, still talking animatedly to Steve. "Can't leave Coulson huh? Well, I'm not the type of guy who would break up a threesome," he said, winking at the two.

Clint and Natasha promptly kicked Tony on the shins.

* * *

Meanwhile in Asgard…

The god of thunder stirred, disconcerted. It was past midnight and he was already well into the deep part of his sleep when he thought he heard someone screaming. There were assorted voices talking at the same time too.

"Oaf! Wake up! Loki's alive!" a woman screeched, trying to break down Thor's door.

"Freya, calm down."

"Your Majesty, please open the door. It's urgent."

"By the Norns, what is all this racket?"

"We found Loki!"

"My son! Where is he?"

Thor, suddenly on high alert, quickly threw the door open and found his parents, Heimdall, Freya, and Freyr gathered outside.

Heimdall spoke first. "Your Majesty, there's a matter of great importance that needs your immediate attention. Prince Suttung is outside, along with a group of fire giants."

"What? What did they do?"

"They attacked Midgard. Loki neutralized them."

"Loki's in Midgard?" Thor yelped. He grabbed Mjolnir, ready to jump over the balcony and to the Bifrost.

Odin seized his son by the back of the collar before he could do so. "Oh no you don't. You're not going anywhere until you settle this matter."

"But father," Thor protested.

"No buts. Do your duty as king first before flying off to see your brother," the All-Father said, in a tone that brooked no argument.

The god of thunder looked defiant for a second, then sighed. Sometimes being a king sucked.

"How is Loki?" Frigga asked Freyr.

"He seems to be doing pretty well. He has many friends too, my lady," Freyr replied.

The All-Mother started tearing up. "That's wonderful," she said, overjoyed. The All-Father held his wife as she wept quietly. Odin gave Thor a warning look before herding Frigga back to their private chambers.

Meanwhile Heimdall and Freyr were having a discussion on how to deal with Suttung. Thor could hear the prince of Muspelheim howling outside. He winced. Things were going to be unpleasant for him in the next few weeks.

Thor unexpectedly found himself yanked down, to Freya's eye level. For a small woman, her grip was remarkably strong.

"Now listen here thunderer," the goddess of love hissed, "Loki shed blood and tears for you. You better make things right with him, or by Odin I'll curse your manhood off. Do you understand me?"

The god of thunder paled. Freya was famous for carrying out that particular punishment whenever someone infuriated her. He nodded quickly.

"Freya! What are you doing?" her twin called out, aghast.

The goddess let Thor go. "Nothing, brother," she said, gazing at Freyr innocently.

Freyr didn't look convinced. "We should go and let Thor get some rest." He turned to his fellow monarch. "Loki is safe. He lives in a place called New York, specifically Manhattan."

Thor clasped Freyr's hand. "I'm truly grateful for your help. I really am."

"You're welcome, my friend. Let's go Freya," the god of fertility said, tugging at his sister.

The goddess of love smirked. "Good luck Thor," Freya called over her shoulder. "You're going to need it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mayhem is Allstate Insurance's mascot. The guy wears a sharp suit and causes chaos wherever he goes. That's why Loki always dresses up like him during Halloween XD. Here's a video of him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lo7XYBiMRz0
> 
> I got the inspiration of Fury's outburst from Samuel L. Jackson's epic movie "Snakes on a Plane". The man made a career out of shouting the M word.
> 
> Fun fact: Samuel L. Jackson's character in "Pulp Fiction" has a wallet with Bad Motherfucker stamped on it.


	13. The Mystery Blond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony proves once and for all that Tom's mystery blond really does exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Writer's block.
> 
> Aseret91 was nice enough to translate this in Spanish. Thank you dear! Here is the link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10568841/1/Traduccion-de-The-Prince-Formerly-Known-as-Loki

A month later…

Two ravens appeared seemingly out of nowhere in the horizon, just after dawn. They appeared to be searching for something, weaving easily between Manhattan's numerous skyscrapers.

They flew towards the Stark Tower, recognizing a familiar thrum of power. The pair circled the building, from the top and working their way down, squawking occasionally to communicate with each other.

It didn't take long before they found their quarry. Without making any sound, they landed on the balcony. They spied their prince still in bed, fast asleep. They settled on their perch, and waited patiently for him to wake up.

Loki's eyes snapped open when he felt a presence. He turned his head slowly, expecting to see the All-Father looming over him. Two pairs of beady eyes gazed back, clearly amused. The trickster heaved a sigh of relief.

"Hello Huginn and Muninn," Loki said, as he opened the sliding glass door. The ravens went in and plopped down on his desk. They bowed their heads in greeting.

The trickster waved a hand, and a large bowl of fresh berries and another bowl full of water, appeared. Huginn and Munnin started eating immediately. They had traveled far, and were famished.

Loki stroked their feathers as they ate. He liked these remarkable birds; they were the closest he had to actual pets when he was little. But since they were Odin's official messengers, they were out and about most of the time.

Muninn was the first to finish. He gazed around Loki's room, appraising it. He turned to Loki, looking perplexed.

" _You actually live here?"_

Aside from having the ability to travel around different realms without the use of the Bifrost, Odin gave his ravens the ability to communicate telepathically.

They were also smarter and more sardonic than the average bird.

Loki gave a careless shrug. "It's home."

" _This place is not fit for a prince."_

"You should see the apartments around here. By Manhattan's standards, this is a palace already."

Muninn didn't appear convinced. Then Huginn spoke.

" _We've been looking for you for ages. The All-Father and the All-Mother were distraught."_

Loki stiffened. The guilt he had successfully ignored for years came clawing back out again.

" _They want you to go back to Asgard now."_

"Do they really expect me to drop everything and just leave? They don't have the right to tell me that," Loki bit out, his guilt quickly replaced by anger. The pain of their deception was still fresh; a measly decade was not going to cut it.

Muninn just gave him a put-upon look.

" _You are a god. Why do you choose to mingle with mortals?"_

Loki stayed silent. In his mind, he heard the ravens sigh. Huginn spoke again.

" _Thor is coming."_

Loki winced. Odin and Frigga he could deal with, but Thor was another matter. He wondered if the thunderer had found out the truth yet. It was highly unlikely, because why would he go through all this trouble for a lowly Jotun? Unless Thor wanted to beat him up or something.

"When?"

" _Soon. The trial of Prince Suttung is nearing its end."_

Loki smiled grimly. "Thank you for the warning then."

He let Huginn and Muninn rest, and gave them more food. Loki petted their heads absently, brows furrowed in deep thought.

Outside, the city slowly came to life.

The two birds nipped his fingers affectionately to get his attention.

" _We should go back. Your parents are expecting us. Do you have a message for them?"_

Loki weighed his words. He missed his family dearly, but he wasn't ready to face them yet.

"Send them my love," he murmured, "and my apologies."

Huginn and Muninn nodded in sympathy. The pair flew out Loki's room, and hovered in mid-air.

" _Farewell, my prince."_

And they were gone.

* * *

"Ew. Why are you putting orange juice in your tea?" Darcy said, wrinkling her nose.

Loki blinked, then stared at the carton in his hand dazedly. He couldn't even remember taking it out of the fridge. Huginn and Muninn's surprise visit had unsettled him more than he cared to admit.

"I got it," Darcy said, swiping his mug and dumping the contents in the sink. She started brewing a fresh batch. "Are you ok? You look a little out of it."

The trickster rubbed his face tiredly. It wasn't even noon yet and he was already feeling worn out. "It's one of those days."

"You've been on edge for weeks. Maybe you need a vacation or something," Darcy suggested, handing Loki his tea.

"No, I don't think that would help," the god muttered. Maybe he was just being paranoid, but he could feel Heimdall's gaze on him. It was futile to try hiding again.

"Oh yeah, there's your mail," Darcy said, pointing to a huge canvas bag overflowing with letters near his couch. "Want me to help you sort it out?"

Loki groaned into his cup. "I don't feel like answering the mail today," he said, failing to keep the whine out of his voice.

"You have to. Otherwise it's going to pile up," Darcy said firmly.

The elevator opened, and the trio came out.

"Hey, want to watch a couple of movies before the game?" Tony chirped, holding a stack of DVDs.

"You go ahead, I have to answer my mail," Loki said glumly.

"No sweat. We'll wait," Tony said, appearing eager all of a sudden.

Loki's eyes narrowed. "This is not going to be another source of hilarity for you Tony."

The billionaire just put on an innocent look.

"Have you considered hiring someone to answer your fan mail? It's like you're getting more each week," Bruce observed.

The trickster considered it, then shook his head. He wasn't comfortable sharing this kind of stuff with an employee. "Don't you guys receive letters too?"

"We do, but not as much as this," Steve answered, while sipping his morning coffee. In reality it was mostly kindergarteners or veterans who sent him letters. Bruce's mainly consisted of invitations to attend science conferences. As for Tony, majority of his mail were notices that he was getting sued (because of RANDY).

Without waiting for Loki, Darcy commenced dividing the letters into two stacks, the fan mail (they were easy to spot; the envelopes came in eye-catching colors or smelled of perfume), and the ordinary, less amorous, kind.

Loki gawked at the colorful pile, growing more embarrassed by the minute. His fan mail ran the gamut of people asking for his picture or autograph, to something more R-rated.

Midgardians were such a peculiar bunch.

He noticed Tony was slowly inching towards it. Judging from his expression, the billionaire was up to no good.

"Don't even think about it," the trickster growled, and immediately erected a force field around the pile. He was answering these later, in private.

"Aw man, you're no fun," Tony whined.

Loki ignored him and grabbed a couple of letters lying on top of the "safe" pile. An envelope from MIT caught his attention.

It was a letter of apology. "Oh, so now you believe me," he muttered.

"Who's it from?" Steve asked, curious.

"My former World Mythology professor," Loki replied.

"You mean the asshole prof who gave you a low grade? Was it a B minus?" Tony inquired.

"The same one. He's now giving me an A," Loki answered, reading the rest of the letter. "And he's asking if I could give a lecture in his class sometime," the god added. He turned to his co-CEO. "I didn't know MIT professors could give grades retroactively."

"They don't. You're the exception. He probably thinks you're going to hunt him down and go Old Testament on his ass," the billionaire said, snickering.

Tony wasn't far off the mark; Loki had thought about smiting his professor when he was still in college. He appreciated the old man's gesture though. He wrote a quick thank you note and sent it to directly to his teacher.

The trickster opened another letter. This one was from Random House, offering to publish his autobiography. He tossed it away, not interested. Considering he was thousands of years old, he doubted if he could cram his life story in a single book. And he neither had the time nor patience to sit and write it all down.

The next letter was more promising. "Says here Ben & Jerry's wants to create an ice cream flavor in my honor," Loki read, " and they also want me to list down the ingredients that best represent who I am." He nearly burst out laughing. If they only knew. How about a heaping amount of rage, cynicism, and self-loathing, with a nice helping of bitterness thrown in?

If he were an ice cream flavor, he wouldn't taste very good.

"If it's a new flavor, you have to name it." Tony thought for a moment. "How about 'Tall, Dark, and Horny?'" he proposed.

Bruce and Darcy started giggling.

Steve spat out his coffee. "Tony!"

"What? I'm talking about his helmet!"

Loki hastily wrote his reply, knowing if he dawdled Tony would continue coming up with more ridiculous titles. With a snap of his fingers, the letter went directly to the recipient.

He picked up another envelope, this time it was from Wade Wilson, aka Deadpool. The guy was begging Loki to let him join the Avengers. Tony grabbed it and immediately ripped the note to shreds. "Don't ever answer his letters. Same with Spider-Man. And Squirrel Girl too," Tony said grimly.

Loki didn't ask why. He didn't want to know.

* * *

 It took Loki another hour to finish replying to all his mail. He settled down on the couch, sighing in relief.

Meanwhile the group had decided to watch Sherlock Holmes. Tony wanted Transformers, but he was voted three against one. The billionaire grumbled as he inserted the disc inside the DVD player.

"You know Tony, this Robert Downey Jr. fella looks a lot like you," Steve commented, as they were twenty minutes into the movie.

"Naw. I'm better-looking. And taller," Tony said, winking at the national icon. Steve blushed in response.

Loki rolled his eyes. Sometimes he wondered which was bigger, Tony's bank account, or his ego.

All of a sudden his television started acting up. The images started getting blurry.

"Looks like your tv is on the fritz Tom," Bruce said.

Tony scowled. "That tv is Stark made. It doesn't just conk out."

"Try turning it off and on again," Steve advised.

"That's for computers, Steve," Darcy pointed out.

Loki was about to follow Steve's suggestion when Doctor Doom's face appeared. He was wearing his full battle regalia, including his infamous metal mask.

For a few moments, they just gaped at the screen.

Tony spoke first. "Did you just bust in my network?" he demanded, horrorstruck.

"Obviously. I penetrated your pathetic excuse of a firewall and slid right in," Doom replied disdainfully.

"So you just stick yourself wherever you damn please. Typical," the billionaire shot back.

"Is it me, or does this conversation sound vaguely dirty?" Steve whispered to Bruce, as Tony and Doom flung innuendo-laced insults at each other.

The scientist was trying not to laugh. "JARVIS, please tell me you are recording this."

"I'm sending a copy to your hard drive, sir," the AI replied.

Bruce gave a loud snort, unable to hold it in after JARVIS' accidental pun. That diverted Doom's attention.

"Enough. I'm not here to talk to you. I'm here for Loki," Doom said, infuriated. He wasn't counting on all the Avengers being present (plus the assistant), and that vexed him a great deal. No matter. These peasants were not worth his attention. He looked directly at Loki. "I'm Victor von Doom, ruler of Latveria."

The god appeared unimpressed, and Victor was a little taken aback. Usually his name inspired awe and fear, not the bland expression Loki was currently sporting.

"You forgot tyrant and psychotic super villain," Tony butted in.

Victor did what countless others had done before him; he pretended Tony didn't exist.

"Nice to meet you Victor. What can I do for you?" the god said politely.

Doom seemed to hesitate for a second, then pushed on. "I wish to meet you in person." A beat. "Would you like to have a few drinks with me?"

Beside him, Bruce choked on his popcorn. Steve started whacking the scientist on the back, trying to help him out. Darcy appeared like she was going to assault the tv.

"What?! Hell no!" Tony cried, his voice was a few octaves higher than usual.

"I didn't ask you, Stark," Victor snarled.

"Sure. Why not?" Loki said, unperturbed by all the commotion.

Tony stared at his best friend, speechless.

"Excellent. I'll send you my number. Just let me know when you are available," Victor said, sounding pleased. He was about to sign off, but Loki stopped him.

"May I see your face at least?" the god requested, peering at the monarch expectantly.

Victor seemed to ponder on it for a minute, then slowly took his mask off.

Tony had assumed that Doom wore his metal mask because he was ugly or horribly disfigured, like Darth Vader. Boy, was he wrong.

Before him was a guy who looked like a Calvin Klein model. Doom had light brown hair and deep-set gray eyes, a jawline you could carve rocks with, his mouth set in an arrogant smirk. But the most striking part of Doom's face was a thin, silver scar running vertically on his right cheek. No wonder the bastard was harder to put down compared to other super villains; rumors that his body was made out of organic metal alloy were true after all.

In Tony's opinion, Doom may be handsome but it did not make him less of a douche.

The only one who didn't look at all surprised by the tyrant's appearance was Bruce.

"Hello Bruce," the super villain said, nodding at the scientist.

"Hey Victor," Bruce greeted back.

The Latverian put his mask back on. "Satisfied?"

Loki couldn't help but chuckle. My, the sass was strong in this one. "Thank you Victor. I'll be seeing you then."

Without further ado, Doom signed off.

"That was…odd," Steve commented, blinking at the now-empty screen.

Tony rounded on Bruce, looking betrayed. "Do you mind enlightening us why you're on first name basis with him?"

Bruce squirmed under Tony's scrutiny. "We used to be lab partners in Caltech. He only stayed for one semester, then transferred to Empire State University," the scientist explained. "Victor and Reed were roommates. He did some dangerous experiments and caused an explosion in his dorm. ESU kicked him out and that was about the time he snapped," he added pensively. "It might sound unbelievable, but Victor used to be a normal guy. A bit intense maybe, but harmless."

"Yeah, people said that about Ted Bundy too. Psychopaths are like that," Tony said irately. He tossed Loki a glare. "I can't believe you said yes."

The god didn't even bat an eye. "He seems interesting."

"You have to admit, Doom is hot. I'd say yes if he asked me out on a date," Darcy said glibly.

Now it was Bruce's turn to look upset. His lips started to quiver, indicating that he was about to cry any moment now.

Darcy panicked and hurried over to Bruce's side. "I didn't mean it! I'm sorry," she cooed, hugging the scientist. Bruce sniffled a bit.

"He only asked Tom out for a drink. That's not a date," Steve said, bewildered. "Bucky and I used to go to bars all the time, but we never considered it as dates. It was just two friends drinking."

Tony emitted a long-suffering sigh. "Cap, in the 21st century, asking someone out for a drink is considered a date."

"That is absurd," Loki said. "Is this one of your stupid Bromandments or Bro Code, or whatever the Hel you call it, again?"

"Ok, I'll pretend I didn't just hear those blasphemous words. And no, this is not part of the Bro Code. This is Dating 101. It applies to both bros and chicks." Tony stood up and started walking around in front of Loki and Steve, like a general before his platoon.

"Let me break it down for you two. Asking someone out for coffee is not a date. It's between friends. Totally platonic, neutral ground. Asking someone out for drinks, definitely not platonic. Still following me?"

Steve and Loki just gave him blank looks.

Tony continued. "Lunch is friend zone. Dinner is a whole different ballgame. You ask someone out to dinner if you want to have sexy times afterwards. Asking someone out for drinks is a prelude to dinner. That is Phase 1 of Doom's plan. Do not, under any circumstances, go out to dinner with Doom," the billionaire stated solemnly.

"Steve and I always go out for dinner. Does that mean we are dating now?" Loki said tartly.

"Cap doesn't count. He is already taken by yours truly," Tony declared, as if Steve wasn't present. "Besides, you're already madly in love with the blond of your dreams. It's Doom I don't trust. He's going mind whammy you and next thing you know you're down his dungeon getting boned or cloned. Whichever comes first."

The super soldier looked absolutely scandalized. Tony outright laid claim on him like he was a piece of virgin land or something. "We are not even a couple!" he fumed.

"That is easily remedied. Steve, will you go out to dinner with me?" Tony asked sweetly.

"No!"

"Goddamnit."

"Looks like that is your 497th rejection, Tony," Bruce announced.

"What the hell Bruce. Why are you keeping count?" the billionaire demanded, glaring daggers at his science bro.

Darcy cleared her throat. "I hate to interrupt the male bonding, but we need to go," she said, tapping her watch. "We have a game to attend. Remember?"

The trio, to her amusement, didn't even need to be told twice. Loki did the same and got dressed, but with a lot less enthusiasm. Fifteen minutes later, and they were off.

* * *

"So, when is your date with Victor going to be?" Bruce asked from the backseat.

Loki was driving, and with him were Steve and Bruce. They were on their way to the MetLife Stadium in New Jersey, a half hour trip from Stark Tower. Tony and Darcy were in another car, way ahead of them. Loki could see his best friend's red Bugatti zigzagging along the road. For Tony, speed limits were merely suggestions.

"It's not a date," Steve insisted, quickly coming to Loki's defense. "It's just two guys drinking," he repeated.

Loki gazed at Bruce from the rearview mirror. "You don't actually believe that whole Dating 101 drivel, do you?"

Bruce looked sheepish. "Ok, you have a point. But super villains just don't contact super heroes and be chummy with them all of a sudden. Aren't you a little bit suspicious about the whole thing? Tony was not kidding about the whole mind control and cloning by the way. Victor is known for doing it to his own allies."

"I'm moved that you and Tony are concerned with my well-being, but I think I can handle Victor," the god responded offhandedly.

Bruce didn't have a rebuttal for that. In fact, he was positive Loki could take on all the world's super villains without even breaking a sweat. Ever since the trickster had revealed himself, no one had dared attack New York. Maybe that was why Doom wanted to meet Loki in the first place, so he could scope the god out.

The scientist gave a small sigh. It looked like Loki was adamant to meet the Latverian, no matter how much he and Tony objected to the idea. "Fine. Just be always on your guard around the guy. Aside from being a scientist, he's also a sorcerer. That makes him a double threat. He's also completely amoral. There is no telling what he would do."

Loki picked up his friend's worried tone. "I'll be fine Bruce. Don't worry," he said gently.

Bruce gave the trickster a pained smile return.

"Who knows? Maybe Tom could convince Doom to switch to the good side," Steve said, ever the optimist.

Bruce seriously doubted that, but said nothing.

* * *

They arrived in MetLife Stadium just minutes before the game. It was New York Giants vs. Minnesota Vikings. Tony had rented a luxury suite, so they had a private room all to themselves. It was like a small apartment; it had a kitchen, a wet bar, a private bathroom, comfortable sofas, and four HD televisions. Food such as canapés, shrimp cocktail, sushi, and bottles of champagne were already laid out. It must've cost Tony a fortune.

Despite the lavish accommodation, Loki wanted to go back home. He wanted to be somewhere quiet and familiar, and this place was the exact opposite. He felt claustrophobic.

"I don't know why we have to come here Tony. We could've just watched this game back home for free," the god said, looking at the TVs mounted on the wall pointedly. He thought it was senseless these devices were even installed inside the room in the first place, when you could just turn your head and see all the action outside.

"Quit being a tightwad. Look at how thrilled they are," Tony said, gesturing at Steve, Bruce, and Darcy. Their friends were by the window, taking in the spectacular view of the whole football field. They were grinning widely, giddy with excitement. "Plus we need to take the princesses out of the tower once in a while."

Steve and Bruce glowered at the billionaire. They had donned on those ridiculous Viking helmets with bright yellow pigtails on them, so the dirty looks they were sending Tony didn't have much of an effect.

"What? You two hardly go out unless Tom and I ask you to," Tony said, popping a California roll into his mouth. "You do know the Vikings never won a Super Bowl right? The Giants are going to win," he said, smirking.

Steve shrugged. "We always root for the underdogs."

Sure enough, the fans of the Giants vastly outnumbered the Vikings'. Their faces were painted blue, matching the color of their football jerseys. Loki could only see minute specks of yellow in a sea of blue.

For a moment he imagined he was back in Jotunheim again, the frost giants surrounding him, and he was fighting for his life. The trickster felt lightheaded. He leaned on the bar counter, and took deep breaths. Fortunately everyone was preoccupied with the game to witness his mini panic attack.

When Loki felt like himself again, he walked over and joined the others.

The Vikings put up a valiant fight, but by the end of the first half the Giants had two field goals and one touchdown, leading by twelve points.

"This is horrible," Bruce wailed, as the two teams left the field to rest for a couple of minutes. "They are getting killed out there."

Loki winced at the scientist's choice of words.

"They still have time to catch up. Don't lose hope Bruce," Steve said firmly.

Then a deafening crash of thunder startled all of them.

"That's weird. It's not supposed to rain today," Tony said, glancing outside. Bolts of lightning started flickering across the sky. "Woah, the weather is going nuts."

Loki swallowed thickly, as the thunder became more insistent. All of a sudden he remembered his first day in college, arguing with the professor in his World Mythology class.

"… _he'll do it with flashes of lightning preceded by booming thunder…"_

Even if he were in a coma, he'd recognize this sound. He had heard it a million times; it was familiar as his own heartbeat.

Fear, mixed with relief, flooded his body. The past few weeks had been agonizing, waiting for this moment to come. He'd rather just get this over and done with.

One thing was for sure, he was not returning to Asgard. If he had to grovel just to stay here, so be it.

"He's here," Loki breathed, gazing at the sky.

"Who?" Darcy asked. She noticed her boss had gone deathly pale, and he was trembling slightly. "What's wrong?"

As soon as she said it, a final clap of thunder resonated throughout the whole stadium, and a man with a red cape landed in the middle of the field.

Loki smiled humorlessly at Thor's grand entrance. The thunderer always had a penchant for the theatrics.

"LOKI! Where are you?" Thor bellowed.

The trickster stood up and turned to his friends. "Whatever happens, don't intervene," he said quietly.

"Hey, hold on…aw shit. He's gone."

A second later Loki appeared right in front of Thor.

Steve and Darcy were already out of the suite and sprinting down the bleachers, while Bruce was taking off his shirt and shoes, just in case the Hulk was needed.

Tony's suit was in his Bugatti. Swearing up a storm, he ran out to get it.

* * *

Thor scanned the stadium, looking for his brother. He had never seen so many people gathered in one place; the younger god could be anywhere. He was about to call out Loki's name again when the trickster appeared before him.

Thor dropped Mjolnir in shock, not daring to believe it.

When Loki had vanished, his world had been knocked askew and he had been reeling from the loss ever since. He couldn't get his bearings and his sadness went beyond grief. He was not alive; he merely existed. Thor had thought being king would make him happy, but nothing brought him any joy ever since he became ruler of Asgard. Nothing mattered since his brother was not by his side.

Loki was the first thing on his mind when he woke up, and the last in his thoughts when he went to sleep.

Now that his brother was standing right there, and Thor was at a loss on what to do. He wanted to cry and scream, wanted to hold on to Loki so tight that he wouldn't disappear or wander off again. Thor wanted to hurt him, make him feel at least a fraction of the pain he had inflicted on their family. Frigga had cried every night for her missing son, and Odin had mourned with her.

The younger god stared back at him with calm eyes, fully aware of the promise of violence. Yet Loki came without any armor for protection nor a weapon to defend himself. He'd willingly let himself get hurt, as he had done countless of times before.

As if reading his thoughts, Loki spread his hands in invitation. "Go ahead," he said softly. "I deserve it."

It felt like Thor had been doused with cold water. His fury was gone in an instant, leaving him weak and disoriented. "Brother," he whispered, reaching out to Loki.

The trickster flinched. "I'm not your brother," he said, shaking his head miserably. "I never was."

He sounded so unhappy and lost, and it broke Thor's heart. "I don't care. You're still Loki. You're always going to be my brother," he said, with all the conviction he could muster.

The trickster couldn't speak, devastated by the older god's words. He'd rather Thor beat him senseless and reject him; it would've hurt less. He'd be rid of Thor once and for all. He would finally be free.

This was not supposed to happen.

Loki wept.

* * *

Darcy ran towards her boss, Steve right behind her. The two gods were just staring at each other, neither one of them moving.

When she got closer, her chest clenched at the sight. Normally Loki didn't show any emotion, his face had always been an impenetrable mask. But now that façade had crumbled, and it was raw and painful to behold.

Loki was crying, gazing at the newcomer with so much longing and sadness. The other's expression wasn't any different; need and want were spilling out of him in waves. Darcy noticed the massive hammer on the ground, forgotten by its owner. Her stomach gave a nauseating lurch as realization dawned. She suddenly found it hard to breathe.

The person her boss had been pining for this whole time? It was the god of thunder himself.

She wanted so badly to comfort the trickster, but the blond got to him first. He cradled Loki's face so tenderly, brushing away his tears.

"I missed you so much," he murmured, pressing his forehead to Loki's. "Please don't leave me again."

Beside Darcy, Steve was looking everywhere but the two gods in front of him. He felt like a voyeur, after witnessing something so intimate. The people in the stadium were not as courteous as Steve though. Thousands of camera phones were going off, the incessant clicking grating on his nerves. The super solider hated this aspect of the 21st century; privacy was such a rare commodity nowadays.

Yet Thor and Loki didn't seem to notice what was going on around them, completely riveted with one another. Earth could've blown up and sucked into a black hole for all they care.

A few minutes later Bruce joined them, half-naked and barefoot, holding a stitch in his side. He was wheezing a little; hours being cooped up in his laboratory without any physical exercise didn't do much for his stamina.

"Where's Tony?"

Before Bruce could answer, the billionaire showed up right behind them.

"Hey guys, what did I mi- OHMYGOD," Tony exclaimed, his brain stuttering at the sight of Thor embracing his co-CEO.

Tom was tall, but this guy was taller. And bigger. Like damn, his muscles had muscles. Cap looked small standing next to him; the dude could probably bench press a herd of elephants. But the most important part was his hair.

The puzzle that had stumped him for a decade had finally been solved. This was a momentous event.

"It's him! The mystery blond!" the billionaire hollered, pointing at Thor while snubbing his friends' exasperated looks. They knew they were never going to hear the end of this from Tony.

"I was right. Y'all thought I was crazy. In yo' face Bruce! You owe me twenty bucks," he said smugly, shit-eating grin in place.

Bruce grudgingly took out his wallet and handed his science bro the money. "We made this stupid bet five years ago. I thought Tom liked brunettes," he explained to Steve, while giving a sideways glance at Darcy. Said brunette was still staring at the two gods, looking dejected. Bruce and Steve tried to console her as best as they could.

Meanwhile Tony was doing a victory jig, as if he had won the Super Bowl himself.

He stopped dancing when he heard the faint roar of news helicopters in the distance. "Crap, the vultures are coming. We have to go." Sure enough a handful of reporters had already arrived, eager for a scoop. "Cap, start swingin' that shield."

"Those are civilians!" Steve protested.

"They aren't people, they're journalists. You can hit them," Tony insisted.

"Are they your friends?" Thor asked, watching Steve and Tony argue.

The god of thunder was eyeing them strangely, and Loki couldn't blame him. Steve was still wearing his silly Viking hat, Bruce was shirtless and shivering, Darcy was just standing there like a statue, and for anyone not familiar with the Iron Man suit, it appeared like Tony was a talking robot.

Loki let out a watery laugh. "Yes," the trickster replied, smiling at his brother. "Let's go home."

And he teleported everyone back to the Tower.

Two spectators, fans of rival teams, looked at one another.

"Best. Halftime show. Ever," they said in unison.

In the end, the Vikings rallied and beat the Giants. It was the biggest upset in football history.

* * *

Somewhere in Latveria, Victor watched Thor and Loki's tearful reunion in the news. He didn't like it. Luring the god of mischief to join him was going to be more difficult than he had anticipated.

Then again, he always loved a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ted Bundy was an infamous American serial killer. He was smart, good-looking, and he appeared to be perfectly normal, just like Victor von Doom.
> 
> Fun fact:
> 
> Lightning comes before thunder. For Thor's case, it's the other way around. At first I wrote it as a running gag that the god of thunder doesn't know the correct order of things. Months later as I read the comic (Thor, Vol. 1 by J. Michael Straczynski if anyone is interested), I found out that Thor unleashes thunder first before lightning. It's actually canon. So I was like wow. Haha. Just thought I'd share this tidbit.


	14. A Date with Doom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki goes to Latveria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really corny puns ahead.

The water had gone cold.

Loki had been sitting in the bathtub for an hour now; the bathroom had turned into his sanctuary of sorts. His fingers and toes had gone all pruney, but he didn't mind. It was a small price to pay for solitude. Ever since the thunderer had arrived a week ago, he had never left Loki's side. Had Loki not loudly protested, Thor would've followed him inside the bathroom too. It was like having a big, blond, and overly cheerful magnet.

Thor's abnormal behavior didn't go unnoticed by his friends. Tony had ribbed him endlessly about it, commenting that Thor reminded him of a lovesick puppy. Bruce kept giving them amused looks, and Steve had that goofy smile on his face, like he was so happy for them. It took Darcy a couple of days to warm up to Thor, but nobody could resist the god of thunder when he really turns on the charm.

The god of mischief pushed his wet hair away from his face, a frown gracing his features. Aside from Thor being too clingy, in numerous instances he had caught the Aesir king intently watching him, like Thor was seeing him for the first time. It baffled the trickster as to why he was the focus of Thor's attention all of a sudden. Usually the blond ignored him unless he was in trouble or had a problem that needed to be fixed. That was basically their arrangement; it had been that way their whole lives.

So what was Thor playing at?

He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't notice another person had appeared inside the bathroom with him.

"You know, it hurts my feelings when you ignore my letters," came a gravelly voice.

Loki started and gaped at the trespasser. The man was tall and brawny, and he had two katanas strapped to his back. Outfitted head to foot in black and red spandex, he reminded Loki of a red panda he had seen at the zoo.

"Wow, I didn't know gods are so pretty…and delicate," the guy continued, staring at Loki in wonder, taking in the trickster's impossibly green eyes and slender build. "I was thinking you'd be built more like Dolph Lundgren. Or that dude from Hercules, you know? I forgot his name. But man, that show kicked ass. You should watch it sometime," he rambled.

Loki scowled, taking offense. The man said it as a compliment, but in Asgard he was thought less of a warrior because he didn't fit the conventional male aesthetic. Until now it nettled him whenever someone pointed it out. "Who are you? And what are you doing in my bathroom?" he demanded.

"It's me. Deadpool," the red panda impersonator replied, as if that pretty much explained everything.

Loki just looked at him, bewildered.

The guy visibly deflated. "I sent you a bunch of mail. Remember?" he said, sounding petulant. "You never replied, so I thought I should just come to you personally."

Without warning, there was an explosion and shards of wood flew in every direction.

"Brother! Are you alright? The voice from the ceiling told me there is an intruder," Thor exclaimed, shoving his way through the destroyed remains of what used to be Loki's door. He was holding Mjolnir aloft, ready to fight.

"Doom, you asshole!" Tony yelled indignantly from behind Thor, "Hacking into my network I could forgive, but not this." He stopped mid-rant when he saw who it was. "Oh, it's you," he said, frowning at the newcomer. "For the last time, you're not joining the Avengers."

"What's going on?" Steve said, looking worried. He grimaced when he saw Deadpool. "It's ok, it's just Wade," he informed Bruce, who was hovering outside.

"Nice," the scientist griped.

Meanwhile, Darcy had managed to squeeze her way through the throng of men undetected. Seeing Loki still sitting in the bathtub, she whipped out her phone and started taking pictures like crazy.

"Put that away!" Loki barked. He started to get up, but remembered he had no clothes on. Good thing there were still bubbles left in the tub, or else the family jewels would be in full display. The trickster leveled her a glare instead.

Darcy grinned widely. "Think of your fangirls. I'm definitely posting this in my Tumblr."

Loki started to object, but the words died in his throat when he saw the thunderer's expression.

Thor was watching him again, and this time there was no mistaking the hunger in his eyes. He could feel the weight of Thor's gaze on his skin, avidly roaming all over his body.

Even though he was sitting in frigid water, Loki felt hot all of a sudden. Blood rushed to his head; he felt his blush spread from his face and down his neck.

"May I have a bit of privacy please?" Loki requested, amazed his voice was still even when he was seconds away from freaking out. His friends and Deadpool quickly went out without another word. Thor didn't appear to be listening.

"Thor," Loki said, tone sharp.

The god of thunder gave him one last, lingering look, then stepped out.

Loki immediately repaired his door, and flung a reinforcement spell on it for good measure. He collapsed bonelessly against the bathtub as a wave of vertigo crashed over him.

He was not expecting that at all.

* * *

It took another couple of minutes for Loki to convince himself that what transpired in the bathroom was a figment of his imagination, some weird trick of light, or whatever. He knew he was grasping at straws here, but either that or lose his sanity.

His friends were gathered in his living room, and he was surprised to find two other super heroes, a boy and a girl, had appeared. The boy was thin and gangly, wearing a costume similar to Deadpool's, while the girl had a prehensile tail, claws, and buck teeth.

Loki wormed himself between Darcy and Steve, as far away from Thor as possible. "Who are they?" he asked Steve, observing the strange group.

"Spider-Man and Squirrel Girl," the super soldier replied. "They want to join the Avengers too." Ever since the trickster had joined the team, weird super heroes had been coming out of the woodwork, wanting to fight alongside Loki.

"Huh," was all the god of mischief could say.

In the meantime Tony was arguing with the newcomers. "I told you, we are not accepting members right now," the billionaire said irately. He shot Deadpool a baleful look. "And even if we were, I wouldn't let you join. You're too unstable."

"Come on man, I made one mistake. That was already more than a year ago," Wade groused. "Let bygones be bygones, eh?"

Bruce, who had been quiet the whole time, spoke up. "Wade, I got banned from Harlem for life because of you," he said coldly.

"How come you never told me that?" Darcy asked, staring at Bruce.

The scientist just shook his head. He didn't want to talk about it.

"This dumbass threw a grenade at the Other Guy and incinerated his pants," Tony supplied, trying his damnedest not to laugh. It always made Bruce crabby whenever someone reminded him of that particular incident. "And we all know that a Hulk without pants is an extra angry Hulk. Harlem was demolished, thanks to Wade here."

Deadpool threw himself dramatically at Bruce's feet. "I'm so sorry! I was nervous that day. All I wanted was to impress you guys," he bawled.

Bruce rolled his eyes in response. "I thought you joined the X-Men."

"They kicked me out. And the Fantastic Four banned me too," Wade sniffed.

"There are other groups looking for members. I heard the Great Lakes Avengers are open," Steve suggested.

"Cap, you know nothing happens in Wisconsin right? Who am I gonna fight over there? Cows? All the action is right here."

Loki chuckled. Wade was right; all of the super villains loved to congregate in New York for some reason. It was like the whole state had a bright red bullseye painted on it.

"Besides, you guys have the coolest team ever. You have a god on your side," Wade insisted, nodding at Loki. "I'll be popular with the chicks if I join the Fonduing Foursome. It will be awesome!"

Steve and Bruce simultaneously grimaced. Both of them hated that stupid nickname the public had bestowed upon their group. Before Loki had joined the Avengers, they were labeled the Bad Touch Trio, courtesy of Tony's epic interview five years ago.

"The answer is still no Wade. You had your shot and you totally blew it," Tony said, tone snide.

"Hey, how come you gave Deadpool a chance and not us? That's not fair," Spider-Man interjected.

"Because you two are kids. I don't want to include child endangerment to my list of legal liabilities, thank you very much," Tony muttered.

"I'm legal!" Spider-Man protested, his voice cracking a little.

"Legal my ass. You sound like you huffed a tank of helium," Tony shot back. "Your balls haven't dropped yet. I bet you still have acne."

Deadpool gave Spider-Man a patronizing look. "You're too scrawny to be fighting anyway. Grow some muscles first."

"No, I don't have pimples. I use Proactiv," Spider-Man said angrily. He slapped a hand over his mouth, realizing his gaffe. "I mean, no, I don't use that stuff at all," he stammered, as Wade and Tony started sniggering. "I'm a late bloomer, ok? I'm going to fill out eventually!" he burst out, making his voice more high-pitched. It only made the two guffaw harder.

Loki felt sorry for the teenager and decided to step in. "If I remember correctly Tony, you didn't hit your growth spurt until you were sixteen," he said lazily. He turned to Wade, eyeing him up and down. "As for you Deadpool, your strength and physique that you are so proud of? Synthetic. All of it came from a bottle."

Tony and Wade immediately stopped laughing, and gaped at the trickster. Spider-Man fought the urge to squeal like a fanboy; he couldn't believe the god of mischief had stood up for him. Squirrel Girl was all the more determined to join the Avengers; her mild admiration for Loki had revved up to a full-blown crush in a matter of seconds.

Steve, Bruce, and Darcy flinched, as if the insult was directed at them. Loki's sharp tongue was legendary, and it was terrifying to witness it firsthand. They couldn't believe their beloved best friend could also be downright merciless. It was like looking at a different person.

"I just got dissed by Loki. This is the best day of my life," Wade gushed, not affronted by the trickster at all.

Thor regarded the whole exchange somberly. He knew his brother had zero tolerance for those who belittled others because of their appearance. It never ceased to amaze him how Loki could effortlessly cut down anyone with just a few choice words, hitting right where it hurts the most. The trickster would unearth your deepest insecurities, basest desires and shameful secrets, and display it for everyone to see.

"Your names are Peter Parker and Doreen Green, ages fifteen and fourteen," Loki announced, while he lightly skimmed his magic over them. "I have to agree with Tony, you are much too young to be putting your lives on the line. Enjoy your youth, while it lasts," he said wistfully.

The thunderer averted his eyes; he couldn't bear to gaze at Loki's expression. Neither of them had a normal childhood; they didn't get to hold on to their innocence for long. Wars and bloodshed had been an integral part of their existence right from the start.

Squirrel Girl wasn't having any of it. "I defeated Doctor Doom," she declared, chin held high, "has anyone of you done that?"

Tony, who had finally recovered from his embarrassment, cocked an eyebrow. "Really?" A few months back he had heard of Doom's irrational fear of rodents. He didn't believe it at that time, it was just too ridiculous to consider.

Doreen smirked and took out her phone. She had a picture of Doctor Doom, flat on his back, being attacked by hundreds of rabid squirrels. The super villain's massive Doomship was smashed and on fire in the background. Tony stared at it, unbelieving. This was not Photoshopped. It was authentic.

He wordlessly passed the phone to Bruce. Then Bruce passed it to Steve, looking shell-shocked. Steve glanced at Doreen amusedly, then handed it to Loki, who started chuckling.

"You mean to tell me a fourteen-year-old girl defeated the toughest super villain of all time, with the use of rodents?" Tony croaked. "What is the world coming to?"

"Women get things done, that's why," Darcy stated, giving Doreen a high-five. "Just let her join already."

"Nope," the billionaire answered, still obstinate.

"Oh come on! Why do you get to decide? What about the rest of the team?" Doreen exclaimed, stamping her feet.

"Because I have veto power, that's why."

Loki snorted. "This is not a company Tony. You don't have that privilege here."

"Uh, I just wanted to ask, but what are those?" Bruce asked out of the blue, pointing at the leather pouches on Doreen's waist. He wondered if they contained the weapons used to defeat Doom.

"These are my nut sacks."

Everyone in the room cracked up, save for Darcy, Steve, and Loki. Even Thor was not immune to vulgar puns.

Doreen rolled her eyes. World's greatest super heroes her butt; they were just a bunch of idiots who were into dick jokes. "You know, for my squirrels when they need a snack," she deadpanned.

"Ok, just for that, you're in," Tony gasped, his stomach cramping from laughing too hard. "Oh god, I think I busted a rib."

Peter and Wade immediately started whining.

Bruce gave a small cough to get their attention. "Actually, we don't have any say in this. It's Fury who decides who gets to join the group," he said sheepishly. "We'll put in a good word for you and Peter," he promised Doreen.

Peter crossed his arms, looking every inch the sullen teenager. "I already asked him, and he said no," he grumbled. "He said the same thing, that I'm too young."

"I enlisted in the army when I was eighteen. You are welcome to join us once you're of age, if you still want to," Steve said gently. "Until then, promise me that you two won't put yourselves at risk. Just wait for a while, ok?"

Doreen and Peter nodded, albeit reluctantly. It was impossible to say no to someone like Captain America.

After another round of crying and begging later (mostly by Wade), the trio finally left. They promised they would visit again, much to Tony's chagrin.

The billionaire rubbed his temples. "So we got Chock full o'Nuts, Proactiv Boy, and the Crazy Canuck as future members. Why is it that we get the weirdos? How come the X-Men get all the babes?" he complained.

"They are teenagers. By the time they turn eighteen, they'd forgotten this whole episode," Bruce assured his science bro. "And I'm pretty sure Fury won't allow Wade to be an Avenger. The man is insane."

"God, I hope so."

* * *

After lunch Loki excused himself and went down to his office to catch up on his paperwork. It wasn't like he was avoiding Thor or anything.

It took him only an hour and he was done, he had even answered all his damned fan mail. Loki cursed himself for being too efficient. He hated being idle; he tended to brood when there was nothing for him to do.

Loki tapped his pen on his desk, thinking. He wondered how the Hel his life had come to this point, with him and Thor having a strange domestic arrangement going on. Every day he made breakfast, went to work, attended meetings, went back home, cooked dinner, watched some tv with Thor, then he went to bed. And every day the god of thunder was waiting for him, like some kind of housewife. It didn't seem to bother Thor at all, fully content with just enjoying Loki's company.

This unusual turn of events was unsettling, to say the least. He had been vying for Thor's attention all his life; now that he had it, he didn't know what to do with it.

Loki fiddled with his mobile, checking for messages. Then he remembered Doom.

A week had already passed, and he still had not taken up the Latverian's invitation. Do dictators take weekends off and relax like normal people? 'Better late than never, I guess,' he mused, as he called Victor.

* * *

Upstairs, all of his friends were in Candyland, including Thor. To everyone's amazement, the god of thunder was pretty good at billiards, even better than Loki.

"Woah, where did you get your mad pool skills? Do you guys have billiards in Asgard?" Tony asked as he watched Thor do a complicated trick shot.

Thor gave a chuckle. "I lived in New Mexico for three years. I played a lot to pass the time," he explained.

"So gods regularly hang out here on Earth, like it's some kind of vacation spot?" Darcy inquired. It made her wonder just how many gods were running around the world, moonlighting as ordinary people.

The god of thunder grimaced. "I wouldn't say 'vacation'. My father banished me here as punishment."

Tony was listening intently. From the bits and pieces he had gleaned from Tom about his dad over the years, it seemed Papa Odin was a firm believer of the whole tough love philosophy. Thor had just confirmed his theory.

Thor continued. "Loki, on the other hand, came to Midgard voluntarily. He's not supposed to be here in the first place. He's a prince of Asgard after all," he said morosely.

"Wait, you mean Tom is royalty? The myths never said anything about that," Bruce said, confused. Then again, he shouldn't be surprised. The stories never mentioned anything about Thor and Loki being brothers, or them being completely obsessed with each other. 'Bet those monks never saw this coming,' the scientist mused.

"Loki is a prince of two realms," Thor said, frowning. "He never told you that?"

"Well that explains a lot. Nobody could be that haughty without a drop of royal blood in them," Darcy said, giggling.

"We didn't even know he's a god until only a month ago," Steve answered.

Thor nodded in understanding. "That is to be expected. My brother keeps to himself. He never lets anyone know what he is thinking."

"No kidding," Tony murmured. He was hurt that Tom had kept so much from him, whereas he never hid anything from his best friend. He told Tom everything on his mind, and the trickster had even complained numerous times that he didn't want to know his sordid fantasies involving Captain America.

"Speaking of Tom, where is he anyway?" Tony asked, looking around. They were supposed to be playing against Bruce and Steve today, the Robber Barons vs. the Proletarians.

"He just messaged me a few minutes ago. Said he was going out for a drink, didn't say where though," Steve stated, reading from his mobile.

Darcy and Bruce exchanged worried looks.

"JARVIS, where's Tom?" Tony asked quietly.

The AI didn't answer right away.

"JARVIS."

"I don't think it is proper to tell you, sir," JARVIS replied. Tony glared at the ceiling.

"Damn it, where is he?" the billionaire demanded, getting more agitated by the second.

It shouldn't be possible for an AI to sound annoyed, but JARVIS did. "Sir Tom is currently in Doomstadt, Latveria," he answered dully.

"What?! I told him not to meet Doom!" Tony screeched, forgetting that Thor was present. He started calling his best friend, but the god was not picking up his phone.

"Loki…went out on a date?" Thor asked slowly. He looked calm, yet storm clouds were already gathering outside.

Everyone gulped.

Steve wanted to say it wasn't a date, but he didn't fancy getting smote by an angry god today. He glanced at Tony, and the billionaire looked pleased with himself, delighted that Thor agreed with him.

"Yup, and I'm pretty sure Doom has the hots for your brother," Tony said nonchalantly.

Steve wanted nothing more than to knock Tony out with his shield at that moment.

Growling, Thor summoned Mjolnir and flew out the balcony without a backward glance.

Darcy started to call her boss frantically, while giving Tony dirty looks.

Bruce promptly smacked his science bro upside the head. "What the hell was that?!"

"What does it look like? I'm cockblocking the asshole, and at the same time I'm getting our buddy back. It's a win-win situation," Tony said, regarding Bruce like he was the one being dim here. "Don't you get it? Doom is trying to entice Tom to join the dark side of the force. Besides, a little white lie never hurt anyone."

Steve stared at him incredulously. "Didn't you see Thor's face? They might kill each other."

"No, they won't. They'd probably just maim each other good at most," Tony said coolly.

"First of all, lay off the Star Wars for a while. Second, that's not cool what you did, crashing Tom's date like that. You broke the Bro Code. Again," Bruce reprimanded.

"I don't give a rat's ass about that. This is Doom we're talking about. The end justifies the means fellas," the billionaire singsonged. "Which reminds me," Tony said, pushing away from the group, "I still haven't hacked ol' metal face's network. Let's see if he likes a million viruses in his mainframe."

Bruce and Steve couldn't do anything but gawk as Tony practically skipped to the elevator.

* * *

Meanwhile in Latveria…

Loki was at Castle Doom. It really was a genuine castle, complete with turrets, a moat with a drawbridge, a spacious courtyard, a great hall, and a dungeon (which the monarch had converted into a laboratory). Suits of armor and tapestries lined the walls. It was also filled with priceless art; Loki had recognized a few Renoirs and Corots while Victor gave him a tour around his home earlier. It tickled the trickster to discover that the tyrant had a fondness for paintings that depicted idyllic landscapes. He had expected that Victor would be more into the works of Hieronymus Bosch or Edvard Munch.

The god observed his host, who was sitting right across from him. The Latverian was idly swirling honey-colored liquid around his glass.

It was said you could tell a lot from a person with the kind of drink they prefer.

Tony liked tequila, which was a no-brainer. Adored by spring breakers everywhere, it's the perennial party drink. It made one irresponsible and rowdy, which for the billionaire was normal behavior.

Victor favored cognac, a drink meant to be savored, reserved for a night of silence and rumination. It's a drink for hedonists, those who enjoy spending long hours simply discerning its subtle notes and complex flavors.

Loki, on the other hand, preferred vodka. Those who drink it straight are only after the sweet oblivion that it brings. Unlike Tony and Victor, he didn't drink because it was fun or pleasurable. He drank because he wanted to forget.

The god sipped his drink, felt the warmth pool in his gut. He could tell it was the expensive kind, the way it came down so smoothly. "This is a very nice cognac," he complimented, tipping his glass towards Victor in appreciation. "Again, I apologize for not meeting with you earlier."

The Latverian waved a hand dismissively. "It's fine. I knew you were busy."

Loki gave him a mildly perplexed look.

"It's kind of hard not to notice another god falling out of the sky," Victor supplied dryly.

Loki chuckled. He remembered Uncle Vili and Uncle Ve, and countless other Aesir who had settled in Midgard instead of the Eternal Realm. "Trust me, we are not as uncommon as you think."

Victor was about to ask the god to elaborate further, but was cut short when the heavy oak door in his study was blasted open. Thor rushed in, looking pissed. "Loki! Why didn't you tell me where you were going?" he boomed.

"What is it with you and doors today?" Loki said, appalled that the thunderer had followed him halfway across the world. He was willing to wager his whole library that Tony had something to do with it.

Thor didn't get to answer the question; he was hit by a powerful force blast and hurled across the room, knocking sculptures along the way.

Loki glanced to the side, and saw Victor already wearing his armor, sans his metal mask. The god of thunder quickly recovered, and he retaliated via lightning strike. Victor sidestepped it, and the row of books behind him exploded, charred paper and bits of binding flying everywhere.

The trickster gave a small noise of distress. Some of those books were first editions too.

Thor kept trying to electrocute Victor, but since the Latverian's body was comprised of organic metal, the thunderer's attacks didn't have much of an impact.

Loki watched as Thor and Victor circled each other, half expecting the two testosterone addled alpha males to start grunting and beating their chests like gorillas any minute now.

'I'm not drunk enough for this,' the trickster mused, as a bottle of vodka appeared on his hand.

After a few more failed attempts, Thor had finally caught on that his opponent was impervious to lightning. Quick as a flash, he launched Mjolnir to Victor's head. The tyrant didn't have time to duck. There was a loud clang and Victor went down faster than a sack of bricks.

Loki jumped from the couch and sprinted to the dictator's side. Victor was knocked out cold, a huge lump forming on his head. The god quickly revived him.

"Please forgive my brother. He's a tad unstable," Loki muttered, checking Victor's eyes for any signs of a major concussion. He sighed in relief when the Latverian blinked back at him, a little cross-eyed but still alert. "Tony was right, you are tougher than most people," the trickster joked, attempting to lighten the situation.

Victor wasn't listening to any of it, too distracted by Loki peering at him closely. The trickster's face was just inches away, his warm breath ghosting over his lips. He noted dimly that Loki's beauty surpassed all the women he had ever dated; none of them even came close.

Downright perturbed by that random thought, Victor groaned and closed his eyes. God, his brain hurt.

Loki placed his hand on the Latverian's forehead, healing him. "I'm really sorry about this. I won't hold it against you if you never invite me again," he mumbled, clearly embarrassed. The god then stood up and commenced repairing the damage around the room.

Thor watched as Loki checked the mortal for injuries. He might've won the battle, but it wasn't much of a victory. The trickster was leaning over Doom, their faces almost touching. Loki gently stroked Doom's face, and the mortal gazed at his brother with an unreadable expression. It only made Thor dislike Doom even more.

Luckily the moment didn't last long; Loki was already busy fixing the place, not paying either of them any attention.

Still flat on the floor, Victor shot the god of thunder a glare of pure loathing. Thor glowered back; the feeling was mutual.

Loki threw Victor one last apologetic look, then grabbed Thor by the arm and teleported away.

Too stunned to move, Victor merely stared at the ceiling, processing what had just happened. He had been attacked and soundly defeated by the god of thunder. He should be already plotting Thor's demise, but instead his thoughts kept meandering back to the god of mischief.

His skin still tingled where Loki had touched him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional notes:
> 
> Proactiv is a brand of acne treatment.
> 
> Canuck is another term for a Canadian. Deadpool hails from Canada, hence the title Crazy Canuck.
> 
> Here are the pool team names:
> 
> Robber Barons (Tony & Loki)  
> Proletarians (Steve & Bruce)  
> Science Bros (Tony & Bruce)  
> Blue Ballers (Loki & Steve) (kudos for the person who can figure out what it means. lol)  
> Coffee Dudes (Tony & Steve)  
> Tea Guys (Bruce & Loki)
> 
> Extras:
> 
> Fists of Fury (Clint & Natasha)  
> The Wild Card (Darcy)
> 
> I will post the new team names including Thor in the next chapter XD


	15. War and Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets unexpected visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I have no excuse :(

“Does he pull a Houdini often?” Tony asked, as he tossed his phone away in frustration. He had been trying to contact his co-CEO for the past few hours, but it always went straight to voicemail.

Thor shot the billionaire a confused look. “I’m afraid I don’t understand that reference.”

“I mean, does your brother do the disappearing act all the time?”

The god of thunder let out a mirthless chuckle. “You have no idea.”

The two were at The Abyss, waiting for Loki to come home. After dropping off Thor at the Stark Tower, the god of mischief had teleported somewhere and had not returned ever since.

“It’s already late. I don’t think he’s coming,” Thor said despondently, getting up from the couch. “I’ll retire for the evening. Good night Tony.”

Tony nodded in understanding. “Ok big guy. See you tomorrow.”

Rather than going to his own room, Tony noted that Thor went to Loki’s instead. As if on cue, it started raining harder.

It had been raining nonstop since the trickster left.

Tony picked up his phone again and dialed Loki’s number. It took him by surprise when his best friend actually picked up.

“How was Easter Island? I heard it’s nice this time of year,” the god said, apropos of nothing. Tony could tell he was trying not to laugh.

“You’re a dick, you know that? You tampered with your phone’s homing device, knowing we’d follow you there,” Tony accused. Yesterday Loki sent him and Thor to one of the most isolated places on earth, just for shits and giggles.

“Well I am the god of mischief Tony. What did you expect?” the trickster said casually. “And if I’m a dick, you’re an asshole. You manipulated Thor to do your dirty work. That was low, even for you,” he berated. Loki considered it the height of rudeness, attacking someone inside their home. Even super villains don't deserve that kind of treatment.

Tony gritted his teeth. “I’m sorry, ok? What I did was totally shitty. I get that. Go ahead and lecture me all you want, but I’d rather you do it here. Your brother doesn’t like being ditched, now he’s acting like he got dumped and currently moping about in your room.” As he talked, the weather steadily grew worse. The thunderer was turning out to be more destructive than Doom and Magneto combined.

“Oh yeah and Thor is also flooding Manhattan,” Tony added, squinting at the chaos happening below. Instead of cars there were now inflatable boats shuffling along 14th Street. “Are you guys having some kind of Cold War phase going on? For a lover’s spat, don’t you think this is a bit too much?”

Loki snorted. “This not a war. This is a siege. I’m waiting for Thor to get bored so he’d go back to Asgard.”

“Wait, what? I thought you like having him around,” Tony said, more than a little perplexed by Tom’s behavior.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” came the terse reply.

“Come on man. You’ve been miserable ever since we met; it’s like you have this miasma of melancholy following you around. I thought you’d be happy now that Thor’s here. The guy is obviously crazy about you,” Tony pointed out.

“For someone with a potty mouth, you have your poetic moments Tony,” Loki quipped.

The billionaire made an annoyed sound. “Don’t change the subject. You finally have what you want. Why are you backing out now?”

It took a while for the god to respond. “Because it’s not real. It’s just a silly infatuation,” he admitted finally. “I know my brother better than anyone. He falls in love easily, and then discards his lovers once he’s done with them. I’ve seen it a million times. I don’t want to be part of that statistic.” Loki gave a slow exhale, as if bracing himself.

“So it’s best not to start it at all,” the trickster said quietly.

Tony listened intently as Tom poured his heart out. Comforting someone was never his forte, but he would try, for his best friend’s sake. “Whenever you’re ready to come back, we’ll be here waiting for you,” the billionaire said solemnly. “And if you need support, you always have me, Steve and Bruce. A brother might not be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother. Please remember that.”

“Thank you Tony.”

“Bye Tom. See you soon.”

* * *

 In a hotel somewhere in London, the god of mischief hung up the phone and drew a shaky breath. He went to the bathroom and splashed water into his face, trying to clear his head.

It felt like a red-hot poker had been shoved through his chest; it pained him saying all those things out loud. He didn’t want to give Thor the opportunity to give him hope, only for it to be taken away. His heart had been broken so many times; he would like to save the few pieces he still had left.

The best course of action was to nip this in the bud, before it could go any further.

He went back to bed and started contemplating his next move. Attacking head on and outright telling Thor to go home wasn’t going to work. The thunderer would dig his heels in and become more obstinate. This required patience and finesse; he would humor his brother for a while and wait it out. Loki was pretty sure that Odin would swoop in and demand the Aesir king to return if he tarried too long. The trickster hoped he could convince the All-Father to let him stay here, but if Frigga came and asked him to leave Midgard, he wouldn’t be able to refuse.

Loki winced. He was considered one of the best strategists in the Nine Realms, but this plan was flimsy at best.

His mobile beeped, interrupting his train of thought. Siegfried had sent him a report concerning Stark Industries’ stock prices. It appeared that his sudden departure had rattled employees and shareholders alike; the company’s value went into a tailspin during his absence. He couldn’t stay away any longer, even if he wanted to.

The trickster checked his watch. It was already past midnight in New York. Thor was probably asleep already… he’d go back around eight or so. He didn’t want to go out of this hotel room just yet.

Loki sagged back against the pillows and closed his eyes.

* * *

_Meanwhile in Manhattan…_

Loki was wrong, Thor was still wide awake.

He had not slept for three days. Every time he tried to get some rest, his mind conjured the same nightmare that had haunted him for the past decade. He dreamed that Loki had vanished again, and this time it was permanent.

Thor was sitting on the trickster’s bed, sadder than he had ever been in his life. He may have found Loki, but his brother was still lost to him. A gulf between them was steadily growing wider, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

The god of mischief proved once again that he could leave Thor anytime, without any warning or explanation. No matter how much he begged or tried to hold on, Loki made it clear that he was never going to stay.

Loki didn’t need him. And that was what hurt Thor the most.

He didn’t know how long he was just sitting there, staring at nothing. Thor thought he heard a noise outside the balcony, but he ignored it.

“Hey Thor, how about letting us in? We’re getting drenched here,” a familiar voice rang out.

The thunderer gaped at the unexpected visitors.

* * *

Loki strolled in at exactly eight in the morning, carrying some groceries. He had purchased coffee and pop tarts, as a peace offering of sorts.

He was scarcely out of the elevator when he was hauled out and crushed to someone’s muscular chest.

“Loki! Where have you been? We’ve been looking everywhere for you!” Volstagg boomed, hugging the trickster tightly.

Sif grinned. “I knew you weren’t dead. You’re a tough bastard to kill.” Beside her, Hogun gave a small wave in greeting.

Loki tried to wave back, but his arms were pinned to his sides. “Volstagg, it’s nice to see you and all, but you’re crushing my ribs,” he rasped.

“Oh! Sorry,” the red-bearded warrior exclaimed sheepishly, letting the trickster go. He spotted the groceries Loki was holding. “What are these?” he asked, snatching one of the bags.

Loki was about to grab it back when Fandral started prodding and poking his torso. “Where’s your armor? Where’s the metal? What a strange outfit,” he commented, ogling Loki’s three-piece suit.

“Don’t touch me,” Loki hissed, batting Fandral’s wandering hands away. “For your information, Midgardians no longer stab each other for fun. That custom went out of vogue ages ago.” He cocked an eyebrow. “When was the last time you were here anyway?”

Fandral thought for a moment. “Last time I was in Midgard indoor plumbing wasn’t even invented yet. Mortals have come a long way,” he replied, snickering.

“Why are you all here?” Loki asked the group. He wasn’t exactly thrilled having them around his place. They had the tendency to get on his nerves pretty quickly.

“Well, the All-Father saw you two fighting again, so he told us to come down to cheer Thor up,” Fandral answered.

“No, he didn’t. Odin booted you out because you’re terrible at ruling,” Hogun deadpanned. Fandral glared at him.

“You mean Thor left a brigand like you in charge? What was he thinking?” Loki growled, looking like he was going to breathe fire any minute now. “Of all the stupid, moronic things…” He stopped and looked around, noticing that a certain blond was missing. “Where is he anyway? “

“Asleep in your room. He seemed very tired,” Sif informed him, “like he didn’t sleep for days,” she added, giving the trickster a pointed look. Loki ignored her.

The elevator dinged, and all of Loki’s friends came out.

Tony dashed towards his co-CEO. “Hey buddy, welcome back,” he greeted happily. He then sighted the four Aesir. Sporting heavy armor and grasping medieval-looking weapons, they looked like those weirdos who dressed up in Renaissance fairs. “Ah, hello?”

“Greetings. I’m Sif, and these are the Warriors Three,” Sif announced formally.

“Hi, I’m Darcy and these are the Fonduing Foursome,” Darcy said, giggling.

“What is ‘fonduing’?” Volstagg asked, his mouth full of pastries.

“You don’t want to know,” Bruce and Steve responded at the same time.

“Loki?” came a tentative voice. Everyone went quiet.

The trickster turned around and saw Thor standing in the doorway. Guilt bubbled up inside him, and he started to fidget. “Good morning brother. Uh, I bought you some pop tarts” he said, fumbling for a bit, “and coffee,” he finished lamely.

Thor stared at Loki for a few moments, then smiled. It stopped raining immediately.

Everybody heaved a sigh of relief.

* * *

Tony invited Thor’s friends to Candyland for a couple of drinks. Bruce pointed out it was too early to get drunk, but it wasn’t everyday that ancient beings from outer space visited his tower. Plus he didn’t fancy watching Tom and Thor making goo-goo eyes at each other. Observing the newcomers’ expressions, they looked like they didn’t want to either.

The billionaire wished those two would just bang already. All that unresolved sexual tension was making everybody uncomfortable.

“Does this happen a lot?” Tony asked the guy who had a striking resemblance to Robin Hood.

“Oh yes. This is quite tame actually, compared to their past quarrels,” Fandral said conversationally. “When they battle each other, they hold nothing back. I usually go to another town when it happens.”

“They fight like an old married couple,” Steve commented. It was obvious the two were in love, and he was delighted for them. He could do without the god-induced hurricanes though.

“It’s so cute. And they have matching rings and everything,” Darcy sighed dreamily.

Volstagg, Sif, Hogun, and Fandral looked amused. The mortals’ observations were on point.

Since they were children Thor and Loki had been very close, closer than most siblings. Thor worshipped and adored his little brother, and Loki did the same, if not more. The younger prince defended Thor fiercely, and the normally sensible trickster went berserk whenever his brother was in danger. People gave Thor a wide berth not because they were afraid of the thunderer, but because they feared incurring Loki’s wrath.

Sif gave an unladylike snort. “They are fools. We’ve known for ages now. It wasn’t that much of a secret,” she revealed. It was common knowledge that Thor had a type; he only pursued brunettes. The thunderer courted pale, delicate-looking women, those that appeared like they were ready to keel over. This prompted the women of Asgard to go on extreme diets and dyeing their hair black, hoping to catch Thor’s eye. Loki was too furious to realize what was going on. Sif estimated the trickster had cursed more than half of the female population in his jealous rage.

Loki might be the cleverest of the gods, but he was as dense as Thor sometimes.

‘Men. Bunch of idiots, the lot of them,’ Sif mused, as she downed a shot of tequila.

“Which reminds me, pay up Hogun. I won the wager,” Fandral crowed, holding a hand out. “I told you Thor would realize it soon enough.”

The taciturn warrior scowled and pulled out a small bag of precious stones. “I thought it would go on a couple more centuries at least,” he grumbled.

“I told you not to take that wager. Fandral always wins,” Volstagg chided, while gulping down a whole bottle of whiskey.

The billionaire started laughing and tried to give Fandral a fist bump. “And everyone thought we were nuts. You guys should listen to us more often,” he said smugly.

Bruce rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, Tony.”

* * *

The drinking session in the morning progressed to a full-blown party by the time evening rolled around. Tony loved parties. The billionaire threw one whenever he felt like it: happy, sad, or bored, he partied. He didn’t need a reason.

Loki didn’t join in on the fun. The trickster was getting ready for bed; he had a long day ahead of him tomorrow.

He was buttoning his pajama top when he heard a knock.

Thor was outside, looking nervous and a bit hopeful. “I can’t sleep,” he said without preamble.

An old memory resurfaced and a wave of nostalgia struck Loki so hard that it made his head spin.

“What do you want me to do?” the god of mischief asked, uneasy. He didn’t like where this was going.

“Can I stay with you?”

It took all of Loki’s willpower not to slam the door on Thor’s face. “No. Go back to your room,” he said flatly.

“Please.”

Something in Thor’s voice made Loki pause. The younger god peered at him closely, and noticed dark smudges under Thor’s eyes. His brother had always been the picture of perfect health; now his skin looked pallid and washed out. The golden king of Asgard had lost his luster, and it was Loki’s doing.

Even though common sense dictated that this was a bad idea, the trickster wordlessly stepped aside and let his brother in.

Thor crawled under the covers and gazed at Loki expectantly.

‘Some things never change,’ Loki mused, shaking his head. He lay down at the opposite side, scooting as far away from the blond without falling off the bed. He switched off the bedside lamp and tried to sleep, but it was impossible with Thor being so near.

“You never planned to go back to Asgard,” Thor said after a while. He stated it as a fact, rather than a question.

The trickster’s silence spoke volumes.

“How could you?” Thor whispered. Outside, it started drizzling.

Loki could hear the tears in his brother’s voice.

By the Norns, he couldn’t deal with this. This was why he wanted to stay away; it was easier to bury his feelings when Thor wasn’t around. Loki realized that his plan to act indifferent towards his brother was doomed from the start; he would tear out his heart first before he deny Thor comfort.

Loki reached out and gently gathered Thor into his arms once again. The last time he held his brother like this was more than a thousand years ago, when it was all so simple. Before then they didn’t resent each other, they didn’t betray one another.

The trickster smiled faintly as he recalled being out of breath the last time he did this. He was much stronger now, and he deftly maneuvered their bodies into a comfortable position.

Thor’s arms encircled Loki’s waist, and he rested his head on Loki’s chest.

The older god was trembling, like he was trying not to come apart at the seams. Loki stroked Thor’s hair while rubbing soothing circles across his back.

“I was so lonely,” Thor confessed, his voice breaking. “Why did you leave?”

Loki never hated himself more than at that moment. He never meant to cause Thor so much anguish; he thought he was doing his brother a favor by leaving.

“I’m a Jotun, remember? Laufey’s son, no less. I can’t be a prince of Asgard anymore," he replied softly.

“Laufey is not your father. He didn’t raise you; Odin did,” Thor argued.

“That still doesn’t erase the fact that I’m a frost giant,” Loki explained patiently. “It might’ve escaped your notice brother, but the Aesir aren’t as…open-minded as you.” He wasn’t that popular to being with, and he was barely tolerated even then. The trickster grimaced. If people found out, he’d probably be lynched.

Loki spoke the truth, but Thor didn’t want to accept it. “They don’t have to know,” he said desperately. “We’ll keep it a secret.”

The trickster shook his head sadly. Both of them knew it wasn’t going to work. Secrets never stay hidden.

Thor buried his face against Loki’s shoulder and started weeping.

“I need you Loki. I cannot bear it,” he choked out, gripping the younger god tighter.

If Thor didn’t stop now, Loki would start giving crazy promises; vows he couldn’t possibly keep.

“Need and want are different things. You’re not going to wither and die if I’m not there,” Loki murmured. They managed to be apart for ten years; they could survive this.

Or so Loki told himself.

The god of thunder gazed at his brother miserably. Loki was right; he wouldn’t die. With some luck he could even live forever, eternity stretching before him.

“Yes. But without you, it wouldn’t be much of a life at all.”

Loki didn’t let his brother go, he held on to him until his tears ran dry. Eventually Thor fell asleep, completely exhausted.

* * *

_A month later…_

“You drink too much,” Tony told Loki.

It was Friday night, and the two CEOs were welcoming the weekend by getting hammered. They were at the top of Stark Tower, sitting on lawn chairs with a large cooler within easy reach.

“Pot calling kettle black. That’s a bit rich, coming from you,” the trickster retorted, as he opened another bottle of Spirytus. “My liver regenerates. Yours don’t. You won’t reach the ripe old age of forty at the rate you’re drinking.”

“Touché,” the billionaire said, laughing. “So you’re like Prometheus, sans the eagle.”

Loki’s lips twitched in amusement “Your myths are rife with people being chained to rocks and getting tortured by animals. I thought only the dwarves from Nidavellir did that.”

“That’s because we were a sadistic bunch back then. We still are. It’s human nature, I guess,” Tony said glibly, rifling through the cooler for beer. “By the way, it looks like your plan is a bust. Lassie the love puppy doesn’t want to come home,” the billionaire ribbed.

The trickster rubbed his temples wearily. Thor was still insisting that he return to the Eternal Realm with him. Having his brother around wasn’t doing wonders to his mental health; the mere thought of living in Asgard again depressed Loki. Hence the binge drinking.

“Thor can’t stay here for long, he has a kingdom to run. It’s only a matter of time before he gets called back,” Loki stated firmly, trying to convince himself more than anything.

Tony smirked at his best friend. “You still don’t believe he’s in love with you.”

Loki reddened and looked away. “I told you, I’m just Thor’s flavor of the month. My absence must’ve knocked something loose inside his head, now he believes that he’s in love with me. It’s a silly crush, nothing more,” he bit out.

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks,” Tony pronounced. “I don’t know buddy, it looks pretty real to me.”

If he was being honest, Tony was a bit…envious of Tom. He wished Steve loved him like that; to crave his presence like one would crave air, to feel bereft when he wasn’t around. He wanted the super soldier to long for him so much that his sadness could drown a whole city.

The god didn’t know how lucky he was.

“What about you and Steve? Are you still trying to woo him?” Loki inquired, trying to change the subject.

“Nope. I’m over Cap,” Tony answered, his tone a little too nonchalant. “It’s time for me to move on, don’t you think?” he said, flashing a grin that fooled nobody.

Loki’s brows furrowed, suddenly worried. He knew Tony well enough to pick up his cues. “What’s wrong? Did something happen between you two?” the trickster probed gently.

Tony’s smile wilted, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “That’s the thing. Nothing is happening. No offense Tom, but I don’t want to end up like you,” he admitted. “I don’t want to spend my life waiting for one person. I don’t have a thousand years; even I don’t have that luxury.”

The billionaire took a long pull from his drink, trying in vain to swallow the lump in his throat. “It’s…hard being the only one in love, when you know that person will never feel the same way. I’ve always wondered how you managed to stay loyal to Thor this whole time without going insane,” he remarked, regarding Loki with something akin to veneration. “Then again, you never do anything half-assed. Once you love someone, you love them forever.”

Loki gazed at his best friend sorrowfully. He wanted to tell him to give Steve a little more time, but that would be unfair to Tony. There was no guarantee that the super soldier would eventually return his feelings, and it was wrong to force Steve to do so.

“I already asked Johnny out on a date,” Tony informed him. “He said yes.”

Loki blinked. “You asked Storm out?” he said slowly, incredulous. “Johnny looks exactly like Steve. Dating his carbon copy isn’t exactly letting Cap go, Tony,” he pointed out.

“What are you talking about? They are completely different.”

True, they were similar in looks, but personality-wise, Johnny and Steve were polar opposites.

Johnny Storm aka the Human Torch was brash and foolhardy, always rushing headlong into situations without thinking. He was also infamous for flying around Manhattan completely naked, and it earned him the nickname the Hot Flasher. Steve didn’t like Johnny much because of that.

“Don’t do this Tony. You shouldn't use Storm as a substitute for Steve; you’ll only end up disappointed,” Loki implored.

“Then what am I supposed to do?” Tony asked, forlorn.

The trickster bit his lip. He had no idea either. “I don’t know. Avoid blonds with a vengeance maybe? I mean, look at us,” he replied, gesturing vaguely.

Tony couldn’t help but laugh at Tom’s expression; the god looked as mystified as he was. “We’re so good at making money, but we are horrible in the romance department.” He leaned against his chair and stared at the night sky.

“This really sucks donkey balls.”

For once, Loki agreed with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are the new pool team names: 
> 
> Doom Haters Club (Tony & Thor)  
> Super Smash Bros (Bruce & Thor)  
> Blond Beefcakes (Steve & Thor)  
> Royal Vikings from Outer Space, Royals for short (Loki & Thor) 
> 
> Darcy’s Tumblr: hisroyalhotnesss.tumblr.com (this is my personal Tom Hiddleston appreciation blog :D )


	16. Meet the Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Odin and Frigga visit Midgard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spot the Terry Pratchett quote.

_A week later…_

"Hey Tom, could you help me out? I can't seem to put these on right," Tony said, as he stepped out of the elevator. He was holding out a pair of diamond cufflinks.

Steve, who was sitting on Loki's couch, did a double take when he spotted Tony. The billionaire was wearing a black pinstripe suit and crimson tie, hair coiffed and face stubble-free. Seeing Tony dressed to the nines was a tad disconcerting since he wore faded band shirts and rumpled sweatpants most of the time.

Beside him, Bruce snickered at his friend's dazed expression. Thor just looked at the two, not entirely sure what was going on.

"Never thought I'd see the day where you'd actually dress up for dinner," Loki commented, and proceeded to carefully fold Tony's cuffs, making sure that everything was even.

Tony shrugged. "I want to make a good impression on Johnny."

From the corner of his eye, Loki saw the look of hurt bewilderment cross Steve's face.

"I still don't think this is a good idea," Loki murmured, snapping the cufflinks in place.

"I don't think hanging out with a super villain is a good idea either, but you don't see me complaining," Tony retorted flippantly. "How about this, I won't go out with Storm if you don't go out with Doom. Deal?"

Loki scowled, but said nothing.

"Didn't think so."

Tony was about to turn and leave when Lou Rawls abruptly started singing.

 _You'll never find, as long as you live_  
_Someone who loves you, tender like I do_  
_You'll never find, no matter where you search_  
_Someone who cares about you, the way I do_

Loki and Tony's attention suddenly focused on the two blonds. Cap flushed pink and mulishly avoided Tony's gaze, while Thor gave Loki his patented kicked puppy look. It was hard to tell which of one of them the UnRandomizer was targeting.

Bruce couldn't contain his amusement any longer and burst into loud guffaws, earning him a glare from the super soldier.

Tony didn't pay his science bro any mind; he was too busy observing Steve. Hope flickered inside his chest, but he quickly tamped it down. RANDY most likely chose the god of thunder since he was the easiest to read; nobody else wore his heart on his sleeve so openly like Thor did. "I should be going. Don't wait up for me," he mumbled.

The billionaire shot out of the room like a bullet, trying to block Steve's crestfallen expression out of his mind.

* * *

After Loki had left to meet with Doom, Bruce herded Thor and Steve to the Ocean Floor. It was Darcy's day off, so it was up to him to pacify the two distraught blonds. He figured a cup of tea and watching fish swim around would help calm them down.

It didn't seem to be working though; Thor was sulking again, bringing along wind and heavy rain to match his mood. Bruce risked a glance outside and saw a couple of Tony's rude garden gnomes plummeting to the ground. The billionaire was going to have a spectacular hissy fit when he finds out his lawn ornaments had been blown off.

Steve wasn't his usual cheery self either. "Of all the people to go out with, why did he choose Storm? Seriously?" he wondered aloud. He didn't have a problem with Tony dating, but the Human Torch just rubbed him the wrong way. It was bad enough learning about the date at the last minute, but seeing Tony make a mad dash for the elevator made it worse. It was like he couldn't get to Johnny fast enough.

"It boggles the mind," Bruce agreed, trying to keep a straight face. It was tough because here was Captain America, World War II hero and national treasure, doing a rather superb impersonation of a teenager who got jilted on prom night. "Think of it this way Steve, Tony going out with nudist is way better than dating a psychopath." Why his best friends were incapable of dating normal people was beyond him.

Thor and Steve leveled him identical withering looks.

"Anyway," the scientist continued, ignore their scowls, "I thought you'd be relieved that Tony finally stopped asking you out." He paused. "Unless you've changed your mind?"

Steve just gave him a blank stare, not dignifying the question with an answer.

Bruce's eyebrows rose to his hairline, amazed at the depth of Steve's denial. Right. If Cap was going to be difficult, he wasn't going to mince words anymore.

"You're upset because right now your carbon copy is in a swanky restaurant, getting Tony's undivided attention when it should've been you," Bruce said bluntly.

That seemed to agitate Steve a little, but he held his ground. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well then, would you care to explain why RANDY chose that particular song?"

"It was a fluke. You're reading into it too much," Steve answered primly, unfazed by the impromptu interrogation. Having spent an inordinate amount of time with the god of mischief had taught him a thing or two on how to evade questions.

Bruce slowly counted to ten, fighting down the urge to Hulk out. Damning evidence and everything, and still Steve refused to acknowledge his feelings for Tony. The super soldier could be the most stubborn person on the planet when he felt like it. "That was not a glitch; you know how scarily accurate that device is. Cap, you could deny everything 'till the cows come home, but you're not fooling anyone."

The scientist's remark finally hit a nerve; Steve set down his cup and saucer so hard that the whole table rattled. "I think I'll go feed the fish. They look hungry," he announced, his voice strained. He stood up and walked over to the farthest side of the room, terminating the conversation.

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a migraine coming on. He did not enjoy giving anyone the third degree, especially to someone as nice and sweet as Steve, but he had enough of watching his best friends dance around each other. If Cap didn't act soon, he was going to lose Tony for good.

Thor was quiet the whole time, lost in his own thoughts.

"It's never easy to admit that one has made a mistake. I think Steve is just realizing it now," the god said finally, after the silence had stretched out for too long. "You don't fully appreciate someone until they're gone from your life."

Bruce frowned, baffled by Thor's words. "But you found Loki again. That's what matters, isn't?"

The thunderer stared at his cup of tea glumly. "My brother still harbors anger against our parents, he still refuses to come home, and now he seeks the company of someone else," Thor said in a monotone. "I never should've gone to Jotunheim that night. None of this would've happened."

"Thor, it was Loki's choice to leave and settle here in Midgard. It's not your fault," Bruce pointed out.

The god didn't appear to be listening, too caught up with his own guilt. Then his expression darkened. "I could only imagine what Loki and Doom are doing right now."

Moments later, rain started pummeling the windows with renewed force. Bruce could've sworn he saw a tornado whizz past.

The scientist observed the god in front of him, his shoulders hunched and callused hands wrapped around the delicate teacup, trying to get at the warmth it provided. For a big guy Thor still managed to look so vulnerable.

"He wouldn't do anything like that. Loki is the most loyal person I've ever met," Bruce asserted. He must've said it louder than he had intended because Thor looked up, eyes wide.

The scientist sipped his tea, trying to overcome his embarrassment. He was never really good with this kind of thing, but Thor needed to know how much Loki had pined for him.

"I don't think you'll find another person who loves you as much as Loki does," Bruce said quietly. "In a way he never really left Asgard, because his heart remained with you the whole time."

Thor ducked his head, smiling to himself. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

The rain was only a drizzle now, to Bruce's relief.

"Hey Thor, I saw these two sitting in the balcony. They said they wanted to talk to you," Steve called out, completely drenched and dripping water all over the plush carpet. He was carrying a raven under each arm, like they were farm chickens instead of Odin's royal messengers.

He placed the bedraggled birds on the kitchen countertop, their feathers sticking up in all directions. "Poor fellas almost got sucked into the tornado," Steve added, as he grabbed paper towels to dry them off with.

"Are they Huginn and Muninn?" Bruce inquired excitedly, gathering fruit for the ravens.

"Yes," Thor replied, looking none too pleased to see them. He feared these birds ever since he was child; they brought bad news more often than good ones.

Huginn and Muninn bowed to Thor, glowering as they did so.

"Sorry," Thor muttered sheepishly.

Muninn started looking around.

 _"Is_ _Prince Loki not with you?"_

"He's out on a date somewhere."

_"Well that explains the inclement weather."_

Thor glared at Muninn. 'Cheeky bird,' he thought.

_"I heard that."_

"Do you have a message for me?" Thor probed Huginn, the less sarcastic of the two.

_"Your parents are arriving tomorrow morning. Get ready."_

The god of thunder blanched. He was hoping they would give him more time.

"Anything else?" he asked tightly.

_"The All-Father also told us to wait for him here."_

Thor suppressed a groan. "Great."

* * *

Loki was in Glasgow, Scotland, in a pub famous for its artisanal whiskies. Victor had been raring to go here for weeks and the god finally relented. The place was all leather and polished wood, with several TV's interspersed along the walls. It was still early so the pub was mostly empty.

The trickster was into his seventh glass, this one supposedly infused with cinnamon, but he couldn't even tell the difference anymore. To him, they all tasted the same. Victor was clearly enjoying himself though. Maybe a little bit too much; Loki suspected the tyrant was drunk already.

"I'm surprised your wives allowed you to go out," Victor commented.

"Pardon?"

"Thor and Tony. One of them is probably throwing a tantrum right now." The Latverian smirked. "So does that make me your mistress then?" he asked suggestively.

Loki spat out his drink.

Victor laughed, reveling at the god's discomfiture. "To tell you the truth, I like having Thor around. He's doing an excellent job destroying New York for me," the super villain remarked. "Ah, speaking of the devil…"

Loki followed Victor's gaze, and saw in the news that Manhattan was submerged again, courtesy of Typhoon Thor. His brother had even thrown in a couple of tornadoes, all of them spinning around Stark Tower. Fantastic.

Minutes later, Steve texted him that Odin and Frigga were coming tomorrow.

The bartender approached to pour them another round, but Loki stopped him.

"Can I just have the whole bottle please? Thanks."

* * *

_The next day…._

"For the last time Darcy, you cannot serve the All-Father and All-Mother pop tarts. It's just not done," Loki said irritably. All of them were gathered at The Abyss, waiting for Odin and Frigga to arrive.

Loki was tense, making him extra surly. Thor noticed his brother eyeing the elevator every few seconds, looking ready to bolt. He furtively sidled up to Loki, within grabbing distance, just in case the brunet made a run for it.

"But this is limited edition chocolate banana split," Darcy insisted, holding a plate of pop tarts, again slightly burnt around the edges. Until now she couldn't get the hang of heating them properly. "Thor's friends love them. I'm sure your parents will too."

True, the Aesir for some reason couldn't get enough of the horrible pastries. Volstagg and Hogun nearly had a fistfight over a box of confetti cupcake. It was like catnip for them.

Loki was about to argue with her again when there was a flash of light, and his parents were suddenly in his living room. He found himself rooted to the spot.

Frigga hurried over and hugged him. "My darling. I missed you so much," she whispered, holding on tight. "I'm so glad to see that you are well." She held Loki at arm's length, looking him over. "You cut your hair. It suits you," she stated fondly, her eyes wet.

Loki felt his own eyes prickle. "I missed you too. You don't know how much," he said, voice shaking.

Frigga let Loki go, and he found Odin standing in front of him. Father and son stared at each other, neither one saying anything.

Odin moved first; he opened his arms and waited for Loki patiently. The trickster hesitated for a minute, then stepped into the All-Father's embrace.

"It's good to have you back son," Odin murmured, holding the young prince. "Don't go vanishing like that again, understood?"

Loki could only nod meekly. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, taking a moment to compose himself. He then introduced his friends to his parents.

"We thank you for being so kind to our son. I will tell Idunn to give you apples if you ever get to visit Asgard," Frigga said, smiling brightly at them.

Tony still couldn't get over the fact that the four major gods of Norse mythology (plus the two smartest birds in existence) were having a family reunion in his tower. It was a trippy experience.

Bruce started pouring tea into cups while Steve chatted with Odin and Thor. Tony saw Darcy offer Frigga her limited edition pop tarts, to Loki's dismay.

"Damn dude, you didn't tell me your mom is smokin' hot," Tony said to Loki.

The trickster shot him a venomous look. "Tony, she's the All-Mother. Is nothing sacred to you?"

"Hey, I tell it like it is. Your dad is something else though," Tony said, grinning. Honestly, Thor and Loki's parents were not what he had expected. He thought he would see a wrinkled and feeble pair of senior citizens (because come on, they were _really_ ancient after all), but again he was wrong.

Frigga was a statuesque blonde and exquisitely beautiful. There was nary a gray hair to be seen on her head, her golden locks spilling down to her waist. She was wearing only a simple floral sundress, yet she appeared every inch a queen. Tony could see that Thor got the color of his eyes and hair from his mother, but the rest of the thunderer's features came from Odin.

If Santa Claus and Rambo had a love child, Odin would be the result. The All-Father did not have the figure of an old coot; he was robust and muscular as hell. Not to mention he sported the most impressive snow-white beard Tony had even seen. With a solid gold eye patch and a raven perched on each shoulder, he looked like a badass geriatric pirate.

But still Odin's physical appearance wasn't his most interesting characteristic; rather it was his taste in clothes. The All-Father was wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt, and it made Tony's eyes water just looking at it. It was a really tacky print; it featured macaws (or maybe parrots? Tony wasn't sure), with bright red plumage, roosting in the heart of the rainforest. Even Huggin and Muninn looked at the shirt with distaste.

The All-Father also wore beige shorts (which reminded him of Steve's old apartment) and for the pièce de résistance, sandals with white tube socks. Even Tony, who had made a number of questionable style choices over the years, wouldn't commit this heinous crime against fashion. If Odin thought his outfit would help him blend in with the general population, he missed it by a mile. He stood out like a strawberry in an Irish stew.

Frigga, Thor, and Odin were currently huddled at the far side of the room, talking in hushed tones.

"By the Norns, what is taking you so long to retrieve your brother? I told you to drag him home if you have to," the All-Father said testily.

"Drag me? What do you mean?" Loki asked, materializing out of nowhere.

Thor looked at him, then to Odin, all color draining from his face.

"You didn't tell him?" Odin demanded, getting angrier by the second.

"Now dear, calm down," Frigga said soothingly, standing beside her husband just in case he lost his temper.

Odin was having none of it. "Loki, you need to go back to Asgard as soon as possible," he said succinctly, never the type to beat around the bush.

Loki opened his mouth to protest, but the All-Father cut him off.

"Yes, we are aware that you like it here and you've managed to thrive even without your magic. Your mother and I couldn't have been more proud of you," he said, smiling faintly. "But there are bigger things at stake here. Thor, tell him."

The god of thunder swallowed, avoiding Loki's gaze. "Laufey is gathering his army. He's planning to attack here and capture you."

Loki couldn't process what Thor was saying so he just stood there, too shocked to respond.

Odin mistook his son's silence for calmness and continued. "I know you're fully capable of defending yourself," he said, giving Loki a meaningful look. "But we cannot allow Midgard to turn into a battlefield. The number of mortal casualties will be astronomical."

Loki was eerily silent. Then he rounded on Thor, completely livid. The trickster looked like he was going to blow a fuse, if the throbbing vein in his forehead was any indication.

"When were you planning to tell me? When Jotuns are already swarming all over the place?" he snarled. He really wanted to throttle Thor at that moment, keeping something as important as this from him.

"I didn't want to force you," the thunderer mumbled, gazing at his brother pleadingly, "I wanted you to go back on your own volition."

Frigga held Loki's hands. "We just want you to be safe," she said gently. "Come home, my darling. Please, do it for my sake."

At those words Loki hung his head, all the fight taken out of him. "Yes mother," he said quietly.

"Can I have a few more days? I need to take care of some matters first," the trickster requested, peeking at his friends. He noticed them affecting an air of nonchalance, attempting to hide the fact that they were not-so-subtly eavesdropping on the conversation.

Odin nodded. "That's fine. But do not delay. Fandral also happens to be causing havoc all over the kingdom." He glowered at his eldest. "What were you thinking, putting that degenerate in charge?"

Thor blinked. "Are you and mother going somewhere?" he asked, just noticing his parents' casual outfits.

"We're going on a Caribbean cruise," Frigga informed him enthusiastically.

"We haven't had a vacation in 9,000 years. It's long overdue," Odin said. "So you two go home as soon as possible. I promised your mother this trip, and I don't want a war cutting our holiday short."

"I could lend you my private jet," Tony interjected, "It beats being stuck for days on a boat. You'll be there in less than three hours," he suggested helpfully.

"Thank you for the generous offer, but no. The journey is as important as the destination, my boy," Odin said, smiling at the billionaire.

"And if there is one thing we gods have plenty of, it's time."

* * *

Loki immediately went to work after his parents left. He had Darcy contact all of Stark Industries' managers for an emergency teleconference, informing them that he was resigning as CEO. The division heads took the news in varying degrees of horror; they knew without Loki's leadership the company was going to descend into chaos once again. When he named Siegfried Wagner as his successor, the hapless Austrian fell out of his seat in a dead faint. Loki had to teleport to his office to revive him.

The god was signing last minute contracts when Tony came in.

"Hey Tony," Loki greeted, putting down his pen, "do you need anything?"

Tony gazed at Loki, face inscrutable. "Don't go. Please."

Loki looked down at his lap. "I'm sorry Tony. I held out as long as I could," he said softly.

"We can defend Earth. We'll figure something out," Tony insisted. "I'll even team up with Doom if I have to."

The god shook his head. "You saw the damage those fire giants caused. Imagine hundreds of thousands of them. We can't protect everyone."

"You can't leave. The company will fall apart," the billionaire argued, desperation lacing his tone. He told himself he wasn't going to have a meltdown in front of Tom, but even now he was finding it difficult to speak.

"I'll fall apart," he whispered.

Loki stood up and reached out to his friend. Tony moved away, wounded and betrayed.

The god stared at Tony, pain etched on his features. "Please understand. I'm putting this realm at risk the longer I stay here." He approached Tony again, gently pulling the distraught billionaire to him.

Tony lost control and started crying. He felt like he was fifteen again, reeling from the death of his parents. Tom was the one who filled in the spaces they had left; he became his surrogate brother, mother, and father rolled into one.

And now he was losing his family all over again.

"I'm asking in behalf of Bruce and Steve too. You're the older brother we've always wanted," Tony said, trying and failing to stop the tears. "You're the one holding this group of orphans together. So I'm begging you. Stay with us."

Loki's heart broke. For the first time in a decade, he couldn't offer Tony any kind of comfort. There was nothing Loki could do but hold him, murmuring his apologies.

* * *

It took a while before Tony calmed down; the billionaire finally retired to his room without another word. Loki dreaded facing the others tomorrow.

Thor was already asleep; Loki checked his watch and saw it was almost one in the morning.

He decided to go to Castle Doom and say goodbye to Victor. Super villain or not, he was still his friend.

Loki was just in time to see several super villains file out of the great hall. He saw Magneto, Baron Zemo, Mystique, Juggernaut, and others he knew by face but not by name. Apparently he had stumbled into Victor's weekly League of Evil meetings.

The super villains steered clear of him and swiftly went on their way. They knew better than to pick a fight with the trickster; Loki could probably wipe them all out by just blinking at them. Why Doctor Doom was truly fond of the god, and not terrified out of his wits like the rest of them, they had no idea.

The tyrant was the last one to exit, and was delighted to see Loki there. He took off his mask, a genuine smile tugging his lips.

The god felt spent, but managed to give him a tired grin as well. "I'm sorry for dropping by without notice, but I don't have much time."

"Well, whatever it is, it could wait. You look like you need a drink," Victor said, making his way to his study. The god followed him.

Only until they had settled in their respective armchairs, with a glass of whisky each, did Victor speak. "What is it?

"I'm returning to Asgard. I don't know when I'll be back," Loki revealed, taking a generous swig of his drink. 'Or if I'll ever get to come back at all,' he mused.

Victor was taken aback, but kept his expression neutral.

"Why?"

"My father is going to start a war here unless I leave."

"So what is the problem then?"

Loki almost laughed. He forgot the guy was a psychopath. "You know, innocent people dying and getting hurt?" he said wryly.

The monarch rolled his eyes. "You and your morals," he scoffed. "People have become so complacent nowadays. A war is perfect for thinning out the herd, weeding out the weak."

"You're not worried about aliens invading Earth then?"

Victor just gave him a put-upon look. "I may not be a god but I'm absolutely capable of taking care of myself."

"I have no doubt about that," Loki said amusedly.

"I don't know about the rest of humanity though." Victor refilled his glass. "The point is, you don't have to leave on account of that illogical martyr complex of yours. You don't owe anyone anything."

Loki gave a weary sigh. "If only it were that easy." He stood up. "You're a good friend. I've enjoyed our time together," he said sincerely, holding out his hand.

Vexation and rage flared inside Victor, realizing the god had already made up his mind. Loki was being so infuriatingly selfless that it made him sick. He wanted to grab the trickster and shake him, to make him see sense.

But most of all he wanted Loki to stay with him and simply let the world burn around them.

Instead he grasped the hand Loki was offering him. And if his touch lingered a little too long, the god was kind enough not to mention it.

"Goodbye Victor."

And he was gone.

* * *

_Two days later…_

The day that he would finally depart Midgard came too soon, and Loki found himself at the top of Stark Tower saying goodbye to his friends. All of his affairs were already settled, and there was no more reason to put it off any longer.

Darcy had cried all morning, clinging to her former boss. She was drained and exhausted, hiccupping every now and then.

Loki hugged Bruce. "You'll take care of them, won't you?" he asked, casting worried looks at Darcy, Tony and Steve.

"Of course. I'm the only sane person around here," Bruce said, attempting levity to salvage the whole miserable situation. "I'll make Tony eat salad, shove it down his throat even."

The god chuckled. "You do that." He turned to Steve. "I'm afraid I won't be able to defend your virtue anymore Cap. Try not to get molested by Tony while I'm gone," he joked.

Steve grinned, but his eyes were misty. "We'll miss you. Come back soon, ok?" he murmured, hugging his best friend.

The billionaire was next. Tony was uncharacteristically quiet the whole exchange. "Aren't you going to say goodbye to me Tony?" Loki asked.

Tony averted his gaze. "I don't like saying goodbyes. It seems so final isn't it?" he admitted ruefully. He put on a brave smile. "Visit sometime this century, alright? Remember that we have an expiration date, unlike you guys."

Loki embraced Tony one last time. When the two parted, their eyes were wet.

Darcy started sobbing again, and the god hurried to her side. "Don't cry princess. You'll be fine," Loki said softly, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. "You still have Bruce, Tony, and Steve with you." He held her for a few more minutes, until Bruce gently pulled her away.

Thor watched his brother sadly. This was the reason why a god should never get attached to mortals.

"Ready?"

A pause.

"Yes."

The god of thunder gave a signal, and Heimdall opened the Bifrost. Loki and Thor stepped inside the circle, hand in hand.

Loki managed a smile and a small wave, before they were whisked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song RANDY played was Lou Rawl's "You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine"


	17. Tea and Sympathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool tries to help out the Avengers. Tony gets creative with a squirrel. Loki makes love to a piece of fruit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Squirrel abuse ahead.

"Wade! What the hell are you doing?!" Tony yelled. A grenade landed a few meters where he was standing, nearly blowing his legs off.

The Avengers were at downtown Manhattan, trying to contain Doom's legion of Doombots. Deadpool was trying to help them out by chucking grenades at the Hulk. Instead of the Hulk focusing on the bots, he was busy chasing Wade, leaving Tony and Steve to fend for themselves.

"Don't worry, I have a cunning plan!" Wade shouted, throwing another grenade over his shoulder. It exploded a second later, followed by an earsplitting roar from the Hulk. "The angrier he gets, the stronger he is right? I figured if he gets mad enough, he'd be able to kick ass better. Pretty smart, eh?"

"That's not how it works, you jackass," Tony bellowed, as he grappled with a Doombot. "The angrier the Hulk gets, the harder it is for Bruce to control him. He wouldn't be able to tell friend from enemy. So knock it off!"

Wade threw one last grenade. "Whoops. My bad. So, can I be an Avenger?" he asked, not missing a beat. "I noticed you're missing Loki. You guys can't be the Fonduing Foursome with only three members," he said conversationally, while emptying a full clip into a Doombot's chest. It didn't even slow down. "Goddamn, what are you, the Terminator?" Realizing he had no more bullets, the deranged Canadian started pistol-whipping the robot instead.

"Take off its head," Steve suggested helpfully, numerous heads of Doombots scattered around him.

Wade took out his katanas and started lopping off not just heads but also other appendages, moving like he was breakdancing and doing ballet simultaneously. But the Doombots kept on coming; they were hardly making a dent on their numbers.

"Fall back!" Cap ordered, waving Tony and Wade over. Using an overturned car as shelter, they huddled together.

"This isn't working. We need a new strategy," Steve said.

Wade raised a hand, like he was still in preschool. "May I make a suggestion?"

"Hell to the no Wade. Your ideas suck," the billionaire remarked.

"Hear me out. Doom's petrified of squirrels right? I'll go to Central Park and rustle up some."

"That's the dumbest…," Tony began.

Steve nodded. "Go ahead. Tony and I will hold them off."

Deadpool gave Cap a brisk salute and teleported away.

Tony regarded Steve like he had finally lost it. "We're fighting using rodents now?"

"No, I just wanted Wade to leave for a bit. He's a bit distracting." Steve stood up and peered over the car, checking to see how Bruce was doing. With Wade gone, the Hulk was now making scrap metal out of the machines, but there were still a lot of them running around.

"We need to find the real Doom and make him shut down those bots," Tony stated.

"How? They all look alike."

Tony thought for a moment, then grinned. "I got an idea." He brought out an amplifier from his suit and hovered thirty feet, giving him an excellent view of the whole battle.

"Loki! You're back! Over here!" the billionaire yelled into the megaphone, waving his arms excitedly for maximum dramatic effect.

The Doombots didn't pay him any heed, except for one. It stopped what it was doing, head turning left and right, looking for the god that wasn't there.

"HA! There he is! Get him, Bruce!" Tony hollered, pointing at Doom. The Hulk immediately obeyed, demolishing robots as he went.

Victor let out a startled yelp and started sprinting in the opposite direction. Two tons of green rage monster would terrify anyone, even psychotic super villains.

The Hulk pounced, tackling Doom to the ground. Tony alighted right beside them.

Tony hauled Victor to his feet, and removed the tyrant's metal mask. "Call your robots off!"

Victor just looked at the billionaire coolly, expression mutinous. The Hulk, knowing this would take a while, sat down cross-legged on the bare concrete. Doom ended up perched on the Hulk's knee with his arms locked behind his back, appearing like some kind of homicidal ventriloquist dummy.

"I'm baaaaaack! I got the squirrels! I mean, just one squirrel. These guys are crazy fast," Deadpool sang. The creature didn't appreciate being snatched from its home, so it promptly sank its teeth on Wade's index finger. "Ow! You son of a bitch. I thought squirrels were supposed to be adorable and shit," he complained, inspecting the wound. "Can you get rabies from squirrels? Maybe I need to get vaccinated," he wondered aloud.

Spotting the squirrel, Victor lost all his composure and started struggling wildly. "Let me go, you brutes! How dare you lay a hand on Doom!" he howled.

Tony had another brilliant idea. He plucked the animal from Wade and started waving it in front of Doom's face. "Call your bots off, or I'm ramming this rodent down your pants," he threatened.

"I thought super heroes didn't practice torture," the Latverian whimpered, sweating profusely now.

A malicious smirk formed on Tony's lips. "For you big boy, I'm willing to get down and dirty," he purred, voice saccharine sweet.

Steve ran towards them. "Hey, what are you doing with that squirrel?"

"Nothing, Cap," Tony said, blinking innocently.

"He's trying to torture me!" Doom cried.

"Huh, you can dish pain out but can't take it? You're such a wimp."

Steve tried to take the rodent away from his best friend. "Let go, Tony."

Tony tugged it back. The animal was hissing and spitting, mad as hell from the rough treatment.

"Um guys, I don't think squirrels are supposed to stretch like that," Wade piped up, sounding worried. This was coming from the guy who was cussing at it a minute ago.

"Tony. This is not how an Avenger should behave," Cap said sternly.

Tony leveled the super soldier a glare. "Oh yeah? How about the time you and Tom tortured me with a blowfish? Or when you tied me to a chair?"

The Hulk sniggered.

"Woah Cap, didn't know you're the kinky type," Deadpool whistled, seeing the national icon in a whole new light. "That's some high level, freaky deaky shit right there."

"It's not like that!" Steve spluttered, his face on fire.

Wade shot Steve a meaningful look. "You know what they say about prudes…," he trailed off.

While Cap and Wade were distracted, Tony crept closer towards Doom.

"Stop! I yield," Victor squawked, when the rodent got dangerously near his crotch. He muttered a command, and one by one the robots left, back to the Doomship. "I did what you asked. Now release me," he demanded.

Tony handed the squirrel back to Wade. "No. We need to talk."

Doom's eyes blazed with fury, looking ready to do the billionaire serious harm. "I have nothing to say you, peasant," he spat.

It took every ounce of Tony's self-restraint not to bitch slap the conceited bastard. "This is the sixth time you attacked this month. What is your goddamn problem?" he growled. Ever since Tom left the super villains had been pummeling Manhattan almost daily, and this douchebag in front of him was the worst offender.

The tyrant's face was pinched shut, lips pressed together so tight it looked painful.

Steve rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "You know, you're kind of acting like Thor whenever Loki isn't around," he observed.

Victor, Wade, and Tony stared at him.

Then Wade burst out laughing. "Holy shit. You fancy Loki, don't you? Doom is in luuuuuurve!" He thought it was romantic, in a twisted kind of way.

"Why don't you say it a little louder? I don't think the whole city heard you," the Latverian snapped, extremely pissed off and embarrassed at the same time.

The Hulk patted Victor consolingly, nearly toppling the super villain over.

Tony glowered at Steve. "This wouldn't have happened if you told Tom not to go out with him. You never listened to me."

"What? How is this my fault?" Cap argued, incredulous.

"I don't blame ya. Loki's dreamy, 'specially when he's wearing that helmet and waving his sword around. Or naked and wet in a bathtub," Wade gushed, totally out of left field.

All of them dropped into a stunned silence.

"I mean that in a no homo kind of way, 'cause I'm not into dudes," Deadpool said hastily. "Not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I prefer tacos over chimichangas," he prattled.

"Wade, we don't need to hear about your man crush, ok?" Tony said, feeling nauseous all of a sudden.

Deadpool made a garbled noise of protest. "I'm not gay! Really!"

"That's alright Wade. Tom tends to confuse people." Steve gave Deadpool a sidelong glance. "Have you ever thought you might be bi?"

The Hulk grunted in agreement.

The billionaire was pretty sure his brain had short-circuited after witnessing Captain America, the 95-year-old virgin, consoling a Canadian having a sexual identity crisis.

Tony turned his attention to Doom. "C'mon man, be realistic. You and Loki together? That ain't gonna happen. Ever," he stated candidly, because he didn't see the point of getting the guy's hopes up.

Victor let out a mirthless chuckle. "You think I don't know that?" he said in a manner that insinuated that Tony was a gibbering imbecile.

The billionaire didn't take the bait. "Just tellin' you the straight dope, that's all." Tony kicked a piece of rubble, more than a little unnerved that he was actually having a quasi-civil conversation with his nemesis.

This day couldn't get any weirder.

"Look, I miss him too but you don't see me going nuts and destroying shit. How about chilling out for a bit?" Tony advised.

The tyrant appeared to be seriously considering his suggestion.

"Fine. I give you my word that I will not attack your city for the time being," Victor said gruffly. "Can I leave now?"

Without prompting, the Hulk released Doom's arms and set him down. The super villain walked off, nose in the air, still haughty even after his humiliating defeat.

The Hulk transformed back into Bruce. "So…you and Victor shared a tender moment back there. Is this the start of a beautiful friendship?" the scientist teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Shut up Bruce."

* * *

_Meanwhile in Asgard…_

Rubbing sleep from his eyes, Loki stumbled out of bed when he heard someone knocking on his door. He glanced outside, and saw it was the crack of dawn. Strange. Even Thor wouldn't be up at this hour, and it was only the thunderer who visited him in his room.

He found the god of fertility outside, fresh as a daisy and unbelievably perky so early in the morning.

"Good morning, my friend! Welcome ba…," Freyr greeted, and paused, taking in Loki's rumpled appearance. "Uh. Did I wake you up? Maybe I should come back later," he said, slowly backing away.

"No, it's fine. Come in," Loki stuttered, immediately wide awake. Not waiting for Freyr's reply, he hauled the Vanir in and kicked the door closed. He probably shouldn't have manhandled the king of Alfheim, but he was so happy to see a friendly face.

"It's nice to see you too," Freyr chortled, embracing Loki. He smiled at the younger god warmly. "I'm sorry. You're usually up and about at this time."

Loki looked sheepish. "I might have picked up a few bad habits while I was gone," he admitted, furtively casting magic on himself so he could at least look more presentable. "Did you have breakfast yet?" he asked, ushering Freyr to sit on one of the chairs by the balcony.

"I already ate on the way here. Please don't trouble yourself," Freyr responded, amused by his friend's fussing.

Loki snapped his fingers. Tea and assorted macarons appeared on the table. "You must try these. Mortals make the most delightful sweets," he said, handing one to Freyr.

Freyr looked at it curiously for a moment, then took a bite. His face lit up as he chewed. "These  _are_  marvelous. I should bring some to Freya," he enthused.

"Where is Freya? How is she?" Loki inquired. It was unusual to see Freyr without the goddess of love tagging along.

Freyr grimaced. "I sent her to Vanaheim to live with our parents for awhile. It's too risky to travel between realms nowadays." In fact, the two of them had quarreled over the arrangement. As a sign of protest, she barricaded herself in her room and refused to come out, not unlike what Loki was currently doing. "Believe me, Freya wasn't too pleased when I told her she couldn't come. She really wanted to see you."

"Oh," Loki said, deflating a bit.

"I promise you'll see her again once this is all over," Freyr said reassuringly. "How about you? How are you faring? Thor told me you haven't been outside your room for nearly a month."

Loki poured tea for Freyr. "Because every time I go out, I'm constantly surrounded by guards. It's annoying," he grumbled. "I'd rather be in Midgard; at least I don't have to put up with this kind of nonsense over there."

"You really adore that realm, do you? You seemed very happy with the mortals," Freyr commented, observing the trickster intently. Out of all the gods, it was Loki who had a particular attachment to Midgard. He had noticed it since they were children.

Loki fiddled with his ring. "Nobody expected anything from me in that place. I wasn't a prince of Asgard, nor the god of mischief," he revealed wistfully. "You don't know how liberating that felt."

Freyr nodded in understanding.

"I'm not the only one. Laufey's obsessed with it too," Loki added as afterthought. Maybe it was a Jotun thing.

The ruler of the Ljósálfar took another macaron. "That's different. He wants to conquer and subjugate. You don't. That's what sets you apart from him."

Loki tensed.

Detecting the younger god's unease, Freyr laid a gentle hand on Loki's shoulder. "Being a frost giant is nothing to be ashamed of, my friend," he said sincerely. "You belong to a mighty and ancient race. The All-Father is half Jotun, and he's proud of it."

The god of mischief smiled, brilliant and disarming. It only lasted for a few moments, and Loki appeared worried again.

"How bad is it?"

Freyr arched an eyebrow. "Thor didn't tell you?"

Loki snorted. "You know what my family is like. We love to keep secrets until it blows up spectacularly in our faces," he quipped sardonically. "We basically elevated not talking to each other into a fine art."

'And now we are on the brink of war because Odin and Frigga refused to tell you the truth,' Freyr mused. They didn't foresee that one secret was enough to trigger a catastrophe of such epic proportions.

The god of fertility chose not to comment and let it go. It wouldn't improve their situation any if they started pointing fingers and blaming each other.

"It's pretty serious," Freyr informed him. "That's the reason why there are so many guards. It's good you're already here in Asgard; Laufey would have a harder time getting to you. But it doesn't mean he wouldn't try."

"I already made it clear that I don't want to rule Jotunheim. What more does he want?" Loki said, dismayed.

"He wants you dead," Freyr said, not bothering to sugarcoat any details. Unlike the Aesir, he had no problem being forthright if the situation called for it. "It's not just about you getting his throne someday. Laufey also wants the Casket of Ancient Winters back. Eliminating you will greatly weaken Asgard, and it will be easier for him to get his hands on that cursed relic."

He paused when he saw Loki looking paler than usual. Freyr handed him another cup of tea to fortify himself.

"That's not the worst of it," Freyr continued evenly, as if he wasn't discussing their impending apocalypse. Loki assumed the Vanir was way past the point of panicking and was just desensitized from it all. "My spies told me Laufey made a pact with Svartalfheim and Muspelheim. They will join together to bring down Asgard first, then Vanaheim and Alfheim. If they succeed, Laufey will hand over half of Midgard to the dark elves and fire giants as their reward. I predict more than half of humanity will perish during the invasion, and the rest will be enslaved."

Loki took deep, calming breaths, struggling to control the mounting hysteria inside him.

"So what do we do?"

"Well, we are currently at an impasse. There's nothing to do but wait," the older god replied, shrugging.

Freyr's words wrapped around Loki's chest like vise. Waiting for Laufey to strike could take years. Centuries. He would never see any of his friends again.

"Or," Freyr said carefully, speaking as if he was treading on thin ice, "you could claim your birthright and put a stop to all of this."

Loki stared at the monarch, looking for any signs that Freyr was joking, and found none.

"No. I'm not doing it," the trickster said vehemently, his stomach churning at the mere thought. "There are lines not meant to be crossed Freyr. Killing your kin is one of them."

"So you would rather forfeit your life? You would let millions of people get slaughtered, the Midgardians turned into slaves?" Freyr countered.

The monarch's expression was sad, and he looked suddenly much older. "I would not ask if there is another way. But the All-Father's strength is waning. He couldn't defeat Laufey then, he certainly wouldn't be able to defeat him now," he said quietly.

Frustrated tears welled up at the corners of Loki's eyes, overwhelmed by the weight of this terrible knowledge. This was too great a burden for a single person to endure.

"It's not fair," Loki whispered.

Freyr gazed at Loki, heart aching for his friend's plight.

"War never is," he murmured.

* * *

Thor was poring over maps and battle plans when heard a commotion outside. A moment later Loki strode in, visibly upset.

"What's wrong, brother?" the thunderer inquired, jumping up from his seat. He quickly made his way towards his sibling, causing the meeting with his war council to grind to a halt.

Sif and the Warriors Three took the opportunity to escape. They had been stuck in the same room all morning, and judging from Loki's countenance, the brothers would most likely be bickering for the next hour or so. They flashed Thor sympathetic looks as they departed.

"I want to go out," the trickster announced, scowling. "The guards informed me that I need your approval first."

Thor winced. He didn't want to have this discussion right now. "It's dangerous to venture outside. The palace is the safest place for you right now," he explained, tone placating.

Loki's jaw clenched, barely reining his temper. "It's the Casket you should be securing, not me. I don't want guards following me around as if I'm a convict. It's degrading," the trickster said, jerking a thumb at the platoon of guards waiting in the hall.

Thor sighed. His brother had a point. "You may leave," the king of Asgard said, waving a hand to one of the sentries lingering by the door. The man looked grateful; Loki probably gave them all a hard time.

"Please. May I go outside?" Loki requested courteously, but inside he was fuming. It nettled him that he had to ask for Thor's permission like a child.

Thor wanted to object, but thought better of it. He knew Loki valued his liberty more than anything else, and being confined was especially difficult for him. "What are you going to do out there anyway?" he queried.

Loki crossed his arms. "I'm just going out for a walk," he said defensively.

Thor stiffened. The last time his brother had uttered those words, he vanished for a decade. Nothing else had royally screwed with his psyche as much as Loki's unexpected departure did; he wasn't about to make the same mistake again. "I'm coming with you then."

"That's not necessary," Loki griped.

"No," Thor said firmly, "I insist."

* * *

The two strolled to the All-Mother's garden in silence. Thor walked alongside his brother, eyes darting everywhere, wary of hidden threats. The trickster was too busy savoring his hard-won freedom to notice.

Loki's mood had considerably improved, happy with the change of scenery. He did nothing but pace around his room, agonizing over the Nine Realms' uncertain future. He needed to get some fresh air, lest he go mad.

His temperament soured again when Thor kept bumping into him. "Brother, do you mind?" Loki said irritably. His sibling was turning out to be worse than those guards; at least they kept a respectful distance. The thunderer regarded personal space as if it was a foreign concept.

"Sorry," Thor said, but didn't move away.

"You're acting stranger than usual," Loki commented, as they neared Idunn's orchard.

"I'm just making sure you won't disappear again," Thor muttered.

The god of mischief emitted a sharp, bitter laugh. "Where else would I go? I'm trapped here, remember?"

A hurt look passed over Thor's face. "How can you be trapped in your own home? Do you truly despise staying in Asgard so much?"

Loki didn't reply. He'd let Thor figure that out for himself.

"Prince Loki! Welcome back," a voice called out, disrupting their argument.

Idunn was walking towards them, smiling widely. She put down the bushel of apples she was holding and curtsied before Thor and Loki. "I'm so glad that you've returned. We missed you," she said, beaming at the trickster.

Loki smiled back, his vexation dissipating at the sight of her. The goddess of youth was one of the few people he genuinely liked in this place. She didn't mingle with the sycophants in court and spent most of her time outside, preferring nature to people. And she was straightforward, which was a rare trait in Asgard. "Hello Idunn. Gathering apples already?"

"Yes. It's our first harvest in ten years," Idunn answered cheerfully.

The trickster appeared bemused by her statement.

"It never stopped raining while you were gone," the goddess supplied.

Loki looked around the orchard. Sure enough, there was an overall impression of dampness; plants were drooping and there were puddles everywhere.

The thunderer was staring at the ground, blushing furiously.

"It was terrible. The sun didn't come out; everything was dull and gray. My trees cannot bear fruit in such conditions," Idunn continued, oblivious to Thor's mortification. "But you're here now. Our king is joyful once again." She dug around her basket, searching for the perfect fruit for her prince. "Here you go," she said, handing Loki a golden apple.

The god of mischief promptly bit into the fruit. Sweetness exploded on his tongue and he almost moaned. He had missed this. There were more than seven thousand varieties of apples in Midgard, but none of them came close to this one. One golden apple was enough to heal common injuries and illnesses. Grown solely in Asgard, it was only Idunn who could harvest it.

Loki instantly felt rejuvenated. The trickster realized that his power had spiked, higher than it ever was before. He took another bite, polishing off the whole fruit in under a minute.

Thor tried not to stare at his brother, juice dripping from his lips and fingers. Loki absently slipped one digit inside his mouth, licking it clean. He made the simple act of eating an apple look so explicit.

The thunderer gave a start when Idunn thrust an apple under his nose. She had been trying to give him the fruit but to no avail.

"Good news, Your Majesty. We have a surplus of apples; there's more than enough for each citizen of Asgard. If you wish, we could trade some with the other realms. Queen Nerthus had been asking for them," the goddess reported.

While Idunn was talking, the trickster had wandered off towards his favorite tree. He used to read books and nap underneath its leaves, Thor sitting beside him. Those were the days when battles and violence had not touched them yet.

It was a pleasant day, nice enough for a picnic. There was a gentle breeze, the smell of ripe apples permeating the air. One could forget briefly that there was a war looming.

From the corner of her eye, Idunn saw movement behind Loki. She dropped her basket and started screaming, fear and shock crushed in one piercing note.

Thor turned around and saw Jotuns emerging from one of the trees. A club smashed into his brother's temple; there was a sickening thud and blood streamed down Loki's face. The trickster's eyes fell shut, legs crumpling beneath him. They quickly dragged the unconscious prince back to the portal.

By the time Thor reached them, the gateway was already closing. He cried out his brother's name, but Loki didn't stir.

Thor watched, horror-stricken, as his brother was taken to Jotunheim.


	18. Fathers and Sons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki makes a hard decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore and violence ahead.

_A few hours later..._

"Hey Cap. What's up?" Tony greeted. The billionaire was about to open his fourth can of beer when he saw Steve approach him.

It was Friday night, and Tony was at the top of Stark Tower and getting plastered, as usual.

"I made you a chocolate soufflé. Your favorite," the national icon replied, shyly offering him the dessert.

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Ah, thank you," he said, bewildered by the unexpected gesture. It didn't even look remotely like a soufflé; more like a punctured car tire.

"I'm sorry. It collapsed while I was on my way here," Steve said miserably, as if reading Tony's mind. "I don't know how Tom manages to do it."

"Don't be too hard on yourself. This stuff is marginally harder to make than waffles," Tony said, taking the ramekin from his friend. He gave the cake an experimental poke, to see if it was edible. It was hard on one side and mushy on the other.

Steve was watching him expectantly. Tony gulped. Surreptitiously dialing his phone from his pocket, he alerted the medical wing just in case he needed to get his stomach pumped after this. Keeping his features neutral, he took a bite.

"Yummy," Tony rasped, quaffing a generous amount of beer to make it go down. Between Bruce's bizarre curries, Darcy's radioactive pop tarts, and now Steve's sensational soufflés, he wouldn't be surprised if he came down with food poisoning one of these days.

Steve smiled, pleased that Tony liked it.

"What's the occasion? Are you taking up baking as a new hobby or something?" Tony inquired, dreading the answer.

"I thought a soufflé might make you feel better," Steve responded.

Tony blinked, a bit slow on the uptake.

"Um, Bruce told me you and Storm aren't dating anymore. Do you want to talk about it?" Steve asked, concern lacing his tone.

Tony shrugged. "It's no big deal. I can't say I blame Johnny; he said my heart wasn't really in it." He put on a forced grin. "But thanks again for your concern Cap. I appreciate it."

Steve merely nodded, having mixed feelings about the matter. As much as he disliked Storm, he would rather see them together than watch Tony drink his hurt away.

"Relax and have a seat. I could use the company," Tony invited, tossing a can of beer to the blond.

Steve caught it, but didn't sit.

"This is Tom's chair. I don't want to intrude…," the super soldier blurted out, and immediately regretted it.

At the mention of his best friend, a spasm of grief flitted across Tony's face for a moment, then it was gone.

"That's alright. Tom's not coming back anyway."

Tony sounded so defeated and it tore Steve apart. He had forgotten that Tony felt the god's absence more keenly than any of them.

"Now I know how dad felt when you disappeared," Tony said, gazing at Steve.

Steve was quiet, intrigued. The billionaire rarely talked about Howard; it wasn't a shot in the dark to figure out that father and son had a strained relationship.

"Dad only had to scour the Arctic for you. Me? I have this," Tony muttered, throwing an expansive gesture and sloshing liquid all over the place. The billionaire didn't even seem to notice, clearly inebriated.

"Where do I start? I mean, look at it. Space is  _huge_. It's ridiculous," Tony rambled on, his words slightly slurred. He paused, noticing he had no more beer left. The billionaire lobbed the empty can towards the trash bin, and missed by a few feet. He rifled through his cooler and promptly opened another one.

The super soldier watched his best friend, troubled by the amount of alcohol Tony had been imbibing since Tom departed. Without the god around, there was no one to curb Tony's self-destructive behavior.

"I don't think we are even in the same galaxy. There's no chance I'll ever see Tom again," the billionaire sighed. If he were the superstitious type, he would say the Stark men were cursed. Just like Howard, he was doomed to search for a friend he would never find in his lifetime.

"He'll come back. Don't lose faith, Tony," Steve insisted, even though it sounded hollow in his own ears.

The billionaire shook his head, staring somewhere across the darkened landscape. He looked lost, removed from the world.

Steve didn't think it was possible to miss someone who was sitting only a few feet from him. Tony was close enough for him to reach out and touch, yet the brunet was a million miles away, distant as the stars in the sky.

It was as if after Tom had left, he also took Tony's warmth and laughter with him.

The national icon rolled the can between his hands, not bothering to open it. He racked his brain for something to say, anything to break the oppressive stillness. "I never got to properly say thank you. For finding me. If it weren't for you, I'd still be trapped in ice somewhere."

"Don't thank me Cap. Thank Howard. You're lucky the man was stubborn as a mule; he didn't let something trivial like death stop him from his goal," the billionaire commented.

Steve smiled faintly. Yes, that was pretty much Howard in a nutshell. "He was a great friend. The best a fella could ask for."

"He was also a lousy father," the billionaire interjected.

Steve flinched. He opened his mouth, feeling the need to defend Howard, but Tony cut him off.

"Doesn't it seem a bit wrong that you knew my dad better than I ever did?" Tony rubbed his face blearily. He was not looking forward to this conversation, except this had been a long time coming. The super soldier only saw one side of Howard; he regarded the man as some kind of saint. It was time to put this false perception to rest, once and for all.

"Howard was never around; I grew up without a father to guide me. Even during those rare instances he spent time with his family, his mind was always somewhere else. I resented him for that, even after he died," the billionaire revealed, words spilling out like broken glass, ragged and harsh.

Tony was watching Steve a little too closely, like there was some kind of answer hidden just beneath the surface. "Then you came along," he said, a wry note slipping into his voice. "For all of dad's flaws, I forgive him." He paused, a sad smile on his lips.

"Because if it weren't for Howard, I never would've met you," Tony stated, sorrow and love twisting together.

Steve stiffened; Tony's demeanor had him on edge.

The billionaire turned away and grabbed a bottle of tequila from the cooler, beer forgotten. He needed the stronger stuff because what he was going to say next, he couldn't say to Steve while sober.

Alcohol wasn't called liquid courage for nothing.

After a few minutes of silence, the tension in the air increasingly palpable with each passing moment, Tony finally spoke.

"If you feel that you'd be happier somewhere else, you don't have to stay here in the tower," he said haltingly. "You could go wherever you want, do whatever you want to do. You don't owe me anything," the billionaire said, his tone carrying some kind of finality.

Steve swallowed. "I don't understand."

Tony cast his eyes downward, staring at his lap. "I don't think I have it in me anymore Steve. I'm sorry," he admitted tiredly. He was beginning to wonder if it was worth the effort, trying to hold on. All the people he loved had left him. Someday, Steve, Bruce, and Darcy would do the same.

The super soldier gazed at his best friend, disbelieving. Tony was letting him go. His chest suddenly went tight and his eyes hurt, trying to hold the tears in.

He imagined what it would be like without having the billionaire around, and it stole the breath from his lungs. Steve realized he pined for Tony with a yearning, crippling ache.

He missed his terrible puns and his endless supply of pop culture references. He missed the way his eyes lit up when he was about to tell a raunchy joke. Steve craved his playful grin and the smiles Tony reserved only for him.

Most of all, he longed for Tony to look at him again like he mattered.

He took for granted all of these things. Now they were gone, and all that remained was deafening silence.

Steve couldn't bear the look of desolation on Tony's face any longer. He closed the distance between them, and knelt before the brunet. The super soldier cupped Tony's cheek, turning his face towards him.

Tony gazed back at Steve, guarded and hopeful at the same time.

"You're my home Tony," Steve said softly. He brought the brunet's hands to his heart, to show he meant every word of it.

"Why would I leave?"

* * *

Loki woke up, disoriented and nursing a massive headache. Blood ran sluggishly down the left side of his face and over one eye, obscuring his vision. He moved to wipe it off, but found his hands, even his feet, bound and chained to the wall. To add insult to injury, they had even put a muzzle on him.

The trickster mentally kicked himself. In his haste to get to Midgard a decade ago, he forgot to seal that specific portal that led to Asgard.

He snorted at the whole irony of the situation.

'They knew,' Loki thought, marveling at Laufey's ingenuity. The Jotuns had studied him and observed his habits, waiting for him to wander over to his favorite tree. They had most likely been planning his abduction for years.

Loki took stock of his surroundings. He was in a large, windowless stone cell, every square inch of the room carved with intricate runes. It was designed to inhibit his magic and prevent him from teleporting out. If Laufey had captured him ten years ago, he wouldn't have been able to escape. Luckily for him, the Jotun monarch didn't anticipate him getting his full power back.

The restraints were much more trickier. Without even examining the manacles and muzzle, he determined these dwarven made. He was intimately familiar with these restraints; he had encountered this type of magic a long time ago. His lips throbbed from a phantom pain, after recalling a quite unpleasant memory.

Dwarven chains cannot be broken by any kind of force, but it was possible to open them without using a key. Dwarves were rather fond of puzzles; they had a custom of placing one spell that could unlock the restraints. That specific enchantment was embedded beneath thousands of other spells; it was an arduous process of trial and error. If someone were clever and patient enough to find it, they would be released.

Loki quickly started working on finding the spell. He had to escape and return to Asgard as soon as possible; the war could break out any minute now.

He immediately stopped what he was doing when he heard footsteps approaching his cell. Moments later, Byleistr and Helblindi came in.

"Ah, the crown prince is awake," Byleistr drawled. He reached out and wrenched the muzzle off Loki's face roughly.

"How's your head? I told the guards to treat you in a manner befitting your status," he continued, as he appraised Loki, taking great pleasure at seeing his half-brother in shackles. "I apologize. Good help is so hard to come by nowadays."

The god of mischief was quiet, wary of his half-siblings. He didn't know them very well, but he heard these two were prone to violent outbursts.

"What's the matter? Silver tongue turned to lead?"

"I have no quarrel with any of you. There is no need for this," Loki replied evenly.

At those words, Byleistr's face contorted into an ugly mask, all traces of civility gone. "On the contrary, we do have a quarrel with you. You don't know how long I've been waiting for this," he snapped.

Loki was taken aback by the pure venom the Jotun prince had towards him. "What did I ever do to you to warrant such hatred?"

Byleistr stared at him for a beat, not grasping why Loki would ask such a nonsensical question.

"You insult me simply by existing. I was supposed to be next in line. A runt like you does not deserve to be the king of Jotunheim," he scoffed.

"Look, I'm just as unhappy about the situation as you are," Loki said slowly, as if he was placating a spoiled child. "If you want the throne so much, be my guest. I don't want it." He was beginning to sound like a broken record, repeating the same thing over and over.

"You're lying," Byleistr hissed.

Loki sighed. There was no reasoning with this guy; he might as well have been talking to a hunk of rock.

"I always said that anyone who wishes to be a king is a fool," the trickster commented, looking at Byleistr directly in the eye. "Case in point."

Helblindi's fist came flying out; hitting Loki right in the middle of the chest. The ghastly sound of ribs snapping echoed across the cell.

Loki choked back a scream. The pain was immense; he could feel his bones scraping together and every breath felt like he was inhaling hot knives.

Byleistr smirked, patting his younger brother affectionately. "Don't worry, it will all be over soon. We're just waiting for Thor to arrive with the Casket, and then we will put both of you out of your misery."

Loki went rigid, his pain forgotten, rage overriding everything else. "Listen carefully," he said, more than a hint of warning in his voice, "whatever vendetta you have against me, let's settle this between ourselves. Do not drag my brother into this."

"Not so calm and collected now, are you?" Byleistr taunted. "A while ago you didn't want to fight, next minute you want to kill me on the spot only because I threatened your beloved Thor," he stated, visibly amused. Then his expression hardened.

"Father thinks you're an Aesir, and not a Jotun. He's wrong. You're just pretending to be one," he said, bending towards Loki until they were eye-level. "The truth is, you're as bloodthirsty and vicious as the rest of us. You merely happen to be very adept at hiding it. That is what makes you so dangerous…at least Helblindi and I never concealed our true nature. Unlike you, we aren't hypocrites," Byleistr said coldly, straightening up.

Loki closed his eyes, trying to block him out. Byleistr was goading him, and it was working.

Byleistr wasn't finished, relishing in tormenting the Aesir prince. "The thunderer also agreed to come here alone, and without Mjolnir with him. I'm sure if we wait long enough, he will hand over Asgard to us just to have you back. How sentimental," the Jotun mocked, smiling nastily. "Honestly, I don't know which one is more pathetic, you or Thor."

A guard entered the cell, interrupting Byleistr's monologue. He informed them that the king of Asgard was on his way. The two Jotun princes started walking towards the door.

"We'll leave you for a bit so we could welcome our visitor," Byleistr said, winking at Loki. "I promise I'll let you say goodbye to Thor before we execute him."

The moment they were gone, Loki frantically resumed working on the restraints. He knew once the god of thunder sets foot inside Utgard, he was as good as dead. The frost giant's stronghold was fortified by thick stone walls; it took the All-Father months to breach it, and he had Vili, Ve, and his whole army with him. Reinforcements would not be able to reach Thor in time and the nearest Bifrost location was miles away. His brother was one of the strongest Aesir, but even he couldn't win against a Jotun, not without a weapon.

Whatever misgivings he had earlier about fighting his kin had vanished, now that Thor's life was hanging in the balance. Throwing his brother into the equation brought things into perspective awfully fast; the thunderer always had a knack of making his life complicated and simple at the same time.

After a few more minutes, the shackles finally opened and fell to the ground. But the god didn't move, didn't try to escape. Instead, Loki brought his hands to his face and wept.

Mimir was right. He had only delayed the inevitable.

* * *

Laufey was sitting on his throne, flanked by his two sons. They were waiting for the Aesir monarch to arrive, but it was his eldest, beaten up and bloody, who strode inside the room. His unexpected entrance stunned all of them. What was more astonishing was the trickster was unarmed and he was not wearing any armor.

"How did you get out?" Byleistr demanded, clearly rattled.

Loki shrugged. "Your wards aren't strong enough to hold me," he replied simply.

The three gawked at him. Their sorcerers had gathered containing spells in every realm to ensure Loki would not be able to escape; still he managed to walk out of his cell like it was nothing.

"This is my last warning. Kin or not, should any of you harm Thor, there will be repercussions," Loki said quietly, an edge of steel in his tone.

Helblindi growled. "Let's just kill him and be done with it!" he roared, his right hand already forming into a spiked mace. Not pausing to assess the situation, he charged Loki.

The trickster continued to stand still, even though Helblindi was almost upon him. At the last second he formed an ice spear and pointed it at the rampaging Jotun. Helblindi's momentum drove him straight to it.

Helblindi looked at the spear protruding from his chest, mouth agape. He fumbled to take it out, and as soon he did so, he collapsed.

Seeing his brother's lifeless form, Byleistr howled in aguish. Blinded by grief and fury, he rushed after the trickster, swinging his axe.

Loki's armor and weapon materialized. He easily sidestepped the Jotun prince's attack; there was a blur of motion, and with quick slash from his sword, Byleistr's head was separated from his body. Great spurts of blood gushed out from the stump, mixing with Helblindi's.

In the blink of an eye, all of Laufey's heirs were gone. It all happened so fast; the Jotun monarch was having trouble grasping what just happened moments before.

The Jotun king watched his eldest stalk towards him, sweeping across the room with lethal grace. There was a detached, clinical way Loki annihilated his siblings, exterminating them like they were vermin. Laufey had made a fatal mistake. This was not the same Loki he had encountered more than a decade ago.

Looking into the eyes that were identical to his, Laufey found no vestige of pity or compassion. A frisson of unease shot through him.

It dawned on the Jotun king that he might be joining Byleistr and Helblindi soon enough.

* * *

Somewhere in Mount Galdhøpiggen, Mimir observed Laufey and Loki circle each other. As much as he wanted to assist the young prince, he could not intervene. Loki had to vanquish Laufey alone; or else dissenters would always challenge his right to rule. Jotuns only obey the strongest of them all.

Mimir watched as Laufey attempted to sever Loki's arm, but the trickster managed to parry the blow. Laufey swiped at him again and the ice blade sliced open Loki's right leg. The trickster stumbled but remained upright, his face contorted in pain.

The old Jotun tore his gaze away. It had always been like this with the royal family; son against father, brother against brother, all of them fighting for supremacy.

Even though he had seen it all during the course of his long life, it never made watching this any easier.

* * *

Loki leaned on his sword, breath coming in quick gasps. For a thirteen-foot tall giant, Laufey was remarkably agile. No wonder the All-Father had never succeeded in beating the Jotun king. He had to change tactics; Laufey was deflecting all his attacks, his defense was too tight for him to land a killing blow. He also had a longer reach; Laufey was able to wound him at a distance, while he had to get close to inflict any damage. Loki knew that he was not going to win by skill; Laufey had thousands of years of combat experience more than him.

The situation was dire. His left arm hung uselessly at his side and his right leg was mangled where Laufey had clipped him earlier. He was already fatigued after losing copious amounts of blood. Not to mention he was also running out of time; Thor was arriving soon with the Casket. He had to eliminate Laufey before he could get his hands on that infernal artifact; otherwise there was no hope in overcoming the king of Jotunheim, not at his current condition. He had to do something unexpected to catch Laufey off guard. It would require a great sacrifice.

Loki exhaled slowly, resigned to his fate. He came into this world alone and fighting for his life, it seemed fitting he would leave it the same way.

Despite knowing there was a high probability that he was going to die here in this frozen wasteland, the trickster was at peace. His life in exchange for Thor's. It was a pretty good trade-off, in his opinion.

The thought buoyed his flagging resolve. Loki heaved himself up, disregarding the piercing ache all over his body.

Without warning he hurtled towards the Jotun monarch, weapon raised. Laufey saw an opening in Loki's stance and knocked the sword away from his hand. Loki scrambled backwards in panic, trying to retrieve his weapon. The Jotun king grinned in triumph, and promptly stabbed his eldest in the gut, ramming the ice blade to the hilt. He brought his face near Loki's, as the god of mischief screamed in agony.

"You are no son of mine. I should've killed you the day you were born," Laufey sneered.

Through the haze of pain, Loki saw his chance. With tremendous effort, he swiftly transformed his hands into thick, serrated blades, and plunged them into Laufey's neck.

The Jotun king bellowed in shock and dropped Loki. The trickster landed hard on his back, head slamming into the ground. Pain exploded in his skull; for a second Loki thought it had cracked open.

From his prone position Loki watched Laufey clutch at the jagged holes on his neck, attempting to stop the torrent of blood. Undeterred, the Jotun king swayed unsteadily on his feet, staggering towards the trickster so he could finish him off. Laufey didn't make it to three steps until he fell down, dead.

The god of mischief dropped his head back on the floor, no longer able to move. Loki noted dimly that he was going into shock; he had experienced it enough times to recognize the symptoms. He felt extremely lethargic; darkness was seeping into his vision and everything sounded far away.

Loki tried to stay awake, but eventually succumbed to oblivion.

* * *

As soon as the battle was over, Mimir teleported to the throne room and raced to his prince's side. Loki was alarmingly pale and his pulse was faint, his heart on the verge of giving out. The ancient Jotun inhaled sharply when he saw the extent of the trickster's injuries. There were deep cuts all over his body, but the worst one was the large gash across his stomach. Loki had taken too much damage in such a short span of time that his magic couldn't keep up.

Mimir frantically began to utilize all the healing spells he could think of, focusing on the gaping belly wound. He then commenced working on other lacerations to stop the excessive bleeding. After a few more tense minutes he sensed Loki's magic slowly getting stronger, and his body was starting to repair itself.

Loki opened his eyes slowly and saw the kind face of the elderly Jotun looming over him. "Hello Mimir," he rasped, "I didn't expect to meet you again."

"You gave me quite a fright. What you did was beyond reckless," Mimir chided gently. The crown prince just looked at him politely. It was clear he had heard the same lecture numerous times, but he never heeded any of them.

"Thank you for rescuing me," Loki murmured, sounding so young. Mimir's mild annoyance earlier vanished, replaced by guilt. He forgot that in Jotun years, his prince was still considered a juvenile. Loki grew up too fast and had seen horrors anyone his age shouldn't have been exposed to.

Mimir reached out and patted Loki's head fondly, like a grandfather would his grandson. "Rest, Your Highness. You are not fully healed yet."

"I have to look for Thor. He doesn't have Mjolnir with him," Loki said, struggling to sit up.

The old Jotun was about to argue with him when said god of thunder came in, accompanied by a retainer. A scene of absolute carnage greeted them both.

For a moment no one moved.

Then the retainer started yelling at the top of his lungs and quickly ran out, alerting the entire palace.

Thor on the other hand sprinted across the room, ignoring the corpses strewn on the floor. His attention was fixed solely on Loki, the Casket bouncing along his side. "Brother! Are you alright?" he cried, seeing Loki all banged up. The trickster was covered in blood and his armor had pieces missing.

Mimir cursed, hearing the pandemonium outside. He feared someone would harm his prince during his weakened state. "You have to leave now," he informed Loki and Thor, "I'll teleport you two directly to Asgard. Heal and gather your strength."

Loki nodded and reached out for his brother. They were gone by the time the guards burst in.

* * *

Freyr was at the observatory with Heimdall, waiting for Thor and Loki to arrive. The thunderer had left hours ago, and Heimdall had lost sight of him when he entered Utgard. Laufey had wrapped his fortress with a potent spell, shrouding it from prying eyes. They had no way of knowing what was going on.

The king of Alfheim was getting more anxious as the minutes ticked by, fearing the worst. The two siblings could be in mortal peril right now, or they could already be dead and Laufey was in possession of the Casket.

He wanted to go to Utgard and check on them but he couldn't risk angering the Jotuns, not while the exchange was still in progress. If he went there with his army, the frost giants would perceive it as an act of aggression and immediately declare war.

'Damned if I do, damned if I don't,' Freyr thought grimly. If they were not back within an hour, he was going to march into Jotunheim.

Freyr observed his army. The armies of Vanaheim and Alfheim were a ragtag group of merchants, farmers, and craftsmen. Many of them had never experienced combat; they were not battle hardened like the Aesir. Yet here they were, ready to defend their realm.

It weighed heavily on him, knowing he was sending his people to their deaths. Sometimes he wished Njord had never given him the throne, or gave it to Freya instead. Being a king was not a pleasant job, as most people think.

His ruminations were cut short when a portal appeared, and out tumbled Thor and Loki. Freyr almost cried in relief. It quickly changed to alarm when he got a good look at the younger god. The Aesir prince was in very bad shape.

Thor immediately scrambled to his feet. "Heimdall! Call the healers," he shouted, almost out of his mind with panic.

"I'm ok. Just let me rest for a moment," Loki groused from the floor. He was trying to downplay his condition, but Freyr heard the tremor in his voice.

"Let me take care of him," the Vanir said, nudging a hysterical Thor out of the way. He placed his hands on Loki's chest and started pumping the trickster with all the magic he could spare. Freyr winced as he scanned Loki's body. Fractured ribs, punctured lungs, dislocated shoulder, perforated intestines, bruised organs, various lacerations, and a concussion. You name it, Loki had it.

"The Norns smile upon you, my friend. You should've been dead many times over with these injuries, but you have an uncanny ability of staying alive," he commented. Behind him he heard Thor whimper. He gave the thunderer an apologetic look. "Loki is going to be fine. He is healing quite nicely," he assured his fellow monarch. As he talked, he felt Loki's bones re-knitting and his organs mending at a rapid rate. He had never seen anything like it.

"Lucky me," the trickster grunted. He wasn't dying anymore, but he wished he was. Everything hurt. He could use some vodka and a handful of aspirin right about now.

"Sweet Odin, what happened?" Sif asked, pushing her way to the throng, with the Warriors Three in tow.

"Laufey and his heirs are dead. Loki defeated them," Thor said, gazing at his brother with a mixture of reverence and apprehension. Loki was just full of surprises; he had single-handedly beaten the three fiercest Jotuns. He had no idea Loki had amassed so much power, and the god of thunder admitted that the thought intimidated him a bit.

The rest of the Aesir looked dumbfounded, including the usually stoic Hogun. Freyr merely shared a knowing look with the trickster and bowed his head in gratitude. "You kept our realms safe. The Vanir and Ljósálfar are indebted to you."

Loki smiled feebly back. "Thank you for lending me some of your magic. I'm fine now." He turned to Thor's war council. "Disband the army and tell everyone to return home. Jotunheim is no longer a threat," he ordered.

"What about the fire giants and the dark elves? They might still attack us," Volstagg interjected.

The god of mischief shook his head. "Surtr and Malekith are outnumbered without Laufey's forces. They will not go to war if they know they are at a disadvantage," Loki explained patiently.

As if summoned, female emissaries from Svartalfheim and Muspelheim emerged from the Bifrost. They curtsied deeply before Freyr, Loki, and Thor.

The dark elf was the first one to speak. "Greetings Your Majesties. King Malekith and King Surtr have sent word of their intention to withdraw; our armies are being dismantled as we speak. They hope to continue a friendly relationship with your realms."

Then the fire giant directly addressed Loki. "Congratulations, Your Highness. Our monarchs send their regards. They are looking forward to your forthcoming coronation."

They curtsied again and left without another word. Loki gave them all 'I told you so' look.

"What does that mean?" Fandral inquired, bewildered. "Loki is the next king of Jotunheim? But he's not a Jotun." Even Hogun and Volstagg appeared perplexed. Sif caught on earlier than her friends, but said nothing.

"Fandral, aren't you supposed to be doing something?" Thor said sharply.

Fandral gulped. "Right. I'll be going now," he said, and scurried away. The rest followed.

Loki got up and started walking, or rather hobbling, towards the palace. Well, his secret was out. He wasn't about to wait for people to break out the torches and pitchforks.

"Brother! You're not supposed to move. You're not fully healed yet," Thor hollered after him.

"To Hel with it," Loki yelled back, and continued walking. He wanted a bath, clean clothes, and lots of sleep. Not necessarily in that order.

"He's definitely feeling better," Thor grumbled.

Freyr watched the two amusedly. "I should be going. I have to report to my superiors the good news," the king of Alfheim informed Thor. "And I need to send my people home. Their families are waiting for them."

Thor hugged the older god. "Thank you Freyr. For everything."

"You're welcome. You go attend to your brother," the Vanir said, making shooing gestures.

Thor shot him one last grateful look, then chased after Loki.

* * *

The trickster finally made it to his quarters, with Thor trailing behind him. Without any prompting, Thor started unbuckling his chest armor and vambraces.

Loki examined his favorite armor miserably; it was too dented and riddled with holes to be salvaged.

Thor caught his brother's expression. "I'll commission a new one for you with the same design if you want."

Loki said nothing and went straight to the bathroom. He started washing his hands and face vigorously. He would've preferred a long bath, but he had a hunch Mimir was going to summon him again soon.

It was difficult to wash off blood once it had dried. And it was everywhere; on his hair, his scalp, even under his fingernails. There was so much of it, staining the basin pink. Loki stared at his reflection. He wondered if he would ever be clean again.

"Brother?" Thor inquired worriedly, as his sibling continued washing, scrubbing his hands raw. "Loki, stop. They're clean," he said, taking a towel and drying them off.

The thunderer stopped short when he saw the change in Loki. It looked like his sibling had aged overnight, his eyes haunted.

Loki pulled his hands away from Thor, as if his touch burned him.

"I killed my kin…I slaughtered them. What does that say about me?" he murmured.

Thor was at a loss for words. His brother was one of the strongest people he had ever met, but even Loki had a breaking point. He wanted to fix him, but he had no clue what to do.

He approached the trickster slowly. "You had to defend yourself. What else could you have done?" he said, reaching out to Loki. "You spared millions of lives. You did your duty as prince of Asgard."

Loki shook his head, not meeting Thor's gaze. "I didn't do it for Asgard. All I thought about was keeping you alive. It didn't matter if I survived or not," he confessed.

Thor's concern earlier swiftly turned to fury, appalled by the revelation. He strode over Loki, crowding him against the wall. "Why are you so eager to throw your life away?" he demanded, angry and hurt at Loki's words. His brother had always been like this, often putting himself in harm's way. It pained him that Loki didn't think he was worth it.

Loki hung his head, not saying anything.

The god of thunder barreled on, encroaching into Loki's space, their faces inches apart. It shocked him how his brother managed to be so selfless and selfish at the same time. Loki always thought he was doing the right thing, consequences be damned. "Why do you always do this? Do you enjoy tormenting me so much?"

Loki just stared at him, uncomprehending.

Thor was openly weeping now. "You're always leaving me behind," he accused, overcome, "I can't…without you, there's no point," he sobbed, voice hoarse. He couldn't go on with half of his soul missing. He didn't know why Loki couldn't understand that.

The god of mischief cradled Thor's face, his fingers sweeping away the tears. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

The two just stood there, locked in an embrace, Loki stroking Thor's hair until he stopped crying.

Thor shifted and angled his face to the side, tentatively pressing his lips to Loki's. For a second Loki went completely still, then he pushed his mouth into Thor's with a hunger that surprised them both. Hands scrabbling for purchase, Loki seized his brother's hips and yanked him close. His lips slid wetly along Thor's, Loki's tongue slipping between the seam. Their mouths gradually slotted in place, fitting perfectly together.

The thunderer crushed Loki to him, hard enough to leave bruises. There was a deep, all-consuming need to press Loki's skin against his, to remind himself that his brother didn't disappear on him again, that he was still alive.

Thor bit and sucked Loki's bottom lip, eliciting a moan. He then nipped at Loki's jaw, working his way down his throat, making the trickster shudder and gasp. He found, to his delight, a spot behind Loki's ears that was especially sensitive, wringing from the trickster the most delicious of sounds. Thor made sure to remember that tidbit for future use.

Kissing Loki was like kissing a maelstrom; Loki's love and desire, his rage and despair; he poured all of them into Thor. He was drowning, but he didn't care.

Finally they separated after the need for air became too great. Loki's pupils were blown wide, encased in a thin ring of green. He was beautiful and terrifying all at once, his power swirling around them.

A bit dazed from the kiss, Thor thought he heard someone knocking on the door.

"Enter," Loki commanded, still not letting go of his brother.

Heimdall came in and saw the two clinging to each other, their hair mussed and lips swollen. The gatekeeper's flat expression didn't waver one bit.

"I'm sorry to interrupt Your Highness, but there is a Jotun named Mimir waiting for you outside. He says you need to return to Jotunheim immediately," Heimdall informed the Aesir prince.

Thor tightened his hold on Loki. "No! Please, stay here with me," he implored, knowing what was coming next. Once Loki walked out that door, things would never be the same.

Loki could only gaze at him sorrowfully, his eyes asking for forgiveness. He kissed Thor for the last time, a mere brush of lips.

It tasted like a goodbye.


	19. Pomp and Circumstance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eccentric relatives, mad princesses, and a bloodthirsty goat, oh my!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay. On the flipside, only one more chapter to go. 
> 
> I suggest reading "Scar-lip", because it's an important part of this chapter.

"Hey, Your Royal Hotness. Getting cold feet?"

Loki looked up, and was surprised to see Tony had sneaked back to his quarters.

"What makes you say that?" the trickster inquired, cracking a smile despite the corny joke.

"Well, for a guy ascending the throne in a few minutes, you're acting more like a reluctant groom at a shotgun wedding," Tony remarked.

Loki dropped his head into his hands. "This is a mistake," he groaned, feeling very much out of his depth. "How can I be a proper Jotun king if I don't even know how to be a Jotun in the first place?" He didn't need to be a seer to divine that his reign was going to be a disaster.

Tony draped an arm around the god's shoulders and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Tom, nobody expects you to get it right off the bat. You'll just have learn as you go along," he said soothingly. "Remember you didn't want to be my co-CEO because you thought you'd suck at it? Then you went on and handled the biggest company on earth like a boss. From the way I've seen you work, this is gonna be a cakewalk for you."

Loki gazed at his best friend, visibly moved. "Thanks for the vote of confidence Tony…that means a lot," he murmured, overcome.

Tony gave him a beatific grin. "You're welcome."

* * *

 

"How is Tom doing?" Steve asked, as Tony sat beside him.

"Scared shitless, but he'll be ok," the billionaire replied.

"There's going to be a brawl if the ceremony doesn't start soon," Bruce commented, as the crowd became more impatient. Even though the Great Hall was filled to capacity, there was a huge swath of empty space right in the middle. There was no socializing going on and the two factions were eyeing each other with suspicion.

Tony considered going back and dragging Tom out, when the doors finally opened.

A hush fell over the room and the Jotuns bowed in deference as Loki strode inside.

The seemingly calm king-to-be was doing his best not to shy away from the attention. All the monarchs and their families were present, and Loki couldn't help but feel self-conscious. The walk to the dais seemed to go on forever, distant and surreal.

He spotted his friends near the front; Darcy was taking pictures, while Steve and Bruce waved happily. Tony mouthed something encouraging, but Loki couldn't discern what it was.

He did a double-take when he noticed two people he had not seen in centuries.

Vili and Ve were standing beside Odin, beaming widely.

Loki attempted to smile back, but it ended up as a grimace. His uncles shot him sympathetic looks. They knew exactly what he was feeling.

His steps faltered when he saw Thor and Frigga.

His mother was clutching his brother's arm for support, wrung out and heartbroken. She had given Thor to Asgard, now Jotunheim was taking Loki away from her too. She never got to keep any of her sons.

Thor's expression matched Frigga's. He had wanted to rule Asgard with Loki by his side, but that dream was no more.

Loki wanted to go over and comfort them both, but Mimir stopped him.

"Come forward, Loki, son of Laufey."

The trickster took a deep breath, willing his heart to stop hammering in his chest.

"Kneel."

Loki did so and bowed his head.

"Do you promise to be faithful to Jotunheim, to serve her and her people?'

"I solemnly promise."

"Do you vow to defend her until your last breath, and vanquish her enemies?"

"I do."

"Do you swear to uphold her laws, and conscientiously execute your duties as king?"

"All this, I swear to do."

Mimir then raised his hands and recited an incantation. A crown carved out of a single red diamond materialized. It was intricately carved, resembling the icicles scattered around the realm's landscape.

The old Jotun lowered the crown and placed it on Loki's head.

Loki rose and faced his subjects.

Time seemed to pause and hold its breath.

"Behold the Supreme Ruler of Jotunheim, His Majesty, Loki, son of Laufey," Mimir proclaimed.

The Jotuns proceeded to let out ear-splitting roars that shook the walls. Having to put up with a tyrannical king and psychotic princes for thousands of years, they were ecstatic to have a stable ruler for a change.

Even with all the noise, Loki could hear his friends cheering and clapping.

It went on for several more minutes. After everyone had settled down, the presentation of gifts came next. Skadi, the daughter of Surtr, was first.

The princess of Muspelheim presented him with an armor made from bilgensnipe scales, which was extremely durable and prized by warriors everywhere. Loki had always wanted one, but the fire giants never traded their wares to anyone except their allies.

"Thank you, my lady," Loki said, smiling as she passed him the gift.

She didn't smile back. Instead she gave the trickster a look of utter loathing and marched back to her seat without another word.

Loki cocked an eyebrow, wondering what her problem was. Then he recalled that he put her older brother Suttung in prison, and slew Byleistr, her betrothed. He winced.

The Jotun king turned to the next princess.

Amora, daughter of Malekith, offered him a tome of rare spells. Loki flipped through the pages. It consisted mostly of curses. And exceedingly vile ones at that, if the gruesome illustrations were anything to go by.

"Does Svartalfheim's gift please you, Your Majesty?" the Dökkálfr purred, standing too close for comfort. Unlike Skadi, Amora didn't seem to be too upset about her deceased fiancé Helblindi.

Loki blanched and stepped back. "Er, yes. It's very interesting. Thank you very much, Princess Amora."

The dark elf didn't take the hint and laid a hand on his chest. "I know other spells not written in that book. I could teach them to you, if you like," she simpered, her smile showing too much teeth.

"Uh…"

Freya roughly shoved her way in between them. "Enough. He's not interested, you wanton hussy. Stop embarrassing yourself," she hissed, glowering at Amora.

Amora looked like she wanted to claw Freya's eyes out, fortunately Malekith called his daughter back before she could make a spectacle of herself. She left the dais in a huff, but not before swearing to curse Loki and Freya both.

The goddess of love sneered, unimpressed.

"You really should stop antagonizing every person you meet," Freyr chided, approaching the podium with his gift.

"What? She was making him uncomfortable!" the princess of Vanaheim exclaimed.

Freyr ignored his twin and proffered Loki a clay pot with a young sapling.

"It's an olive tree," the Vanir supplied. "It's impervious to frost, and it only requires a small amount of light and water. I also brought other fruit-bearing specimens, all ready to be planted."

Loki happily accepted the gift. With Freyr's plants, Jotunheim would rely less on the other realms for food. "You've outdone yourself, my friend. You have my gratitude."

The king of Alfheim smiled modestly. "I'm glad you like it."

"My turn," Freya chirped, bouncing on her heels. "Here you go," she said, handing Loki a moonstone pendant, "and you're welcome."

Alarm bells started going off the moment Loki touched it. "Is this what I think it is?" he probed; regarding the gift like it contained anthrax.

"It's a fertility necklace," Freya confirmed, unbearably pleased with herself.

Loki almost chucked the pendant at Mimir. He wanted to take a bath; he felt filthy all over.

Freya sighed. "Loki, your line is nearly extinct. You can't just let it die out like that," she said bluntly.

"I'm afraid she's right. One of your duties as sovereign is to produce heirs," Freyr interjected, trying his damnedest to keep a straight face. He ended up looking constipated.

"Produce heirs?" Loki repeated. Damn fertility gods. "It's a little too early, don't you think? I'm not even king for more than an hour yet!" he spluttered.

"Give it to your future queen," Freya soldiered on, ignoring his protests, "or use it yourself. Since you're a shapeshifter, you have the ability to bear children," she said loudly, for Thor's benefit. The king of Asgard was apparently struck by unexpected deafness, but his red ears gave him away.

Loki could hear Tony and Darcy hooting with laughter in the background.

"You two are making me really uncomfortable," he mumbled.

Freya softened. "I know darling, and we're sorry," she said, caressing Loki's cheek. "Freyr and I have your best interests at heart. We only want your reign to be successful."

Loki couldn't maintain his annoyance, not with the twins being so earnest. He acquiesced and nodded his thanks.

Thor was the last one left. He was about to present his gift when there was a sudden commotion at the back.

"Wait!" somebody hollered. Two dwarves shoved their way to the front, hauling a rectangular box.

It was Brokkr and Eitri, the famed metalsmiths of Nidavellir.

"Excuse us for the our tardiness. We misplaced your gift and we had to search the whole workshop for it," Brokkr explained, trying to catch his breath.

Loki didn't try to hide his surprise. He wasn't exactly fond of Brokkr and Eitri; the last time he had encountered these two, they had sewn his mouth shut. To this day, he still bore the scars.

Judging from Thor's icy countenance, he hadn't forgotten it either.

"We parted on rather inimical terms, but we had to know if you would honor your word," Eitri said cryptically.

Loki and Thor exchanged bewildered looks.

Brokkr continued. "Any sorcerer could've have broken that spell without any difficulty, but you didn't. You kept your end of bargain."

Realization dawned on Loki. "So all of that…unpleasantness…was some kind of test?" he said, stunned.

Eitri nodded. "And you succeeded. You have proven yourself worthy." He opened the box. Inside was a sword.

As swords went, it was rather nondescript. It didn't have precious stones embedded on the hilt, nor any engravings.

But Loki knew better than to judge anything by its appearance.

"We give to you Lævateinn, the sharpest sword in the Nine Realms," the two brothers intoned.

The whole hall gave a collective gasp.

Loki carefully lifted it out of the box, and was amazed at how light it was. Lævateinn fit his hand even better than his old sword. For so long he never understood the Aesir's reverence for weapons, but now he knew why.

The sensible choice would be to refuse the gift. It was too powerful, too tempting to keep.

But if he didn't accept it, Brokkr and Eitri would take offense. Nidavellir was a potential ally, and an influential one at that. Both sides had been wooing the dwarves for ages, in the hopes of monopolizing the superior weapons they made.

There was also no doubt that if he didn't take Lævateinn, anyone with less scruples than he did would. Surtr or Malekith would pay a mountain of gold for this sword.

"This is an extraordinary gift. From this day forth, Nidavellir is under the protection of Jotunheim, as token of my gratitude," Loki declared solemnly.

Brokkr and Eitri were pleased. "Your Majesty is very generous," they acknowledged, bowing to the Jotun king.

And as quickly as they arrived, they were gone.

Finally, it was Thor's turn.

Neither one spoke, both shy all of a sudden. Things had been excruciatingly uncomfortable between them since that fateful night.

The Aesir king remained motionless, rooted to the spot.

Loki's eyes drifted to the side, looking everywhere but the blond in front of him.

It went on for so long that even Mimir felt uncomfortable. He cleared his throat. "Is there something wrong, sire?"

Loki started. "No, everything is fine." He turned to Thor, gesturing at the wooden chest he was holding. "Is that for me?"

Thor blinked, as if he was coming back to the present. "Oh, right." He opened the chest.

Loki's jaw dropped.

"I think it's time for this to be returned to Jotunheim," Thor stated, taking the Casket of Ancient Winters out.

The frost giants went into frenzy when they caught sight of the artifact.

Loki grabbed Thor and pulled him close. "Have you lost your mind? Why did you bring that thing here?" he whispered furiously. The god of thunder had put him in a rather awkward position. He looked to Odin for help.

The All-Father's face was an alarming shade of puce; it seemed like he wanted to storm the platform and wallop his eldest upside the head. His brothers didn't share the same sentiment; Vili and Ve nodded and gave them a thumbs up. They were glad to be rid of that cursed relic; it brought nothing but woe and misfortune to anyone who possessed it.

"May this serve as a symbol of Asgard's good faith, and promote friendship between our realms," Thor declared, unaware of the havoc he caused.

Loki could only smile painfully.

* * *

"Now that was a great coronation," Ve stated. "Last time we were here, we were carrying out a baby and a casket. Now our little prince is all grown up," he added wistfully.

"It is the will of the Norns," Vili agreed, pleased at how it all fell into place. "That was very admirable of you nephew, giving that relic back to the Jotuns," he said, gazing at Thor proudly.

The ceremony was over and a banquet was underway. Long tables had replaced the row of chairs, and the servants were bringing out food and mead in droves.

Loki was sitting with his uncles and their respective families. Tony and the rest were nearby, drinking and enjoying themselves.

But the god of mischief wasn't listening to the conversation. He was a mite distracted by the sight before him.

Thor was sitting next to their two cousins, Vali and Balder. Their resemblance to the thunderer in appearance was uncanny, and it was sort of unsettling.

'That is some strong Borson genes,' Loki mused. It was entertaining to watch them because personality-wise, they couldn't have been more dissimilar. Balder was smart and refined, Vali was kind of sleazy looking with his leather jacket and numerous tattoos, while Thor was…something else.

"Wow, it's like Thor came in different colors," Tony whistled, plopping beside the god. "Whaddya think, you're gonna go for the hunky but serious brunet, the wild and dangerous redhead, or the big, blond, brawny beefcake?"

Loki elbowed Tony hard on the ribs.

"Don't tell me this isn't your wildest fantasy coming true…," Tony smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Shut up and drink your mead," Loki bit out, handing the billionaire a full tankard.

While Tony was distracted, he observed Serenity, Vili's wife. The mortal was looking too serene; she was staring off into space, eyes all glassy.

"Uncle Vili, did you use magic on Aunt Serenity? She seems kind of dazed," Loki remarked, tone full of concern.

Vili appeared sheepish. "She was getting hysterical on the way here."

Balder, who had been glowering at his father the entire time, spoke up. "Gee dad, I wonder why," he deadpanned, "maybe because you lied to us about your identity for the past thirty years? If Aunt Frigga hadn't invited us, you never would've told us the truth."

"I was afraid to tell her. When Ve told his wife, she divorced him. I didn't want our family to go through that," Vili reasoned.

"Indeed. Brunhild called me a crackpot and left," Ve grumbled, cutting his meat with more viciousness than necessary.

"I told you when we were kids that our dads are gods, remember?" Vali joined in.

"You also told me then that you were the god of rock. What was I supposed to think?" Balder snapped. He got up from the table and stomped off.

Vili was about to follow his son, but the All-Mother laid a hand on his arm, stopping him.

"Let Balder come to terms with his heritage on his own. Give him time," Frigga advised. "No matter what happens, you're still his father."

Vili let out a slow exhale and nodded.

Jane looked at her husband's retreating back worriedly.

"Welcome to the family," Loki muttered. "I bet you never expected your first visit to a distant realm to be like this, seeing us bicker and argue."

Jane smiled wryly. "I guess it's the same for families everywhere, immortal beings or not." She then excused herself and hurried off after Balder.

Meanwhile Thor was getting to know Vali. "So, what do you do back in Midgard?"

"I'm the vocalist in a band called Valhallen. We play mostly covers in anniversaries and reunions," Vali said, grinning. "I'm waiting for a record company to give us our big break and then we're all set." While he was talking, Sif passed by their table. "Woah, who is that gorgeous babe?" he exclaimed, instantly smitten.

"I don't recommend you flirting with Sif, she'll break you in half," Thor warned.

"I like my women feisty. Come on cuz, help a guy out and introduce me," Vali pressed, yanking the blond out of his seat. Thor had no choice but to follow; he had a feeling he was going to have to restrain Sif from maiming his amorous cousin.

"Congratulations on surviving your coronation, nephew. I almost forgot to give you your gift," Vili said, handing Loki a large cloth bag. "Sorry it's not a weapon; we don't have any decent metal smiths in Wisconsin."

Loki and Tony looked inside. It was full of cheese.

"That's enough cheese to have fondue everyday for a month," Tony observed. "How about it Steve, wanna do some fonduing?" he said innocently.

The super soldier choked on his drink.

Darcy and Bruce giggled. The rest just stared, not getting the joke.

"Thank you Uncle Vili," Loki said, putting the bag away. "And what do you mean by 'surviving' the coronation?"

"Back then it involved more violence and mayhem," Vili replied. "For instance, at Njord's coronation someone tried to assassinate him."

Loki glanced at the king of Vanaheim sitting at the next table. He couldn't imagine the sea god having enemies; Njord was the most easygoing being in existence.

"Don't forget that during Odin's feast Heiðrún got loose, and she started goring all the guests," Ve said, chortling.

The All-Father scowled. He preferred not to be reminded of that embarrassing event.

"You mean a woman just started stabbing people? That's awful," Darcy said, horrified.

"No my dear, Heiðrún is Odin's homicidal goat," Vili replied.

"She also makes the best mead. You're drinking her product right now," Ve added.

Steve, Bruce, and Darcy spat out their drink. Tony kept right on chugging.

Vili continued, ticking off on his fingers. "A civil war broke out right in the middle of Malekith's ceremony, and the venue for Surtr's caught on fire. We were almost roasted alive," he said, shuddering.

"It started changing with the younger generation," Ve said pensively, "I remember falling asleep at Freyr's. Nothing exciting happened."

"What about Thor's coronation?" Steve asked, wiping mead off his chin.

Vili's expression turned stony. "We don't know. We weren't there."

"Odin forgot to invite us. I think you're going senile, you old coot," Ve griped, shooting his older brother a look that could've peeled paint.

"Why didn't you send one of your ravens over? It's not like we get newsletters in Midgard," Vili complained.

Odin rolled his eyes heavenward, asking a higher power to bestow him more patience. He loved his siblings, but they irritated him to no end. "Ve, did you give my son his gift yet?" he asked wearily, trying to change the subject.

Ve perked up. "No, it's still a work in progress. I have the rough outline with me, if you want to take a look," he told Loki.

"You're writing a book about me?"

"Of course. Those dreadful monks had tarnished your name, writing about you fathering monsters and ending the world. What nonsense," Ve growled, indignant on his nephew's behalf. "Never anger a man with a pen, I always say," he said sagely, patting Loki's hand. He smiled.

"It's time for everyone to know your side of the story, don't you think?"

* * *

"You just gave away Asgard's only advantage over Jotunheim. The Aesir are not going to be happy," Loki said, as he and Thor made their way downstairs to the palace vault. Everyone else had retired for the night, but the god of thunder asked Loki if he could accompany him in putting away the gifts.

Thor shrugged. "I trust you. That is all that matters."

Loki didn't know whether to be flattered or pissed off. "All that blind faith will bite you in the ass someday," he said, shaking his head. He worried for Thor; the god of thunder was far too naïve for his own good. He couldn't counsel his brother like he used to; it would be perceived as meddling into Asgard's affairs. Now he was supposed to put Jotunheim's interests above all else, further compounding his dilemma.

It was only the beginning of his reign, but his dual loyalties, as Jotun king and an Aesir prince, were already giving him grief.

"You're not going to use Lævateinn?" Thor asked, as the trickster placed the sword on a pedestal.

Loki chuckled dryly. If he had his way, he would only keep the armor, the potted plant, and Uncle Vili's bag of cheese. The rest, especially the damned fertility necklace, he would toss into a bottomless pit. But it wasn't his call. Technically the gifts were Jotunheim's property, not his.

"I'm content with my old sword," Loki answered.

Thor frowned. "You don't trust yourself enough to wield it," he remarked.

The god of mischief paused. Now and then, Thor could be remarkably perceptive.

"I'm terrified," Loki confessed, turning around to face Thor. "I don't want to fight you." But he will. War erupted between their realms every few thousand years, like clockwork. He knew for certain they would find themselves on the opposite sides of the battlefield; the Casket's return was not enough to undo eons of hostility. He wondered, in the grand scheme of things, if he could make any difference at all.

It would destroy him, if he had to fight Thor, Freyr, and Freya, the people he loved and grew up with.

"We won't. We'll make sure it wouldn't get to that point," Thor said firmly. Loki still appeared unconvinced. "Brother, why do you plague yourself with such disturbing thoughts?" he said, saddened to see Loki so troubled. This was supposed to be his day of triumph, but instead his sibling was burdened with worry.

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," the Loki said quietly.

Thor took Loki's hand and gently kissed it. "You are nothing like Laufey. Your blood does not define you," he professed, voice laced with utter conviction.

Loki's chest clenched painfully. No one had shown such absolute faith in him before. Thor spoke as if the strength of his will alone could prevent terrible things from happening.

He didn't think it was possible, but Loki found himself falling for Thor a little bit more.


	20. Dream a Little Dream of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is my early Christmas gift to you guys. "Dream a Little Dream of Me" by Cass Elliot inspired this chapter.

It was well past midnight when Loki arrived in The Abyss. As soon as he materialized, the lights immediately switched on.

"Hello, sir Tom," the AI greeted promptly.

"Hey JARVIS. Nice to hear from you again," Loki responded, smiling at the ceiling out of habit.

"Do you want me to notify sir Tony of your arrival?"

"He's still up?" the god asked.

JARVIS would've rolled his eyes if he had the capability. "Yes. He always goes to sleep late. Or at all."

Loki snickered at the AI's obvious frustration. "It's a battle we have no hope of winning JARVIS," he said, as looked around his old place. It gladdened him to find it exactly as he had left it more than a year ago.

"He's at his workshop, upgrading his suit," the AI informed him.

"Thanks. I'll go ahead and surprise him then," the god said, teleporting directly to Tony's location.

Tony was hunched over a steel table, soldering gun in hand. He didn't notice the trickster standing nearby, too engrossed in his work.

"Why are you still awake? It's almost two in the morning," Loki commented, looking over Tony's latest project.

The billionaire almost fell off his chair. "Tom? Am I tripping right now?" he exclaimed, mouth dropping open in shock.

"Hi Tony," Loki said, beaming widely.

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you lording over the giant Smurfs?"

"I asked Mimir to let me take a break."

Tony cocked his head to the side, dubious. "Really?"

"I had to make some concessions," Loki admitted, wincing. He was not looking forward to fulfilling those.

"Is that one of them?" Tony asked, pointing to the diamond crown tucked under Loki's arm.

The god nodded. Mimir insisted he bring it with him, as a reminder of his vows to Jotunheim.

"I bet rappers would give their left nut for that kind of bling," Tony joked, as Loki laid the crown on the table. Then his expression turned serious. "So…what's your plan?"

"Well, I have several options. I could return to Asgard and spend time with Thor. Victor is also asking if I could help him conquer the world."

Tony's face fell.

"...or I could stay here with you," Loki said, staring at the floor, unsure. "That is, if you'll still have me."

"You mean you're staying for good? You're not leaving anymore?" the billionaire asked tentatively, not daring to hope.

"You said it yourself; we geniuses have to stick together," Loki said, mouth curving into a grin.

Loki suddenly found himself with an armful of Tony.

"I can't believe you're here," Tony breathed against Loki's shoulder, holding on tight.

Loki's heart lurched at the wonder and disbelief in Tony's voice. His best friend had been abandoned so many times; he didn't think anyone would actually come back for him. The god swore to never let it happen again.

The trickster embraced Tony back. "You're stuck with me I'm afraid. Who else is going to pester you to eat salad and make you go to bed like a normal person? Bruce and Steve are too soft on you."

Tony emitted a sound that was a cross between a laugh and a sob. When he pulled away, Loki's shirt was soaked.

"Not that I'm complaining, but aren't you supposed to be producing heirs or something?" Tony ribbed, his watery smile morphing into the familiar shit-eating grin Loki had so grown fond of.

Loki sighed. "You're not going to let that go, are you?" he grumbled in mock annoyance.

"Nope."

 

* * *

 

Thor tapped his fingers idly on the arm of his throne, half-listening as an elderly noblewoman vented her outrage about a land dispute that had been going on even before he was born.

It turned out, to the thunderer's dismay, that ruling a kingdom involved long stretches of tedium. Usually it was Loki who handled the mundane aspects of managing Asgard; the unappreciated, yet vital, everyday matters that kept the realm running smoothly.

His brother may be gone, but his extensive influence over the kingdom's affairs remained. The god of mischief's treaties and trade agreements were still in effect; Asgard's enduring prosperity was largely due to Loki's efforts. He never really got to thank Loki for that.

For the nth time that day, the god of thunder found his thoughts drifting to the Jotun king.

Heimdall had informed him that Loki had returned to the Midgard. Thor had hoped his brother would spare himself from needless pain; gods were not supposed to form an attachment with mortals. Still, he didn't begrudge Loki for choosing his friends over him. The trickster was happier there than he had seen him anywhere else.

Thor's musings were cut short when an attendant announced that he was being summoned by the All-Father. He was glad for the interruption; the noble was still rambling about past grievances and there was no sign of her stopping anytime soon. He excused himself and hurried to his parents' chambers, much to the woman's chagrin.

Thor knocked on the door and entered.

Odin was giving food to his ravens, while Frigga sat at her loom, weaving.

The All-Mother smiled at her eldest as he came in. The All-Father continued to feed Huginn and Munnin, his back to Thor.

Odin sighed inwardly. He didn't need to turn around to see the listless expression his son was wearing. He only had to peek outside the window to gauge Thor's mood; today the sky was overcast, as it had incessantly been for the past few months.

At least it wasn't raining anymore, thank the Norns for small mercies.

"This has to stop," Odin stated, apropos of nothing.

The god of thunder paused, mystified. "Stop what, father?"

"All this brooding and moping. You wandering the halls like a ghost."

Thor had the grace to look embarrassed. He opened his mouth to explain but couldn't get a word in edgewise.

The All-Father wasn't finished. "Your mind is always elsewhere and it's affecting the whole kingdom. You should know better," he rebuked. Odin had lectured his son so many times on to act like a proper king, but he just wasn't getting through.

Thor recoiled from Odin's harsh tone. "I'm sorry I've been remiss in my duties, father," he mumbled feebly.

Frigga stopped weaving and stood beside her son, offering him moral support. "My dear, please don't be so hard on Thor. He's trying his best," she implored.

Thor smiled at his mother gratefully. What she said next drove the air out of his lungs.

"Our son is in love. You cannot fault him for that."

The All-Father brushed a hand across his face, resigned. "I know."

Odin had seen it long before Thor and Loki realized it themselves. His sons had always been close; more than what was considered normal or even healthy. The two of them falling in love was not so much as a surprise but a foregone conclusion. He didn't have any objections with their relationship; it was only when it interfered with their obligations as sovereigns that he had a problem with.

He had thought Thor would be able to keep his personal issues separate from his official duties, but apparently his son still had a lot of growing up to do.

Seeing the thunderer look so pitiful made Odin's ire dissipate. "Thor, you dreamed of being a king since you were young. What is it that you truly desire?" he prodded gently.

Thor stayed silent, finding it difficult to articulate his thoughts. It was the question he had asked himself countless times, and not once did he arrive with a definite answer. He had wanted to rule Asgard for as long as he could remember, but ever since he started it felt more like a chore. All he had now was this hollow, devouring weight in his chest; and the thought of doing this for the rest of eternity, completely alone, was too much to bear.

There was no need to say it in words. Odin saw the despair lurking in his child's eyes, and found all the confirmation he needed.

He was strict on Thor because he had to, for Asgard's sake. Nevertheless, he didn't want his son to be unhappy. There was no point keeping the thunderer here against his will, watching him waste away. Odin looked at his wife, and Frigga nodded encouragingly.

"Go to Loki. Stay with him as long as you wish. When you return, promise me you'll be the king this realm deserves."

It took the god of thunder a full minute before he could form a coherent sentence. "But father, who will manage Asgard while I'm gone?"

The All-Father chuckled and patted his son's head kindly.

"I've been taking care of this kingdom longer than you have been alive. I think Asgard's going to survive a few more years without you."

 

* * *

 

"Hey, Steve and I are going to Earl's for a couple of sundaes. Wanna tag along?" Tony sang, plastering himself by his co-CEO's side.

Loki's fingers hovered over the keyboard. "No thanks. I still have a bunch of emails to send," he responded distractedly.

"Tom, it's Friday night. Workweek is over," Steve reminded him.

The god blinked. He hadn't noticed.

"Come with us. You look like you need a break," Tony wheedled.

"But isn't that against the Bro Code? Don't crash another bro's date?" Loki pointed out. Plus, he didn't want to be the third wheel in the group.

"If ice cream would help snap you out of this funk you're in, what's one broken Bromandment?"

"I'm not depressed!" Loki denied on cue.

Tony snorted. "Could've fooled me."

"Are you alright? You seem glum lately," Steve inquired, sitting across the trickster.

"He's pining again," Tony answered for him. "When are you going to make a move on your blond? You need to get laid; those twins told you so," he nagged, exasperated at their lack of progress. Molasses climbing uphill was going faster than these two.

Loki stopped his work and pinned Tony with his gaze.

"I waited for Thor my whole life. I can wait some more," the god said simply.

Tony fell silent. He kept forgetting his best friend had already lived through more than a dozen lifetimes, had seen empires rise and crumble at his feet. The billionaire swallowed, humbled in the face of such immutable devotion.

"Really, I'm fine. Don't let me keep you from your date." Loki resumed typing, signaling the end of the conversation.

"Ok Tom. Let's go, Tony," Cap said, getting up and dragging his boyfriend with him. Unlike Tony, he knew when to give the monarch his space. Tony tried to wriggle out of his grip, but Steve held fast.

"Damn you and your sexy muscles," Tony complained, as the super soldier manhandled him to the elevator.

"You love it when I hold you down," Steve quipped, smirking.

Tony reddened. It still bowled him over, seeing this provocative side of Steve. "You know what, let's skip the sundaes and go to the main event," he growled, hands wandering lower.

Steve flashed him a look that could only be described as coquettish. "Why can't we have both?"

"Kinky."

Loki plugged his ears. That was it. Tony had achieved the impossible; he had finally corrupted Captain America. "You two sound like something out of a bad porno," he shouted across the room.

"You're just jealous 'cause you ain't getting any," the billionaire yelled back. "Blue balls is a real medical condition, you know."

Loki tuned Tony out.

The doors were closing when the god spoke again.

"Hey guys…just try not to hurt each other, ok?"

Tony stopped groping Steve. The couple exchanged knowing looks, aware that Tom was speaking from experience.

Steve and Tony nodded solemnly, their hands clasped together.

"We won't."

* * *

 

Bruce and Darcy had also gone out to watch a movie, leaving the Jotun king alone in the tower.

Once Loki finished composing his emails, he took a shower and changed into something more comfortable. Knowing he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, he padded over to the balcony.

It had been a while since he gazed at the stars.

Not that there were much to look at. Too much light from the skyscrapers and air pollution had obscured Manhattan's night sky.

Loki debated whether he should do something about it. Normally he refrained from using his newfound powers, but it wouldn't hurt, just this once.

The trickster raised his arms, and concentrated.

Those who happened to glance at the Manhattan skyline that moment were astounded by the sight. It was as if a veil had been lifted over the entire city, revealing the glittering cosmos.

The stars were especially bright that night.

Loki regarded his work with satisfaction. It wasn't as magnificent as compared to Asgard's, but it would do.

Meanwhile the god of thunder arrived on top of Stark Tower through the Bifrost. A voice piped up from nowhere, startling him.

"Good evening, sir Thor. How may I assist you?" JARVIS chirped.

"Ah, hello again, spirit from yonder. May I come in?" Thor requested, feeling a tad silly talking to air. Midgardians were so strange. Why didn't they simply have regular attendants with bodies?

"Of course." The elevator dinged. Thor could swear the incorporeal being sounded amused. "Sir Tom is in The Abyss," the AI said good-naturedly, bringing the thunderer to the appropriate floor.

"Thank you," Thor said, as he stepped out. Loki's place was dimly lit, and there was no sign of the younger god anywhere.

He walked to his brother's room and knocked.

No answer.

Thor hesitated; perhaps he should just wait until morning. Yet he found himself opening the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of the brunet.

Loki was leaning against the railing, face titled to the sky. Despite the frigid weather, his feet were bare and he was only wearing a loose white t-shirt and gray sweatpants.

Thor thought it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Man or woman, Aesir or Jotun, Loki was stunning in every form, gorgeous beyond belief.

Loki's eyes widened when he saw Thor standing in the doorway.

"Thor? Is everything alright?" he inquired, as the Aesir king approached him.

The god of thunder looked sheepish. "Father kicked me out," he muttered.

"Odin banished you again?"

Thor bristled. "What? No! This is completely different." It peeved him that Loki didn't seem _too_ surprised about it.

"If you say so," Loki said, eyes twinkling with mirth.

Thor scowled.

Loki chuckled, tugging the indignant blond to him. "You've always been so easy to rile up, brother," he whispered to Thor's ear.

Thor shivered. It was true; the trickster was the only one who knew how to push his buttons without even trying. He realized belatedly that Loki had so much power over him, right from the very beginning.

"Did you miss me?" Loki asked, his mouth so close that Thor could feel the words on his skin.

The god of thunder responded by skimming his hand up to the side Loki's neck and softly pressing their lips together.

Adrenaline and desperation fueled their first kiss, all teeth and bruising force, lacking any tenderness or finesse.

So Thor made sure to be gentle and deliberate this time around, teasing Loki's mouth open with slow, languid strokes of his tongue. Loki raised a trembling hand and slid it around Thor's nape, fingers tangling through hair, pulling him closer.

They kissed until they were both flushed and lightheaded, breathing each other's air.

"Welcome back," Loki murmured, smiling against Thor's lips.

The god of thunder closed his eyes, at peace for the first time in years.

He was finally home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the Reluctant Royal series. Thank you for the kudos, comments, and generally sticking with this fic even with the infrequent updates. I love you all.


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